Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Hot Sauce

Volume 7, Issue 12

Hello ALL,

Mr. Florence’s funeral was typically (for him) unique. People leaving the wake were given bags of popcorn. At the funeral, mourners were given “admit one” tickets at the door. Show tunes were playing and a montage of W.P. photos were on display.
Flower arrangements featured popcorn boxes and movie calendars.
Steve Ford and Brother Wood did a great job. Steve recounted W.P.’s favorite headline from Steve’s tenure as Banner News editor; “Drug Group Plans Trip.”
Ken Stonecipher sang “No One Has To Be Alone For Christmas” a song he wrote in memory of Mr. Florence.
Brother Wood shared how Mr. Florence came to understand that good works alone are insufficient to gain entry into Heaven. Acceptance of the atonement of Jesus Christ is required.
The funeral procession was led by Mr. Florence’s Red-and-White truck.
I think a friend said it best; “Talked to my mom this weekend and she told me that W.P. Florence had passed away. I was very sorry to hear it on the one hand, but on the other hand . . . man, all you can do is envy him for the show he's getting right now.
RIP, WP.”
~~~~~
We were privileged to have Jason Sands of Mt. Vernon Fire Department and James Barnes of Bradley VFD with us at Fire School this week. One hint. We don’t recommend four guys traveling six hours in a 2005 Ford Freestar. It’s really designed for kids, not adults.
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Monday evening our Firefighters met at JCody's steak house for supper. Jcody's, located in Bryan, just north of the A&M Campus, is a log structure, full of Texas A&M, Hunting and other nostalgia photos and displays. The food is great. The service is excellent. And, on Monday, the entertainment was fantastic. The dining room was full of bluegrass musicians and fans. We were serenaded for the whole evening by this group. The picking was fine and the singing was better.
You just don't know what you're missing if you've never been to fire school.
Tuesday, our team spent the day learning to operate fire pumpers. At lunch, many of the guys were discouraged that it was too much to learn in too little time. But after a hearty meal of JCody's BBQ brisket and sausage, they tackled it again and shortly all the guys were pumping both from a hydrant and drafting from a sump. We finished up the day by relaying water from a sump through one truck then to another truck and on out to monitors and hose teams. Everyone was tired, but pleased. Now, if they just invented a fire truck that washed itself.
Wednesday started off with two forays into “Pump Alley” and the “Fin Fan” project with the team showing marked improvement on each burn. We finished up the liquid projects with a burn on the “Chem Complex” before supper.
After the meal, the team burned the three story and the warehouse, finishing up about 9 p.m.
As usual, our people showed themselves adaptable, hard working and resourceful.
Like I’ve said many times before, I’ve got the best job in the world because I work with the best people in the world.
~~~~~
Strange things going on in Magnolia while we were out of town. A college student was found unconscious in a dumpster behind the new shopping plaza.
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We hear that James Padford is in the heart hospital.
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While at TEEX, we were saddened to hear of the refinery blast in Texas City that killed 15 people on Wednesday and injured 100 more. The media is now saying that it was probably caused by a leak of flammable chemicals . . . .
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NASA has made limited progress toward thinking up ways to keep its skilled shuttle workers as the program winds down, a new Government Accountability Office report says.
NOTE: You can’t hire rocket scientists “at will.” There was a news story today about how schools are trying to find ways to graduate more people with technical degrees while Uncle Sam is getting ready to lay them off.
Maybe we can get India to launch our future missions for us?
~~~~~
SHAMED film star Tom Sizemore has been sentenced to 17 months in jail after failing SEVEN drug tests on probation.
NOTE: This guy obviously has problems. But I don’t see where we benefit from paying to keep him locked up for a year and a half. How about sending him to South Arkansas to help us test fire hose?
~~~~~
The Marburg virus that has killed more than 100 people in Angola is a severe and highly contagious form of hemorrhagic fever. Marburg is in the same family as the infamous Ebola virus.
NOTE: Do you like scary stories, movies, etc.? If so, check these out at your local library;
The Hot Zone : A Terrifying True Story -- by RICHARD PRESTON;
The Demon in the Freezer -- by RICHARD PRESTON
~~~~~
New research has confirmed that an experimental pneumonia vaccine specially formulated for the developing world could save the lives of children in Africa. However, the vaccine is unlikely to have any future because its manufacturer, Collegeville, Pa.-based Wyeth Pharmaceuticals, has decided instead to pursue a more broadly protective vaccine targeting 13 strains of the pneumonia bug.
NOTE: Now let me get this straight, you’ve got a vaccine that’s specially made to save the lives of children in Africa, but you’re not gonna manufacture and distribute it because you want to make another one.
Is anyone with a brain running that ship?
~~~~~
This week we share excerpts from “Da Bleat” of Friday, March 24, 2000.
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We’re always looking for stories as well as jokes and other contributions. Don’t hesitate to share any offerings with us.
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.125 $2.255 $2.338 $2.295
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe of the week; We stopped in Palestine again and had a “HEARTY” breakfast. Dwayne had ham, biscuits and gravy over eggs. That slab of ham was truly impressive. Now that we’ve got your mouth watering, here’s our “heart healthy” recipe of the week;

Spiced Butternut Squash Stew with Couscous From Food Network Kitchens


Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Medium
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Yield: 4 servings


Squash:

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, smashed
6 canned plum tomatoes, crushed
1 cinnamon stick
1-teaspoon ground coriander
1-teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 small butternut squash (about 2 pounds), peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
1 (16-ounce) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
3 cups chicken broth, low-sodium canned
1-inch strip lemon zest
½ cup golden raisins
4 cups chopped spinach (about 5 ounces)
Juice of ½ lemon
1/4 cup toasted sliced almonds


Couscous:

1-½ cups chicken broth, low-sodium canned
½ teaspoon kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1-cup couscous


Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and golden, about 10 minutes. Add the garlic, tomatoes, and spices and cook until the cinnamon stick unfurls and the tomatoes are cooked down, about 3 minutes. Add the squash, chickpeas, broth, lemon zest, and raisins and bring to a simmer. Cook, partially covered, until the squash is fork tender, about 25 minutes. Stir in the spinach and cook until wilted, about 3 minutes. Add the lemon juice and season, to taste.
Meanwhile, make the couscous. Bring the broth to a boil with the salt and pepper in a small saucepan. Stir in the couscous, pull the saucepan off the heat, cover, and set aside until the water has been absorbed and the couscous is plump, about 5 minutes.

Fluff the couscous with a fork and mound it in 4 soup bowls. Spoon some butternut squash stew over each portion, top with almonds, and serve.

Copyright 2004 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.


Nutrition Information

Nutritional Analysis per 2-cup servings
Calories 394
Fat 13 grams Saturated Fat 1 gram
Carbohydrates 65 grams Fiber 9 grams
Protein 14 grams



http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD-9936-29161,00.html
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Between Life and Death
Lives in the Balance

March 25, 2005

On Good Friday Jesus died as a substitutionary atonement for the sins of mankind. This is what Christians commemorate. In dying, Jesus established, as a defining mark of a Christian society, the principle of human dignity and the sacredness of life. Fallen sinners—all made in the image of God—are so precious in God’s sight that He would sacrifice His only begotten Son for them.

What an irony this presents this year. Jesus died so that we could be free and saved. It was a noble death, if there ever was one. But another death occupies the headlines today, one that mocks the death of Jesus. It is Terri Schiavo who is being killed by judicial fiat. For what reason?

She is being killed so that society can get rid of a nuisance. She is being killed so her husband can be free to marry the woman he has lived with for years and who has borne his children. Her husband, allegedly, profited from the damages paid because of the medical injury to Terri. She is being killed so that medical funds can be saved.
Good Friday marks a day on which God established the principle of the sanctity of life once and for all. One man died so that all men could be free. The Terri Schiavo case marks the triumph of utilitarianism over that Christian view of life. It is victory for the likes of Peter Singer, the ethicist at Princeton, who favors infanticide and euthanasia and who argues that the governing ethical principle in life has to create the greatest happiness for the greatest number.

But no life is safe in a utilitarian society. I am seventy-three. One of these days a committee of doctors could say that I am too inconvenient or cost too much to keep alive. “It is time,” as former Governor Lamb once provocatively said in Colorado, “to do my duty and die and get out of the way of the younger generation, like leaves swept up off the streets.”

The retired folks in Florida and elsewhere, many of whom are privately thinking they really would like to keep this principle of assisted suicide intact because they may want to avoid suffering, are turning the decision of whether they live or die over to others. Do they really want to do that?

We used to say in law school, “Bad cases make bad law.” This is a very bad case. Medical data concerning Terri is old and ambiguous. There is conflicting testimony about whether she really is in a persistent vegetative state. She certainly does not look and act like she is in one. She was not being maintained on life support. She was simply being fed and receiving water as any other human being would expect. So if we can kill Terri, who is next?

Thundering out of the heavens this Good Friday come God’s words: “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses, now choose life so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God.”

I shudder to think what is going on in the heavenly councils at this moment, as on this day of all days, black-robed judges in courts are ordering that an innocent woman starve to death. Choose life? Can anyone hear those words today?

