Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Time To Go

Volume 7, Issue 05

Hello ALL,

It’s been a rough week for us. Annette didn’t have to go back to the hospital, but both of us have suffered from SARS (South Arkansas Respiratory Syndrome). Annette called Dr. Murphy and got some medicine and I finally saw Dr. Pullig at the plant on Wednesday.
He loaded me up with medications and my respiratory complaints have improved. Unfortunately, all this aggravated my sinuses and I ended up with an abscessed tooth. So it was back to the Doctor (Dr. Payne) on Thursday. He sent me back to Dr. Pullig for a couple of shots (an antibiotic for the tooth and a “WONDERFUL” pain killer.)
Today, we’re moving slow but feeling much better, thanks to prayers and modern medicine.
I appreciate my coworkers’ kindness in giving me an impromptu birthday party at lunch today. The Apple Dumplings (made with “Splenda”) and “no sugar added” ice cream were GREAT.
~~~~~
Speaking of sore throats, a friend of ours always kept a piece of hard candy by his bed. This was to suck on if he woke in the night with a dry throat.
A few years back he had to file on his insurance for loss of one of his hearing aids, the small, hard plastic, in the ear kind.
Seems that each night he’d take his hearing aids out and lay them on the nightstand. One morning he awoke to find one hearing aid and one piece of hard candy laying on his night stand.
~~~~~
Speaking of health, many of Magnolia’s Tanning Salons are advertising “Hot New Bulbs”. What better way to prepare for your own personal fight with skin cancer. - - http://cpmcnet.columbia.edu/texts/gcps/gcps0022.html
~~~~~
Local news that’s too good to miss;
The Columbia County Coon Hunter’s Club gave $1,000 to Cole Eason’s Brain Surgery Fund. The club held a benefit hunt and auction to raise money for Cole’s medical expenses.
~~~~~
Daphne Roberts was back at work today. She’s been in Kenya on a missions trip. She’s full of stories of the places she saw, the people she met and the adventures they shared.
While in Kenya, she shared the story of creation and the fall of Man during the team’s daily Gospel lessons to the tribes they met.
She reports amazing numbers of people healed and saved. They planted 4 churches while there and hope to return in July to plant more.
~~~~~
The Culture at the CLOC regional Library is as diverse as Magnolia. It struck me last week as I walked in to recheck a book. There was a group of people studying, using the Internet computers for research. Another group was combing the shelves for the latest mystery novels.
Some were writing, some were reading, some were looking over the papers and magazines.
Children were checking out books and some were sitting on the couches discussing the books they had checked out.
You ought to stop in some time and see who’s doing what at the local library.
~~~~~
Local Hams will Commemorate Emerson’s 100th Birthday on Tuesday.
On February 8, 1905, a court order officially made Emerson a town.

According to Emerson Mayor Joe Mullins, most of the centennial celebrations will be incorporated into this year’s PurpleHull Pea Festival, which will be June 24 and 25. But this weekend, a group of local amateur “ham” radio operators will begin celebrating the town’s 100th birthday.

The PurpleHull Pea Amateur Radio Club will be operating a special event station at the Emerson Community Center Saturday and Sunday, from 9:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m.

“We’ll be talking to other people all over the United States, and some outside the country as well, by shortwave radio, and letting them know about Emerson’s centennial” said Mullins, who also happens to be a ham radio operator. “Everybody is welcome to come by and visit.”

Amateur radio operators are licensed by the Federal Communications Commission once they successfully pass a test in electronics and operating rules and regulations. They provide crucial assistance in disaster situations when other forms of communications are not working. During the ice storm of late 2000, the only method of communication Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee had with certain parts of western Arkansas was via ham radio.

Hams also volunteer their skills with certain community events, such as the PurpleHull Pea Festival.

“There are a very large number of ham radio operators who help with the festival each year,” said Mullins. “Last year, we formed the PurpleHull Pea Amateur Radio Club, and got a special club radio call sign, K5PEA, from the FCC. We’ll have a station set up at festival this year as well.”

The station will be operating on frequencies on or near 7.263 and 14.263 MHz. More information about the PurpleHull Pea Amateur Radio Club is available at www.purplehull.com/hams.
Contact person: Bill Dailey (501) 315-7373, Cell (501) 416-4657
Email: purplehull@juno.com
Web site: www.purplehull.com
~~~~~
A pair of physicians groups on Wednesday recommended increasingly aggressive treatment for newly diagnosed diabetes patients.
While lifestyle changes such as losing weight, exercising and watching the diet are often recommended for people with Type 2 diabetes, the new recommendations urge physicians to treat the disease aggressively early, often with two or more drugs.
The goal is to quickly get blood sugar levels as close to normal as possible, said Dr. Harold Lebovitz of SUNY Downstate Medical Center in New York.
In addition, people at high risk for developing diabetes should be screened starting at age 30, the American College of Endocrinology and the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists said.
"If we don't get them diagnosed early we miss an opportunity to prevent complications later in life," said Dr. Jaime A. Davidson of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School in Dallas.
Complications from diabetes can include heart and nerve disease, eye damage and amputation of limbs. - - http://apnews.excite.com/article/20050202/D880HTOO2.html
~~~~~
A dispute with the broadcaster resulted in the Shreveport NBC affiliate (KTAL) being taken off cable in the ArkLaTex. Our local cable replaced it with the HBO Family Channel.

This afternoon, that channel broadcast a documentary on Rosa Parks and the beginning of the Civil Rights movement.

George Santayana said; "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

I fear that the vast majority of our citizens are clueless about the past, especially about racial issues.

They don't know that in the time of our youth, you could call the sheriff and he or his deputies would severely beat a black man who "talked back" to a white.

They don't know that blacks couldn't go to the movie (except to sit in the balcony of the Malco and watch old movies.)

They don't know that blacks couldn't work in most jobs, simply because they didn't have the social contacts.

That's one of the things that I split with GWBush on. I believe that we'd be much further behind in racial equality without affirmative action. For the simple reason that most people tend to hire people they know.

If you don't have black friends, you're unlikely to hire black strangers. Without affirmative action, many employers would still be hiring "whites only". Not intentionally, but the effect would be the same.

[Bug’s Note: We’d welcome your ideas on this subject.]
~~~~~
Caramay worked for my mother as a cook and sometimes babysitter. As a child, I loved Caramay because she was young, fun, playful and also because she wouldn’t put up with my nonsense.
As an adult, I still love her. We saw Caramay at the Feed House Tuesday. She looks as young as she did 40 years ago when she was helping raise me. She has five grandchildren and five great grandchildren.
~~~~~
Talking on a cell phone makes you drive like a retiree - even if you're only a teen, a new study shows. A report from the University of Utah says when motorists between 18 and 25 talk on cell phones, they drive like elderly people - moving and reacting more slowly and increasing their risk of accidents.
"If you put a 20-year-old driver behind the wheel with a cell phone, his reaction times are the same as a 70-year-old driver," said David Strayer, a University of Utah psychology professor and principal author of the study. "It's like instant aging."
And it doesn't matter whether the phone is hand-held or hands free, he said. Any activity requiring a driver to "actively be part of a conversation" likely will impair driving abilities, Strayer said.
In fact, motorists who talk on cell phones are more impaired than drunken drivers with blood-alcohol levels exceeding 0.08, Strayer and colleague Frank Drews, an assistant professor of psychology, found during research conducted in 2003.

