Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Major Oops!

Volume 7, Issue 09

Hello All,

This Sunday morning @ 10:30 am, MCC presents “Storms” an illustrated sermon.
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This Sunday afternoon the following members of BSA Troop #96 will receive their Eagle Scout Awards; Ryan Bell, Peyton Card, Blain Croft, Colten Morrison, Chris Morrison, Andrew Story, Lee Tomlinson, Brain Warner, and Eric Yates.
The ceremony will be held at 2:00 pm at Central Baptist church.
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Marjie Blair, Virginia Glass, Christine Peachy, Mickey Pittman and Nancy Wilkie received the Lifetime Award and Leanne Fallin received the Career Achievement Award from the South Arkansas Women’s Network at a reception and awards ceremony held in the Reynolds Center Thursday evening.
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Magnolia Young Guns Tournament Baseball Team Fish fry - Saturday, march 12, 2005 - 5:00 p.m. To 7:00 p.m. - Magnolia Square - Fish, fries, coleslaw, hush puppies - Tickets $8.00
All proceeds benefit the magnolia young guns tournament baseball team
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Our youngest grandson, Josiah, has “Pink Eye”. This is the first time I can remember being “glad” that they live so far away. This stuff is HIGHLY contagious.
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Dusty and Zac are both taking Karate now.
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"The majority of American teens believe in God and worship in conventional congregations, but their religious knowledge is remarkably shallow and they have a tough time expressing the difference that faith makes in their lives, a new survey says. Still, the notably comprehensive National of Study of Youth and Religion concluded that 'religion really does matter' to teens. The research found that devout teens hold more traditional sexual and other values than their nonreligious counterparts and are better off in emotional health, academic success, community involvement, concern for others, trust of adults and avoidance of risky behavior. The four-year effort was conducted by 133 researchers and consultants led by sociologist Christian Smith of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Smith reports the full results in the new book 'Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers' (Oxford University Press), written with doctoral student Melinda Lundquist Denton."
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I’d wager that other forms of knowledge are similarly shallow. The “evil” TV has sucked learning out of our society.
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"Rockin Romania" has been invited to the White House to participate in honoring the workers who've struggled to save Romanian Orphans. We'll keep you posted.
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This week we share excerpts from “Da Bleat” of Friday, March 04, 2000.
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We’re always looking for stories as well as jokes and other contributions. Don’t hesitate to share any offerings with us.
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $1.92 $2.04 $2.11 $2.17
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe of the week; Easy as Apple Pie Recipe Courtesy of Curtis Akins

Prep Time: 10 minutes - Cook Time: 1 hour


3-4 medium apples, peeled, cored and sliced
1-cup sugar
1/4-teaspoon nutmeg
½ stick unsalted butter, cut into bits
2 store-bought piecrusts


Place bottom crust in pan. Add apples, sprinkle with sugar and nutmeg. Top with butter, place top crust over and vent with a few holes poked in pastry top. Bake 375 degrees for one hour.

TIP: ELEMENTARY APPLE CHIPS
Slice apples paper thin in rings. Spread on nonstick baking sheet, and bake at 220 degrees for one hour.
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BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

No Longer ‘Just a Kiss’
As Time Has Gone By
March 4, 2005
Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

“You either have a wedding or you burn down something.” That was the recipe for garnering ratings during sweeps week back when the TV show Happy Days was in syndication. But no longer—things have changed.

Today, shows like The O.C. and One Tree Hill take advantage of kisses to gain publicity—but not just any kisses. The sweeps attraction today is the now nearly pedestrian lesbian kiss. It might be predictable, but as Virginia Heffernan writes in the New York Times, it can “transform a lackluster show into a news headline.”

It’s easy to think that this is the media’s courtship of the gay community. But the fact is, same-sex kisses are not political statements, so much as they are exploitation. As Heffernan noted, these “controversial” storylines are “reversible”: “[S]weeps lesbians typically vanish or go straight when the week’s over.”

Nevertheless, same-sex kisses remain attention-getters for those trying to promote acceptance of homosexuality. And recently, in a decidedly non-blue county in northern Virginia, a student-written and -directed play raised eyebrows.

The play, “Offsides,” was performed at Stone Bridge High School in Ashburn, Virginia—down the road from Prison Fellowship’s offices. It’s about a football player “coming to terms” with his homosexuality. It may not have received as much notice except for a scene that ended in what appeared to be a kiss between two boys as the lights went down. “People are who they are,” said the student who played the main character. “Accept them. That’s it.” That argument always seems to be the conversation-stopper, but it doesn’t have to be.

In his book Ask Me Anything, Dr. J. Budziszewski provides a rejoinder. While gays equate “love” with “acceptance,” Budziszewski offers another view: “Love is a commitment of the will to the true good of the other person. . . . [A] perfect Lover [that is, God] would want the perfect good of the beloved. . . . He would loathe and detest whatever destroyed the beloved’s good—no matter how much the beloved desired it.” And what destroys us—all of us—is sin. If we refuse to let go of it, writes Budziszewski, we say to the perfect Lover, “I bind myself to my destruction! Accept me—and my destruction with me!”

There is nothing “loving” in condoning or promoting homosexual acts. As Virginia Delegate Richard Black said in response to the play, “This is a considerable health hazard right now. If we encourage just one child to experiment and contract the HIV virus, then we have done an enormous disservice to our children.” Indeed, not only do we put them at physical risk, but at spiritual risk by turning them against who they are as God created them.

The lyrics to the old song “As Time Goes By” from Casablancago like this: “And no matter what the progress or what may yet be proved, the simple facts of life are such they cannot be removed. . . . A kiss is just a kiss . . . The fundamental things apply as time goes by.” Well, today it seems that a kiss is no longer “just a kiss,” but “the fundamental things” do still apply despite our changing culture. Regardless of misplaced kisses in Hollywood or at high school, as the song says, “Woman needs man, and man must have his mate—that no one can deny.”

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Ask Me Anything: Provocative Answers for College Students (Th1nk Books, 2004) by J. Budziszewski is must reading for students, parents, and youth ministers.

Michael Laris and Karin Brulliard, “Gay-Themed High School Play Sparks Va. Protests,” WashingtonPost, 9 February 2005, B01.
Virginia Heffernan, “It’s February; Pucker Up, TV Actresses,” New York Times, 10 February 2005. (Archived article; costs $2.95 to retrieve.)
Ann Oldenburg, “ ‘The O.C.’ stirs latest TV lesbian controversy,” USA Today, 11 February 2005.
BreakPoint Commentary No. 050222, “Radical Solutions: AIDS Prevention from a Different Angle.”
BreakPoint Commentary No. 041201, “Obvious but False: Common Views of Love and Courtship.”
BreakPoint Commentary No. 041203, “Shocking Questions: Yes, There Are Answers.”
Roberto Rivera, “No Other Kind: Foregoing Fulfillment,” BreakPoint Online, 22 October 2002.

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

blackguard: a scoundrel.
mulct: to defraud.
paean: a song or other expression of praise or joy.
incipient: beginning to exist or appear.
blackguard: a scoundrel.
mulct: to defraud.
paean: a song or other expression of praise or joy.
incipient: beginning to exist or appear.

from Dictionary.Com
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"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you." - Robert Louis Stevenson
"In giving rights to others which belong to them, we give rights to ourselves and to our country." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"It is the epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity." - Mark Twain

"You can never have a revolution in order to establish a democracy. You must have a democracy in order to have a revolution." - G. K. Chesterton

"The liberty of the press is a blessing when we are inclined to write against others, and a calamity when we find ourselves overborne by the multitude of our assailants." - Samuel Johnson

"Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself." - James Stephens

"Give to us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything." - Peter Marshall