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: “ In Love with Death ” by Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal, 24 March 2005).

Learn more about Terri Schiavo at TerrisFight.org.

See BreakPoint’s information page on Terri Schindler-Schiavo .

Read this affidavit filed by Terri Schiavo’s nurse.

Steven Ertelt, “ Neurologists: Terri Schiavo Not in Persistent Vegetative State ,” LifeNews, 23 March 2005.

“Pols Seek Relief Courts Won’t Give ,” Fox News, 24 March 2005.
Harriet McBryde Johnson, “ Not Dead at All ,” Slate, 23 March 2005.

“Schiavo Not Likely in Vegetative State, Would Die a Painful Death Says Christian Medical Association ,” U.S. Newswire, 23 March 2005.
Peter J. Colosi, “ What’s Love Got to Do with It?: The Ethical Contradictions of Peter Singer ,” Godspy, 25 February 2005.

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
postprandial: happening or done after a meal.
spoonerism: the transposition of usually initial sounds in a pair of words.
furbelow: something showy or superfluous.
stygian: dark and gloomy; also, infernal.
lumpen: relating to those individuals cut off from their normal socioeconomic class.
copacetic: very satisfactory.
pestiferous: bearing or bringing disease, moral harm, or annoyance.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." - Arabian Proverb

"There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience." - French proverb

"The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts - the less you know the hotter you get." - Bertrand Russell

"Every excess causes a defect; every defect an excess. Every sweet hath its sour; every evil its good. Every faculty which is a receiver of pleasure has an equal penalty put on its abuse. It is to answer for its moderation with its life. For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly. For every thing you have missed, you have gained something else; and for every thing you gain, you lose something. If riches increase, they are increased that use them. If the gatherer gathers too much, nature takes out of the man what she puts into his chest; swells the estate, but kills the owner." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative." - Maurice-Auguste Chevalier

"A democracy unsatisfied by support of the people cannot long survive ... We live in probably the most turbulent and tormented times in the history of this nation. Criticize ... disagree, yes, but also we have as leaders an obligation to be fair and keep in perspective what we are and what we hope to be." - John Bowden Connally