Their new study appears in this winter's issue of Human Factors, the quarterly journal of the Human Factors and Ergonomics Society. - - http://apnews.excite.com/article/20050202/D880CAJG0.html
~~~~~
Costly illnesses trigger about half of all personal bankruptcies, and most of those who go bankrupt because of medical problems have health insurance, according to findings from a Harvard University study to be released Wednesday.

Researchers from Harvard's law and medical schools said the findings underscore the inadequacy of many private insurance plans that offer worst-case catastrophic coverage, but little financial security for less severe illnesses.

"Unless you're Bill Gates, you're just one serious illness away from bankruptcy," said Dr. David Himmelstein, the study's lead author and an associate professor of medicine. "Most of the medically bankrupt were average Americans who happened to get sick."

The study, to be published online Wednesday by the journal Health Affairs, distributed questionnaires to 1,771 bankruptcy filers in 2001 in California, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Tennessee and Texas. That year, there were 1.46 million personal bankruptcies in the United States.

More than 900 of those questioned underwent more detailed interviews about their financial and medical circumstances for what the authors say is the first in-depth study of medical causes of personal bankruptcies, which have risen rapidly in recent years.

Illness and medical bills were cited as the cause, at least in part, for 46.2 percent of the personal bankruptcies in the study... - - http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050202/D880FCQG0.html
~~~~~
... Election Day in Iraq, where the turnout was unexpectedly high and the mood jubilant. As many as 8 million people, or almost 60 percent of eligible voters, cast ballots, sometimes within earshot of insurgents' repeated mortar, rocket, machine gun, and suicide attacks, which proved less deadly than feared but still killed 44. "The election was a victory of our own making," Iraq's national security chief told the New York Times. "Today, the Iraqi people voted with their own blood."
... the director of a polling station in a Sunni area of Baghdad told the Washington Post. "No one has ever witnessed this before. For a half-century, no one has seen anything like it. And we did it ourselves."
According to the Post's ambitious lead--which wraps together reporting from several staffers and 12 Iraqi stringers in eight cities--the battle-weary country "took on the veneer of a festival, as crowds danced, chanted and played soccer in streets secured by thousands of Iraqi and American forces." Everyone notes that many voters ventured to the polls in their best clothes, often accompanied by their children, and returned proudly brandishing their indigo-stained fingers. In a Baghdad scene piece, the NYT's John Burns writes, "Foreigners who have been visiting Iraq for 15 years and knew the tension that crackled under Mr. Hussein could remember no other day when the city, in wide areas, seemed so much at ease."
And so it was a rare day in which, according to USA Today and the NYT, both Al Jazeera and Fox News broadcasted much of the same upbeat news. The newspapers, for their part, all post moving photo galleries.
Most of the papers say up high that voting in some Sunni areas exceeded the meager expectations. In one Sunni neighborhood in Baghdad, election officials told the WP that 1,500 of 2,500 residents made it to the polls. The Post implies that turnout in Sunni areas increased throughout the day as attacks turned out to be less deadly and widespread than advertised.
...
Thanks to newsletters@slate.com.
~~~~~
We got a prayer request from one of our favorite readers. She asked us to pray for her dad, Charlie Burnett. He had emergency open heart surgery Friday, the 14th and was still in the hospital the 27th...He was diagnosed with bone cancer, it is in the top of his back on down to his hips...He trusts that God can heal him...
Please pray for Charlie Burnett whenever you can.
~~~~~
Do we need a UFO Officer?!
-----------------------------------
The following excerpt appeared in Fire Officer's Guide to Disaster Control by William M. Kramer and Charles W. Bahme. It is copyright (c) 1992 by Fire Engineering Books & Videos.

CHAPTER 13: ENEMY ATTACK AND UFO POTENTIAL FEW RESIDENTS of the United States, except for those in Hawaii, have experienced an enemy attack on their hometown in this century...
--------------------------------------
THE UFO THREAT--A FACT
In this chapter we will now turn our attention to the very real threat posed by Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs)...
...
UFO Hazards
The two principal hazards noted with relation to UFOs have been attributed to powerful electrical fields which they can project in a general or localized area and the psychological effects they have produced on the general populace or individual contacts.
...
CONCLUSION
Some fire chiefs have little confidence in disaster plans, especially those dealing with UFOs or enemy attack. ... With a good plan, good leadership, and adequate resources, you may save many lives in any disaster, including attack from possible enemies.
...
Agency, 1974, p.7, U.S. Government Printing Office, Washington, D.C.
....
Thanks to Barry Brownlee
~~~~~
Should you not want to cook on a Sunday.............

First United Methodist Church child development center is hosting a fish fry Sunday, February 6, 2005 -- 11:00 am - 1:00 pm – Dine in or carry out $10.00 includes fish, fries, slaw, hushpuppies and drink
Proceeds go to new playground equipment
Contact Don Vash (235-6112) for tickets
~~~~~
Other upcoming events of interest;
Magnolia Arts Council’s “Open Mic Night”, Tuesday, Feb. 15, 6:30 p.m. @ Mules Cantina.
Robert Burns Night, 5 pm, Saturday, Feb. 19 @ Reynolds Center.
~~~~~
"Rockin Romania" has been invited to the White House to participate in honoring the workers who've struggled to save Romanian Orphans. We'll keep you posted.
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This week we share excerpts from “Da Bleat” of Friday, February 04 2000.
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We’re always looking for stories as well as jokes and other contributions. Don’t hesitate to share any offerings with us.
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $1.90 $2.02 $2.10 $2.07
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe of the week; Emeril's Chili Courtesy of Emeril Lagasse
Show: Emeril Live Episode: Kicked-Up Dorm Food
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 2 hours
Yield: 6 to 8 servings
User Rating: 5 Stars


2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 cups chopped onions
Salt
Cayenne
2 pounds stew meat
1-tablespoon chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
Crushed red pepper
2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons chopped garlic
3 cups crushed tomatoes
1/4-cup tomato paste
2 cups beef stock
1 cup canned dark red kidney beans
2 tablespoons masa flour
4 tablespoons water
1 bag Tortilla Chips
1 ½ cups grated Monterey Jack cheese
6 tablespoons sour cream
1 small jar of jalapenos


In a large saucepan, heat the vegetable oil. When the oil is hot, add the onions and sauté for 3 to 5 minutes, or until the vegetables start to wilt. Season with salt and cayenne. Stir in the stew meat, chili powder, cumin, crushed red pepper, and oregano. Brown the meat for 5 to 6 minutes. Stir in the garlic, tomatoes, tomato paste, beef stock, and beans. Bring the liquid up to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Simmer the liquid, uncovered for 1 hour, stirring occasionally, or until the beef is tender. Skim off the fat occasionally. Mix the masa and water together. Slowly stir in the masa slurry and continue to cook for 30 minutes. Reseason with salt and cayenne. Place a handful of the chips in each shallow bowl. Spoon the chili over the chips. Garnish with the grated cheese, sour cream and jalapenos.

http://foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD-9936-5915,00.html

Copyright 2004 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/
~~~~~
SAFE & SOUND IN THE CYBERAGE
[By Stephen Cobb and Chey Cobb, Who Present Their Annual Lament]
***
As the first month of 2005 draws to a close it is time to sound our annual alarm over the state of Internet decay. At the beginning of 2003 we wrote that the Internet "exists at the whim of those who know how to destroy it." We also said that "Our society is a lot more dependent on the Internet than anyone has so far been prepared to admit."
Almost simultaneously, but unbeknownst to us, a certain federal government employee by the name of Richard Clarke, not widely known outside of Washington at that time, was drafting his resignation letter as he prepared to quit as head of cybersecurity for the Bush administration. In his letter Clarke said, "As long as we have vulnerabilities in cyberspace and as long as America has enemies, we are at risk of the two coming together to severely damage our great country. We cannot assume that the past level of damage is in any way indicative of what could happen in the future."
A year later, we felt so strongly about this issue, and the continuing lack of attention it was receiving, that we reiterated our warnings in both this column and a press release, pointing out that profits and productivity gains created by the use of email and Web sites could be lost unless there was rapid and widespread deployment of improved technology to defeat these threats.
We were particularly frustrated by "the willingness of major stakeholders, such as the large software, hardware, and network service provider companies, to sit around planning how to beat each other in the marketplace even as the marketplace threatens to disappear from beneath their feet." We concluded that "There has to be concerted, cooperative action, now. The alternative is, at best, a reduction in growth rates for activities like online banking and shopping; at worst, wholesale consumer defection will occur, along with a damaging loss of profits and productivity gains for companies, government, and the economy as a whole."
Not everyone agreed. Our warning was criticized as "shrill and overzealous." But our prediction that, driven by a rising tide of spam and malicious code, 2004 would be the worst year ever for security incidents and privacy breaches, proved sadly correct. While 2004 brought numerous announcements of multi-vendor cooperation on security issues, as well as some serious consolidation among security companies, life for many people attempting to use Internet-connected computers continued to get worse.
We don't just base this on our own experience, the many hours we spent in 2004 helping people to reclaim their computers from viruses, spam, and adware. Consider the findings of a survey conducted in January of 2005 by Osterman Research, which found that, thanks to the proliferation of spam, spyware, and related problems, "44 percent of computer users have reduced their use of e-mail and the Internet in the last 12 months." Perennial optimists may point out that 56 percent of the 241 respondents said they had not reduced their usage of e-mail and Internet, but that is hardly enough to maintain the growth rates upon which so many business models are built these days, from banking to retailing, manufacturing to transportation.
January of 2005 also brought the first mainstream media article that dared to advance the claim, heretofore heretical in most media circles--interwoven as they are with so many of the business models now at risk--that a significant number of people are abandoning the Internet. Penned by Joseph Menn, the article appeared in the LA Times on January 14 under this headline: "No More Internet for Them: Fed up over problems stemming from viruses and spyware, some computer users are giving up or curbing their use of the Web."
Mr. Menn had no problem finding people willing to talk to him about why they given up on the Net. Some of these people had been online for many years but 2004 was the last straw. Menn observed that, "A small but growing number of frustrated computer owners are...giving up or cutting back their use of the Internet, especially at home, where no corporate tech support team will ride to their rescue. Instead of making life easier -- the essential promise of technologies since the steam engine -- the home PC of late has made some users feel stupid, endangered or just hassled beyond reason."
We were certainly been made to feel stupid on more than one occasion in 2004, often by systems that had become so badly infected that, after hours of trying to reclaim them, we ended up reformatting them. And we heard this scenario repeated time and again in conversations with friends and colleagues, including the CIO of one of the country's largest brokerage firms who, one fateful Friday night, agreed to help his neighbor fix the family computer. He started cleaning up the machine on Saturday morning, but by Sunday afternoon he threw in the towel. One piece of malicious code just couldn't be removed. So he reformatted the machine, all the while trying to explain to his neighbor why he, a CIO, didn't know how to fix this sort of thing.
So, our prediction for 2005? The Internet defection trend will increase and make front-page news. More people will buy Apple Macs in the hope of avoiding the problems that beset Windows-based machines, but Macs too will be targeted by viruses, worms, adware, and phishing attacks. And industry leaders will talk more loudly about the need for better user education as they attempt to prevent any of the blame for the current state of affairs from sticking to their brands.
[Chey Cobb, CISSP, wrote "Network Security for Dummies" and has provided computer security advice to numerous intelligence agencies. Her e-mail address is chey at soteira dot org. Stephen Cobb, CISSP, wrote "Privacy for Business" and helped launch several successful security companies. He can be reached as scobb at cobb dot com.]
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

The Road to Freedom
The State of the Union
February 4, 2005

State of the Union addresses are often thought of as little more than laundry lists of policies. But no one could honestly say that about President Bush’s State of the Union on Wednesday. The talking heads are going to be debating one policy or another. I’d like to draw back, however, and take a look at the big picture, the theme that emerged from the speech, one that has been the cornerstone of his presidency: human dignity and human freedom.