"The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy!" - Henry Louis Mencken
~~~~~
FLASH CARD "In order to improve the mind, we ought less to learn than to contemplate." (René Descartes)

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GCF: Major Oops!

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email.
This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to his country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip however, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.

Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!" The startled husband yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster.
Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife, "I don't know what on earth got into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"

And with that, he opened the door and stepped out ... right into the water.
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GCF: Cooking Skills?

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Not realizing our mother had left some leftover turkey in our oven's broiler, my sister, 19, turned the oven on to bake cookies. Once the oven was hot, she put in the cookies and came back to check on them ten minutes later. When she pulled open the oven door, flames shot out and my sister shouted, "Mom! Fire!" as she closed the door.

Immediately our mother called the fire department and rushed all of us out of the house. The firefighters were over in a flash and they quickly hosed the oven down with some foam, then helped us clear the house of smoke. As one of the young firemen was leaving, he turned to my mother and said, "Your daughter is cute. I would ask her out, but I only date women who can cook."
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GCF: At the Salon

Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
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In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model. I showed the stylist the trendy new cut I wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on my thin, graying hair.

I was delighted by his cheerful attitude until I recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
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GCF: Traffic Violation

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
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A traffic cop stopped the woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment he said, "You know something, this is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face,"

"Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."
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GCF: Medical Research

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses the day after the ad came out. All from the same person.
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/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / "Brevity is ... wit." \ /
\ -/ \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / I'm not... \ \-/ ////
\ / no I am... \ /
\ -/ no, I'm NOT indecisive. \- /
/ / Am I? \ (((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Humor is the \ /
\ -/ shock absorber of life. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / \ /
\ -/ "First things first -- \- /
/ / but not necessarily in that order" \ (((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / \ /
\ -/ "Freedom ... is a worship word." \- /
/ / - Cloud William \ (((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Military Wisdom

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
-Gen.Mac Arthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

Received from Pastor Tim.
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[GCFL.net] Michigan Fishing Trip

A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car. So, he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

After a longer pause, an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
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[GCFL.net] Medical School Application Answers

Question: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In this place.
Duodenum: Couple in jeans.
Enema: Not a friend.
False Labor: Pretending to work.
Gallbladder: Bladder in a girl.
Hernia: She is close by.
Labor Pain: Hurt at work.
Lactose: Person without digits on feet.
Lymph: Walk unsteadily.
Menopause: I no wait.
Microbes: Small dressing gowns.
Obesity: City of Obe.
Pacemaker: Winner of Nobel Peace Prize.
Protein: In favor of teens.
Pus: Small cat.
Red Blood Count: Dracula.
Rupture: Ecstasy.
Secretion: Hiding anything.
Serum: A sailor's drink.
Subcutaneous: Not cute enough.
Tablet: Small table.

Received from FranCMT2.
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[GCFL.net] Stranded On A Desert Island

There was a man who was stranded on a desert island for many, many years. One day, while strolling along the beach, he spotted a ship in the distance. This had never happened in all the time he was on the island, so he was very excited about the chance of being rescued.

Immediately, he built a fire on the beach and generated as much smoke as possible. It worked! Soon, the ship was heading his way. When the ship was close enough to the island, a dinghy was dispatched to investigate the situation. The man on the island was overjoyed with the chance to be rescued and met his saviors as they landed.

After some preliminary conversation the man in charge asked the man on the island how he had survived for so many years.

The man replied by telling of his exploits for food and how he was able to make a fine house to live in. In fact, the man said, "You can see my home from here. It's up there on the ridge."

He pointed the men in the direction of his home. They looked up and saw three buildings. They inquired about the building next to the man's house and he replied, "That's my church - I go there to worship on Sundays."

When asked about the third building, the man replied, "That's where I used to go to church."

Received from Mikey's Funnies.
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[GCFL.net] Fishy Story

Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds."

Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting!"

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
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Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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For Grandparents, Future Grandparents or those who love grandparents:

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!" The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. It had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four"
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell him what it was. Susie raised her! hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbour's wife,"
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Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
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A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add 'es'." (Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one???)
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" Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close...."They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Thanks to Jo Cook
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You Maybe Too Enthusiastic About
Firefighting if...
-all of your P.O.V.'s MUST be fire engine RED
-you believe that William Shatner should receive an Oscar for Rescue 911
-every room in your house contains fire serviced decor
-you have a "Dial 911" sticker on your P.O.V.
-you use the fire station as your mailing address
-you have a 2-way radio mounted in your P.O.V.
-you have a hydrant wrench in your P.O.V>, just in case
-You buy your kids Nothing but fire trucks for Christmas
-you have a smoke detector in your dog's house
-you have a pair of "Flaming" boxers
-you have an extra red light in your car, Just in case
-at home, you sleep with your third set of turnout gear by the bed
-you wear your uniform EVERYWHERE!
-you carry more than one pager
-you're a member of more than one fire dept.
-you have a subscription to EVERY Fire/Rescue Magazine
-your wardrobe consists of only blue jeans and fire dept T-shirts
-your parents are tired of receiving fire service oriented gifts
-you have Six Months worth of Gall's Catalogs in your restroom
-every fire is the hottest you've ever seen
-your computer desktop theme is of the Emergency! TV show

Thanks to Dan Pearson, Chief Bussey-Sharman FD
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Aphorisms
GCFL
-----
Modern Aphorisms (@phorisms?)
1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail..
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click..
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks..
5. Great groups from little icons grow..
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone..
7. C:\ is the root of all directories..
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page..
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish..
10. The modem is the message..
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse..
12. The geek shall inherit the earth..
13. A chat has nine lives..
14. Don't byte off more than you can view..
15. Fax is stranger than fiction..
16. What boots up must come down..
17. Windows will never cease..
18. Virtual reality is its own reward..
19. Modulation in all things..
20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
21. There's no place like http://www.home.com
22. Know what to expect before you connect..
23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice...
24. Speed thrills..
25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Web and he won't bother you for weeks..
Received from Jackie Gandy.
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[GCFL] The Filly
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This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last.
He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail.
He finally had to give up because she had become ... a real night mare.
Received from Groaners list.
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[GCFL] Things To Ponder In Year 2000
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1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
2. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
4. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
5. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
6. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
7. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
8. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
10. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
11. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
12. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
13. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
14. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
15. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
16. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
17. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
18. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
19. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
20. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
21. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
22. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
23. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
Received from Joke du Jour list.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Do-it-yourself Country & Western Song Kit -----

I met her ---------- -----; I can still recall ---------
(1) (2) (3)
on the highway in September that purple dress
in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat
outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra
at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants
on probation all hunched over the stolen goods
in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose
in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin
incognito with joggers the neon sign
in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile
in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid
dead all over the boxer shorts she wore;

She was ------ -----,
(4) (5)
sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight
drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her
weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp
breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie
crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra
smellin' kind of funny when she shot me
crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows
chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin
talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy
drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback
slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu

and I knew -------; -------
(6) (7)
I really knew no guy would ever love her more
I promised her I knew deep down
she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if
that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink
I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared
they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said
it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain
we really lost the last World War The painters knew
I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said
what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought
that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed
that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said

I'd ------ forever; She said to me ----;
(8) (9)
stay with her our love would never die
warp her mind there was no other guy
swear off booze man wasn't meant to fly
that Nixon didn't lie
punch her out her basset hound was shy
live off her that Rolaids made her high
have my rash she'd have a swiss on rye
stay a dwarf she loved my one blue eye
hate her dog her brother's name was Hy
pick my nose she liked "Spy vs. Spy"
play "Go Fish" that birthdays made her cry
salivate she couldn't stand my tie

But who'd have thought she'd ----- -----------;
(10) (11)
run off with my best friend
wind up in my Edsel
boogie on a surfboard
yodel on "The Gong Show"
sky dive with her dentist
turn green on her "Workmate"
freak out with a robot
blast off
make it at her health club
black out in her Maytag
bobsled with her guru
grovel while in labor

--------- goodbye.
(12)
You'd think at least that she'd have said
I never had the chance to say
She told her dumb friend Grace to say
I now can kiss my credit cards
I guess I was too smashed to say
I watched her melt away and sobbed
She fell beneath the wheels and cried
She sent a hired thug to say
She freaked out on the lawn and screamed
I pushed her off the bridge and waved
But that's the way that pygmies say
She sealed me in the vault and smirked.

Received from Bill's Punch Line.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Laundry Crisis
-----
LAUNDRY CRISIS
By W. Bruce Cameron (January 23, 2000)

As usual, I'm the one who was blamed for the recent family crisis, even though, as readers of this column well know, I am a sensitive and humble husband who is right pretty much 100 percent of the time.
I do admit that when it comes to the system that runs the laundry in our house, I have been a tad ... oblivious. By "system" I mean, of course, my wife, who takes care of washing clothes for the rest of us without complaint -- until recently, as you will soon see.
My oldest daughter has never mastered the tricky mechanism required to open and shut her dresser drawers, with the result that her clean laundry winds up right where my wife has stacked it -- on the bed, where it tips onto the floor and mingles with the dirty clothes residing there. "I have nothing to wear!" she'll shriek every once in awhile, despite the fact that she is standing ankle deep in her entire wardrobe.
When I get tired of this ransacked condition and advise her she can't go to a friend's party until her room is cleaned up, ignoring her claim that "these are the most important people in my life; I promised I'd be there," she'll take care of the problem by gathering up everything and trucking it down to the laundry room, even if my wife just washed it that very day.
For my youngest daughter, the issue is the competency of the laundress.
"I told you that blouse has to be washed separately," she'll scold.
"You're supposed to soak it in rain water and then dry it with cotton balls!" Apparently everything she owns was hand-sewn by movie stars out of butterfly silk, and my wife is constantly "ruining" things by not treating them with gentle cycles and soft murmurs.
My son never gripes about clothes: As far as he is concerned, the laundry area could be converted into a video game room. He generally wears the same outfit until it becomes toxic; the EPA has been to our house twice to see if his clothing should be awarded Superfund status.
Often, peering at the condition of his attire, I realize he has more dirt on him than I have in my yard. Cleaning his apparel causes the washing machine to make a grinding, gritty noise, as if sand has gotten into the bearings.
Against all this, my complaint seems a pretty mild irritant: I've begun noticing that whatever wash cycle she is employing, my wife is causing my pants to shrink around the waist.
"You're shrinking them so bad I can barely button them," I grumble.
"Look at this!"
She regards me wearily. "Those are new pants. I haven't even washed them yet," she advises.
"What's your point?" I demand. Sometimes she can't seem to stay focused.
"Meaning, I couldn't have done anything to shrink them. They came like that."
"Defective trousers?" I sputter. How much more am I supposed to endure? She pokes me lightly in the stomach. "No, they're the right size," she claims.
"So you did shrink them!" I accuse.
Now, even though all I am doing is serving in my prosecutorial capacity as the man of the family, she completely overreacts. "You know what?
You're right. I must not know what I am doing. So from now on, everyone in the family has to wash their own clothes. I am through doing laundry!"