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." - Theodore Rubin

"It is always safe to learn, even from our enemies; seldom safe to venture to instruct, even our friends." - Charles Caleb Colton ;
~~~~~
At least 15 people who visited festivals in central Florida are fighting a dangerous strain of E. coli bacteria, or its effects. All of the sick visited either the Central Florida Fair in Orlando, or the Florida Strawberry Festival in Plant City. Both were held earlier this month.
NOTE: What the Heck is an E. coli ?
---------------------------------------------
Here we go again --- This "bug" simply refuses to disappear from the news. ...

What does E.coli mean?
E. coli is the abbreviated name of the bacterium in the Family Enterobacteriaceae named Escherichia (Genus) coli (Species). Dave Graham in the Department of Microbiology, University of Illinois at Urbana/Champaign, recently pointed me to information gleaned from G.W. Tannock's book, Normal Microflora,1995, Chapman & Hall, which reveals that approximately 0.1% of the total bacteria within an adult's intestines (on a Western diet) is represented by E. coli. Although, in a newborn infant's intestines E. coli, along with lactobacilli and enterococci represent the most abundant bacterial flora.
In fact, it is for this reason that the organisms which happily inhabit the intestinal tract as normal flora are named enteric bacteria. The Family to which E. coli belongs (Enterobacteriaceae, is named what it is - because of the Greek word enterikos - which pertains to the intestine. The name Escherichia comes from the name of the person Escherich, who in 1885 first isolated and characterized this bacterium.

I thought E.coli bacteria were OK....
You are correct, for the most part. The presence of E. coli and other kinds of bacteria within our intestines is necessary for us to develop and operate properly, and for us to remain healthy - E. coli, along with other species of bacteria, provide us with many necessary vitamins for example. The bacteria make the vitamins, and we gladly absorb them. We pretty much depend upon E. coli in our intestines for our source of Vitamin K and B-complex vitamins.
The fetus of any animal is completely sterile. Immediately after birth however, the newborn acquires all kinds of different bacteria which live symbiotically (we help them to live, and they help us to live) with the newborn and throughout the individual's life. From the day we are born, we are -never- without bacteria. However, the helpful bacteria like these are located "only" in regions of our body directly exposed to the environment, e.g., our intestines, upper and lower respiratory tract, etc... and never within our bloodstream or the tissues inside our body. Sounds weird, but, it's true - billions of these little critters chugging away, making things we need, helping to digest our food, etc., -- very important to us and most of them are exceedingly kind to us - except when they become teenagers and enter the throes of puberty (just kidding). Indeed, animals who are born and raised "germ free", are really wimpy.... they have thin intestinal walls, puny heart output, and require lots of vitamin supplements just to stay alive.

So, when are E.coli bacteria bad for us?
Truly, you have billions of "friends" that you never knew you had. So, "What's the big deal about E. coli?" you ask with a puzzled expression on your face. Well, now I need to talk about the "bad guys." Bacteria are somewhat like humans in that certain individual humans are not very nice - and we know that some individual humans can be downright dangerous. Of course -all- humans belong to the Genus/Species Homo sapiens, and -all- E. coli belong to, well, Escherichia coli. So, as there exist individual humans, so too can different individuals exist among E. coli bacteria - we call such individuals a different "strain" of bacteria within a given species. Some of these different strains of bacteria (there may be several within a given species) can be harmful to us. Each of us - given the assumption that a human is reading this information - is sort of a strain of the human species, sapiens. We are different because we are genetically different, e.g., unless we are one member of an identical twin pair, the combination of genes each of us possess is different from every other human on the face of the earth - or arm of the earth for that matter. If you think about it a little bit, there are only about 5-billion (is that about right?) humans who are alive on the earth - there are probably that many bacteria in your intestine alone - don't worry - they don't take up much room.... So, it is possible for us to acquire an individual strain of E. coli which mixes with the other E. coli in our intestines. Now, since an individual strain of E. coli may exist, this situation means that this particular strain of E. coli is genetically different than the vast majority of E. coli in our intestines; otherwise, it would not be a different strain of this organism. If this E. coli strain happens to have genetic information for producing something harmful to us, then, we may be in trouble.

OK; who "is" the bad guy?
The rare strain of E. coli that is getting a lot of "press" lately because it is indeed a bad bug, is E. coli O157:H7, a member of the EHEC - enterohemorrhagic E. coli group. Enterohemorrhagic means an intestinally-related (here we are at the Greek word enterikos again) organism which causes hemorrhaging - and therefore, loss of blood. The image shown below is a picture of an electron microscope visualization (an electron micrograph) of O157:H7 (compliments of David Graham, University of Illinois at Urbana/Champaign).

How then do we "pick up" this organism?
Basically, here is the problem: E.coli bacteria are everywhere in the environment. But, since they are such a common occupant of all animals, anytime we eat something, drink something, or touch our hands to something that has been either a part of or has been near where animals are, there is always the potential to ingest these bacteria - is a good reason for washing your hands now and then, huh?
How did this strain of E. coli come to be?
Since bacterial cells are all over the place, it is possible for them to acquire genetic information from other sources (bacterial viruses, plasmids, or just naked pieces of DNA floating around and about) - bacteria are "pretty good" at this - this information has nothing to do with the original genetic information necessary for the survival of the bacterium - although in some cases, acquisition of this information may provide an advantage for survival. In the case of E.coli O157:H7, a long-ago cell appears to have been infected with a bacterial virus. This particular virus had the ability to insert its own DNA into the bacteria's chromosome without harming the bacterium - and to remain there. Now, every time this bacterial cell divided, the virus DNA, being now a part of the bacterial DNA, was passed on to every daughter cell - and now, we have the E.coli strain, O157:H7.... This virus's genetic information (genes) unfortunately (for us) contained information for the production of a toxin, called Shiga-like toxin (SLT), or is sometimes called, Vero toxin. Consequently, this strain of E.coli, and all of its progeny produce this toxin. The toxin is a protein which causes severe damage to intestinal epithelial cells (the cells that line the wall of the intestine). The damage is so severe that if we acquire this bacterial strain, not only do we lose water and salts, blood vessels are damaged, and bleeding occurs - lots of bleeding - hemorrhaging. This condition is particularly dangerous to small children - may be lethal - children are too small to tolerate much blood and fluid loss. It is for this reason that small children should not be allowed to become dehydrated, even in mild cases of diarrhea. Too, in some cases another syndrome is involved which is called hemolytic uremic syndrome (HUS), which is characterized by kidney failure and loss of red blood cells. Approximately 5% to 10% of little kids progress to this stage of disease - which is very dangerous for them. In severe cases, the disease can cause permanent kidney damage. The presence of this bacterium can also be very dangerous to the elderly or infirm. There can be a combination of HUS and some other things which involve the blood system, which can be lethal to the elderly in 50% of the cases. So, E.coli O157:H7 is a dangerous organism, for sure.
http://people.ku.edu/~jbrown/ecoli.html

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GCF: Hot Sauce

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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Two friends and I ordered sandwiches in a local eatery. I wanted hot sauce, Jim wanted medium and Bob, mild. When I asked for all three, the ornery waitress pointed to the squeeze bottle sitting in the middle of the table.

"We need three," I insisted. "Which one is this?"

"All of them," she replied. "You want hot, put more on."
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GCF: Bad Hair Day

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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"What happened to you?" asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor.

The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, 'Well, Honey, ... at least you tried.'"
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GCF: Big Date

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."
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GCF: Football Confession

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
---------------------------------

Our assistant pastor, an avid football fan, had to hear confessions on
Saturday during an important Nebraska/Notre Dame game. When one man had finished his confession, the priest asked him, "Are you by any chance going to be around the church for awhile?"

"Yes, Father," answered the man, "I'm painting the church, and I'll be here all afternoon."

"Would you mind, then," the priest asked, "coming back in now and then and keeping me posted on the game?"

"Sure thing."

Later, the priest slid open the confessional grille and heard, "Father my last confession was fifteen minutes ago. Since then I ain't done nothing and neither has Notre Dame."
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GCF: Only the Best!

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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My daughter goes to extremes in caring for her new sports car. One afternoon we went to get gas. When the attendant asked what kind, she said, "Unleaded -- super. The best you have. And check the oil, please."

When the man found the car needed a quart, he asked, "What kind do you use?"

"I just want the finest," she said. "Whatever it costs. And look at the radiator too. It might need water."

"What does it take," the attendant inquired, "Perrier?"
- ------------------------- -
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )-------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / The easiest way to find \ \-/ ////
\ / something that is lost \ /
\ -/ around the house \- /
/ / is to buy a replacement. \ (((\ \>|-/ )-------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / \ /
\ -/ Little known facts ... \- /
/ / \ Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side
of the world, they are landing at sunset. This
causes the earth to spin on its axis.
(((\ \>|-/ )-------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Backwards sentence this \ /
\ -/ wrote I you confuse to. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )-------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Why don't we ever \ /
\ -/ see the headline, \- /
/ / "Psychic Wins Lottery"? \ (((\ \>|-/ )-------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / \ /
\ -/ Little known facts ... \- /
/ / \ Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize
the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear
pressures, so they must yawn to even things out.

(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Revenge Of The Divorced

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. He wanted to continue living in their downtown luxury apartment with his new lover so he asked his wife to move out and get another place.

His wife agreed to this, provided that he would give her 3 days alone at the apartment to pack up her things. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the half-eaten shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the apartment began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive carpet.

Finally, they could not take it any longer and decided to move. They could not find a buyer for their stinky apartment so they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home . . .

. . .including the curtain rods!

Received from wrjsn.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Math Teacher Arrested

AT NEW YORK's Kennedy airport today, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."

The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens."

Received from Joyce Morrison.
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[GCFL.net] The New Father
The new father was left with the baby all day while mom went shopping for some unmaternity clothes. When she returned she went to check on the baby. The smell was overpowering. She found the disposable diaper full and leaking. She was furious!

She confronted her husband, "Didn't you bother to check the baby's diaper all day?"

The new dad responded, "Well, the box says it's good for up to eight pounds!"

Received from NeunaberJ.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] The Congregation Replied

Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Received from Tom Snow.
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[GCFL.net] Easter Short Ones

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise

Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!

Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.

Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken's day off.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A: A smarty pants.

Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.

Q: How do you catch a unique bunny?
A: Unique up on it!

Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.

Q: What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q: What has big ears, brings Easter terats, and goes hippity-BOOM hippity-BOOM?
A: The Easter Elephant.

Q: How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A: By hare mail!

Received from Mary Stewart.
-=+=-
NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050325 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
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Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
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GCF: Signs You Might Be From Montana (Translated)
"Thomas S. Ellsworth"