President Bush sounded these notes in the very first minutes of his speech, when he spoke of the countries that have recently held free elections, many of them for the first time in modern history. He sounded it again in the speech’s closing moments, when he talked about “the road of Providence” that “leads to freedom.” In between, he spoke on a wide variety of subjects. But that same theme was underlying all of them. Every issue the president mentioned was directly related to human freedom and human dignity.

Based on what we all know about President Bush, and what I know of him personally, I can say with confidence that this is no accident. The president takes his faith very seriously. He looks at the world with a distinctly biblical understanding. Contrary to the claims of some of his critics, this worldview does not lead him to try to “impose” his views on others—as he himself stressed in his speech. But it does lead him to see the world in the conviction that every human being is an image-bearer of God and, thus, worthy of respect. Human rights do not come from the government; they cannot be taken away from government. Freedom is a gift from God. That’s why he expressed so much faith in what he called “freedom’s power to change the world,” a faith that is being borne out right now as the vision of a free and democratic Middle East—albeit, painfully and slowly—begins to take shape.

This explains why the president also repeatedly stressed the rights of the individual. Even with economic issues, his vision was of an empowered society, not a society of entitlement. The emphasis here was on the freedom and responsibility of individuals to make decisions that would benefit themselves and their children. The same held true for such key issues as the right to life, when the president stated that we must “not take advantage of some lives for the benefit of others,” and when he promised to fund ethical research to help the disabled.

Even the president’s statement of support for a constitutional amendment to protect marriage showed his respect for human dignity—the innate dignity of a man and woman coming together to create life. He recognizes that calling any other kind of relationship morally equivalent to that is a negation of one of the highest human responsibilities: procreation.

Toward the end of the address, President Bush quoted Franklin Roosevelt’s statement about the dreams of America. It was highly appropriate. The president is drawing on the wellspring of idealism that Roosevelt drew on to defeat fascism—the same wellspring that Lincoln drew on to abolish slavery, and that the founders drew on when they spoke of the rights to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” It is the kind of idealism that comes naturally from the belief that human life is inherently sacred in the sight of God and that He has granted the same rights to all of humanity.
For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Subscribe today to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! This exciting publication is filled with insightful articles that will help you see today’s key issues from a Christian perspective. Call 1-877-322-5527.
“State of the Union Address,” Chamber of the U.S. House of Representatives, The United States Capitol, Washington, D.C., 2 February 2005.
L. Paul Bremer III, “Personal Satisfaction,” Wall Street Journal, 3 February 2005.
Walid Phares, “Bush Declares: Leaders of the Middle East, Tear Down Your Walls,” Front Page Magazine, 3 February 2005.
James S. Robbins, “Not Giving an Inch,” National Review Online, 3 February 2005.
BreakPoint Commentary No. 040121, “The Safety of a Great Nation: The State of the Union.”

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
bete noire: something or someone particularly detested or avoided.
stasis: a state of balance, equilibrium, or stagnation.
extirpate: to eradicate; to destroy.
perdurable: very durable; long lasting.
ukase: an edict.
discursive: rambling; also, marked by analytical reasoning.
pukka: genuine; also, first-class.
circumambient: surrounding; encompassing.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
Adrienne Rich ~’~ False history gets made all day, any day, the truth of the new is never on the news

Alex Haley ~’~ In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.

Ambrose Bierce ~’~ HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Benjamin Disraeli ~’~ Read no history: nothing but biography, for that is life without theory.

David Ben Gurion ~’~ Anyone who believes you can't change history has never tried to write his memoirs.

David C. McCullough ~’~ History is a guide to navigation in perilous times. History is who we are and why we are the way we are.

David McCullough ~’~ No harm's done to history by making it something someone would want to read.

Denise Levertov ~’~ I don't think one can accurately measure the historical effectiveness of a poem; but one does know, of course, that books influence individuals; and individuals, although they are part of large economic and social processes, influence history. Every mass is after all made up of millions of individuals.

E. L. Doctorow ~’~ History is the present. That's why every generation writes it anew. But what most people think of as history is its end product, myth.

Edward Gibbon ~’~ I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.

Etienne Gilson ~’~ History is the only laboratory we have in which to test the consequences of thought.

Friedrich Von Schiller ~’~ The history of the world is the world's court of justice.

George Bernard Shaw ~’~ We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

"I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it." - Harry Emerson Fosdick |

"The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter." - Thomas Jefferson

"Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks." - Ben Jonson

"Success is not measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed." - Booker T. Washington

"Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now." - Charlotte P. Gilman