At first I believe this is a bluff. Each of us have our family responsibilities, after all -- for her not to take care of the clothes would be like me no longer bothering to decide what we will watch on television. But when, after a few days, it becomes apparent that she has no intention of calling off her unauthorized labor action, I summon the children for an emergency session of arguing over who should take over laundry duties.
We decide on a system based on blame and denial. This leads to a minor disaster in which everyone's clothing somehow becomes pink, and a demand from my children: How are you going to get Mom back in the laundry business?
I don't know, but I suspect it will involve a lot of chocolate.
W. Bruce Cameron writes columns for the Denver Rocky Mountain News. His
Web site is www.wbrucecameron.com.
Copyright © 2000 Scripps Howard News Service
-=+=-
[GCFL] Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-qualified
-----
9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing."
7. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."
6. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"
4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"
3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"
1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.
Received from Jessica C Rogers.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Misc thoughts
-----
1. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!
7. Discover wildlife! Have kids!
8. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
9. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
10. Take my advice. I'm not using it!
11. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
12. I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like?
13. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
14. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
15. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
Received from Kim Driggers.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Cooling it
-----
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Received from Leon Taylor.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Prehistoric Tech Support
-----
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog.
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh.
You hit them together?
Ugh.
What happen?
Fire not work.
(sigh) Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.
*sigh* You change rock?
I change nothing.
You sure?
Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.
*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave*
Received from PackyHumor (http://packyhumor.dardan.com) (Note: GCFL is not responsible for content on other web sites!)
-=+=-
[GCFL] Potty training
-----
My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh My, that child has had an accident and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"
This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "See MOM, IT'S JUST GAS!!"
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing had happened. I was mortified! But some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
Received from MaritDW.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Kids views on: Marriage
-----
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. - Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10
Received from The Rockpilers.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Robins
-----
Two robins were sitting on a branch high in a tree. One looked down and saw a field full of worms. Turning to the second bird he said, "We ought to go down there and eat."
"Good idea," said his friend.
The two of them flew down to the field and ate their fill and then some.
When he could eat no more one said to the other, "You know, we ought to stop eating and fly back to our branch."
Rubbing his belly the second responded, "Yep."
With that they tried to fly to their branch in the tree, but they had eaten too much to get off the ground. The second one said, "Maybe we should just stay here and relax in the sun." Before long the two birds slept, basking in the afternoon sun.
As they slept, a cat happened upon the field. Seeing the birds, sleeping, and oblivious to his presence, the cat pounced. As feathers settled around him, the cat rubbed his belly, and said, "There is nothing better than baskin robbins."
Received from WCP2000.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Kids Make Us Laugh, part 1
-----
MY FOOTSTEPS?
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
A WISE LITTLE GIRL
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
TOO ROUGH
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Received from JeaneneHea.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Top Ten Things Men Understand About
----
TOP TEN THINGS MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Received from DGJPARSONS.
-=+=-
[GCFL] Medical funnies
-----
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
-=+=-
A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed,"You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
-=+=-
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor.
"The patch.The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
-=+=-
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Received from Kim Driggers.
-=+=-
[GCFL] George Washington
-----
George Washington
Many historians are unaware of a little-known aspect of American history involving George Washington.
The Father of our Country became an almost apocryphal figure, and people know a lot of the stories and myths surrounding George Washington. We remember the story of his supposedly throwing a silver dollar across the Potomac River. (Of course, money went a lot farther in those days.) We remember other stories about young George's penchant for telling the truth.
But few people or even historian know the story of another incident in George's youth that helped cement his reputation for honesty.
George's father was more than a planter in Colonial Virginia. He was also a collector of colonial artifacts. He was particularly famous for his collection of wooden Indians. In fact, his collection was famous in the Colonies.
Young George, intent on sharpening his skills with the hatchet, went into the large room where his father kept his collection valuable, hand-carved Indian figures and proceeded to cut them to pieces.
When George's father saw the damage that George had hewn with his ax, he confronted him;
"George," his father asked, "are you responsible for this?"
"I cannot tell a lie, father," George answered, . . . "I cut down your Cherokees."
By Ted Brett.
-=+=-
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, FOR FREE!
For subscription and other information, go to our web page at http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to gcfl-info@gcfl.net. A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Today's GCFL is online at http://www.gcfl.net/archive/20000209.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Things I Have Learned (at various ages)

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Lindsay) -Tom
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to
Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
--------------------------------------------------------------
Age 6: I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night".......
Age 7: I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.
Age 9: I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.
Age 12: I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.
Age 14: I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
Age 15: I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.
Age 24: I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.
Age 26: I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.
Age 29: I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.
Age 39: I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Age 42: I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.
Age 44: I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.
Age 46: I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.
Age 47: I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.
Age 48: I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
Age 49: I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.
Age 50: I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 51: I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Age 52: I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.
Age 53: I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.
Age 58: I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
Age 61: I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.
Age 62: I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
Age 64: I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands.You need to be able to throw something back.
Age 65: I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
Age 66: I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.
Age 72: I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.
Age 75: I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.
Age 82: I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
Age 85: I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
Age 92: I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
- ------------------------------- -
\ / If it's free, it's advice; \ /
\ -/if you pay for it, it's counseling;\- /
/ / if you can use either one, \ it's a miracle.
*** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Invisible Man
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Barry) -Tom
--------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his office and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Shouldn't there be a \ /
\ -/ shorter word for \- /
/ / "monosyllabic"? \ *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Minnesota Millionaire
Emailed to me by friends (Thanks Jean, Steve) -Tom
--------------------------------------------------------------
Regis Philbin and the "Who Wants to Be A Milionaire?" television show have been successful. Since there was at least one special show with themed questions (Super Bowl), it only seemed appropriate to have more special versions.
Today we find out who is a true Minnesotan. No fair looking at the answers!
If you are ready, let's play Who wants to be a Minnesota Millionaire?
*****************************************
$100 How many Super Bowls have the Vikings won?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 0
d. 4
*****************************************
$200 The Mississippi River starts at which lake?
a. Lake Superior
b. Lake Itasca
c. Mille Lacs
d. The General Mills Pond
*****************************************
$400 "Choppers" are worn on which body part?
a. Hands
b. Feet
c. Head
d. Over da lower end of yer backside der.
*****************************************
$1,000 Which city is furder up nort der?
a. Ely
b. Dulute
c. St. Cloud
d. Waseca
*****************************************
$2,000 The Minnesota State fish is?
a. Bass
b. Walleye
c. Carp
d. Eelpout
*****************************************
$4,000 St. Paul is smaller than which other city?
a. Rochester
b. Dulute
c. Minneapolis
d. Osseo
*****************************************
$8,000 Lutefisk can be found where?
a. Mississippi River
b. Lake Superior
c. Mille Lacs Lake
d. The basement of a Lutheran Church
*****************************************
$16,000 Which is considered a Minnesota "State Holiday"?
a. St. Patrick's Day
b. Fishing Opener
c. Labor Day
d. Hopkins Raspberry Days
*****************************************
$32,000 Who are Ole and Sven?
a. The Mayors of Bemidji and Elk River
b. The Governor and Lt. Governor
c. The perpetual stereotypes of "Dumb Scandinavian" jokes
d. The former owners of the Vikings.
*****************************************
$64,000 Which color becomes fashionable each Fall?
a. Brown
b. Teal
c. Blaze Orange
d. Gray
*****************************************
$125,000 W-A-Y-Z-A-T-A is pronounced which way?
a. WAY-zat-A
b. why-ZET-a
c. way-ZOT-a
d. WHY-zate-a
*****************************************
$250,000 How thick should the ice be before driving onto the lake?
a. ½ inch
b. 1 inch
c. 10 feet
d. 12 inches
*****************************************
$500,000 Which star was not born in Minnesota?
a. Judy Garland
b. James Arness
c. Jessica Lange
d. Peewee Herman
*****************************************
$1,000,000 Who was the first governor of Minnesota?
a. Verne Gagne
b. Alexander Ramsey
c. Henry Sibley
d. Nick Bockwinkle
*****************************************
Answers below:

100 c. 0
200 b. Lake Itasca
400 a. Hands
1,000 a. Ely
2,000 b. Walleye
4,000 c. Minneapolis
8,000 d. The basement of a Lutheran Church
16,000 b. Fishing Opener
32,000 c. The perpetual stereotypes of "Dumb Scandinavian" jokes
64,000 c. Blaze Orange
125,000 b. why-ZET-a
250,000 d. 12 inches
500,000 d. Peewee Herman
1,000,000 c. Henry Sibley
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Red meat is bad for you. \ /
\ -/ Fuzzy green meat is even worse. \- /
/ / \ *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Signs You Might Be From Louisiana (Translated)

Last month I posted the list of "Signs You Might Be From Louisiana". I asked the Louisiana readers to help me out and provide some insight into some of the terms and other things particular to Louisiana. What follows is the distillation of the comments of the 45+ readers who responded. Each of the original statements is immediately followed by any needed translation and is then followed by selected comments by my Louisiana friends.
=========================
1. The crawdad mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass.
--------------------------------------------------
Now that's bad! They make mounds in bodies of water though.
--------------------------------------------------
I've lived here all my life and I've never heard anyone say "crawdad".
--------------------------------------------------
Crawfish(crawdads) burrow down in the mud, making a "mound" wherever they choose to live.
=========================
2. You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"

Translation: How is your family doing since last I've seen them? They are all good.
--------------------------------------------------
We're just hillbilly soundin' people. Very much like the nuts Jeff Foxworthy loves to make a living off of.
--------------------------------------------------
Other translations -
Hey dawlin'. Where y'at!
(Hello. How are you?)
We caught it out by the neutral ground in fronta Kaybee's.
(We witnessed the Mardi Gras parade as it passed and caught some of the beads, trinkets and cups which were thrown from the floats while we stood on the median in front of a K&B Drug Store.)
Dem crawdads not lookin so good dis season, Boudreaux. (Crawfish prices are going to be high this February-July because of dry weather and all the imports from over-seas, Joe.)
Community Coffee, Haydels, Zapps, K&B, Abita, etc., are eeesentialllll...we love 'makin dem groceries' and 'savin dem' when 'da devil done paid his due'. (Those are Louisiana staple groceries. We trust buying them and stocking our pantries with them when pay day comes.)
=========================
3. Every so often, you have waterfront property.
--------------------------------------------------
A "hard rainfall" will overflow very deep ditches and flood your yard. This can happen after a rainfall that lasts only a couple of hours. (My children used to swim in the ditches, after a rain.)
--------------------------------------------------
We are below sea level.
=========================
4. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee."
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I've never heard of "backatown" although I know we definitely use the other directions.
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I don't even remember which direction is North, South, East and West, although I do remember that our westbank is located on the east side of the city.
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Louisiana directions are something else! Once I was given directions to the polls on election day (different precinct than the one I normally use) and was told to "drive down 190 and turn right at the RED Coca Cola sign." (Guess they thought I might get lost if I saw a BLUE or GREEN Coca Cola sign!)
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After visiting my brother-in-law in a New Orleans Hospital (some 20 years after I had moved away) my sister gave the following directions to her house: "Get off the Interstate at Veterans Highway - then turn left where Pelican Bowling Lanes 'used to be'."
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5. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North", you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold."
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Where I live, anybody north of I-10 is considered a yankee.
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I am from Ohio (we're almost southern, aren't we? That's what they think in Michigan, anyway!)
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6. You've ever had Community Coffee.
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Community Coffee is a cajun brand that is available in numerous states, besides Louisiana. It is an extra strong brand with an abundance of something called chicory. (From a Deep East Texan who roomed one semester with a real live Cajun in college.)
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Community is a local coffee roasting company and they roast it to the taste of most people in Louisiana. (I don't drink coffee - so I wouldn't know one from the other - but I often ship it to family and friends who no longer live in Louisiana and cannot find a "decent" cup of coffee anywhere.
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Community Coffee is a very strong coffee that EVERYONE drinks in Louisiana.