Recently I posted the list of "Signs You Might Be From Montana". I asked the "Big Sky" folks to help me out and provide some insight into some of the terms and other things particular to Montana. What follows was culled from the comments of the 35+ readers who responded. Each of the original statements is immediately followed by any needed translation and is then followed by selected comments by my Montana friends.
=========================
1. Here's a few tidbits about the 41st state:
- Montana is the only state with no daytime speed limit
- Montana has an area of 147,046 square miles (4th largest)
- It also has a population of 799,065 people (6th smallest)
- That's about 5-6 people per square mile
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Montana now has a daytime speed limit of 75 mph.
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Since people (mostly out of staters) couldn't seem to get it in their heads that no speed limit didn't mean you could go as fast as you wanted with no regard to other drivers or the weather conditions, the legislature had to reinstate one.
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Montana has a speed limit of 75mph, because some jerk sued the state. He crashed his boat on a lake just recently, and sued again. What an IDIOT.
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I'm from Missoula, Montana. Our daytime speed limit is 75 MPH and 65 MPH for trucks. You might be interested in knowing that we are one of three states who have NO SALES TAX. (See additional "signs" at the end of this list)
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Homecoming for University of Montana makes the stadium in Missoula the largest population center of the state. (Or it at least puts the stadium in the top 5 cities in the state.)
=========================
2. The wind is faster than your truck.
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I'm from Livingston, which is well known for its harsh wind. I can testify to this one, as I've seen semi's blown off the highway and a trampoline carried several blocks and dropped on a truck. The reason the wind is so bad here is that the valley to the south of us has high mountains and acts much like a wind tunnel.
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The east side of the state is flat and the wind has plenty of room to pick up speed!
=========================
3. You own more than four pairs of gloves.
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Hey, we're populated with loggers and farmers. 'Nuf said.
=========================
4. Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
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In 99% of those 4x4's is at least one large dog.
=========================
5. The sun goes down and you immediately grab your coat.
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To us the sun is kinda like a big space heater in the sky. When it goes away, so does most of the heat.
=========================
6. In March your vehicle is 43% mud.
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THAT is a low estimate!
--------------------------------------------------
The snow melts faster than the ground can absorb it. Most of the roads are dirt. 'Nuf said.
=========================
7. You leave your keys in your car and the next morning it's still there.
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I locked my keys in the car this weekend and a lady I had never met offered to drive me home. Turned out we had several mutual friends!
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Honest people live in Montana. The problem is that too many other folks are discovering that fact. It won't be long before we not only have to take the keys out of the car, but lock it as well. Sigh.
=========================
8. You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool.
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Yep, I did that.
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The Leatherman is the utility tool of choice.
=========================
9. Wolves are naturally free and house cats are on a leash.
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Take the cats off the leashes and they become supper for the wolves.
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10. You hear the words "stream" or "brook" pronounced as "crick".
--------------------------------------------------
Doesn't everyone everywhere call it a "crick"?
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I've lived here since I was three and don't believe I've heard any native say either of the first two. It's always crick, but I don't know why.
=========================
11. The elevation exceeds the population of your town.
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Eureka, MT (my home): population 1500. Elevation 2800'. We live in the mountains, folks.
=========================
12. Monday night football starts at 7:00, instead of 9:00.
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Great, isn't it?
=========================
13. The jug of milk on your porch is frozen.
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More likely the jug of milk on your porch would be gone, pilfered by a bear or other friendly wildlife animal.
=========================
14. Your vehicle is broken down on the highway and someone stops to help you ... and you trust them! (That was also true in Kodiak, Alaska. - Tom)
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We live according to the Golden Rule.
=========================
15. You can pay for a "Big Mac" with a personal check.
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That one always drives my brother who lives in the Chicago suburbs CRAZY! It didn't seem odd to me until I went to a big city.
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This one blew me away when I moved here. I've never been to a McDonalds that accepted checks. They do here.
=========================
16. There's a Bison in your lane.
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This is mostly just in the National Parks (Yellowstone or Glacier) but they have been known to show up other places too.
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No, you are in its lane. It lives there. You are intruding.
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I must confess, this has never happened to me.
=========================
17. Your central heating system is fueled by large logs.
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Lots of timber makes for cheap heating. For the tree huggers out there...we use only DEAD trees. We don't cut down the live ones.
=========================
18. You can see the stars at night.
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Not in June ... too rainy.
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No pollution. No city lights. There's more stars out there than most folks realize.
=========================
19. People drive 200+ miles to shop at a mall.
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When you cruise the (local) "mall", you know two-thirds the people there.
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The self-proclaimed "mall" in my town has about 10 stores, half of which are some form of doctor's office. Don't think that I won't go as far as I need to get to a decent mall.
=========================
20. Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.
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I can't comment on that one.
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21. You got a set of new snow tires for Valentine's Day.
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This really happens! What use will chocolate or flowers be when you're stuck in a giant snow drift.
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Valentine's Day is in the middle of winter, when there's lots of snow and we're concerned about our loved ones.
=========================
22. Your minister shows up Sunday morning wearing Carhartt coveralls.
Information about Carhartt's can be found at http://www.carhartt.com/
--------------------------------------------------
My pastor has really done this. And he lives right next to the church.
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I'm a minister. Ministers are expected to shovel the snow off the church sidewalks. Carhartts are warm. Snow isn't. 'Nuf said.
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23. More than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is Elk.
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Hunting season replaces one of the four actual seasons. The first day of hunting season is like an un-official national holiday. You can forget about finding anyone on that day.
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24. The term "wind chill factor" is part of your daily vocabulary.
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Primarily on the east side. Here in the west we're largely protected from the wind by the mountains.
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25. The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.
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Macho type of thing, you know.
=========================
26. Your backyard smells like sagebrush (or the nearest feedlot).
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East side thing.
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Western Montana does not have much sage brush, so the back yard smells of deer, elk, moose, bear (both black & Grizzley), mountain lion, and wolf droppings.
=========================
27. You put on a pair of snowboots to get the morning paper.
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Hey, we get a lot of snow!
=========================
28. You enjoy a hot chocolate more than a margarita.
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Yummy!
=========================
29. A girls' basketball game fills the school gym.
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This and graduation is about the only thing that does. It's like the only time a lot of the guys ever get to see girls.
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Not much to do for entertainment in the small towns of Montana, so we support our local school athletic program.
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Montana is the only place I've ever been where the entire state stops listening to regular radio programs and tunes in to the High School Basketball broadcasts when the kids go to state competition. You'll hear it in the grocery stores, the bars, gas stations (all one and the same place) and blaring from tractors, pickups and semis as they go about the daily chores. The entire state stops moving during finals....it's amazing!
=========================
30. You put the car heater on your list of best friends.
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Without a car heater, life is non-existant!
=========================
31. You slept through the night undisturbed by a siren ... or a train!
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The "quiet" is really quiet!
=========================
32. A rodeo is more popular than a Madonna concert.
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Madonna? Who's that? *grin* But, yeah, rodeos are an institution here. They're another one of our substituted four seasons. The Livingston Roundup rodeo (supposedly the "best in the state since 1923") draws more people than anything else in town over the year.
--------------------------------------------------
Further information about Livingston can be found at
http://www.livingstonmt.com/index.html
=========================
33. Tractors are a normal part of traffic.
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In a place where everyone shares everything, usually in exchange for something else, you're not gonna have a trailer to transport it on, so you just drive it.
=========================
34. You use your back porch as a freezer from October thru May.
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Front porch, too.
=========================
35. Your telephone book is smaller than most magazines.
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Mine is a little bigger, but it includes 45 towns!
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I thought that's what all phone books looked like before I went to Denver with my church association over the New Year. They had two books, one for the white pages and one for the yellow pages. Both were like 8 inches thick.
I couldn't believe it!
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The whole state has just one area code.
=========================
36. You have made jerky at least once in your life.
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You make jerky 'cause you hunt and have lots of meat to make jerky out of!
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37. You think it's normal to replace your cracked windshield every spring when you take off the studded snow tires.
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They don't salt the roads here in the winter, they gravel'em. Get too close behind a big truck and you get hunks of rock flying up at you at a rapid pace. Rock meets windshield...CRACK! Don't replace it right away, though.
It's best to wait until spring when the danger of snow is compeletly gone.
Otherwise you run the risk of meeting another rock.
=========================
38. Dressing up means wearing a clean flannel shirt and jeans that aren't too dirty.
--------------------------------------------------
That's a perfect definition!
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Being the pastor of the church, I'm the only one who wears a tie to church on Sunday. Most of the guys wear flannel shirts and jeans that aren't too dirty.
=========================
39. You pronounce Kootenai as "COOT-nee".
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That's the way those of us from Kootenai County, Idaho do.
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Isn't that the way EVERYBODY pronounces it?
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Further information about Kootenai can be found at
http://www.kootenai.com/
=========================
40. You can tell it was a bad winter because there are only 50 or 60 deer grazing at the edge of town.
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Or in your backyard. One thing you learn here is that the number of animals (especially deer) still alive at the end of the winter is directly proportional to how cold it got. And 50 or 60 is not a lot.
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A bad winter means that the deer population has been drastically reduced. We like to see several hundred grazing at the edge of town, 'cause that means hunting season is going to be good next year! We'll be able to make more jerky!
=========================
41. You've seen so many bald eagles you don't even pay attention to them anymore.