"When you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing." - Anonymous

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." - Mark Twain
~~~~~
FLASH CARD "For everything that lives is holy, life delights in life." (William Blake)
*****
FLASH CARD "An optimist is a person who sees only the lights in the picture, whereas a pessimist sees only the shadows. An idealist, however, is one who sees the light and the shadows, but in addition sees something else: the possibility of changing the picture, of making the lights prevail over the shadows." (Felix Adler)
*****
FLASH CARD "In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man. " (Alfred Hitchcock)
*****
FLASH CARD "Love is a kind of warfare." (Ovid)
*****
FLASH CARD "Biology, by and large, is not interested in finding the best things, just things that are pretty good that can be found quickly." (John Hopfield, computational neurobiologist)


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GCF: Time To Go

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
- ---------------------- -

The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well organized and always ended promptly in 20 minutes.

One Sunday, he seemed to wander and drift around a bit and was still preaching to the congregation after 35 minutes. His wife managed a small signal, which fortunately he recognized as a sign he should come to a close.

When they got home after the service, the wife asked him why he got so muddled and why he went on speaking so long.

He answered, "Well, I've gotten into the habit of tucking a lozenge in my mouth before I stand to speak. When the lozenge has dissolved, I know it is time to stop. This morning, unfortunately I picked up a collar button instead of a lozenge."
- ---------------------- -
GCF: Olympic Nurse

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Janice) -Tom
- ---------------------- -
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete ... she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
.
(here it comes!)
.
Picabo, ICU.
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GCF: Southernese

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
- ---------------------- -
Yorta have a lookit thisun: Yankee's guide to "Southernese". If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.

FOAL: Not a baby horse. This is flexible aluminum for baking.
Usage: "I put the taters in foal, afore I baked um."

HEIDI:(noun) Greeting.

HIRE YEW:(complete sentence) Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD:(verb)Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH:(noun) The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER:(noun) The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Muntgumry.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer."

MUNTS:(noun)A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

COLE DRANK: (adjective/noun) A chilled beverage, typically soda.

THANK:(verb) Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a cole drank."

RANCH:(noun) A tool used for tightnin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL:(noun) A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR:(noun) A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR:(noun) A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE:(noun) A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."

RETARD:(verb) To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FARN:(adjective) Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed; must be from some farn country."

DID:(adjective) Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe; give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR:(noun) A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

- ---------------------- -
GCF: Lengthy Sermon
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
- ---------------------- -
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.

"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"

"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
- ---------------------- -
(((\ \>|-/ )-------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / It's my cat's world. \ /
\ -/ I'm just here to open the cans. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )-------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / I have excellent \ \-/ ////
\ / sleeping habits. \ /
\ -/ When the sun rises, I don't. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )-------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / "Politics is not a bad \ \-/ ////
\ /profession. If you succeed there \ /
\ -/ are many rewards. If you disgrace \- /
/ / yourself you can always write a book."\ - Ronald Reagan
(((\ \>|-/ )-------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Is there ever a day that \ /
\ -/ mattresses are not on sale? \- /
/ / \ \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ///// / \ / )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Grandpa Lost
I remember the day when a police car pulled up to Grandma's house and Grandpa got out.

The officer explained that this elderly gentlemen said he was lost in the park.

"Why, Bill," said Grandma, "You've been going there for over 30 years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, "I wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Died in the Service

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor," replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

Received from tjsubjak.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] New Book Releases

- "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace
- "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff
- "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow
- "Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep
- "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty
- "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel
- "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
- "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate
- "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
- "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung
- "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago
- "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud
- "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter
- "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples
- "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
- "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch
- "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

Received from Dave Aufrance.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] More Things Kids Have Said

Newly assigned officers to a naval air station are quite often "adopted" by a family. One such young officer, a lieutenant commander, kind of became an uncle to a family's only four-year-old daughter. One Sunday, he asked her what she had learned in Sunday school. She said she had learned all about the ten commanders, and that they were always broke.

This same little girl was told to draw her conception of the Hebrews' flight from Egypt. She came home with a picture of an airplane, all the passengers with halos and one person up front without one. When asked about it, she explained, "Oh, that's Pontius, the pilot."

The Lord's Prayer has always been easy for kids to misinterpret, either through poor enunciators or from mumbling congregations. One little boy, always a classic joke, said, "Harold be Thy name." Two other lesser-known prayers, though, are a little girl saying, "Give us this day our jelly bread." Or the little New York boy who petitioned God to "Lead us not into Penn Station."

After hearing the Christmas story and singing "Silent Night," a Sunday school class in Sao Paulo was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity might have looked like. One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary, and the infant, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure. The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene, asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy responded, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

Received from Just 4 Laughs.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] C-Nile Virus

There's a new virus going around. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to affect mostly those of us who were born before 1960.

Symptoms of C-Nile Virus:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail
3. Causes you to send it to the wrong person
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
Received from Bette Tolnai.
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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MailBits.com: Jokes
From: "Ben & Trina Montgomery"

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this KGB?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
--------------------------------------
Quick Wit:

The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Mr. Miller turned to his wife...

"Show him your tooth, Honey."
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[Satan and St. Peter]
From: "Roy D. Knight"

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence and a large culvert. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. What they didn't' realize was that there voices carried for some distance inside the cavernous culvert pipe. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices echoing through the culvert and from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh my!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."

The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!"

After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself."

Shivering with fear, they edged toward the edge of the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."

The old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: [Row vs. Wade]
OH, I GET IT!

A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby. Since his buddies talked about sailing, he thought he'd give it a go. He went to the local boat show and asked a lot of questions. Everything seemed to be going well when he said, "How do you dock the boat?"

The salesman replied, "Well, you really don't dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a float just beyond the dock. This way you don't bang up the finish on the craft."

"Well then," the lawyer asked, "How do you get out to the sailboat?"

"Good question." The salesman told him that you can get a small raft and paddle out to the boat, or just walk out to the boat, if you don't mind getting wet.

"Oh, I get it," the lawyer replied. "It's Row vs Wade."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: [Ecclesiastical One-Liners]

The following was sent to me from Jeff and Claudia (sorry, I can't recall their last name what with so many being sent to me by so many recipients)...... Roy :-)
---------------------------
ECCLESIASTICAL HUMOR

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

Definition of American Atheists: a non-prophet organization.

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

"I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -- Winston Churchill

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!

And on the eighth day (or was it after the fall?!), God said, "OK, Murphy, you take over."

Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?

Confession without repentance is just bragging. -- Rev. Eugene Bolton

"I don't question YOUR existence." -- God
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SMILEAWHILE is a "part time" ministry of the Rev. Dr. Roy Knight of Parkersburg, WV, where he pastors the Epworth and Lauckport United Methodist Churches. While people's tastes, background, theology, and culture differ it is NEVER his intention to offend "subscribers" to this list. Persons can be added (for free!) or removed by responding personally to royknight@juno.com. Proverbs 17:22
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Truth in Seminars
From: "Thomas S. Ellsworth"

Emailed to me from another humor list (Gag-O-Matic) -Tom Info on subscribing: www.lowcomdom.com/joke-of-the-day.html

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
---------------------------------------------------------------
The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call "Lunch and Learn" seminars for the employees during lunchtime. These deal with a variety of physical and mental health issues. If the seminar lasts beyond the normal lunch hour, we're supposed to get managerial approval to attend.

So, last week, this flier came around:

LUNCH AND LEARN SEMINAR:
WHO'S CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

(Get your manager's permission before attending)

Looks like that question's been answered ...
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\ / How do you tell when you \ /
\ -/ run out of invisible ink? \- /
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Subject: GCF: Signs You Might Be Alaskan, Part 2
Last week I sent out "Signs You Might Be Alaskan" and asked the Good Clean Fun readers in the 49th State to respond. I guess that there are many fewer Alaskan readers of Good Clean Fun than there are Canadian readers (I did a similar thing in the past with "Signs You Might Be Canadian.")

The original "Signs You Might Be Alaskan" can be found in the Good Clean Fun Archive at http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/signalas.htm

In any event, two people responded and I gladly share their responses plus answer a couple of questions posed by some non-Alaskan folks.
-Tom
--------------------------------------------
Carolyn said that the list was right on target having lived at Fort Wainwright for 3 years. She added a few new "signs" of being Alaskan.
Here they are:

1. Going to the store for milk can be life threatening.

2. Your town has no stray animals.

3. Most dogs in your area have a job in transportation.

4. You have a good supply of arctic wear AND mosquito repellant.

5. The schools or businesses don't give "Snow Days".

6. You have more problems with moose eating your bushes than with grasshoppers or beetles.