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Community Coffee is based in Baton Rouge and makes a dark roast coffee that's so distinctive people who grew up drinking it won't touch any other kind. When traveling, many Baton Rougeans bring it with them or just avoid coffee until they get home. Some of us have been known to switch to tea for our morning caffeine while on the road.
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Bascially the official coffee of Louisiana.
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Chicory coffee is still there. It's a flavor, not a brand. It's awful stuff!
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Most Cajuns prefer the darkest roast possible--in other words, almost non-diluted coffee beans!! Thick and strong. Like drinking mud!
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Community Coffee is a local coffee that has the addition of roasted chicory. This was originally added as a cheap means of extending coffee, but is now favored for the "bite" it gives to the flavor.
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More information about Community Coffee can be found at
http://www.communitycoffee.com/
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7. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it.(also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya.)
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Had to let you know that you spelled Thibodaux and Pontchartrain incorrectly.
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Tchoupitoulas - is pronounced "chop i too las" or "chop a too less" Thibodeaux - is pronounced "Tib eh doe" or "Tib a doe" Ouachita - is "Wash - i - taw" (some say "Wish - i - taw") The other three are self-explanatory....I cannot imagine them not being said as they are spelled.
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Opelousas - "op a loo sus"
Pontchartrain -"pon cha train"
Atchafalaya - "a chaf a lie a"
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Pontchartrain and Atchafalya are bodies of water, the others are towns.
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8. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
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Ships ride higher than your house because the levee keeps the river higher than the land. (Louisiana is below sea level.)
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Before the ships are fueled down and stocked with their shipments they set high on the river. After they've been loaded, they go down LOTS!
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9. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen!)
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A po-boy is a very large, juicy (messy) sandwich, the more the mess, the better the taste. They are usually overflowing.
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A Po-Boy is a sandwich - a rather large sandwich. They used to be called "Poor Boys" and the name was shortened. Similar sandwiches in other parts of the country might be called Subs, Hoagies, or Heroes.
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10. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
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Truer words ain't never been spoke. Thet See-zar salad stuff ain't real food!
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11. You know the definition of "dressed".
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"Dressed" is LOT's of lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, peppers, mayo, mustard, cheese, etc.
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A 'dressed po boy' is a crusty bread sandwich with all the 'dressins'...hee hee...'fixins'. Mayonaisse, mustrich, peekles, ernions....
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The type of stuff on it depends on what kind of po-boy it is and where you get the po-boy from. For instance, a Roast Beef po-boy "dressed" would also have gravy on it.
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Fully dressed etc..., is with "everything", including Tabasco!
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12. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
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Popeye's is a Cajun spiced fried chicken fast-food chain.
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The chicken is really spicy. "Food With Attitude" is their motto. and the Red Beans and Rice are to die for...
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How can you NOT have eaten at a Popeye's? Popeye's was started in New Orleans, and they make fried chicken. SPICY fried chicken. They also have very good "seasoned" french fries.
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Haydel's is a New Orleans bakery specializing in King Cakes.
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I personally feel like Randazzo's makes the best king cake but who am I to say!
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Zapps: light, fried potato chips - they come in every flavor that you could imagine!
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Zapp's is a local manufacturer of the best flavored potato chips this side of heaven! They probably make other things, too - but I've not had my fill of the chips yet!
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Zapp's "Crawtator" potato chips can't be beat when you need a spicy snack!!
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Barq's is the best root beer in the world, cuz it's got bite!!!!!
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Abita: Louisiana-made beer: it is light flavored, smooth, tasty beer.
Comes in several varieties including Turbo Dog and Purple Haze.
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Abita is one of those newly fashionable microbreweries located in Abita Springs. They also produce bottled water there.
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Barqs: the root beer to wash down the po-boy
Zapps: the chips to go with the po-boy
Abita: the beer to wash down the tabasco on the po-boy
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You also know what Tony's Seasoning is and you refuse to leave the state without it. (It's a special secret blend of spices that can make even the worst food taste good. You could probably eat your shoe if you sprinkled some Tony's on it. A word to the wise: do not try Tony's on cornflakes.)
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More information about Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits can be found at
http://www.popeyes.com/
More information about Haydel's Bakery can be found at
http://www.haydelbakery.com/
More information about Zapp's Potato Chips can be found at
http://www.zapps.com/
More information about Barq's Root Beer can be found at
http://www.barqs.com/
More information about Abita Beer can be found at http://www.abita.com/
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13. The four seasons in your year are: Crawfish, Shrimp, Crab and King Cake.
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Dere ya go!
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14. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
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"Wrench" is the *correct* way to prounounce "rinse"
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Takes a lot to get the smell of crawfish off your hands!
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A lot of cajuns say "zink" instead of "sink".
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Just in case you're wondering, you can also get crawfish smell off with salt and a lemon.
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15. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something".
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"ax" is the *correct* way to pronounce "ask"
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Other pronunciation thoughts:
Most people in New Orleans have different pronunciations for words that end in "er" or "ing". Examples: trailer = trailuh, driver = drivuh. "Ing" words are not pronounced with the "g". Examples: swimming = swimmin', walking = walkin', etc.
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As long as we're speaking of pronunciation, it is of utmost importance that you pronounce "praline" (a sugary Creole candy) correctly. It is PRAH-leen and not PRAY-leen. Got it? Good!
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16. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
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We all make a big thing for carnival and think it's known by all Americans. I guess not, huh.
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17. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
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Louisiana has parishes instead of counties.
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We are the only state to have these!
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18. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
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Purple, Green and Gold are the traditional colors of Mardi Gras and even the King Cakes are decorated with those colors.
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The Mardi Gras colors are Purple, Gold, Green. During Mardi Gras the cakes are all of these colors.
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19. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people would refer to as a windbreaker) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
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It's always cold Mardi Gras day. This day you catch things thrown to you from the floats.
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20. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
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Yes, the names are not pronounced how they are spelled---Derouen is pronounced "Derwin".
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Our last name is Robicheaux pronounced Row-buh-show.
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21. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
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Big swamp rat that looks just like a regular rat and smells worse.
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A large rodent that lives in the swamp and tastes great in a gumbo!
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More information about nutrias can be found at
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7720/nutria.html
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22. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
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To get to the sea you have to descend stairs and there the crabs come right up to you to catch.
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23. You describe a color as "K&B Purple".
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K&B is one of the major drugstores in Louisiana, purple is the color of their logo (it is kinda like a "Barney" purple)
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K & B Drug Store began here with a dominant advertising color of purple - all store brand products also had this purple color. Unfortunately, K & B was bought out be Rite-Aid and K&B Purple does not dominate our city any more.
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Until recently we had a chain of drugstores named K & B. They have since been bought by Rite Aid. Anyway - K & B's sign, bags, and everything was the strange purple color.
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K & B was a very old drug store that was bought out by Rite-Aid about a year or two ago. People flocked to buy the old purple signs, baskets, carts...etc. Many "natives" were really upset.
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K&B or KB or KB's was a local drug store for decades (the business was founded in 1905). The trademark color was a deep, violent purple.
Everything in KB was purple, from the price tags to the ink pens (and their ink) to the managers' and cashiers' vests.
More information about Katz and Besthoff (the founders of K&B) and a
picture of their logo can be found at:
http://www.sec.state.la.us/old/events/Jewish/jhkb.htm
Another insteresting site (with photos) is at:
http://www.50megs.com/streetcarmik/kandb.html
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24. You like your rice and politics dirty.
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Dirty rice is rice with ground beef, onions and spices.
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Dirty politcs is, well, politics as usual.
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25. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins".
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Come on, that's how we all say it!
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New Orleans is a city whose name is pronounced in nearly 100 different ways by its citizens. It can range from the nearly 5-syllable "Nyoo Ahhlyins" to the monosyllabic "Nawlin".
=========================
26. A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
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The palmetto roach is just called a cockroach down here.
=========================
27. You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
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In the summer when it's really hot and the roaches are flying, we have a problem with them coming in from outside. When you're in bed and you hear a small smack followed by another smack, that's a flying roach that just ran into the ceiling fan, was hurled against the wall behind your bed and is now in the bed with you so you better get up and get him out!!!
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One final note from a Good Clean Fun friend:
Howdy, Mr. Thomas!
Yes, here in Louisiana we don't call people Mr./Mrs. Last Name...we use their first name after Mr./Mrs. I don't know why, but that is the way it has been for yards a years. It seems comfy for us here.
Please know how much your Loozianer subscribers appreciate your wonderful work/humour! If ya ever fine ya-self roun dis neck a de woods, give us a holla...we'll do a boil fer ya, Cha'!
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\ / The pen is mightier than \ /
\ -/ the sword, \- /
/ / if the sword is very small, \ and the pen is very sharp.
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GCF: Thanksgiving Prayer
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Gina) -Tom
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My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.
At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:
"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."
(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)
- ------------------------------------- -
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\ / I went for a drive today \ /
\ -/ in the country \- /
/ / and passed a camouflage store. \ But you couldn't see it.
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Now you know everything!!!!
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than airplane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "MarlboroMan."
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Now you know everything there is to know
Thanks to Barbara Daniels
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Growing up in Arkansas
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip".
3. "Vacation" means driving to Hot Springs or maybe even Branson...
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example,=20
"Well, Conway's only 20 minutes away."
6. Up North to you means Missouri.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Arkansas is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10.Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
11.You consider riding a mechanical bull true entertainment!
12.Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
13.You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"
14.You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15.You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16.You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17.You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18.You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
19.You know in your heart that Arkansas can beat Texas in football.
20.You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example "Where's my coat at?"
21.All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
22.You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23.You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
24.You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
25.You went to skating parties as a kid.
26.You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27.You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
28.You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29.The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30.You think I-40 is spelled and pronounced "farty."
31.You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to UT.
32.You think that "deer season" is a National Holiday.
33.You know that you can't get anywhere without going through Little Rock first
34.You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36.You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37.You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Football.
38.You know if another Arkansan is from the Ozarks, Northern, Central, or Southern part of AR soon as they open their mouth.
39.You know that Bill Clinton, Ted Danson's wife, and John Grisham are all from Arkansas.
40.You failed World Geography in school because you thought Paris, London, Bismark, Nashville, Lincoln, were cities in Arkansas (And they are!)
41.You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
42.You know what "WOO PIG" means.
43.You actually get this and forward it to all your Arkansas friends

Rebecca Garrett via Barbara Daniels