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Livingston is right next to the Yellowstone River(the bald eagle's favorite place) and on the road from here to Yellowstone Park you only lose sight of the river like twice. It's not exactly a big thing anymore.
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Not me...I never see enough bald eagles.
=========================
42. You go around in shorts when it's 45 degrees (F) outside.
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I can't explain it, it's just in our blood. I work in a grocery store and I've seen people come into the store wearing shorts in weather colder than that, too.
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45 degrees? Spring must be here!
=========================
43. You think a blacktop road (without stripes) that averages 12 feet wide qualifies as a highway.
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Doesn't everybody?
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And usually that IS the highway. *grin* Seriously, though, most roads look like that due to the fact that it was either a carriage road a long time ago and no one bothered to widen it later or the city, county, and state can't decide whose jurisdiction it belongs in so it just stays that way.
=========================
44. You consider someone a neighbor if they only live 6 or 7 miles away.
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People in rural areas might, but the internet has made us all neighbors.
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With only 5-6 people per square mile, you have to broaden your definition of neighbor.
=========================
45. You wave to every car on the highway, whether you're on foot or driving or even sitting on the creek bank with your back to the road.
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(Shouldn't that be "crick"? I'm not familiar with "creek".)
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We're not only honest, we're friendly, too.
=========================
46. You ignore the center line and drive on whichever part of the road is smoothest, driest, or feels safest.
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With the small population comes a reduced amount of traffic. No point in ruining your alignment in a pothole if you can avoid it.
=========================
47. Your idea of Mexican cuisine is Elk Chili and Bear Tacos.
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Is there another kind of Mexican cuisine that I'm not aware of?
=========================
48. You know what "Montana Potatoes" are.
Tom's note: You'd be surprised at how many people thought that this was another name for "Rocky Mountain Oysters". I assure you that Montana Potatoes are NOT Rocky Mountain Oysters! If you are curious, see the comments at the end of this piece. In a nutshell (every pun intended!) I would categorize Rocky Mountain Oysters as a "variety" meat.
--------------------------------------------------
Montana Potatoes are the rocks that show up in your garden year after year no matter how often you have dug them all out in previous years. (Thank you, Heidi. You were the first person to respond with the correct definition. -Tom)
=========================
49. You've patched your jeans by using duct tape. (Doesn't everyone? -Tom)
--------------------------------------------------
That was my response, also.
=========================
50. Your local Radio Shack sells guns, chainsaws, and satellite dishes.
--------------------------------------------------
The basics of life in Montana.
=========================
51. You love the BIG SKY!
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It goes on forever!
=========================
Additional "Signs" provided by the Big Sky folk:
The 4 seasons consist of Winter, June, July and August (This can apply to any northern state)
Summer is anytime when the weather does not go below freezing at night.

You've hunted Easter Eggs in the snow.
Your living room looks like an ad for L. L. Bean.
Your dog is part wolf.
You still enjoy the Northern Lights.
Every vehicle you see has an engine block heater cord hanging out the grill.
A salad is l/2 head of lettuce with mayonnaise.
Your flowers bloom from July 1st to August 15.
From my camping experiences, the flying insects can carry small boy scouts away while they sleep.
You have an old couch in your front yard.
(No one gets rid of their furniture, it just gets demoted to the lawn.)
You stack firewood between trees and on your porch.
(Hey, ya never know how much you're gonna need.)

You never lived anywhere that had a sales tax and you almost don't know what to do with yourself when you go out of state where there is a sales tax. (Yes, no sales tax here! And yes, every time I go out of state, I have to remind myself that they have one cause at first it just seems like they're trying to rip me off or something.)
You are Y2K ready because you still don't have electricity in your shack. (Seriously, I have friends that don't have electricity and live 20 miles from a paved road.)
You barter about as often as you use money.
(My friend's dad is living proof that there are somethings you just can't buy with money. Like having his tractor fixed or getting some help building a fence in exchange for shearing the other man's sheep.)
You could live without running water, but not without your wood stove.
(What's the use of water if you're dead from the cold. Anyway, you can just get some from the 'crick'.)
The worst problem down at the dumpsters is not rats or flies, it's bears. (Hey, bears need to eat, too.)
The local auto parts store also does gunsmithing. (I guess they figure there's no reason for a man to have to go to another store to cover his two most prized possessions.)
You do not go to school when it is 35 degrees below 0.
The deer know that you plant the gardens just for them.
When you go out the door of your house you look first to see if there are any bear, deer, moose, elk, or wolves are in the yard. A mountain lion may be, but he will see you first.
Your 2nd form of transportation is a snowmobile, skies, snowcat, or horse.
You may have to live away from home to go to grade school. Your school bus ride may be 60 miles, one way.
You remember when Montana was called the "Treasure State". And you remember when "Treasure State" was changed to "Big Sky" so those who did not live in Montana could understand the motto.
Winterizing your car means you place a piece of old cardboard in front of the radiator grill so you can get some heat in the car, you put a couple of wool blankets inside so your legs won't freeze, and you plug the beast in to an electric socket so it will start in the morning.
You are as proud of your state as a Texan, but more humble about your pride. You know what a Chinook is. (A warm winter wind that can take the temperature up from 30 below zero to 40 above in 4 hours) It is also a town in Montana and also one in Washington State as well as a breed of dog.
At 15 years old, in June, you drive yourself to town in the pickup, get into the driver ed. car, go a few rounds with the instructor, get back in your pickup, and drive back to the ranch.
For a special night on the town you go up to Lethbridge Canada for dinner. Information about Lethbridge is at http://www.city.lethbridge.ab.ca/ And the best part of all; you can walk outside and hear absolutley nothing.
================================
Information about Rocky Mountain Oysters is at http://www.testyfesty.com/ (Parents, if you truly don't know what a Rocky Mountain Oyster is, you might want to visit the site first. The subject matter might not be quite appropriate for younger children)
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\ / If it weren't for me, \ /
\ -/ there'd just be a pile \- /
/ / of my clothes on the floor. \ ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Really Important Stuff (My Kids Have Taught Me)
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send an email to:
andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
--------------------------------------------------
1. It's more fun to color outside the lines.
2. If you're going draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.
3. Ask why until you understand.
4. Hang on tight.
5. Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.
6. Make up the rules as you go along.
7. It doesn't matter who started it.
8. Ask for sprinkles.
9. If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.
10. Save a place in line for your friends.
11. Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
12. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
13. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose.
14. Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
15. Making your bed is a waste of time.
16. There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
17. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
18. If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
19. Toads aren't ugly, they're just toads.
20. Don't pop someone else's bubble.
21. You work so hard peddling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down.
22. If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you'll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life.
23. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.
24. Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it.
25. Make your mother proud of you.
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\ / If Ginsu knives can cut \ /
\ -/ through anything, \- /
/ / how do they keep them in the box? \ ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Baby Boomer Quiz 2
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funny-Bone) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funny-Bone, send an email to:
Join-Funny-Bone@lists.spunge.org
----------------------------------------------------
ANOTHER OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER QUIZ

(There are 30 questions in all; answers at end... NO PEEKING!)

1. "Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ----------------."
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in; ----------------."
3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." What did he leave behind?------------
4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on, ---------------.
5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the --------.
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the ---------------show.
7. Some of those who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their ----------------.
8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane's dog?------
9. The cute, little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other name(s) did it go by? ----------- & ----------.
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names The -------------- and The ----------------.
11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists "hippies." But in the early sixties, they were known as -------------.
12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the short end of the stick in the television program, "The Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a -----------------------------------------."
13. "Get your kicks, ----------------."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ------------------------."
15. The "real" James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way: ---------------------.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle,---------------."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all the "dirty" dialogue - was called ---------.
18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator. But back in the sixties, members of the math club used a -------------.
19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about "the day the music died." This was a reference and tribute to ----------------.
20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a convertible. The fsmatching slogan was "Let Hertz --------------------------------."
21. After the twist, the mash potato, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the ----------------.
22a. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best...--------."
22b. For two extra points what was the dog's name? --------
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model ----------------.
24. Satchmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ----------------.
25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the most popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off-center, but lovable character, ---------. (The character's name, not the actor's.)
26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called --------------.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?----------.
28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the ----------------.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical ----------------.
30.a This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character (not the hayseed; the hobo) was ----------------.
30b. Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and
---------------.
**************************
ANSWERS
DON"T PEAK UNTIL YOU'VE TRIED THE QUIZ!

1. "Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb." If you said "ears," you're in the wrong millennium, pal; you've spent way too much time in Latin class.
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in; drop out." Many of the people who proclaimed that 30 years ago are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers today.
3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you probably said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton Moore would not be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!
4. "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on; Don't think twice, it's all right."
5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 were known as the Chicago Seven.
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.
7. Some of those who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their draft cards.
8. Dick and Jane's dog was Spot. "See Spot run."
9. The VW was known as the Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names The Sharks and The Jets .... West Side Story.
11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, nonconformists were known as beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs ("The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" TV show) was the classic beatnik, except that he had no rhythm, man; he had a beard, but no beat.
12. At the end of "The Life of Riley," Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a revolting development this is."
13. "Get your kicks, on Route 66."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent."
15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way: shaken, not stirred.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer. Today, it would hardly rate a PG-13 rating.
18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide rule.
19. "The day the music died" - February 3, 1959, the day that Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper (Jiles Perry Richardson) were all killed in tragic plane accident.
20. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz put you in the driver's seat."
21. After the twist, the mash potato, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.
22a. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best ...... chaaawwwww-c'late." In the television commercial, the drawn-out word "Chocolate" was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth flopping open and shut?)
22b.The dog's name was Farfel.
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.
24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was Louis Armstrong.
25. Joe's regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenheim.
26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was called Sputnik.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.
28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was called the hula-hoop.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical "Hair."
30a. Red Skelton's hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem Kadiddlehopper was the "hay seed.")
30b. Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and may God bless."
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\ / Don't knock on Death's door. \ /
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GCF: Gasoline is Expensive?
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Dan) -Tom
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YOU THINK GASOLINE IS EXPENSIVE?

Diet Snapple 16oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
Pint of milk 16oz for $1.59 = $12.72 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7oz for $1.39 = $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5oz for $0.99 = $84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...... Evian water 9oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon .....$21.19 FOR WATER!!

So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil, or Scope, or Whiteout!!!!
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\ / A mainframe: The biggest \ /
\ -/ PC peripheral available. \- /
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GCF: Wedding Anniversary

Emailed to me from another humor list (Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Joke of the Day, send an email to: subscribe-joker@send.memail.com
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On our 25th anniversary, my husband took me out to dinner. Our teenage daughters said they'd have dessert waiting for us when we returned. After we got home, we saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!"

"I suppose," my husband responded, "we could vacuum."

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\ -/ I always finish what I sta \- /
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GCF: Feeling Old (Take Three)

The recent "Feeling Old" piece prompted many of you to respond. Hey, you just can't beat true stories! Anyway, here are two of the best ones which were shared with me. My thanks to Linda, Kathleen, and Kristy for sharing. And also my thanks to all of you who respond in so many ways and share your thoughts and comments. While I can't reply to all of them, I assure you that I do read each and every one!
Thanks again, Tom
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Take One:

The story of the kindergartener who didn't know what a recod player was reminds me of a time I went shopping for carbon paper to use with a manual typewriter. That was in the mid or late 1980's and I was still in my twenties. After unsuccessfully looking for the carbon paper in the office supplies aisle of a national chain discount store, I asked a young employee for help. He directed me to the typing paper. I said -no, you use it *with* typing paper. He directed me to the photocopy paper. Then the white-out. I said no -you put it *between* two sheets of paper and it makes a carbon copy for you. He said -ma'am (I now was a ma'am!) I'm sorry but I've never heard of that and we don't carry it.
Boy did I feel old after that!!!
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Take Two:

I still have 8 tracks and record albums, but with nothing to play them on, I packed them in a box and put it in the attic. Someday, I'll get it out and give my kids a good laugh at my expense!

I'm only 30 years old, but my daughter, who is only 8, proved to me how old she thinks 30 is. She was looking through my old photo albums from junior high and high school. The dates and events are written next to the pictures. She got a wide-eyed look and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! You were alive in 1980!!"

I almost passed out right there! It's pretty sad to hear the "oldies" radio station is playing stuff from the 80's. Oh well, now that I feel REALLY old, I think I'll go back to reading my mail.
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Take Three:

I was just reading the jokes posted this week about "feeling old," and they brought to mind an incident that happened seven or eight years ago when my son was about 9 or 10 years old. We were at our church one day when I had to make a phone call. My son went with me as we searched for an available phone. We finally found an old rotary phone on a desk, and I dialed the number and made my call. When I finished, I noticed my son was wide-eyed, looking at me with something akin to awe. He said, "How did you know how to do that?" (He'd never in his life seen a phone where you had to actually "dial" each number!) Boy, did I feel old then!
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GCF: I'm the Boss

Emailed to me from another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom To subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List, send an email to: cleanlaugh-subscribe@egroups.com
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My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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\ / I am willing to make \ /
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GCF: Seven Iron?

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send an email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
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Pat and Mike are playing golf one day and Pat hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine running alongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine to look for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to the other side of the fairway.

After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seen Pat in quite some time so he goes back over to the ravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is a skeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.

Mike descends into the ravine and helps Pat stand up. After he composes himself, Pat says "What do you think we should do?" "Well," says Mike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seven iron."
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Life in Arkansas
From: "The Burges"

Subject: Life in Arkansas

Thought ya'll might enjoy this.

Did you hear about the man from Arkansas who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Arkansas police pulls over a pickup truck on the Turnpike. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
Why can they teach drivers education only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in Arkansas? They need the car for sex education on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
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Southernisms...
From: Smogguyshawn

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press on Nails.

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy,
The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance.

The North has the Mafia,
The South has the Klan.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has craw dads.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in afour-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be alongshortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. Thisis what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "ya'll" is singular, "all ya'll" is plural, and "all a'll's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Ya'll ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed kill'n" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, ya'll, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005, WHEN....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work; you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home; you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at your self.

Thanks to Barbara Daniels
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

No Hero of Mine

"King David used to be a hero of mine, but not anymore," little Brodie told his mother after church one Sunday.

"Why not, son?"

"I learned today that he killed the Jolly Green Giant."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Stolen Wallet

It was John's turn to drive carpool into town on a day when a new member was travelling along for the first time. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his new carpooling passenger.

John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! Next, he slammed on the brakes, ordered the fellow out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!"

The frightened carpooler handed over a billfold, and John droveoff, leaving him alone at the side of the road.

When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying,

"Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Healthy Tourism

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Pastor Comeback

A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him.

Under his name badge they printed, "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented.

The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the "shepherd of the sheep'... but you know your people better than I do."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Dog Driver

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.

She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.

I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.

"I'm fine," she assured me,

"but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Must Be Monday"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=1

"Resolution Helper"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw658

"Cat Surprise 2"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=2

"Llama Caddy"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=3

"Camera Van"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw641

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/travel-net-woes-humor.html - - A Traveler's Net Woes "If your husband ever invites you to join him on a business trip, be sure to ask him these questions:
1. Will you ever get to see him while he is not -- technically -- asleep?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not -- technically -- dressed? ..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Vernal Equinox - - http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/astronomy/VernalEquinox.html - - The first day of spring in 2005 is March 20.
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Last Words - - http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/6537/ - - Collection of famous last words, epitaphs, obituaries, farewells, and last stands.
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"The backlog of children languishing in foster care could be sharply reduced if state agencies were more friendly and helpful to prospective parents asking about adoptions, according to a new report which says fewer than one of 16 adults who make initial inquiries actually ends up adopting. The vast majority give up 'not because they don't want to, but apparently because they decide not to deal with a system they perceive as too frustrating, bureaucratic and just plain unfriendly,' the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute says. The report urges state agencies to set up hotlines staffed by well-trained employees who provide callers with immediate, encouraging responses. Throughout the process, state employees should strive to avoid alienating applicants, be cordial in broaching the issue of background checks, and provide clear information, it said."
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NOVA: Origins - - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/origins/ - - Journey back to the beginning of everything: the universe, the Earth, and life itself. Companion Web site to the PBS special: Origins. Bringing the latest findings on how life began, the history of the universe, and decoding the cosmic spectra, this series tries to untangle some galactic mysteries. Does Mars have life? Are we really alone? Where are the pillars of creation?
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"Treating offenders under the age of 18 as adults in the criminal justice system makes it more likely they will re-offend when they emerge from prison, according to a national study of youthful offender laws. The Coalition for Juvenile Justice, in a study titled 'Childhood on Trial,' said 'adult time for adult crime' policies have failed. The organization called for changes in state and federal laws. It hopes to restore the authority of juvenile court judges to determine if juveniles should be tried as adults and to hold the boundary between childhood and adulthood at age 18. The group said the judicial system's responsibilities are to give young offenders opportunities to make positive changes and set things right, while meting out punishment fairly. 'One way to do so is to ensure that juvenile offenders are provided with the rehabilitative services and resources generally available in the juvenile justice system - and to reserve the use of adult sanctions for those older, chronic juvenile offenders for whom the juvenile courts resources have been exercised and exhausted.' "
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The Living Will: Five Wishes - - http://www.agingwithdignity.org/5wishes.html - - The Five Wishes document helps you express how you want to be treated if you are seriously ill and unable to speak for yourself. It is unique among all other living will and health agent forms because it looks to all of a person's needs: medical, personal, emotional and spiritual. Five Wishes also encourages discussing your wishes with your family and physician.
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"People often gripe about dropped cell phone calls and confusing monthly bills. But that sure hasn't stopped them from using wireless phones. By the end of 2004, the number of wireless subscribers in the USA surpassed 180.5 million, up 21.7 million from 2003, according to estimates to be unveiled today by CTIA, the wireless trade association. In sheer numbers, that makes 2004 the second-highest-growth year for the industry. Annual wireless-service revenue topped $102 billion. The figures are being released as CTIA kicks off its annual wireless industry gathering in New Orleans." -