7. You have to plug in your car even though it isn't electric. -- Did that when I was in Kodiak - Tom

8. The Halloween pumpkin you carved in October doesn't go bad until April or May.

9. Short sleeves are considered appropriate wear in any temperature that doesn't have a - (minus) in front of it. -- That's for sure. When I was in Kodiak, 40 degrees (F) was considered warm enough for a bathing suit. - Tom

10. Living in the "boonies" or "out in the country" has a whole different meaning than in the Lower 48.

11. You sometimes have to wait for the bear to leave the yard before you can come in from the bathroom. (Carolyn says that this actually happened to a friend of hers).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael, from Anchorage, said that most people don't know what Sorels are (keep reading to find out) and added that moose are very large and it takes a great deal of time to process one. He also confirmed that the mosquitoes really do have collision lights (*grin*) and that salt and pepper is all you really need. He also commented that he doesn't think that anyone up there buys bottled water.
---------------------------------------------
The two most common questions were to identify Sorels and Zamboni.

"Sorels" are warm, winter boots, considered by some to be "the best cold-weather boots in the world." They are manufactured by Kaufman Footwear, a Canadian company. More information can be found at http://www.inside-outdoors.com/kaufman.htm

A "Zamboni" is a machine for resurfacing ice. Frank J. Zamboni (1901-1988) invented the first ice resurfacing machine in the early 1940's. The machines still carry his name to this day. The "Zamboni" has had a tremendous impact on skating and ice sports throughout the world. More information can be found at http://www.zamboni.com/
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\ / Energizer Bunny arrested, \ /
\ -/ charged with battery. \- /
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Latest Mergers
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Ellen) -Tom
-----------------------------------------------------

Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale-Mary-Fuller-Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere-Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip-Audi-Do-Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey-I'm-Home.

Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine-All-Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED-UP.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell-Honeychild.

3M, J.C.Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3-Penney-Opera.

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott-NOW!

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\ / Life is like an onion. \ /
\ -/ You live it one layer at a time \- /
/ / ... and sometimes you cry. \ ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Break In

Admin note: Yesterday I send out "The Stupid Among Us". It appears that this is the work of Bill Engvall. Bill is a comedian and has appeared on Designing Women, Golden Palace, Delta and The Jeff Foxworthy Show. He has two CD's that I am aware of, "Dorkfish" which concerns a prehistoric fish with an overbite, and "Here's Your Sign", from which Stupid Among Us was derived. You can find out more about Bill at http://www.bill-engvall.com/ or just use any of the search engines available and search for "Bill Engvall".

Thanks to all of you Good Clean Fun readers who pointed this out to me. I firmly believe in giving credit for authorship. My appologies to you, Bill. In a minute, I'm going over to the music store and get one of your CDs!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Emailed to me from another humor list (Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Joke of the Day send email to: subscribe-joker@send.memail.com

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
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\ /Success always occurs in private,\ /
\ -/ and failure in full view. \- /
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GCF: The Stupid Among Us

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Brian) -Tom
------------------------------------------------------
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me ... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning ... ok ... no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign ... until he asked "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge ... here's your sign."
- ------------------------------------- -
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Aibohphobia, \ /
\ -/ n., The fear of palindromes. \- /
/ / \ *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!

To join the list, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com To leave the list, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@egroups.com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
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Truths
From: Joe-Tudor

Some more true chuckles!

Immutable Truths

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
12. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
13. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
14. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
15. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
16. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
17. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
18. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
19. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
20. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
26. Tact is the ability to tell him to go to hell and have him be happy to be on his way.
27. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
28. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
31. Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
32. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
33. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
34. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
35. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands.
36. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
37. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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Units Update

Useful English System conversions/units:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle

Marine oil leaking at 0.1086221 square nautical miles per hour -- knot-furlong

365.25 days drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Weight 1 cc of evangelist tears carries with God: 1 billigram

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond

A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile journey: 1 Milwaukee

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of figs falling 1 meter per second squared: 1 Fig Newton

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10^21 picolos: 1 gigolo

10 rations: 1 decoration

100 rations: 1 C-ration

10 millipedes: 1 centipede

3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent

10 monologs: 5 dialogs

5 dialogs: 1 decalog

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2 wharves: 1 paradox

100 Senators: Not 1 decision
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Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes

* The situation had become topsy-turvy -- like Christmas in the summer, if you're in Australia.

* The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive explosion.

* The killer was a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence that made up the party crowd.

* His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the kind they do in a contest with a chainsaw -- and it had been out in the heat too long.

* Like any family, this house had its secrets, secrets it grimly refused to reveal, and would continue to refuse to reveal even if it could speak, which unlike a family, or at least most members of most families, it couldn't.

* From his vantage point in the balcony, the would-be assassin looked down on the debating candidates like a webhead looking down on an AOL user.

* The sudden darkness made the Countess tense, like Bobby Jerome that time with the bicycle in 7th grade, remember?

* There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day, like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make everything you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar and mayonnaise, and then somehow -- quietly but miraculously -- they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night while you're asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared to have done.

* Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night's Taco Bell.

* A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad's brow -- a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year's Eve Ball of desperation.

* Her blazing eyes dance like Astaire and Rogers, but since they were crossed, it was an ocular tango, and my eyes had to foxtrot just to maintain eye contact.

* She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.

* The neon sign reflected off his gun, like the moonlight reflects off my brother-in-law's bald head after a night of beer drinking and cow-tipping.

Received from The Top 5 List via PackyHumor.
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Some Thoughts on Exercise

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where she is!

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Received from Rusty Maley.
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The Transistor

The transistor was invented on Christmas Day, 1948, by Emily Gerund, a high school teacher of English from Boston, Massachusetts, who was serving a 20 years-to-life sentence in the state penitentiary for throwing her husband's coat under a speeding truck. The judge was rather severe with her because her husband was still in the coat at the time.

The Governor of the state owned an electronics firm and so was able to provide surplus vacuum tubes to the prisoners so that they could decorate their Christmas trees.

Now Emily had an extremely tiny tree, much too small for a string of SV6s or even for a single QL4. But she just happened to find some germanium crystals lying around. She stuck three wires in each one and used them to decorate her tree. She was quite surprised when after she completed the tree, it started picking up the Jack Benny Show.

The Governor, upon learning about this and realizing its implications, immediately rushed to the prison and offered the English teacher a full pardon in exchange for the manufacturing rights to her invention.

"Of course, Governor," she replied. ... "In this case, I'll be glad to let you end a sentence with a proposition."

Received from the Groaners list.
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Restroom Use Policy

FROM: OPERATIONS
SUBJECT: Restroom Use Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions.

Received from MIKEY'S FUNNIES.
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Random Thoughts (part 2 of 2)

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The colder the x-ray table the more you body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Received from Terouge.
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THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Received from Heidi Kemp.
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

Today's Clean Laugh

Midterm Exam

The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam.

Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall.

The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me.

He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years.'"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Learn Those Numbers

The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the little boy.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Baseball Class

A profesor at the University of Pennsylvania was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.

At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.

For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.

On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.
Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Muffled Workers

Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?"

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Chain Fired

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.

The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."

"Yes," says the man.

"Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."

"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*
"Center Rapture"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw589

"Bmup Warning"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw611

"Air Bags"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw610

"Basketball Legs"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw613

"Stake Out"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw616

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/workingstiffed.html - - Working Stiffed "Finding a new job can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 21-step plan, you'll soon be battling cranky alarm clocks, rush-hour traffic, and the living for the weekend daily grind..."
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Go2Broadband - - http://cpss.go2broadband.com/ - - Go2Broadband, a service of CableLabs, is the cable industry-wide tool that not only identifies what cable services are available at an address, but links customers directly with the cable operator(s) so that services may actually be ordered. Let Go2Broadband work for you. Simply enter your address, select your interests, and Go2Broadband will search for the cable services that are available at your location.