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

Today's Clean Laugh

Friendly Pig

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.

The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.

The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Corporate Listening

The company I worked for had an employee suggestion competition, the entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money for the firm.

The winner was a man who suggested the company save paper by posting corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution.

He won a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock.

A memo announcing the winner went out to 200 people.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Can't Take It With You

"You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're shopping, I'll browse in the hardware store."

An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that would fill two wheelbarrows.

"Are you buying all this?" his wife asked incredulously.

"Well, yes," he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, "But look at all the stuff I'm leaving behind!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Cooking Terms

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents.
The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Where did I come from?

One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"

My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider.
When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Last Laugh"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw639

"Blind Date"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw638

"Turkey Support Group"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw

"Ice Garage"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw649

"Widows MLM"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw285

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/vacationcontract.html - - Taking A Vacation on the Contract Plan "Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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BibleGateway - - http://bible.gospelcom.net/ - - This site is a free service for reading and researching Scripture online - all in the language or translation of your choice. Site provides advanced tools you can use to search the Bible by keywords or verse, as well as other tools to enhance your study of the Bible.
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"A cosmic explosion just across the Milky Way from Earth gave off as much energy in one-tenth of a second as the sun does in 100,000 years, astronomers reported on February 18, 2005. The blast observed on Dec. 27 came from a neutron star - a collapsed dead star with a sun-like mass squeezed into a sphere just 15 miles across - in the constellation Sagittarius (the Archer). Even at a distance of 50,000 light-years, the explosion was powerful enough to bounce off the moon and disturb Earth's upper atmosphere, researchers said at a briefing at NASA headquarters. A light-year is about 6 trillion miles, the distance light travels in a year. It interfered with many satellites and overloaded receptors on some spacecraft, but was blocked by the atmosphere and had little practical effect on Earth except to disrupt some very low-frequency radio transmissions, the scientists said. 'Astronomically speaking, this burst happened in our backyard. If it were in our living room, we'd be in big trouble,' said Bryan Gaensler of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics."
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HomeSales.gov - - http://www.homesales.gov/homesales/mainAction.do - - This site provides current information about single family homes for sale by the U.S. Federal Government. These previously owned homes are for sale by public auction or other method depending on the property. Anyone can buy a home for sale by the U.S. Government, but you must work with a real estate agent, broker or servicing representative to submit an offer or bid.
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"A bird flu virus may mutate to a human form that becomes as deadly as the ones that killed millions during three influenza pandemics of the 20th century. Dr. Julie L. Gerberding, head of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said that scientists believe it is highly likely that the virus that has swept through bird populations in Asia will evolve into a pathogen deadly for humans. 'We are expecting more human cases over the next few weeks because this is high season for avian influenza in that part of the world,' Gerberding said in remarks at the national meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science."
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Earth Image of the Day - - http://modis.gsfc.nasa.gov/gallery/index.php - - Welcome to the Image Section of the MODIS Web, where you can view the very latest in MODIS imagery as well as search an image collection that has been growing ever since MODIS first started acquiring data in February of 2000. The MODIS Image of the Day section highlights a new MODIS image every day. After a week, Images of the Day become part of the Image Gallery, which is powered by NASA's Visible Earth image archive. The Image Gallery opens in a new browser window, where you can preview and search over 1500 archived MODIS images.
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"Images relayed by a European space probe reveal the existence of a sea of ice close to the equator of Mars, scientists said at a conference in the Netherlands. The existence of water or ice would significantly increase the chance that microscopic life may also be found on Mars. The evidence comes from photographs - not yet published - taken last year by the European Space Agency's Mars Express probe currently orbiting the red planet. Scientists have long theorized there was once water on Mars, and data from NASA's Mars Rovers has recently appeared to confirm it. But most scientists believed the water had evaporated into the atmosphere early in the planet's history. 'The point is that the ice is very recent: it appears to still be there, covered beneath a layer of dust and ash,' John Murray of Britain's Open University told the Associated Press in a telephone interview."
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National Audubon Society - - http://www.audubon.org/ - - Home page of the National Audubon Society. Audubon's mission is to conserve and restore natural ecosystems, focusing on birds, other wildlife, and their habitats for the benefit of humanity and the earth's biological diversity. Our national network of community-based nature centers and chapters, scientific and educational programs, and advocacy on behalf of areas sustaining important bird populations, engage millions of people of all ages and backgrounds in positive conservation experiences.
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"The HIV infection rate has doubled among blacks in the United States over a decade while holding steady among whites - stark evidence of a widening racial gap in the epidemic, government scientists said on February 24, 2005. Other troubling statistics indicate that almost half of all infected people in the United States who should be receiving HIV drugs are not getting them. The findings were released in Boston at the 12th Annual Retrovirus Conference, the world's chief scientific gathering on the disease. 'It's incredibly disappointing,' said Terje Anderson, director of the National Association of People With AIDS. 'We just have a burgeoning epidemic in the African American community that is not being dealt with effectively.' "
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Simpson's Contemporary Quotations - - http://www.bartleby.com/63/ - - With over 9,000 quotations from 4,000 sources organized into 25 categories and 60 sections, this comprehensive reference work contains words of wit and wisdom from such modern notables as Ezra Pound, Henry Kissinger, George Orwell, Dorothy Parker, and Desmond Tutu. Related sites: Bartlett's Familiar Quotations - - http://www.bartleby.com/100/ / The Columbia World of Quotations - - http://www.bartleby.com/66/ / Respectfully Quoted - - http://www.bartleby.com/73/ /
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How Blu-ray Discs Work - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/blu-ray.htm - - Say goodbye to DVD as the top-of-the-line digital storage format: It pales in comparison to Blu-ray. New blue-laser discs feature an unbelievable capacity of 27 to 50 GB - that's about five times what you can fit on a DVD. Learn about the techniques that make Blu-ray the next big thing in digital video storage and check out its competition.
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"A U.S. scientist claims to have thawed out a new life form, which he said raises questions about possible contemporary life on Mars. The organism froze on Earth some 30,000 years ago, and was apparently alive all that time and started swimming as soon as it thawed, said Richard Hoover from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration's Marshall Space Flight Center in Alabama. The life form -- a bacterium dubbed Carnobacterium pleistocenium -- probably flourished in the Pleistocene Age, along with woolly mammoths and saber-tooth tigers, said Hoover."
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National Audubon Society - - http://www.audubon.org/ - - Home page of the National Audubon Society. Audubon's mission is to conserve and restore natural ecosystems, focusing on birds, other wildlife, and their habitats for the benefit of humanity and the earth's biological diversity. Our national network of community-based nature centers and chapters, scientific and educational programs, and advocacy on behalf of areas sustaining important bird populations, engage millions of people of all ages and backgrounds in positive conservation experiences.
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"The HIV infection rate has doubled among blacks in the United States over a decade while holding steady among whites - stark evidence of a widening racial gap in the epidemic, government scientists said on February 24, 2005. Other troubling statistics indicate that almost half of all infected people in the United States who should be receiving HIV drugs are not getting them. The findings were released in Boston at the 12th Annual Retrovirus Conference, the world's chief scientific gathering on the disease. 'It's incredibly disappointing,' said Terje Anderson, director of the National Association of People With AIDS. 'We just have a burgeoning epidemic in the African American community that is not being dealt with effectively.' "
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| Safety From The Heart |

On a recent vacation, I experienced a painful reminder on proper lifting technique and awareness.
In a hurry to get the car packed and on the road early one morning, I grabbed an overstuffed suitcase off the floor while bending at the waist and not at the knees. To add to poor technique, I turned as I was picking up the suitcase. I felt a slight twinge in my lower back but kept moving - I was in a hurry. Well, after 10 hours in the car driving back home, I could barely move. Needless to say, I let the rest of the family unpack the car. I suffered for about two weeks and have finally recovered.
During that two weeks, I missed out on many of the things I enjoy - golf, gardening, and playing with the kids.
It took only a brief lack of awareness for me to get injured. The irony of the incident was it happen returning from three days of snow skiing - a much more hazardous activity. However, as I skied, my awareness was at high levels. I am one of the most boring skiers around - I watch my speed, try to stay in control, and don't stretch my ability. Basically, I am scared to death of skiing and I am very careful with my actions. I know that if I had my awareness level up that morning packing the car, I would have lifted the suitcase properly and not gotten hurt.
Ron Zumstein
=-+-=-
Here is a short safety from the heart message about wind safety. With the Ides of March blowing in, we should see some significant wind in the next few weeks. Wind can cause widespread damage in a very short amount of time. Here are some tips if you find yourself caught in high winds.
· Stay clear of trees and power lines. Trees can fall and cause injury or death. They can also cause power lines to fall. Hundreds die every year due to fallen power lines.
· Do not drive at high speeds through high winds. A sudden gust can cause you to lose control of your vehicle.
· Get into a sturdy building, away from the windows to prevent injury due to flying glass.
· If you have a pair of glasses or sunglasses, put them on. They will prevent injury to your eyes caused by blowing sand or debris.
Slade Shealy Analytical Chemist Analytical Services Laboratory
=-+-=-
Submitted by Hal Huggins.
I was eating lunch today at Wendy's in Orangeburg with a friend. As we were sitting there discussing the weather and sports and stuff like that, we heard the sound of the bells announcing the arrival of a train. The tracks are in full view at only about 100 yards from the restaurant. We both turned to look as the safety arms were coming down at the railroad crossing and noticed an 18 wheeler with trailer in tow speeding through the intersection. The arm at the crossing actually came down on top of the trailer and pretty much bounced on the top until the trailer cleared. Fortunately no one was hurt and no apparent damage was done to either the trailer or the arm as it quickly dropped into place.
My friend commented, "Wonder what would have happened if the trucker had mistimed his approach and the arm come down on the front end of the trailer, or worse yet onto the tractor windshield?" This is a very busy intersection, with businesses on all 4 corners and cars in every lane. At a minimum, there would have been property damage as the arm shattered and/or broke loose. Obviously several people could have been injured, not to mention the fact that the train arrived 20-30 seconds later.
We've all heard or read where people attempted to "beat the train" and didn't make it. This trucker was lucky today, but next time may not be.
Hopefully he realizes how close he came and has learned from it. In any event, this is a good reminder to everyone..........."Don't try to beat the train; it's not worth the risk."
Hal Huggins
=-+-=-
Submitted by Ellen Hartzog.
Last week my husband and I were coming home from the store and I was driving. We came around a curve on our road and three deer ran in front of me. I missed two but I hit the third one and messed up the grill and headlight.
We called the police and they came to fill out a report for our insurance.
We asked if we could keep the deer and the cop said yes and he would help my husband put it in the back of the truck. The deer was down a little bit in a ditch. My husband took the back legs and the cop took the front.
They were coming up the embankment when my husband started to slip backwards and he fell. The cop started to fall and fell on top of my husband. It really scared me cause my husband had hip surgery and if he falls a certain way it could pop his hip out of joint. Anyway the deer did get in the truck and it was so messed up my son-in-law said it wasn't worth processing it.
So if you hit a deer be careful when putting it in your truck. The truck didn't have as much damage as my husband could have if he fell the wrong way.
=-+-=-
From Jerry Runk (a Houston Albemarle employee).
One of the recurring themes in my messages is driving safety. There is not a day that goes by, coming and going to work, that I don't observe carelessness, near misses, and drivers taking unnecessary chances.
A couple of weeks ago I was turning left onto Luella from Spencer Highway.
The signal light for the left turn light had just turned green. As I started to go, a truck sailed through the intersection in front of me. If I had not been looking around and noticed that the truck was not stopping or going to stop, I would have had a nasty collision with that truck. That truck was moving fast enough so that I or my passengers would have at the very least been severely injured. My passengers were pretty shook up, but after some initial anger we all agreed that it was a good thing I was paying attention.
Drive defensively
=-+-=-
Prepared by Donna Dotson - BRT employee
As a practicing family nurse practitioner in Baton Rouge, I am a subscriber to Prescriber's Letter which is an organization that stays abreast on the latest, pressing topics of prescription and over-the-counter medications.
This organization employs over 100 experts who review the latest evidenced research from journals, seminars and drug companies. Due to the present peak of flu season and viral upper respiratory infections, I have encountered employees who have inquired about "Airborne" the over-the-counter dietary supplement for colds. The February, 2005, Prescriber's Letter addressed the controversy of "Airborne" and alerted practicing clinicians of the following:

RUMOR: Airborne can help prevent or shorten duration of colds.

TRUTH: Airborne is a dietary supplement used for prevention and treatment of colds and flu. It's the one that was "developed by a school teacher who was sick of catching colds in class." Airborne contains several vitamins, minerals and herbs. The manufacturer suggests taking one tablet every 3 hours at the first sign of a cold.
It is important to note that one tablet contains vitamin C 1,000 mg...vitamin A 5,000 IU...vitamin E 30 IU. These amounts meet or exceed the RDA.
Vitamin C taken prophylactically in doses of at least 1 gram per day seems to reduce the duration of cold symptoms by a half-day. Tell patients the slight reduction in duration of cold symptoms may not be worth large doses of vitamin C on a daily basis.