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Estate Planning for Everyone - - http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/objectID/9D50CAC2-0DAC-4809- - - This site by Nolo.com presents simple steps for creating an estate plan that will put your mind at ease. Related site: Advance Directive Forms - - http://www.uslivingwillregistry.com/forms.shtm
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Terri Schiavo Case: Legal Issues - - http://news.findlaw.com/legalnews/lit/schiavo/index.html - - This site by FindLaw presents information on the legal issues surrounding power of attorney, heathcare directives, and living wills. Death and dying resources are also available. Related sites: Estate Planning for Everyone - - http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/objectID/9D50CAC2-0DAC-4809- / Yahoo! Death and Dying Resources - - http://dir.yahoo.com/Society-and-Culture/Death-and-Dying/.
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Secret History of the Credit Card - - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/credit/ - - The average American family today carries eight credit cards. Credit card debt and personal bankruptcies are now at an all time high. With no legal limit on the amount of interest or fees that can be charged, credit cards have become the most profitable sector of the American banking industry: more than $30 billion in profits last year alone. Frontline and The New York Times examine how the credit card industry became so pervasive, so lucrative, and so politically powerful.
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"Primitive structures deep within the brain may have a far greater role in our high-level everyday thinking processes than previously believed, report researchers at the MIT Picower Center for Learning and Memory in the Feb. 24 issue of Nature. The results of this study led by Earl K. Miller, associate director of the Picower Center at MIT, have implications about how we learn. The new knowledge also may lead to better understanding and treatment for autism and schizophrenia, which could result from an imbalance between primitive and more advanced brain systems. Our brains have evolved a fast, reliable way to learn rules such as 'stop at red' and 'go at green.' Dogma has it that the 'big boss' lobes of the cerebral cortex, responsible for daily and long-term decision-making, learn the rules first and then transfer the knowledge to the more primitive, large forebrain region known as the basal ganglia, buried under the cortex."
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Origins - - http://www.exploratorium.edu/origins/index.html - - This Exploratorium site allows you to explore the extraordinary places, people, tools, and ideas behind the search for the origins of matter, the universe, and life itself.
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"Fewer Americans approve of the way Congress is handling its job than at any time since shortly after Republicans impeached President Clinton, a Gallup Poll finds. Only 37% of Americans gave Congress a high approval rating, down from 45% last month, the poll taken last week showed. A total of 53% disapproved, up from 48% in February. It was the worst showing for Congress since September 1999, the year after the Republican-controlled House of Representatives impeached Clinton. Even then, Congress had an identical 37% approval rating. It hasn't been lower since October 1997." -
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World Wide Panorama - - http://geoimages.berkeley.edu/wwp304/wwp.html - - On Saturday, March 20, 2004, more than 180 photographers in 40 countries around the world celebrated the Equinox by creating VR panoramas. This site showcases the results of their efforts.
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"Large doses of vitamin E - widely touted as an elixir of youth - do not protect against heart attacks and cancer and might actually raise the risk of heart failure in people with diabetes or clogged arteries, a study found. The study, published in Journal of the American Medical Association, is just the latest to cast doubt on the safety and effectiveness of vitamin E supplements and other antioxidants. The study was designed to examine whether vitamin E pills protect against heart attacks and cancer. Echoing other recent findings, it found no benefit against those conditions. But the heart failure finding was unexpected and should prompt more research to confirm the results, said Dr. Eva Lonn, a McMaster University cardiology professor who led the study. Lonn said it is unclear how vitamin E pills might be linked with heart failure, but she theorized that high doses might disturb the balance of beneficial, naturally occurring antioxidants."
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Diabetes/Health Links
http://www.lifescan.com/homels.html
http://www.diabetes.org/
http://www.drkoop.com/
http://www.ortho-mcneil.com/frames/products.htm
http://www.pharmacy.com.ph/Dalert/diabetes/index.htm
http://www.diabetes.com/index.html
http://www.planetrx.com/default.html
http://www.vitality.com/ http://www.mealsforyou.com/
http://home.about.com/index.htm?COB=home
http://www.merck.com/pubs/mmanual-home/contents.htm
http://www.merck.com/pubs/mmanual-home/search.htm
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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This Easter share God's love with a child...
They are poor and it takes so little for us to help…
Just by helping one child can make all the difference. You don't have to be wealthy to help a child but you will know the riches of changing a life. Why not help one needy child today? You could change their life!

Select a child below to see how easy it is to make a difference.
http://childreninternational1.etools.ncol.com/qry/CIChildSelect.taf?ETTBHST-SITE-NAME=afa-email05-girl&ETTFMRS-BHST-ID=942&hostName=Children%20International&s=f&-UserReference=0C077BFDD88AFDF24244F14F&-nc=8c0f75090dd8a53f8a71ccd3a2d2d234 to meet a GIRL like Jonette Jonette is only 5 and her family makes less than $90.00 per month.

http://childreninternational1.etools.ncol.com/qry/CIChildSelect.taf?ETTBHST-SITE-NAME=afa-email05-boy&ETTFMRS-BHST-ID=941&hostName=Children%20International&s=m&-UserReference=0C077BFDD88AFDF24244F14F&-nc=0e129b5293843d229c3d1a69d27c99f6 to meet a BOY like Joshua Joshua is 5 years old and his family is in desperate financial need.
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TGIF-Today God Is First

Making Adjustments
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Friday, March 25, 2005 by Os Hillman ..."Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." ~ John 21:6
A former client of mine was the marketing director of a large food brokerage company and told me a story about one of their client grocery stores located in the upper Midwest. It seems that the store could not understand why at a certain time every winter sales plummeted. They studied their product line and interviewed customers. They did everything possible to uncover the mystery. Finally, someone made a remarkable discovery that changed everything.
It seemed that whenever it was really cold outside, the manager raised the temperature in the store. When customers came into the store it was too warm for them, so they removed their coats and placed them in their shopping carts. This meant less room for food and resulted in reduced sales overall. They lowered the temperature of the store, and as a result, the sales climbed back to the levels they were accustomed to. Their adjustment resulted in restoring sales levels.
Jesus stood on the shoreline and watched Peter and a few of the disciples fish. Jesus yelled from the shoreline asking if they had caught anything. They had not. He then suggested they cast their line on the other side of the boat. Without knowing the person who was addressing them, they took His advice. They began catching so many fish they could not bring them in.
Adjusting our lives to God is the first thing that has to happen in order to begin experiencing Him in our daily lives. For some, it is simply following the advice of those above us. For others, it may require a major change in our job situation. Still, for others it could mean making changes in relationships. Whatever the case, you can be sure that until we adjust our lives to God we will not receive His full blessing. Ask Him today where you need to adjust to Him.
Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Eph 4:25 - 27 (NASB)
I just read an article about octopuses “walking” on two legs. No, really. It seems that at least two species of octopus can walk backwards on their two hind legs (I didn’t know there was a front and back hind leg!) using the other six legs to disguise themselves as coconuts! Honest. I’m not telling a joke. This is real! It comes from a reliable source. (MSNBC science page).
Now, if an octopus can walk, certainly we can! Of course you realize that when we talk about the Christian “walk”, we are discussing the way a Christian lives. Paul leaves the realm of the theoretical and moves into the practical with today’s verses. “… laying aside falsehood …” is the first hallmark of a “practicing” Christian. He is honest … as some say … to a fault. He can be trusted to mean what he says. If a Christian businessman says he will do a job for a certain price and in a certain price range, you should be able to count it as fact (unless there are serious mitigating circumstances, of course). You should be able to trust a Christian when he says the used car you are interested in buying from him has never been in an accident, does not use oil, and has had all regular maintenance done by the dealer on the scheduled timetable. You should be able to trust a Christian when she says that she is 35! Paul then turns the negative into a positive: “… speak truth each one of you with his neighbor …” No only should we cease speaking falsehoods, but we should only speak the truth to our neighbors because we are “members of one another.” We are part of the same body; that is Paul’s word picture. Do you think a person will get along very well if his right hand lies to his left? What about if the feet lie to the brain? “Hey brain. We are walking downtown. We will turn left at the next corner,” when in actuality, they are walking in the woods and a left turn would put them into a freezing river. Ridiculous illustration, but that is exactly what Paul is pointing out about the Christian walk and honesty. It is totally unhealthy for believers not to be able to believe each other!
“… be angry, and yet do not sin …” Now this seems like an oxymoron. Anger is one of those emotions that gets us into more trouble than most any other. Is it possible to be angry and not sin? Scripturally speaking, Jesus did it. When He entered the Temple and observes money changers and animal suppliers cheating the common man who came to worship God, Jesus became angry … so angry that He crafted a makeshift whip and drove those evil persons out of the Temple. Is anyone going to say that Jesus, the perfect Lamb of God, sinned? Hardly. What is the key? Jesus’ anger was driven by injustices done to innocent people. He did not curse the thieves. He did not kill them. He probably did not even hurt them. He did overturn their tables. He did drive them out of the Holy place. He was cleansing the Temple. Can we do the same? When someone cuts of off in traffic, what do we do? We become angry … and swear at the offender. Oops, we’ve sinned. What can we do? We can direct our anger into positive channels. “Hey kids. Did you see that? Do you see how dangerous that was? We should never drive like that.” We can even say it with a bit of “heat” in our voice, but we did not sin. The clerk at the store shortchanges us again … for the fifth time. Anger drives is to scream, “I’ll have that person’s job for this. She is the most incompetent person in the whole world!” We have reverted to name calling … and perhaps threw in a few words that can’t be written in a family oriented Verse of the Day. We sinned. What could we do? We return to the store, wait for the clerk to be free, and calmly discuss the situation … hopefully teaching the clerk how to be more careful. Or, we could go to the manager and calmly point out the frequency of the error and suggest the clerk receive additional training. We have been positive in our anger. The anger drove us to DO something, but that something was directed towards a positive solution rather than destruction or high blood pressure! What we really want to avoid is the opening up of ourselves to an attack from satan. Have you noticed how easy it is to sin when we have uncontrolled anger? We say things and do things that we would never do when not angry. The important thing is to keep our anger under control!

Harley
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… and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
Eph 4:23-24(NASB)
Lay aside the old self … be renewed in the spirit of my mind … What does this mean? I kind of understand the laying aside part. We discussed that pretty well last time. I know that the old man is bad, rotten to the core. I have to put that off like skunk juice saturated overalls!
Hey! I get it. When I put off the old, I have to replace it with something! After all, after getting rid of the overalls, I can’t just stand around naked. I have to take a bath, get rid of the smell, and put on clean garments. That’s it! When I accepted Jesus, I in essence put off the old man. Then, in water baptism, I was cleansed of the stink – the old nature. Now I have to put on some new garments. I see … Uh, what are the new garments?
There it is right in today’s verse. “… that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind …” Ah! I have to have a new way of thinking! Hey! That’s the groundwork that we laid in the first three chapters … a new way of thinking about ourselves. I have to quit thinking that I am an idiot and a looser, and begin to think of myself differently. I am a prince! You are a princess … or a prince depending upon who you are! We are members of the family of God. I am a joint heir with Jesus of all the estate of God the Father! “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!” Phil. 4:13. Not THAT’S a new way of thinking! That is being renewed in the spirit of my mind. Now, if I can just keep thinking that way. There must be more to help me. There just has to be.
“… and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Ah, there it is: the new garment, the new man, the new way of living. Think back a few chapters in the Bible … well, a few books … all the way to the book of Genesis. Chapters one and two. Now, when God had finished creating the earth, the plants, and the animals, what did He do? No, He wasn’t tired and quit for a few eons. That’s right; He created man. And what did He say before He did it? “Let us create man in Our image, according to Our likeness.” Gen. 1:26. Does that sound familiar … err, more familiar than just the object of a children’s Sunday School lesson? It does, doesn’t it? “… which in the likeness of God has been created …” Hey, that’s today’s verse! What happens when we are born again of the water and the Spirit? We are recreated in the image of God! We are made as pure and guileless as Adam on that sixth day of creation. We are perfect. All of our sin-infected life is destroyed and we are made all over again! Isn’t that neat? Ah! There is more.