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"For the first time, cancer has surpassed heart disease as the top killer of Americans under 85, health officials said on January 19, 2004. The good news is that deaths from both are falling, but improvement has been more dramatic for heart disease. 'It's dropping fast enough that another disease is eclipsing it,' said Dr. Walter Tsou, president of the American Public Health Association. The single biggest reason: fewer smokers. The news is contained in the American Cancer Society's annual statistical report. In 2002, the most recent year for which information is available, 476,009 Americans under 85 died of cancer compared with 450,637 who died of heart disease. That trend actually began in 1999, but 'this is the first time we've looked at this by age,' said Ahmedin Jemal, a cancer society epidemiologist and main author of the report. Those under 85 comprise 98.4 percent of the population, said Dr. Eric Feuer, chief of statistical research for the National Cancer Institute who also worked on the report."
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Glossarist.com - - http://www.glossarist.com/ - - This site is a a searchable directory of glossaries and topical dictionaries.
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"In a major policy shift, the government recommended for the first time that people exposed to the AIDS virus from rapes, accidents or occasional drug use or unsafe sex receive drug cocktails that can keep them from becoming infected. Previously, federal health officials recommended emergency drug treatment only for health-care workers accidentally stuck with a needle, splashed in the eye with blood, or exposed in some other way on the job. That recommendation was first made in 1996. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention expanded its guidelines to rape victims and many others Thursday. It said treatment should start no more than 72 hours after a person has been exposed to the virus, and the drugs should be used by patients for 28 days. It is a major shift away from a policy that some doctors had called unconscionable and that put the United States years behind much of Europe and other nations."
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Extreme Oil - - http://www.pbs.org/wnet/extremeoil/ - - Fifteen years after the end of the Cold War and in the wake of two wars in the Gulf and Iraq, all the world's easy oil has been found. Today, the oil industry has to go to extremes to find new sources of the asset that drives the world's economy and fuels so many aspects of modern life. This PBS site crisscrosses the globe like the transcontinental pipelines themselves, exposing a wide range of issues - and meeting people who wrestle with the dilemmas of how to ensure the supply we need, at a price we will tolerate.
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"The world's largest iceberg appears to have run aground near Antarctica, posing more problems to scientific bases and penguin colonies, where tens of thousands of chicks face starvation, scientists said on January 20, 2004. Experts had predicted that B15A - a 100-mile long iceberg - would likely slam into a huge glacier near the U.S. McMurdo Research Station in Antarctica some time last weekend. But the iceberg appeared to have run aground about three miles from the 60-mile long glacier, known as the Drygalski Ice Tongue, Antarctica New Zealand's science strategy manager, Dean Peterson, said. 'This berg has wedged itself between two shallow areas. ... It really hasn't gotten any closer for a week now,' Peterson said. 'It's kind of shimmying back and forth now ... so I don't know whether it's ever going to get to the Drygalski or not.' The apparent grounding of the 1,200-square-mile iceberg could present problems to scientific bases on the frozen continent. B15A has blocked wind and water currents that break up ice floes in McMurdo Sound during the Antarctic summer, causing a build-up of ice behind it. The U.S. McMurdo Station and New Zealand's Scott Base are located on the sound, and Italy's Terra Nova base is nearby."
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StaySafeOnline - - http://staysafeonline.info/ - - This website gives you the information needed to secure your computer. You'll find tips on how to safeguard your system, a self-guided cyber security test educational materials and other Internet resources, as well as valuable information from our supporting organizations.
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State of the Union Addresses - - http://www.infoplease.com/t/hist/state-of-the-union/index.html - - Wednesday night, President Bush delivered the 'State of the Union' address to a joint session of Congress. This Information Please site lists previous State of the Union Addresses of U.S. Presidents.
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"Vegetarians tend to have lower blood pressure than the general population, but it hasn't been clear whether their diet or their lifestyle guards them against hypertension. Now, a new review of previously published studies claims that diet provides the protection. 'It's the diet itself, and it is clearly the diet of choice for people who want to get their blood pressure under control,' said Dr. Neal D. Barnard, president and founder of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine and co-author of the report, which appears in the January issue of Nutrition Reviews. Barnard, a nutritionist and author of the book Breaking the Food Seduction: The Hidden Reasons Behind Food Cravings and Seven Steps to End Them Naturally, concluded that a person who suffers from hypertension and has yet to switch to a vegetarian diet is 'really trying to fight their condition with one arm tied behind their back.' About 65 million American adults have high blood pressure, according to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. Hypertension is often called the "silent killer" because it usually has no symptoms but leads to increased risk for heart disease, congestive heart failure, stroke and kidney failure."
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NationMaster - - http://www.nationmaster.com/ - - This site is central data source and a handy way to graphically compare nations. NationMaster is a vast compilation of data from such sources as the CIA World Factbook, United Nations, World Health Organization, World Bank, World Resources Institute, UNESCO, UNICEF and OECD. You can generate maps and graphs on all kinds of statistics.
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"Having an overweight mother significantly increases a child's chance of becoming overweight by as young as 6, a study reveals. Scientists at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania followed 70 children from birth to age 6, regularly measuring their height, weight, body mass index (BMI, a measure that considers weight and height), percentage of body fat, lean mass and waist circumference. Thirty-three children had overweight mothers and 37 had healthy-weight mothers. The goal: to assess the risk of the children becoming overweight."
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Lib. of Congress: Sept. 11, 2001 - - http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/911-archive/ - - The September 11, 2001, Documentary Project captures the heartfelt reactions, eyewitness accounts, and diverse opinions of Americans and others in the months that followed the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and United Airlines Flight 93.
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"The ESA funded telemedicine project called I-DISCARE has been put into action to help victims along the coastal areas ravaged by last month's tsunami. It is being used to connect mobile teams of rescue workers with hospitals via satellite, greatly improving medical care. On the initiative of the French Space Agency (CNES) with transport costs paid by them as well, three Portable Telemedicine Work Stations have been lent to the Indian telemedicine company IndoComputech. These are being used on the east coast of India by mobile teams of doctors and paramedics, connecting them with central hospitals at Lucknow, Madras and Ahmadabad. A further five more Compact Data Terminals are being used on the east coast of India by Mobile Sanitary teams. These teams are sending information on epidemiology as well as the quality and supply of water and nutrition to Public Health Institutions in New Delhi and SE coast District Centres. Doctors and paramedics equipped with these Global Positioning System capable terminals are better able to treat patients at the scene while still maintaining close contact with Mobile Field Hospitals, a Permanent Centre or Reference Hospital; even if located outside the country. The result ensures earlier patient identification as well as quicker and more traceable data collection resulting in faster triage and better care."
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Zoos Worldwide - - http://www.zoos-worldwide.de/ - - This site features lists of zoos, aquariums, animal sanctuaries and wildlife parks worldwide along with zoo reviews, zoo cams and an Animal of the Month.
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"Already known as a rural scourge, methamphetamine is becoming a problem in a number of U.S. cities. Meetings of the 12-step group Crystal Meth Anonymous have increased in Chicago from one night a week a few years ago to five a week. In the Atlanta area, methamphetamine users account for the fastest-growing segment of addicts seeking treatment. Rehabilitation centers there are seeing an uptick in the number of women meth addicts, while officials in Minneapolis-St. Paul say they're treating an alarming number of meth users younger than 18. 'Most people just think it happens in the farmlands and the prairies or out back behind the barn,' says Carol Falkowski, director of research communications at the Hazelden Foundation in Minnesota. But that's not the case anymore."
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| ---------- Safety From The Heart ---------- |

Safety From The Heart - February 4, 2005
From Pam Kemp.
Cell Phones - AGAIN!

Is there anything any more annoying than to be sitting behind someone at a light...the light turns green and the person still sits there? You wonder what in the world is happening or has happened to the person and all of a sudden you see them laughing and carrying on a conversation on their cell phone, oblivious to anyone in front or behind them. When they decide to go, the light has already turned red and you're stuck in line again.

I, at one time, thought it was only kids that made the cell phones their main concentration while in the driver's seat but guess what?? It's not.......there are more adults holding conversations when you pass them than young people. Is there so much to talk about that you leave your home at 6:30 and you are already on the phone at 6:31? I know there are emergencies where you have to be reached but to hold an entire conversation from Columbia road to Cannon Bridge Road seems a little hard to believe it is anything but a general conversation between two or more people.

The way they are making cell phones now it's a wonder there aren't more accidents caused by people trying to take pictures while driving. Switching lanes without looking and pulling out in front of someone just because you aren't paying attention to the road but rather the words coming over the phone.

Do us all a favor....pull off the road, talk, hang up your phone and drive defensively for my sake and yours. Turn off the TV when you get home and talk face to face with your friends and family and significant other. Making a practice of not talking on your cell phone in traffic could save your life and mine.
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Safety From The Heart - February 2, 2005
From John Gaskins.

This is just a follow-up on the article in last week's local newspaper about the car accident fatality rate being high in 2004.

On last Wednesday evening as I was going home and driving on Cherry Hill Road, I experienced a Prime Example of why Orangeburg County was #2 in the State for fatalities last year.

As I came around a curve, about 75 yards in front of me a car did not stop for the side street Stop Sign. I thought this was bad enough, but when the same driver did not stop for the Stop Sign at the end of Cherry Hill Road and proceeded across the median onto U.S. Hwy 301 south bound into oncoming traffic, I thought either this driver had a Death Wish or was Out of his Mind!

This to me is one reason (Very BAD at That) why this area is near the top of the State in Car Accident Fatalities. This is also a reminder to drive Defensively out there. You never know when someone like this driver may pull out in front of You.
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Safety From The Heart - February 1, 2005
From Karen Drake (a Houston Albemarle employee).
The Common Stuff'll Get You!

Many years ago, there was an electrical foreman working next door at what was then Phillips 66. He had been in the industrial environment during virtually all of his career in electrical maintenance, working for many years around high voltage electrical distribution systems.

One fateful day, he was doing some 110 wiring in his own home, was electrocuted and killed. We were all shocked, as you can well imagine. He was an electrician by trade, how could this have happened? He was so knowledgeable about what he was doing, and so confident of his own skill that he was on autopilot and simply didn't think.
The saying goes "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff!"
This does not apply to safety, either on or off the job.

Take care of yourselves. Somebody loves you!
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Safety From The Heart - January 31, 2005
From George Ricks, BRT Employee
Lock-Out Tag-Out