Vitamin C at doses above 2 grams per day may cause diarrhea and stomach upset. In people with a history of oxalate kidney stones (the most common type), supplemental vitamin C 1 gram per day appears to increase stone risk...possibly an increase of 40%.
Vitamin C is not proven to be helpful in PREVENTING colds.
There isn't any proof that vitamin A is helpful in preventing or treating colds and flu. Large doses of vitamin A can cause nausea, vomiting, headache, vertigo, and blurred vision.
Zinc is also an ingredient in Airborne. A lot of research suggests that zinc lozenges begun within 24 to 48 hours of the onset of cold symptoms can reduce the severity and duration of the cold. But other research shows no effect. Some experts say that flavoring agents, such as the citric acid and mannitol found in Airborne, might chelate zinc, making it inactive. Zinc is not helpful in preventing colds.
Airborne also contains echinacea. Echinacea MIGHT shorten the duration and severity of cold symptoms...but research is conflicting. The active constituent of echinacea is not known so products can't be standardized. Various species and plant parts (flowers, leaves, stems, and roots) have been used in clinical studies. The amount of echinacea in Airborne is unknown.
Other ingredients listed in the product have not been proven to be helpful in treating or preventing the cold.
Tell patients there's no proof that Airborne is helpful in preventing or treating colds.
Advise patients taking multiple daily doses of Airborne about the possibility of excessive vitamins A and C. Remind patients to also add up the amount in any daily multivitamins they might take.
There's also some concern that echinacea might increase levels of drugs metabolized by the CYP3A4 enzyme...macrolides, antifungals, etc. Tell patients on these drugs to avoid Airborne.
Caution patients on warfarin or other antiplatelet drugs that Airborne contains ginger and lonicera which may increase the risk of bleeding.
-=-+-=-
Prepared by Traci Williams - BRT employee
My husband and I sat down for lunch today and discussed our plans for the weekend, mainly getting the backyard ready for spring. This is our first house so we really enjoy working in the yard? I'm sure this will pass. For all of you that enjoy or must do yard work/gardening, here are a few safety tips you should consider while preparing for the season:

According to the National Gardening Association, two out of three American households take part in some gardening activity each year.
· Avoid overexposure to sun. Limit the time you spend working in direct sunlight by gardening during early-morning or late-afternoon hours. Heat stress can also be a risk; thus keep water by your side to remain hydrated. Remember to take frequent breaks by going indoors and relaxing in front of a fan.
· Warm up. Cumulative injuries, such as tennis elbow or tendentious occur when people overextend themselves on a job they tackle only once or twice a year.
· Be careful with power equipment. According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 400,000 people are treated in hospital emergency rooms each year for injuries from lawn and garden tools. To prevent a mishap, read equipment-operating instructions and be aware of your surroundings.
· Consider the following when operating power tools:
o Know how to operate equipment. Read the manual and follow all instructions.
o Wear long pants, close-fitting clothes, sturdy shoes and safety glasses.
Don't wear anything that could get caught in moving parts, such as loose jewelry. Tie back long hair.
o Handle gas carefully. Fill up before you start - when the engine is cold.
o Clear the area of rocks, twigs, toys and anything that could be thrown by mowing equipment.
o Keep children and pets away from the area until you're finished. Never carry a child as a passenger on a riding mower.
o Keep you hands and feet away from moving parts. Never work on equipment when it's running.
o Don't point the blower nozzle of a leaf blower toward people or pets.
Use a dust mask in a dusty or dirty environment.
o Wear earplugs when using noisy equipment, such as leaf blowers or wood chippers.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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GRANDPA'S HANDS!

Grandpa, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. He didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands. When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if he was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.

He raised his head and looked at me and smiled. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, he said in a clear strong voice.

I didn't mean to disturb you, grandpa, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK I explained to him.

Have you ever looked at your hands he asked. I mean really looked at your hands?

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.

Grandpa smiled and related this story:

Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years.
These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.
They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love of my life. They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I went off to war. They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.

They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.
Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the aisle.

Yet, they were strong and sure when I dug my buddy out of a foxhole and lifted a plow off of my best friends foot. They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer. These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandpa's hands and led him home. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and wife I think of grandpa. I know he has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel his hands upon my face.

Thanks to Julie Morris
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A dog had followed his owner to school.

His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shoo'ed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors.

Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said, "Don't feel bad fella'.... they won't let ME in either."

Thanks to Julie Morris
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Get your copy of the 2004 ERG here:
http://hazmat.dot.gov/pubs/erg2004/gydebook.htm
http://hazmat.dot.gov/pubs/erg2004/erg2004.pdf

Thanks to Jason Sands
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The Baby Name Wizard is an interactive visualization of baby name choices. Type in a name, letter by letter, and you'll see popularity trends rise and fall over the past century. Turns out that "Bob" peaked in the 1930's, and some of the hottest names now are Emily, Hannah, Jacob and Michael. Check it out here: http://babynamewizard.com
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-------------------------------------------
NEWS FLASH: YELLOW PAGES NO LONGER YELLOW
-------------------------------------------

Amazon's new A9 search engine has an amazing new feature that brings the yellow pages into living color, and lets your fingers actually do some walking... right down the street and into the front door of that pizza place you were looking for.

Search the Yellow Pages at A9.com and you'll find the usual search results, such as address & telephone, PLUS images of the storefronts of all the buildings on the block. This Block View technology makes it easy to observe the parking situation, the neighborhood, and check out other nearby businesses.

When launched a few weeks ago, the A9 Yellow Pages included 20 million photos of the downtown areas of 10 major U.S. cities including Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Denver, Los Angeles, New York City Portland (OR), San Francisco, Seattle, and others. Business owners can add their own photos, store hours, menus and more for free. More than 14 million businesses are currently listed. Try it out here:

http://a9.com/pizza?a=oyp

I chose New York, NY then popped into Lombardi's Pizza and found that there's a lovely park just a few doors down the street.

--------------
Got Spyware?
--------------

Remove Spyware, Adware, Homepage Hijackers, Unwanted Toolbars, Keyloggers, Malware, Trojans, Spy Popups, and other Parasites.
Download the free Xoft Spyware Scanner here:

http://www.tourbus.com/spyware.htm

-------------------
Sp-amusement Park
-------------------

I don't often laugh out loud, but this one got me. Spamusement! is a website filled with (in the author's own words) "Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines".

http://spamusement.com/

If you hate spam with the passion that I do, you'll find this mockery of spam and spammers quite amusing.

---------------------
Very Strange Things
---------------------

I want to remind you about a fun feature on the TOURBUS website.
"Very Strange Things on the Web" is a collection of links to offbeat sites that are fun, amusing or just bizarre. All in good taste, of course. In the recent past we featured "It's a Wonderful Life" (re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds), "Learn Yiddish With Dick and Jane", and "Why Women Live Longer". Today, we proudly bring you "French Guy With Bike Horns Plays Classical Music". :-)

Very Strange Things - http://www.tourbus.com/bizarre.htm

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

=[ Tourbus Rider Information ]=
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
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My Great Great Grandfather was Indian so this article interested me.

THE CHOCTAW AND CHEROKEE IN UNION COUNTY:
Before and After the Removal of the 1830s- and Today
By Worth Camp, Jr.
As published in the South Arkansas Historical Journal Volume 2, Fall (Dec) 2002, pages 32-41.

Arkansas, the Land of the South Wind, was a part of the 1803 Louisiana Purchase. President Thomas Jefferson made deals with France and Napoleon Bonaparte that was probably the best real estate deal in our nation’s history. At that time, the upper area of the Wishita (Ouachita) River Basin, was a wilderness of bear, beaver, buffalo, cougar, deer, fish, wild berries, and honey. Prior to the Louisiana Purchase, groups of the Choctaw Indian Nation, with Christian names, began arriving in this area during the 1790s. During this same period, Cherokee Indians also began arriving in north Arkansas, some near the Arkansas River while others later (1800s) migrated south into Union County. Still others arrived in this region during the 1920s oil boom.

Choctaw and Cherokee descendants are a substantial silent presence in the original Union County today, probably touching thirty percent of the county’s population. They are our teachers, mayors, sheriffs, judges, lawyers, museum directors, chemical workers, oil dealers, timber contractors, African Americans, and many others who make valuable contributions to the present counties of Union, Ouachita, Columbia, Ashley, Bradley, and Calhoun. These six counties and parts of others were the old Union County, created in 1829.

What was the old Union County like in 1829?

The area trading post and communities included Monroe and Natchitoches, Louisiana, Pigeon Hill (Moro Bay), Ecore Fabre (Camden), Clark’s Mill (Hope), and Washington, Arkansas. Calhoun and Lamartine in today’s Columbia County were soon to follow. Fulton, just west of Washington in Hempstead County, was a river town located on the Southwest Trail at the crossing of the Red River.

There were various routes available for land and water transportation. Newcomers, including Indians, used the Southwest Trail that ran from St. Louis, through Little Rock, Rockport on the Wishita River, Caddo Valley, Washington, and Fulton, Arkansas on the way to Nacogdoches, Texas and Mexico. By 1833, Fulton had the first post office in southwest Arkansas getting mail up the Red River. It also had a ferry crossing. Union County had several post office locations, prior to and after Fulton, at or near Ecore Fabre. The Union Courthouse post office was listed in 1837 at Scarborough (Champanolle) Landing.

Sometime before 1835, Burk’s ferry was operating at Pigeon Hill (Moro Bay). One could travel north to Warren, east to Fountain Hill, and north of today’s Hamburg. From Warren, a person could travel east on the Choctaw Trace (and later the Military Road) to Point Chico (Lake Village), north towards Marks Mill and Pine Bluff, or west to Ecore Fabre.

Another Ouachita River ferry, operated by John Nunn, was immediately below the bluff at Ecore Fabre (Camden). Nunn was also the local trader and Baron Bastrop licensed him to navigate the Ouachita to Monroe for trade goods. The Baron had an extensive land grant from France extending north of Monroe to the Arkansas Territory. Nunn later died and his wife Elizabeth remarried and continued operation through her new husband, William Bradley.

From Ecore Fabre, one could travel the trails south to Pigeon Hill (Moro Bay) and on to Monroe, east to Warren, northeast to Pine Bluff, and north towards Little Rock. Travelers could go west to Clarks’ Mill (Hope), southwest to Calhoun or Lamartine, and join with the Natchitoches Indian Trail from Natchitoches to Washington. This trail went through Haynesville, Louisiana, thereby, crossing today's Columbia County and passing near or through Emerson, Calhoun, Magnolia, Waldo, and Lamartine (north of Waldo). At Washington, one could travel to Fort Smith, that served as the early military route from Natchitoches.

From Ecore Fabre, southwest to the Corinth Settlement (Silver Hill Loop near Mt.Holly), one could travel south through today’s Lisbon towards the soon-to-be communities of New Hope, Scotland, and Blanchard Springs, and on into Louisiana. From Corinth or near Lisbon, there was a dim trail southwest to Calhoun connecting with the Natchitoches Trail. The Natchitoches Trail and the trail from Lamartine to Ecore Fabre would soon be adopted in substantial part as military roads, as was the Choctaw Trail from Lake Village through Ecore Fabre, Washington, and on to Fort Towson, Oklahoma.

One last road needs to be mentioned because of its influence on the development of Columbia County. There was a trail (and road-to-be) that came from Vicksburg through north Louisiana turning north near today’s Summerfield, or Colquitt, passing through New Hope into present day Columbia County. It joined the Natchitoches Trail at Calhoun. This may have been a road that served travelers on their way to participate in the Texas Revolution of 1834-1836. Militia soldiers traveling to and from the Mexican War liked what they saw in today’s Columbia County area and some became settlers.
By 1838, two ferries were licensed to individuals to operate on Smackover (Creek) Bayou. These probably served the road from Ecore Fabre to Scarbrough/Champanolle Landing, the road from Ecore Fabre to the Lisbon/Mount Holly region and south into Louisiana.

In 1829, the first Union County Seat was designated at Ecore Fabre and was situated in John Nunn’s cabin. The primary complaint of the settlers at the first 1830 organization meeting of the Union County Court was for the judge to appoint commissioners to mark the best trails to Monroe and Washington. These trails were typically the width of the horse and rider, or an ox and its two-wheel cart. Travelers either walked or rode in single file, and trails were difficult to follow. It could perhaps take all day to ride from one cabin or farm plot to the next. It was an all day ride to the County Court. To remedy the problem, county courts were later required to be within a day’s wagon ride.

As the population grew, the popular river location of Scarbrough Landing was selected for the new old Union County Seat in 1837. It was renamed Champanolle Landing in 1839. El Dorado was later selected for the Union County Seat in 1844 with Camden, Warren, Hamburg, Magnolia, and Hampton following as new county seats when old Union County was re-divided.

North Louisiana was a primary corridor of passage for arriving Choctaw Indian clans, trappers, frontiersmen, and early settlers. The Mississippi Delta flood plains were difficult to impossible to cross in winter and spring since the river itself could be 8 to 40 miles wide at flood stage. The Saline River and Bayou Bartholomew were part of the Ouachita River Basin that could be three to four miles wide in places. The Choctaw, settlers, and French trappers could get to the hill country of the Saline and the Ouachita Rivers by canoes or keel boats up the Big Fork (Wishita/Ouachita) and Red Rivers. Steamboats, introduced in New Orleans about 1812, were operating on the rivers by the 1820s.

The Choctaw could cross South Arkansas and North Louisiana by land trails in the dry season. They crossed at several Mississippi River locations from Vicksburg, to Point Chico (Lake Village), including Lake Providence, Louisiana. Chico (Lake Village area), a French word for stump, possibly refers to cypress knees that were sticking up out of the riverbed or a cut-off lake at Point Chico.

Who says the Choctaw remained here?

The Choctaw began crossing the Mississippi River in 1790 after a Treaty with the Spanish Governor of the New Orleans District (Louisiana Territory). The Treaty allowed Choctaw hunters into the Wishita River Basin for deer and other fur bearing animals to sell to the Spanish Trading Post. With the hunters came Mississippi Choctaw clans who were being pressured to move westward by white settlers.

At the 1830 session of County Court at Ecore Fabre, Jonathan Black was selected as County Judge and his son, Jonathan Black, Jr., was elected sheriff. Sheriff Black packed his saddlebags with camping equipment and supplies, sufficient for two weeks at a time, for his first trips around the old original Union County. He collected $177.20 in taxes, paid in gold or silver and half cents. For the 1830 Census, he found six hundred to seven hundred men, women, and children, including 130 slaves, plus a good number of Indians living in the county.