“... created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Where we were once diseased with wickedness, we are now righteous. Where we were once foul and evil, we are now holy … not because of anything we did, but because of the truth … and God is Truth. We are like Him once again. What’s more, we have the promise that He will cleanse us whenever we become soiled again. We don’t have to be born again … and again … and again. Once is enough. That one bath, that one baptism will do for all eternity because through it and by it we are recreated in the image of God and sealed by His Holy Spirit. Remember the sealing wax of some time ago? It authenticated the contents as from the sender and unread by anyone else. The Holy Spirit seal says we are recreated in God’s likeness; we are perfect in His sight; we belong to Him; we are His bond servants, His children, and we are not to be trifled with!
Now I feel like I CAN walk with the Father, in the footsteps of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit sent by God to lead me in paths of righteousness. How’s that for a new way of thinking!

Harley
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… that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit … Eph 4:22 (NASB)
Many years ago I had a dream that is just as vivid today as it was then. In this dream, I was awash in a dark ocean of warm water. All I had as an aid was a bit of flotsam from the wreck of the ship in which I had been traveling. The water was calm with gently rolling waves probably no higher than two or three feet. The sky was black … and I was all alone. There was nothing around me but small trash from the wreck … and the board I was clinging to … and it was just barely large enough to keep my head above water. You can imagine how I clung to that flotsam. It was my life. Then, out of the dark, someone tossed a white life ring. The only problem was that this life saver landed just out of my reach. I tried to hold on to my board and reach the ring … but every time I tried, I failed to reach it. A voice in the dark said, “You will have to let go of that board if you want to be saved.” Futilely, I kept trying; and the voice kept saying, “Let go.” At long last, in total frustration with my feeble attempts to save myself, I let go of my board … and the ring was instantly in my grasp, and I was being pulled to safety.
This dream was a turning point for me. That is not the night I claimed my salvation. I did that years before … and I was a minister of the Gospel at the time. No, it was a turning point because I was living in total frustration. I was ready to give up. I had nothing but my own efforts to survive on … and I was totally failing at life. It was Jesus who was at the other end of the line attached to that life ring. It was He who was calling to me … but I had to let go of my good works, my training as a minister, my feeble efforts at pleasing God.
Paul tells us in today’s verse that we must let go, his words are “lay aside”, our old lives, those lives that we have corrupted with our sins, our failures, our sad attempts at pleasing some kind of “god” in an effort to be happy. We must let the past slip out of our grasps in order to find something that will work.

Unfortunately, most of us have a tendency to cling to the past while attempting to live the present and gain the future. We are much like the fellow riding two horses … and each horse is taking a route around opposite sides of a cactus! We have nothing to gain and everything to loose, but we keep trying to make the two horses change course while the cactus grows nearer and nearer and larger and larger!
In our walk with God, we must do two things. First, we must trust that God is who He says He is. And second, we must trust that we are who God says we are. In short, we have to let go of the old life and cling to the new. This is not a “both and” situation. It is an “either or” one. So, why the two actions? Why do both have to do with trust? The first action is important because if we believe that God is who He says He is, then we know that He is all powerful, all knowing, and the very personification of wisdom and love. If we truly believe that, then we should have no trouble trusting Him. This seems rather easy, simplistic. The truth is that few of us really live like we believe that God is any of these things, at least all the time. Why else would we keep taking our lives back into our own control? It is because we can’t, or don’t, really trust God.
Ok. So we have come to the point that we trust God. Why do we have to trust that we are who God says we are? The answer is “perspective”. If we trust that God is who He says He is, but we believe we are “sinners” and have to “work our way to perfection”, then we see God as a judge who is just waiting for us to make a mistake. We live in fear of meeting Him because we cannot possibly please Him. If, however, we believe that we are indeed the children of God with all the rights that go with that position, if we believe that we are sealed with the Holy Spirit, if we believe that we have all the riches of God at our disposal, if we believe all the things God said about us in the first three chapters of Ephesians, then we see God as a loving Father who would never do anything to harm us, but only has our good in mind. We know that whatever He asks us to do, he equips us to do. We know that His Holy Spirit is our Guide, our Companion, our key to understanding the Father. And, knowing this, we are free to meet with God, to commune with Him, and to do as He asks without FEAR!
All we have to do is let go of our old lives!

Harley
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But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus … Eph 4:20 - 21 (NASB)
I am one of the most frustrated people in the world … probably every English teacher can say the same thing. I become disturbed every time I hear common grammatical mistakes made … especially by educated people. For example, I cringe when I hear people with Master’s Degrees misuse the pronoun ‘I’. “This is the best way for you and I to look at the situation.” NO! NO! NO! The proper usage is “for you and ME!” There is nothing wrong with using “me” in a sentence … especially if the pronoun is used in the objective case, as “the object of a preposition or direct object or indirect object of a sentence.” Since I know this frustration and can shout, “You did not learn English that way!” I can easily understand what Paul is saying in today’s verses.
“But you did not learn Christ in this way …” I can almost hear him shouting these words! The scribe even wrote them in ALL CAPS! How do I know that? Many Greek manuscripts of the day were written in all caps because that was the style. It had nothing to do with anger, as in “I CAN’T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WRONG GRAMMAR!” Well, so much for the lesson in biblical Greek. Still, perhaps Paul WAS showing a bit of frustration. At least he wanted to make a point to his readers.
They had learned a different way of living from the Apostle … different from the way of the world … different from their old way of living … different from their neighbors’ way of living. That is, the way they learned to walk in Christ was different … if they had indeed learned what Christ was about … if indeed they had been taught about Jesus and by the power of Jesus. How could Paul be so sure that they had learned differently? He himself had taught them. He himself had instructed them in the ways of the Lord, Jesus Christ. He himself had taught them the truth about Jesus because he himself had met Jesus! He himself had recognized that Jesus was “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” and knew that Jesus was the one and only way to the Father!

In short, Jesus is telling the Ephesians that their walk, their lifestyle, must be different than that of the non-believers of Ephesus. Their lifestyle should stand out as different. There should be no doubt that the believers of Ephesus were followers of Jesus because they were “strange”, that is “unique”. And how are they unique?
They believed in one God. The citizens of Ephesus believed in many gods. They believed that Jesus died for their sins. Ephesians in general laughed at the thought that a “god” would lay down his own life for any one of them, let alone all of them. They lived a moral life. The common Ephesian lived a life that satisfied his own desires … no matter how perverted those desires might be. They believed in serving one another. The worldly citizen believed in “number one”. The list is endless, but the point is made. Christians should stand out in a crowd.
There is only one question remaining to be asked: “Do you stand out in YOUR crowd? Your neighborhood? Your town? Or even your family? Are you ‘strange’ … ‘unique’?”

Harley
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If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson
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Activities and Events of Interest
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The Last Living Supper - Central Baptist Church
March 25 @ 7:00 p.m., March 26 @ 2:00 p.m., March 27 @ 6:00 p.m.
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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Gourmet Fund-raisers:
Today's Youth Tomorrow's Leaders Fish Dinner, April 4
Fish, French Fries, Hushpuppies, Cole Slaw, Tartar Sauce/Ketchup
$7.00 4 pieces $10.00 6 pieces
Monday - April 4 - 5:00 ? 7:00
BancorpSouth Parking Lot
Tickets available from TYTL Class Members & Committee Members
and BancorpSouth, Farmers Bank & Trust, Peoples Bank and Summit Bank
Catered by Ole Feed House
For More Information 901-2521
For tickets, contact Celia McQuiston at 235-6371
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Gourmet Fund-raisers:
What: Crawfish Boil
When: Sat April 9 1030 - ? (prob 2ish)
Where: Courthouse Square, East
Why: Rocky Roberson Fire Station

Mount Vernon Volunteer Fire Department will be having a crawfish boil on Saturday, April 9, 2005 from 10:30AM till we run out on the East Courthouse Square. The proceeds will go to the development of our new fire station. The station will be named in honor of Bob "Rocky" Roberson, one of the two founding members of MVVFD who succumbed to cancer earlier this year.
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NRA Personal Protection Course - April 22 & 23
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May 20 & 21 - Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off. Tickets and/or Information 800-482-3330. Www.magnoliachamber.com
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Spc. Jonathan A. Hughes, 21, of Lebanon, Ky., died March 19 in Iraq when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Hughes was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 1st Battalion, 623rd Field Artillery Regiment, Campbellsville, Ky.

02. Pfc. Lee A. Lewis, Jr 28, of Norfolk, Va., died Mar. 18 in Sadr City, Iraq, when his patrol was attacked by enemy small arms fire. Lewis was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 15th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

03. Sgt. Paul W. Thomason, III, 37, of Talbot, Tenn., died Mar. 20 in Kirkuk, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Thomason was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 2nd Squadron, 278th Regimental Combat Team, Greeneville, Tenn.

04. Spc. Francisco G. Martinez, 20, of Fort Worth, Texas, died March 20 in Tamin, Iraq, as a result of enemy small arms fire. Martinez was assigned to 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Hovey, Korea.

05. Lance Cpl. Kevin S. Smith, 20, of Springfield, Ohio, died March 21 as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

06. Spc. Travis R. Bruce, 22, of Byron, Minn., died March 23 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an enemy mortar round detonated near his guard position. Bruce was assigned to the Army's 170th Military Police Company, 504th Military Police Battalion, Fort Lewis, Wash.
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No. 289-05
IMMEDIATE RELEASE March 25, 2005

Missing In Action Serviceman Identified
The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. Navy pilot, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and will be returned to his family for burial with full military honors.
Navy Lieutenant Commander J. Forrest G. Trembley of Spokane, Wash., will be buried in Arlington National Cemetery on April 1.
On August 21, 1967, Trembley and his fellow crewman took off in their A-6A Intruder from the U.S.S. Constellation on a strike mission against the Duc Noi rail yards near Hanoi, North Vietnam. On leaving the target area, their aircraft and another one in the flight were attacked by enemy MiGs. When last seen, the two aircraft were disappearing into the clouds near the Vietnamese-Chinese border. The last radio message from Trembley indicated the MiGs were in hot pursuit, but no further communications were heard.
Later that day, the Chinese government reported that two U.S. A-6s had been shot down over the People’s Republic of China (PRC). The broadcast noted that one of the four crewmen had been captured but the other three died in the shoot down. The Chinese released the surviving crewman in March 1973.
With the assistance of the Chinese government, a joint U.S.-PRC team interviewed witnesses to the shoot down and crash in 1993 and 1999. U.S. specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) interviewed a Chinese citizen near the crash site. He turned over Trembley’s identification tag and fragmentary human remains alleged to be those of American pilots. The team recovered some pilot’s gear from a burial site, but found no additional human remains.
Scientists of the JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to identify the remains as those of Trembley.
Of the 88,000 Americans missing in action from all conflicts, 1,836 are from the Vietnam War, with 1,399 of those within the country of Vietnam. Another 747 Americans have been accounted for since the end of the Vietnam War.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO web site at www.dtic.mil/dpmo, or call 703-699-1169.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)
Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.
Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett, 12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 3:16 Psa 34:1-5 Psa 23:4-6 Acts 8:18-21 Luke 8:11 Isa. 55:11 Mat 26:6-10
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of our team at Texas A&M’s TEEX ESTI Industrial Fire School.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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