A friend of mine (Stewart) has worked as an electrician for years in the maintenance department at a water plant in Kentwood. He and a co-worker were working on a bottle washer that rinsed 5-gallon water jugs. Before getting started the power was turned off at the main disconnect. Stewart climbed inside the washer to work on the conveyer that moved the bottles. Of course everyone was standing around and in a hurry for Stewart to get the system running again. After working for 45 - 60 minutes, Stewart cut the power back on to try the system. The co-worker told Stewart that a nozzle had to be knocked downward before the system would work. Stewart climbed back onto the conveyor, without cutting the power, to turn the nozzle downward. After hitting the nozzle with a wrench, the nozzle fell down and hit a "limit" switch, which engaged the conveyor. The conveyor was 10 foot stainless steel tubing spaced about 8 inches apart. The tubing was moving in both directions. One of Stewart's legs were caught between the tubing. He used his other leg to try to pull and free the one that was caught. Both legs were sheared. The shin bones in each leg were broken and his ankles were crushed. Luckily, the power was turned off before he was killed. After several surgeries, he now has screws and plates holding his ankles and legs together. He goes to physical therapy 3 days per week and has a very bad limp. The moral of this story is that lock-out tag-out is a policy that must be followed and enforced. Even very minor adjustments without lock-out can have very serious consequences.
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Safety From The Heart - January 27, 2005
From Charlie Collins (a Houston Albemarle employee.)

SAFETY means at home our loved ones are not injured.

SAFETY means that we care enough to see that we and our co-workers leave the plant in the same shape we came to work in.

SAFETY means observing all the rules of driving.

SAFETY is a 24/7 lifetime job.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Judge NOT !

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."

Judge NOT...

Thanks to Chris Watson
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Verse Of The Day ~=~ Harley E. Hudson

For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles— if indeed you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace which was given to me for you; that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.

Ephesians 3:1 - 3 (NASB)
Over the last several weeks, we have seen some pretty bold claims about who we are in Christ. Paul has filled our heads and hearts with visions of power, authority, and riches. He has said we have been adopted, pulled out of our tragic existence and brought into His family, not as servants, but as sons and daughters. It has occurred to me, as perhaps it did to Paul and the Ephesians, that we just might question Paul’s authority to make these promises. Viewed from the standpoint of the world, they are pretty fantastic … and certainly give visions of grandeur to people who are struggling to get along. So what really is Paul’s authority? Who told him he could say such things? Make such promises?

In anticipation, Paul takes a break from the identity issue and answers these very questions. “I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus …” begins this chapter. Get this picture: Paul is in chains, probably in Rome. On one arm is a chain leading to a guard. On the other arm is a second chain doing the same thing to another guard. His life is at stake. His court date has yet to be set, but the trial could result in his execution. He is in this condition because he, as a Roman citizen, exercised his rights and appealed to Rome after he was charged with criminal acts by a bunch of Jewish countrymen. With this in mind, you can see that Paul is giving double meaning to the “prisoner” thing. He is a prisoner, and he is a prisoner for God. In addition, He has so bonded himself to Jesus that he considers himself a captive of Jesus Christ. He further addresses that issue in chapter four of Ephesians.

“… for the sake of you Gentiles …” Remember, you and I are Gentiles (at least most of us are). Paul has chosen this lifestyle that caused him to become a prisoner so that we might have the Gospel, the Good News, about salvation through Jesus. It is through his preaching … and further writings … that we have been adopted, transformed, redeemed, and set free. We owe our lives his imprisonment.

“if indeed you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace which was given to me for you …” Paul is talking about his appointment as an apostle here. He goes into more detail in previous letters and in personal testimony to the Ephesians, but here he wants us to remember that God’s grace found him on the Damascus road, convinced him that Jesus was the only way to salvation, and turned his life around. It is Paul’s authority as and Apostle that gives him the right to make these fantastic promises and observations. If you remember the story of Paul correctly, you recall that he was led into the wilderness for two or three years and taught the ways of Christ by the Master himself. He did not receive such instructions from the Eleven appointed by Jesus.

“… that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery …” Paul is the possessor of the “mystery” which he received by “revelation”. This is what he received in the wilderness. And, if you look at your list, you will see that he has passed that “mystery” on to us. What is the “mystery”? It is the fact that we Gentiles have been chosen by God to receive an inheritance equal to that of the Israelites. We are no longer strangers and aliens, but we are joint heirs with the Son, Jesus Christ.

Now we know Paul’s authority to make such promises … at least in “nut shell” form. Next time we will take a deeper look at the mystery entrusted to us by Jesus through Paul. Until then, remember that you are God’s son or daughter, and as such are entitled to all the greatness of God’s grace and riches. You are not depraved, downtrodden, or defeated. You are victorious in Jesus Christ. YOU ARE A WINNER!!!!

Harley
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… having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit.

Ephesians 2:20 - 22 (NASB)

Melanie has called me a lot of things, some complimentary, some not, but she has never called me a house! She may tell me that if I eat any more of that Christmas fudge that I will grow as big as a house, but that is not the same thing. In today’s verses, Paul is telling us that we are a building, but not just any building. No, that is not good enough. We are being built into a temple for the Living God!

If I try to imagine my life as a “building”, I might picture a weathered and perhaps somewhat ramshackled shed. At best, I might consider myself a small ranch-style house on an acre or two. But a TEMPLE? In another place, Paul asks us if we don’t know that our bodies are the temple of God. Paul must have a fixation on temples.

Ok. If I am part of a temple, what are my specifications? First, the foundation consists of the teachings of the apostles and prophets. These are the guardians of the truth as God has presented it from the beginning of man’s life to the writing of the epistles that complete the word of God. They have preserved and presented the Word of God to us in a way that will lead us to salvation, righteousness, and holiness. The Word of God is our guiding light that shows us the things God wants us to know. That is our foundation. Everyone knows that a good foundation is essential to a strong building. Should we neglect any of the teachings of this astute group of leaders, we will have cracks in our foundation that will cause flaws and possible failures in our structure, our temple.

The second specification of our temple is that its cornerstone is Jesus Christ, Himself. This is important, but don’t think of the cornerstone as that decorative block in a building’s outer wall that tells us when the building was built. No, that is not really a “cornerstone” as Jesus saw it. The cornerstone is a large foundation stone that is perfectly formed. All six sides are shaped and worked until they are in perfect alignment with each other. This is important because this stone is the “alignment” stone for the entire building. All four walls are aligned with this stone as they are laid out and erected upwards. Remember, buildings were built of stones and bricks and blocks. A perfect cornerstone meant a perfectly square building which meant strength and stability. So our cornerstone is Christ Jesus. That’s good.

Finally, we are “fitted together”. That means you and I are in this together – and we are being shaped and formed into the part of the temple God wants us to be. Now imagine with me for a moment that you are a stone mason in Jesus’ day. You have been brought a huge stone; let’s say five feet wide by three feet tall by eight feet long. It is your job to make this stone flat and smooth and ready to fit a particular place in the temple. You have specifications presented, and you have to make this stone meet those specs. What do you do? You take out your chisel and hammer and begin to shape the stone. You take off a bit here. You chip off a large chunk there. After a while it looks to be good, but rough. You take a stone about the size of a modern brick and begin to rub the stone. You rub until that stone is flat and smooth and perfectly flat on all six sides. Your stone is now ready to be shipped to the building site.

That hammer and chisel and rubbing stone all represent the trial and temptations that we face. All the pain and anguish, all the suffering, all the joys and victories, all this and more go to “shape and smooth us” into that perfect part of the temple God wants us to be.

At long last, our stone, our lives are transported to the building site where we are hoisted into the air and set into place. Ah! A perfect fit! Now we can begin to see what our purpose is. We can begin to understand why we had to undergo all of that chipping and rubbing and chaffing. We have arrived and are part of the perfect temple of the Everlasting Father who dwells in us through His Holy Spirit!

Harley
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So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God’s household …

Ephesians 2:19 (NASB)

I watched a bit of Good Morning America today and observed an interesting story. The discussion centered around a psychological abnormality called body dysmorphic disorder, or BDD. With this particular disorder, perfectly normal girls and women see a hideous monster when they look in the mirror. It seems that the disorder has two presentations. One girl spent hours inches from the mirror trying to apply makeup to “hide” the offending body part – usually on the face. The other presentation was represented by a woman who refused to look in the mirror at all or just a glance to do a perfunctory makeup attempt.

What I found interesting, in light of our investigation into who we are in Jesus, was that both guests on the show found their identity in what they saw in the mirror … or the bodies in which they lived. Isn’t it interesting that these two represent a far swing of the pendulum in the identity crisis that faces modern man? Two women, who were both attractive by the way, saw themselves as “monsters” that no one could possibly love.

We, on the other hand, are finding that we are sons and daughters of God. We have wealth, power, authority, access, and a host of other things that have everything to do with eternity because of that identity. In essence, we can look in the mirror and see the reflection of Jesus while those around us look in the mirror and see themselves as poor, ugly, failures, up-and-coming, and a whole host of inconsequential things that have absolutely nothing to contribute to eternity.

Paul gives us a solution to the difference between those girls and millions of non-believing people and ourselves. We are aliens! Oh, we’re legal aliens, but aliens non-the-less. We are not Americans, or Italians, or Mexicans, or Canadians, or Germans, or any other nationality … at least these just temporary identifiers. We are citizens of God’s household. We have a land that is not bounded by earthly laws. We are not even from this Universe! We are citizens of the Kingdom of God which has not physical boundaries. I guess you could say we are “extraterrestrials”!

“Oh,” but you say, “I don’t feel that way! I am earthbound and learning to cope with all that life has to offer, both good and bad.” I know that is how you feel, but is that who you are? Paul has spent a great amount of time telling us that we are not what we seem. We are something totally different that earthbound creatures. Could it be that we feel like we are citizens of this world because we don’t fully comprehend who we really are? Could we be like Mia Thermopolis of Princess Diaries who was living the troubled life of a normal teenage girl only to find that she was the direct heir to a kingdom? Is what we are studying the stuff that dreams are made of?

All indications are that Princess Mia can’t hold a candle to our heritage. She will become queen of a small inconsequential country in Europe (if Genovia were a real country!); we are sons and daughters of the creator of all countries, and the lands that they claim as theirs. While nations come and go, God’s Kingdom has endured since before time began and will continue long after time ceases to exist. In short, we are eternal beings, made in the image of the Loving God, redeemed by the blood of His Son, sealed with His Holy Spirit, and totally inseparable from the family of God! I’ll take that over Genovia, or Germany, or France, or Italy, or China, or Japan, or the United States of America, or all of them put together!

Harley
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And He came and preached peace to you who were far away, and peace to those who were near; for through Him we both have our access in one Spirit to the Father.

Ephesians 2:17 - 18 (NASB)