This writer has spent the past thirty-five years as a country lawyer in the area of old Union County. The past six years numerous interviews with Choctaw and Cherokee descendants from all of these counties have been conducted. I learned that my wife, Janis, has some Cherokee relatives from the Marysville (Union County) Community, and her cousin from Village (Columbia County) sufficient Choctaw blood to qualify for minority preference for an industrial development contract, and another cousin’s wife has Cherokee ties from the Strong (Union County) Community. Three out of ten Strong High School graduates, attending a 2001 Class Reunion for the Classes from 1920 to 1945, had Choctaw grandmothers who raised children that attended the schools in or near Strong, Arkansas and Marion, Louisiana.

Mom and pop country stores served as the center of a community’s information network. Stories are told of an Indian presence in various county communities. Some of these stories claimed there were as many as 3000 Indians living south of El Dorado along the banks of Bayou de Loutre (Loutre Creek), and the Swilley Family in the Lisbon Community had an ancestor who was an Indian Agent or trader with the Choctaws in the Caledonia area. On cold nights it was told the Indians would quietly come up to the settlers’ cabins, sleep standing against the clay “waddle and daub” chimneys, and disappear at dawn. People tell of a trail along the 100’(elevation) mark along the Ouachita River wide enough for four wagons because so many Indians and settlers were coming and going on the trail from Marion through Lapile and New London and on to Pigeon Hill, Champanolle Landing, and Camden.

Similar stories were told at Darden’s Store at Lisbon (Est. 1898-1970). Aylmer Darden and his wife, Minnie, operated the business started by Darden’s father, George Washington Darden. Stories are told about the trail coming from the north and west through Lisbon, crossing Camp Creek to Marysville, Shuler, and on through New Hope towards Haynesville, Summerfield, and Farmerville. They told of Indians, gypsies, muleskinners, and people of all descriptions traveling back and forth with wagons, horses and mules, or walking and camping overnight along the creek. They brought their sick and camped on the creek until Dr. John Aaron Moore, who lived on the hill across from the store, could get them well.

Choctaw and Cherokee Indians arrived in south Arkansas as early as 1790 with many dressed in European type clothes similar to the settlers. They had flintlock guns, English ceramic dishware made from 1780 to 1820, and European bone cutlery and utensils, examples of which were recovered in a Cherokee site excavation on the Red River in Miller County in 1991. The Arkansas and Louisiana Archaeological Societies made a dig there and another dig near Tyler, Texas, under the supervision of the Southern Arkansas University Archaeological Department. The survey team dated the arrival of an estimated sixty (Chickamauga) Cherokee families in Arkansas from 1790 to 1800. They first settled north of the Arkansas River. However, after an inter-tribal rivalry, they moved to the Red River on the “Lost Prairie,” six miles northwest of Garland City.

Their leader was Chief Bowles, whose Indian name was Chief Duwala. His father was Scottish and his mother was Cherokee. They were driven out of the Arkansas Territory in 1819 in a one-sided gun battle with two companies (about four hundred men) of the Arkansas Militia. The group eventually settled near Tyler, Texas, where the Texas Militia in 1839, at the Battle of the Neches River, drove the Cherokee and other plains Indians into Oklahoma.

Who were the Choctaw?

The Choctaw Nation inhabited southern Mississippi and Alabama. They were a peaceful Nation and had a long history of farming, trade, and prosperity with the French and Spanish. This was before the Mississippi Valley was considered territory for expansion of the early Thirteen Colonies. The Choctaw hunted and had ties with small tribes west of the Mississippi River. They were referred to as the Western Choctaws. They were successful and lived in log cabins similar to the settlers.

Many Choctaw had sufficient money to relocate west of the Mississippi and had become dependent upon the trade goods of guns, tools, blankets, cloth, utensils, and colorful dishes made in England, France, Spain, and the Colonies. They and the Cherokees considered themselves the rightful owners of the lands upon which they lived, farmed, and hunted because of the continuing treaties permitting them to be in Arkansas and Louisiana.

In 1803, the Louisiana Purchase was intended to solve the growing Indian problem as the settlers moved west. The national policy proposed to move all Indians west of the Mississippi River, except those that chose to live among the pioneers under the authority of the particular state’s laws. The British, in the War of 1812, interrupted this policy when they attempted to capture New Orleans. However, the effort was successfully defended by General Andrew Jackson, but not without the assistance of his long time friends, the Choctaw tribal chiefs of southern Mississippi. After the war ended in 1814, the United States continued to depend upon the Choctaw Nation who assisted in the Creek Indian Wars and the capture of Pensacola, which led to the cession of Florida to the United States in 1819.

The United States began its Removal Policy with the Treaty of Doaks Stand in 1820. In this treaty, the Choctaw were given all lands west of the Mississippi River lying north of the Red River and south of the Arkansas River as far as those rivers shall run. There was a second modification in 1825 after the Arkansas Territorial Legislature became upset with the incoming Choctaws. The 1830 Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek followed when President Andrew Jackson (1829-1837) made the final and very favorable treaty of removal with his friends.

President Jackson would depend upon the Choctaw to peacefully show the way for the other four civilized tribes. His selling point was that the United States could no longer protect them from the advancing, land-hungry settlers (with their divine destiny). They must go or abide by strict state laws that outlawed their leadership and ceremonies. However, under the treaty, the remaining tribes that chose to leave Mississippi could not settle in Arkansas or Louisiana. They had to continue to southeast Oklahoma under the domain of the U.S. Army. They could keep the rights to claim land in Arkansas but would have to sell those rights to raise money for resettlement in Oklahoma.

The treaty modifications from 1820 to 1830 were necessary because the Choctaw arriving in Arkansas after the 1820 treaty found too many settlers already on the land. The government had to move either the Arkansas settlers or move the boundaries west. Arkansas Congressmen put pressure on Washington, and the boundaries were adjusted not once, but twice.

The Choctaw who stayed in Union County agreed to abide by state and county laws. These Indians were generally of mixed blood and had motivation to be assimilated into society under whatever laws would follow.

There was a Chaffie Creek Band of Choctaws who, since the early 1800s, had been living southwest of Ecore Fabre where the Creek crosses Cash Road in present day Camden. In 1836, the same year Arkansas was admitted into the Union, this band chose to move on to Oklahoma. Their farms were located on and near the Tate Farm on Chaffie Trail just north of Fairview Road. Today the Ralph Hale family has a collection of ca. 1800 settler cabins visible on the north side of Fairview Road.

Chief Cheffo, the Creeks’ namesake, led the Chaffie Band. The band was associated with a larger group living southwest of Monroe. Some Chaffie Band members had married slaves in the area and remained behind in Union County.

The state and Sheriff were not inclined to worry about the assimilating friendly Indians. They were likely good help, good neighbors, kinfolks of friends, and a source of survival knowledge. It is generally told that Choctaw Indians helped Lawson Smith build the first cabin in the Lawson community east of today’s El Dorado and near the old Hillsboro Road into north Louisiana. (The Hillsboro Road, later to come out of Calhoun County crossing near Miller’s Bluff through Norphlet and El Dorado, may be the early connecting link to the “Arkansas Road,” (now LA State 15, south of Farmerville and Lake D’Arbonne into West Monroe.)

It is interesting to note that General Matthew Arbuckle at Fort Smith was only ordered to remove all Indians north of the Arkansas River to Oklahoma, which included the Cherokee. This was completed by 1828. Neither before nor after the Army’s removal of the Choctaw during 1831-1833 has there been any evidence of further removal or official requests for removal of the Choctaw from old Union County. Some Cherokee may have come south because it was common knowledge that the government was not trying to remove the Choctaw Indians from South Arkansas or North Louisiana.

The Choctaw Survey (**See footnote about this Survey.)

After the Choctaw removals, the United States required the army to change the removal procedures. The Chickasaws, Creeks, and Seminoles were removed along the Military Road from Memphis to Fort Smith, or by steamboat from Florida up the Arkansas River to Fort Smith. These tribes had little opportunity, except the Creeks, to assimilate into the Arkansas population. Numerous South Arkansas and Union County land titles originate from the survey required after the 1820 treaty and from warrants issued after the 1830 Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek. After the 1820 Treaty of Doak’s Stand, the United States began the official Survey of Arkansas Lands near today’s Arkansas City. The Initial Point of the “Choctaw Survey” became the Base Line of the Fifth Principal Meridian from which all lands in Arkansas, Missouri, and several other states continue to be surveyed. Purchased land could not be recorded accurately until the Government Survey Maps were recorded in each county of these states. The base line passing through south Little Rock is known as Base Line Road.

After the 1830 Treaty, the Choctaw Chiefs, acting through trustees, sold and delivered the warrants of claim land to settlers, politicians, and possibly some mixed blood Choctaw and Cherokee Indians in south Arkansas using their Christian names. A total of five hundred Certificates were issued for warrants recorded at the Washington and Champanolle Land Offices.

Dr. Berry Lee Moore remembers the story that his great-great-grandfather Alexander Moore (ca. 1700s-1860s) entered Union County from Louisiana (possibly using the Vicksburg Trail) into the Three Creeks area on State Highway 15 West. He made a trip over the trails of the day to Hot Springs to purchase warrants from Choctaw Chiefs to claim the land on which he started his large farm. Much of that land is still owned by his descendants today.

Why are there Cherokee in Union County?

This answer is not easy. Until 1803 the French and Spanish had a long history of trading posts and forts in the New Orleans District (Louisiana Territory) to accommodate the trappers and traders

with the Indian Nations. These included Fort Miro (Monroe) on the Ouachita River and the Arkansas Post on the Arkansas River.

The Natchitoches fort and the St. Louis des Caddoches (Caddo) post were on the Red River. Caddo Post was near the boundary of what would become the Arkansas Territory. The Caddo Indians were the dominant tribe in north Louisiana, east Texas, and southwest Arkansas. The Caddo, Tunica, and Quapaw had been the principal Historical Tribes (1700-1835) in South Arkansas. There were interconnecting trails/roads between Ft. Miro and the Arkansas Post.

Fort Saint Louis was near the confluence of the Missouri, Mississippi and Ohio Rivers, the principal arteries of travel for frontier America. France and Spain used Fort St. Louis and the Arkansas Post for communication and trade with the Quapaw and Osage Indians across Southern Missouri. The Osage hunted and lived for extended periods in North Arkansas. They wanted the convenient trade with the closer Arkansas Post, but were denied that right.

The Spanish Governor in New Orleans favored the taxes paid by the more prosperous St. Louis traders. He denied the Arkansas Post’s traders the right to trade with the Osage. The Osage blamed the Quapaw and fighting broke out between the two tribes and a small contingent of five or so troops at the Arkansas Post. The settlers and trappers were reduced to great poverty, and their lives were at great risk caught between the two tribes. Settlers were warned to stay away from Arkansas. The Quapaw Nation was reduced in number by sickness; and into this void or weakness of the Quapaw, the Cherokee began arriving north of the Arkansas River as early as the 1780s. Chief Bowles, the Scot half-breed, led a clan of Cherokees from east Tennessee to the St. Francis River (northeast Arkansas) area in 1794.

Between 1808 and 1810, the United States Government entered into a treaty with all Cherokee wishing to leave the east Tennessee area to be relocated between the White River and the Arkansas River. This group was called the Cherokee West and included the educated Chief Sequoyah who lived and set up a printing press near Dardanelle. This was twenty-eight years before the infamous Cherokee Trail of Tears through north Arkansas in l838-1839.

However, no one received permission from the Osage for the Cherokee to have the Osage lands. They became a warring enemy with the Cherokee, but the Cherokee brought more and better guns when they came to Arkansas. They were aggressive. Villages would be wiped out. The Army had to be called in from Fort Smith to maintain peace. By 1828, General Matthew Arbuckle of Fort Smith succeeded in obtaining a treaty of removal to Oklahoma with the remaining Cherokee, Osage, Shawnee, as well as other clans, north of the Arkansas River. This writer concludes that the Cherokee in Union County arrived as small family groups moving into south Arkansas before and after the Civil War.

In the 1920s, they came (many on foot) to the notorious El Dorado-Smackover oil boom for work. The roads were so dangerous that they often hid in the woods if they heard other travelers ahead or behind. They also came from north Alabama and Oklahoma. Mrs. Arnold of Norphlet says her grandfather, with another family member, walked from Mount Ida to Smackover. When they earned enough money, they returned for their families.

What was the Choctaw Trail of Tears?

The Choctaw began to move in response to the 1820 Treaty of Doaks Stand (named after a trading post). The Choctaw, favored by General Jackson, were given the lands north of the Red River and south of the Arkansas River, which is south Arkansas and north Louisiana. The Choctaw Nation recognized the government policy and accepted the trade goods given with the deal, but they never got around to making the move. However, under the pressure of the Mississippi State Legislature, some clans and families began to move. As early as 1821, the Doaks family moved their trading post to southeast Oklahoma between Broken Bow and Hugo. They established their group on a hill above and north of a fresh water spring flowing three million gallons per day. By 1830, Fort Towson was built on the hill south of the spring. Today, Doaksville and Fort Towson have disappeared, but the spring still supplies municipal water to nearby towns in southeast Oklahoma.

Fort Towson was the registration destination of all Choctaws arriving in Oklahoma during and after the U.S. Army supervised the Choctaw Trail of Tears out of Mississippi from 1831 through l833. An estimated 15,000 people arrived in Oklahoma by 1836.

During the first phase of the removal, the army collected 3,000 Choctaws in Memphis and another 3,000 in Vicksburg. The Vicksburg group was transported by steamboat from Vicksburg down the Mississippi past Natchez and up the Red, Black, and Ouachita Rivers to Camden. The Choctaws walked from Camden through Clarks Mill (Hope area), Washington, and passed south of today’s DeQueen to the territorial boundary, a place called Ultima Thule, “the jumping off place,” then on to Fort Towson for registration. The army supplied wagons for supplies and to transport the feeblest. An estimated 1,000 died of each group of 3,000. There were 3,000 Choctaws escorted in 1832 by the Army from Memphis to Little Rock, through the Hot Springs area, passing just north of today’s DeQueen, and on to Fort Towson. An estimated 1,000 died. A monument just north of DeQueen on US 70 commemorates this Trail of Tears today.

In 1833, the Army escorted 1,000 Choctaws from Memphis to Little Rock, and then on foot on the recently completed Military Road aligned with US 64 near the north bank of the Arkansas River to Fort Smith.

The Vicksburg group in 1831 are the only Choctaws officially recorded as having traveled through south Arkansas or Louisiana on what is now described as the Choctaw Trail of Tears. No Cherokees are recognized as traveling on foot into or through South Arkansas or North Louisiana. This writer believes some Cherokee clans or families came through with Choctaw families. Some of the mixed breeds may have had brothers or sisters who had cross-tribe relatives.

The writer’s inquiry at the Hugo City Library and the Choctaw Nation Administrative Headquarters in Durant, Oklahoma, found no reference to any other Choctaw history across South Arkansas or North Louisiana except the 3,000 boated up the Ouachita River to Camden. Additional research at the various museums and libraries in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Little Rock, Arkansas, and Monroe, Louisiana found no other references. The writer in researching Internet sites found no references, to date, of any Choctaw remaining in South Arkansas. There may be a cultural bias within the Choctaw Nations of Mississippi and Oklahoma. It may be easier to ignore mention of descendants living in Arkansas or Louisiana who did not choose to join either group. The stronger argument is made that the assimilating Choctaw deliberately did not talk to others, to their children, or to outsiders about their new life or identity. Most of the descendants interviewed in South Arkansas emphasize that their parents and grand parents did not talk about it.

Why write this story?

This article is written to draw attention to the need for more information from readers who are challenged to look back into their own family history for any information that can document the Choctaw and Cherokee presence in south Arkansas, how that person or family came into south Arkansas or north Louisiana, when and where did the ancestor come from, or go, if they left the area at a later date.

There are over 20,000 Choctaw who left Mississippi who either did not want to become part of the reservations in Oklahoma or found safety living and farming in the wilderness of South Arkansas and North Louisiana. It is estimated that there were no more than fifty settler families living in all of old Union County in the1820s. Since the Indians were not counted in the early censuses, it is impossible to know how many settled here or the number of Choctaw women that stayed in the area as wives and mothers of the expanding population of trappers, pioneers, settlers, and slaves. What is meaningful about this silent and unrecognized history is the large number of South Arkansans who are descendants of Choctaw and Cherokee ancestors who once lived in South Arkansas or North Louisiana.

- END -

REFERENCE WORKS

Arnold, Morris S. Colonial Arkansas 1686-1804: A Social and Cultural History. Fayetteville: U. of Arkansas P. 1991.

Bolton, Charles S. Arkansas 1800-1860: Remote and Restless. Fayetteville: U. of Arkansas P. 1998.

“Choctaw Commemorate 490-mile Forced Walk.” Daily Oklahoman, 31 July 2000.

Cordell, Anna Harmon. Dates and Data of Union County, Arkansas 1541-1948. Monroe, LA: Century Printing and Publishing, 1984.

Debo, Angie. The Rise and Fall of the Choctaw Republic. 1934. Norman: U. of Oklahoma P. 1961.

Ingenthron, Elmo. Indians of the Ozark Plateau. Point Lookout, MO: School of the Ozarks P. 1970.

Kidwell, Clara Sue. “Beguilement and Guile: The Removal of the Choctaw Indians to the West.” Trail of Tears Symposium. North Little Rock, Arkansas. 17-18 Apr. 1996. Little Rock, AR: Dept. of Arkansas Heritage, n.p., 25-36.

Kilgore, Nettie Hicks. History of Columbia County. ms. Reported by Dora L. Aldridge in her article about the history of Waldo (Lamartine), 1980s.

McCrocklin, Claude. “Lost Prairie Cherokee Presentation.” South Arkansas Chapter of the Arkansas Archeology Society. Arkansas Archeological Survey. Southern Arkansas University, Magnolia. 14 May 2002.

McGimsey, Charles R. Indians of Arkansas. Popular Ser.1. Fayetteville: AR. Arkansas Archeological Survey, 1969.

Sabo, George. Paths of Our Children: Historic Indians of Arkansas. Popular Ser.3. Fayetteville: AR. Arkansas Archeological Survey, 1992.

Whayne, Jeannie. Cultural Encounters in the Early South. Fayetteville: U. of Arkansas P. 1995.
……………….
** (Correction Footnote – 8-6-03) The Choctaw Survey paragraph (pg 5 or 37) is an incorrect statement! It should read:

LOUISIANA PURCHASE SURVEY

A Land Survey was necessary to expand into the new 1803 “Louisiana Purchase” Territory (Tract) west of the Mississippi River. The survey was delayed until the War of 1812 with Great Britain ended in 1814.

The Initial Point for the beginning of the survey was established in old Arkansas County. The descriptive legal name given this starting point was the “Initial Point of the 5th Principal Meridian”. The Base Line for further measuring these lands can be observed in Little Rock, Arkansas as Base Line Street.

The Survey commenced from two points near the Mississippi River in 1815 and was completed in Arkansas about 1850. The Base Line and the North/South Meridian crossed for the Initial Point 22 miles south of Brinkley, AR at the intersection of today’s Lee, Monroe and Phillips Counties The Initial Point is located in a 37acres headwater cypress swamp managed by the Arkansas “Louisiana Purchase State Park”. There is an interpretative boardwalk out to a granite commemoration marker for a view of the site.

The Survey of the Louisiana Purchase Tract physically marked the lands so that recording a deed with a correct description could complete a land purchase. It was urgent for the Veterans of the War of 1812 to claim their land at the Government Land Offices. The Government needed the survey to determine what Public Lands were to be opened for homesteading, for town developments, what would be needed for State and County Governments, and Schools. The completed survey would be followed with commercial dealings, and private land ownership by ordinary people, a unique American political freedom.

Warrants To Claim Land were given to the tribe clans in the 1st Choctaw Treaty of Doaks Stand of 1820, and later in the 1830 Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek. Settlers were limited in the number of acres they could homestead. By purchasing the Choctaw or Military Warrants, or anyone’s acquired Warrants the settlers and speculators could claim and own larger tracts. Various ways were created by individuals to acquire larger tracks of the homesteaded lands. Getting elected or appointed to public office at the state level opened doors to land deals. Several pioneer families started in Union County, but they or their children soon moved on to Little Rock to be closer to the political action.

When Complete. All persons claiming land by Warrant would have to wait for the U.S. Surveyors to complete their work and the U.S Government Survey Office in St. Louis to get the final documents recorded in each of the County Court Houses existing at that time. Old Union County would not be surveyed until the 1830s and the Surveys recorded around 1845 and after.

(Worth Camp, Jr. is a native of El Dorado, Attorney at Law, CAPT, US Navy Reserve Retired, and a former Arkansas State Representative.)
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TGIF-Today God Is First
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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Knowledge + Action = Faith
-----------------------------------
Friday, March 04, 2005
by Os Hillman

For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith. ~ Hebrews 4:2

The people of Israel were called out of the bondage of Egyptian slavery. God said they would be brought out of 400 years of slavery so that they might worship Him. God desired to bring them into a place of milk and honey - the Promised Land. Yet that generation never entered into the Promised Land. Why? They never took what they knew in their head and transferred it to their heart. Finally, it never resulted in actions that were based on what they believed.

When I was a new Christian I heard an illustration of what belief and faith looked like when combined. If you were a trapeze artist and were skilled at walking across tightropes over high places, you might even be willing to walk across Niagara Falls. In fact, I would have confidence that you could because I had seen your abilities as a trapeze artist. However, if you asked me if you could push me in a wheelbarrow across Niagara Falls, you would be challenging me to put my beliefs into action. This requires faith, participation, and risk, which, until now, was based only on mental assent.

The writer of Hebrews is telling us that if we believe God but do not enter in to those promises, we are like the man who chooses not to get into the wheelbarrow. If we don't act on our beliefs, then we remain in the desert like the people of Israel who never received God's promises. They did not combine what they knew in their head with a faith that was put into action.

Has God spoken to you about an area in your life that requires a step of faith? Let God provide the courage, as He does the knowledge, to act in faith on what you believe.

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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NewsScan Daily, 2005 ("Above The Fold")
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"ABOVE THE FOLD"

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ESTHER DYSON EXPANDS HER HORIZON
The Internet guru and venture capitalist Esther Dyson is putting on a conference in Scottsdale, Arizona, called Flight School, the purpose of which will be to explore the best ways of putting real people into space. Dyson says, "Nobody's holding a space conference, so I decided to do one. It's not that there aren't space conferences, but nothing as tacky and commercial as we want to be... The initial people who are interested are billionaires, but the goal is to do things like build a space elevators and have people live on Mars." (New York Times 28 Feb 2005)


THE SOCIAL LIFE OF INNOVATION
Reed Hastings, founder of the online movie rental business company Netflix, is proud that "in 2000, 2001, very few people -- including Blockbuster -- thought that online rental would be a large, profitable business. We are amazed that Blockbuster waited five years and for us to get to $500 million in revenue in their core business. Amazon, we're not amazed. Clearly it's an optional market for them." Asked by an interviewer which companies he looks to for inspiration, Hastings cited HBO and Starbucks, because they "innovated in content distribution in a substantial way." And he pointed out: "Importantly, they're not technology examples. It's not about coding faster. The thing that has made a big difference in our continued evolution is we find consumers are very social and they want to talk about movies. And so we just launched this Friends program, where subscribers can give each other permission and then share each other's movie ratings and queue and other aspects. It makes it a lot more fun to see what your friends are watching. That's an example of the kind of innovation we're doing." (San Jose Mercury News 28 Feb 2005)


CREATOR OF MACINTOSH DIES AT 61
Jef Raskin, the computer interface expert and polymath who conceived Apple's Macintosh computer, has died at 61 of pancreatic cancer. Raskin had been a computer science professor before joining Apple in 1978 as it 31st employee. He left the company three years later, and formed a company called Information Appliance, and began work on his book "The Humane Interface." Besides his computer-related activities, he was a respected mathematician and he conducted the San Francisco Chamber Opera Society, played three instruments, and created artwork that's displayed at New York's Museum of Modern Art. He also received a patent for airplane wing construction, and was an accomplished archer, target shooter and occasional race car driver. Some of the letters he sent to NewsScan can be found in our archives, and our interview with him for Ubiquity is archived at
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man. (AP 28 Feb 2005)


BEEP WHEN YOU SCORE... OR VIBRATE
The organization that makes the rules for world soccer will use this year's under-17 world championship games to test a soccer ball containing a microchip that signals when it crosses the goal line. The ball was produced in part by Adidas. When it crosses the line, the microchip transmits a signal to a watchlike device on the referee's wrist, and either beeps or vibrates. International Football Association Board official Sepp Blatter says, "Not a day goes by without technology making progress. We therefore have a duty to at least examine whether new technology could be used in football ["soccer" to Americans]." (AP 26 Feb 2005)


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HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: RICHARD P. FEYNMAN
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the American physicist Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988), one of the most celebrated and revered scientists of modern times.
As a theoretical physicist, Feynman's main contribution was his highly original work in quantum mechanics. Among his noteworthy contributions was his use of diagrams (now called Feynman diagrams) that were graphic analogues of the mathematical expressions employed in describing the behavior of systems of interacting particles. In recognition of his work he received a Nobel Prize and numerous other honors. Towards the end of his life, a final recognition came for his fascinating account of the critical role he played in the investigation of the space shuttle Challenger explosion in 1986.
Feynman was the first-born son of Melville and Lucille Feynman, who nurtured his early interest in mathematics and science. He attended the public schools of Far Rockaway, New York, and in his final year of high school he won the New York University Math Championship. He did his undergraduate work at MIT and his doctoral work at Princeton, and was caught up in the atomic bomb project, first at Princeton and then at Los Alamos after he received his doctorate in 1942.
After World War II, Feynman was appointed a professor of theoretical physics at Cornell University, where he devoted himself to teaching. While he enjoyed teaching and was a brilliant lecturer, he gradually developed the desire to return to the quantum theory research he had put aside for his World War II work. This motivated him to take a position as professor of theoretical physics at Caltech, where he remained for the rest of his career.
Feynman died in 1988 at the UCLA Medical Center after an eight-year battle with abdominal cancer. Today his influence lives on in his books and recorded lectures, including his popularizations of physics in such publications as "QED: The Strange Theory of Light and Matter" and the classic three-volume textbook, "The Feynman Lectures on Physics" (which contain his four years of lectures at Caltech and which undergraduate majors in physics still find inspiring).
On the occasion of Feynman's death, onetime Caltech president Marvin Goldberger described him as "a towering figure in 20th century physics, always curious, always modest, always ebullient, always willing to share his deep insights with students and colleagues."
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Activities and Events of Interest
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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 25 in Taji, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated while they were on dismounted patrol. Killed were:
01. Spc. Adam N. Brewer, 22, of Dewey, Okla.
02. Spc. Jason L. Moski, 24, of Blackville, S.C.
03. Spc. Colby M. Farnan, 22, of Weston, Mo.
Brewer was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 7th Cavalry Regiment, Fort Hood, Texas. Moski and Farnan were assigned to the 4th Battalion, 1st Field Artillery, Fort Riley, Kan.

04. Lance Cpl. Andrew W. Nowacki, 24, of South Euclid, Ohio, died Feb. 26 from wounds received as a result of hostile action in Babil Province, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Erie, Pa.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 26 in Abertha, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated while they were on patrol. Both Soldiers were assigned to the Army's 6th Squadron, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga. The Soldiers are:

05. Pfc. Min S. Choi, 21, of River Vale, N.J.
06. Pvt. Landon S. Giles, 19, of Indiana, Penn

07. Staff Sgt. Alexander B. Crackel, 31, of Wilstead Bedford, United Kingdom, died Feb. 24 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq, from injuries sustained from enemy small arms fire. Crackel was assigned to the Army's 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, Camp Hovey, Korea.

08. Pfc. Chassan S. Henry, 20, of West Palm Beach, Fla., died Feb. 25 in Ramadi, Iraq, from injuries sustained from an explosion while he was conducting combat operations. Henry was assigned to the Army's 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2d Infantry Division, Camp Hovey, Korea.

09. Spc. Michael S. Deem, 35, of Rockledge, Fla., died Feb. 24 in Baghdad, Iraq, from non-combat related injuries. Deem was assigned to the Army's Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

10. 2nd Lt. Richard B. Gienau, 29, of Peoria, Ill., died Feb. 27 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device hit his military vehicle. Gienau was assigned to the Army National Guard's 224th Engineer Battalion, Burlington, Iowa.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died from injuries sustained in a military vehicle accident that occurred Feb. 28 in Bayji, Iraq. Both Soldiers were assigned to the Army's 360th Transportation Company, 68th Corps Support Battalion, 43rd Area Support Group, Fort Carson, Colo.
11. Sgt. Julio E. Negron, 28, of Pompano Beach, Fla., died in Bayji on Feb. 28.
12. Spc. Lizbeth Robles, 31, of Vega Baja, Puerto Rico, died at the 228th Command Support Hospital in Tikirt, Iraq, on March 1.

13. Pfc. Danny L. Anderson, 29, of Corpus Christi, Texas, died Feb. 27 in Baghdad, Iraq, from injuries sustained from small arms fire. Anderson was assigned to the Army's 26th Forward Support Battalion, 2nd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

14. Spc. Robert S. Pugh, 25, of Meridian, Miss., died Mar. 2 in Iskandariyah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle. Pugh was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry, McComb, Miss.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The soldiers died on Mar. 2 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their military vehicle. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 69th Infantry Regiment, Manhattan, New York, N. Y. The Soldiers are:
15. Spc. Azhar Ali, 27 of Flushing, N.Y.
16. Spc. Wai P. Lwin, 27, of Queens, N.Y.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.
Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett, 12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Psa 61:1-4 Heb 13:20-21 Zec 4:6 Jer 44:9-10 Rom 7:22-8:2
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of African Sunsets (thanks to Daphne Roberts.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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