Access. Everyone wants access. We want access to our banked funds … so we open a checking account. We want access to our line of credit … so we apply for a credit card. We want access to power … so we work our way into a position that we will come into contact with people who have power. We spend untold amounts of money to gain access. We acquire the proper clothing, so we can be in a position to gain access. The car we drive gains us access to certain places. Several years ago, a certain credit card company sent me a “Platinum Card” so I could have more access to upscale places to spend my line of credit. One of the most coveted positions in politics is a cabinet job … because it gives access to the Oval Office. Access means power. Power means authority.

Hey, we all want access. But the question is where do we get the most access for the “buck”? Paul has the answer. We have access to the Father. Now don’t brush this one off. Imagine with me for a moment that you really do have an office just outside the Oval Office. You really do have access to the President of the United States. What do you get? There are some perks that go with that access. You can fly on Air Force One. You can have security agents to protect you. You can call in a favor or two … like an invitation to a State Dinner with world leaders. But what do you really have? The President, though a powerful man, is not a dictator. He cannot wave his hand an give you whatever you want without restriction. He is just one link in the chain of government. He has to answer to Congress. They control the purse strings of government. The Supreme Court has some power as well. It takes all three to guard our freedoms. So, if we have access to the President, that access still has limits.

We have access to the Father. So what? We have already discussed some of those benefits. We have access to the Father’s wealth. We have access to the Father’s authority. We have access to the Father’s power. In short, we have access to all of creation! What’s more, it is available to us every moment of every day for a lifetime on earth. The problem is that we don’t seem to understand the value of that access. Most of us tool along enjoying what we have, wanting more, seeking access to people who can get us what we want, when all that and more is available to us now. Why should I want access to the President when I have access to the One who put the President in office? Why should I want power in government when I have access to the Power that runs the Universe?

So how do we access that Power? That is really a key question. We access that Power through the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that knows the heart of the Father. It is the Holy Spirit that acts as the channel through which we receive the authority of God. It is the Holy Spirit that directs our use of all that God has granted us. And the Holy Spirit comes through Jesus, the Messiah, the Redeemer. And Jesus gives freely of that Spirit to those who trust Him!

Want power? Trust Jesus. Want authority? Trust Jesus. Want access to riches untold? Trust Jesus. He can really use someone who trusts Him to do what is right and best. Now you can add “I have access to the Father” to your list of who God says you are. We are developing quite an impressive list, aren’t’ we?

Harley
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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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TGIF-Today God Is First

Obedience With a Cost
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Friday, February 04, 2005
by Os Hillman
Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and You have not rescued Your people at all. ~ Exodus 5:23

Have you ever felt like you have been obedient to the Lord for something He called you to do and all you get are more roadblocks? This is the way Moses felt. When Moses went to tell Pharaoh to release the people because God said so, Pharaoh simply got angry and made the people make bricks without straw. Moses caught the blame for this from the people. Moses was just learning what obedience really means in God's Kingdom. You see Moses had not even begun to release plagues upon Egypt. He hadn't even gotten started yet in his calling, and he was complaining about his circumstances. There were many more encounters with Pharaoh to come, and many more plagues with no deliverances in sight. Why would God tell Moses that He is going to deliver them and not do it?

It was all in timing. God never said when He was going to deliver. He just said He would. In the next chapter, we find Moses arguing with God about not being capable of the job God had called him to:

But Moses said to the Lord, "If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips?" Now the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron about the Israelites and Pharaoh king of Egypt, and He commanded them to bring the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 6:12-13).

Do you get the feeling God was losing His patience?

God had a good reason for His delays. He said, "And the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I stretch out My hand against Egypt and bring the Israelites out of it" (Ex. 7:5). God not only wanted the people of Israel but also the Egyptians to know Him. It would be the greatest show of God's power on earth.

God often causes delays in our lives that we cannot understand. Sometimes it seems our obedience is not getting rewarded. Jesus said He learned obedience through the things He suffered (see Heb. 5:8). Imagine that - Jesus having to learn obedience. What does that say for you and me? Sometimes God's delays are simply because He wants more glory in the situation, more recognition, more Christ-likeness in you and me through greater patience and obedience. Faint not, for the promise may yet come.

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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com
Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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NewsScan Daily, 2005 ("Above The Fold")
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NewsScan Daily is underwritten by RLG, a world-class organization making significant and sustained contributions to the effective management and appropriate use of information technology. NSD is written by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, editors@NewsScan.com.
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"ABOVE THE FOLD"

COMMITTEE PROPOSES EXTENDING TELECOM TAX
The Joint Committee on Taxation shook up the high-tech world recently with its suggestion that the 3% telecommunications tax (levied originally in 1898 on traditional phone service to pay for the Spanish-American War) could be revised to cover "all data communications services to end users," including broadband, dialup, fiber, cable modems, cellular and DSL links. The committee report lists three telecom tax options, the most radical of which would cover all data communications. Another option would extend the excise tax to cell phones and perhaps VoIP, and the third would clearly target VoIP, with the report noting: "As voice phone service migrates to using Internet Protocol, there may be no way to distinguish 'packets' of voice and 'packets' of data." The proposal has met with strong criticism from technology groups. "We need to be careful in trying to stretch a taxation system this old to be a catchall for all modern technology. We need to avoid starting down a path of overtaxing nascent forms of communication," warned Jonathan Zuck, president of the Association for Competitive Technology. (CNet News.com 28 Jan 2005)


NEGROPONTE TOUTS $100 LAPTOP
MIT Media Lab chief Nicholas Negroponte was prowling the halls of last week's World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, showing off his latest inspiration -- a mock-up of a $100 laptop computer. Negroponte's device, which runs on free Linux software, derives much of its affordability through an innovative idea for lowering the cost of its display to a reasonable $25 or less. The tentlike pop-up display uses technology now found in rear-projection televisions in conjunction with an LED light source. Negroponte says he's already received initial backing from Advanced Micro Devices and is in discussions with Google, Motorola, News Corp. and Samsung for support. Meanwhile, Advanced Micro CEO Hector de J. Ruiz brought his own low-cost concept computer to the meeting -- the $185 Personal Internet Communicator, which features a stripped down version of Windows and comes sans monitor or fan. Both men see the low-cost computer as the answer to developing countries' increasing demand for technology, and Negroponte says he's confident his laptop could find a ready market as early as 2006. "China is important because there are 220 million students," he notes. (New York Times 31 Jan 2005)


READING IS HARD -- FOR COMPUTERS
Two artificial intelligence experts at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute are endeavoring to create a computer that can read and learn at a sophisticated level, using algorithms that enable their "Poised-for-Learning" machine to convert sentences into formal logic. An additional set of algorithms would then be required to enable the machine to use the information it takes in to "reason" and "learn." "In order to succeed, we'll need systems that can remember where they've been and what they've seen and improve themselves over time," says Ronald Brachman, director of DARPA's Information Processing Technology Office, which is funding the research. RPI professor Selmer Bringsjord envisions future robots that can process information in real time, either by reading or listening to spoken instructions. Once a computer has absorbed all the relevant data on the culture, history and geography of an area, a military commander could say, "Here's the current situation in Fallujah. Go scout it out." Meanwhile, experts acknowledge that the goal of a "reading" computer is a long way off. Boris Katz of MIT's Artificial Intelligence Lab says: "Natural language is very ambiguous. I'm still looking for that common sense these 3-year-olds have. And we don't have it yet [in computers]." (AP 31 Jan 2005)


MAXED OUT ON WIMAX HYPE?
To listen to enthusiastic proponents, you might think that WiMax -- a longer-distance version of WiFi wireless technology -- is poised to take over the world, but you'd be wrong. The actual number of WiMax products on the market is. zero. That's because the WiMax Forum, a standards body that oversees technology development in order to ensure that gear from different vendors works together, has yet to certify its first device. And once they hit the market, WiMax devices won't be competitive in urban markets, where they'll be far more expensive than cable or DSL, and they'll be too pricey for the developing world, where mobile phone networks will provide a cheaper alternative for connecting remote villages. One market research expert says the technology likely will find its biggest market among telecom companies serving rural areas, that want to use it to plug holes in their coverage. (The Economist 27 Jan 2005)


SMART CARS MAKE SMART BUSINESS SENSE
It used to be that only top-of-the-line models featured all the extras, such as video players and GPS, but backseat entertainment consoles, navigation systems and wireless technologies will be offered as standard equipment on high-volume vehicles by almost 75% of the 38 carmakers polled in a recent survey by the Telematics Research Group. "It's a great way for them to make a bigger margin," says Telematics principal analyst Phil Magney. But in addition to a little extra profit, adding intelligence to vehicles is also a good means of making more sensible use of the typical car's latent computer power. "It's cheaper for the car's manufacturers to give you the full, top-of-the-line, deluxe engine and cut it back a bit with software," says Accenture research director Martin Illsley. That means instead of different models featuring different engines with different performance levels, engine management software would determine how each vehicle performs. Parents might be interested in toning down vehicle performance while their teenager is behind the wheel, while car rental companies like the idea of a fleet of cars whose performance can be tailored according to how much customers pay -- with the swipe of a credit card, drivers could turn their stodgy rental into a roaring roadster. (BBC News 31 Jan 2005)


SCHOOL NEWS: FIRST AMENDMENT? WHAT FIRST AMENDMENT?
A University of Connecticut survey of more than 100,000 high school students has found that educators are failing to give high school students an appreciation of the First Amendment¹s guarantees of free speech and a free press. Commissioned by the Knight Foundation, the $1 million, two-year study found that nearly three-fourths of high school students either do not know how they feel about the First Amendment or admit they take it for granted; seventy-five percent erroneously think flag burning is illegal; half believe the government can censor the Internet; and more than a third think the First Amendment goes too far in the rights it guarantees. Knight Foundation chief executive Hodding Carter III says, ³These results are not only disturbing; they are dangerous. Ignorance about the basics of this free society is a danger to our nation¹s future.² (Knight Foundation 31 Jan 2005)


LEGAL CENTER FOR OPEN-SOURCE PROJECTS
A consortium of companies seeking promote use of the Linux operating system has contributed $4 million to establish a legal center for nonprofit open-source projects and developers. The Software Freedom Law Center will be headed by Columbia University law professor Eben Moglen, who explains: "The Law Center is being established to provide legal services to protect the legitimate rights and interests of free and open source software projects and developers, who often do not have the means to secure the legal services they need." (AP/San Jose Mercury News 31 Jan 2005)


FROM OUT OF RIGHT FIELD: A NEW CONCEPTUAL AGE
Wired contributing editor Daniel H. Pink, author of the new book "A Whole New Mind: Moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age," says the future no longer belongs to people who can reason with computer-like logic, speed, and precision: "Until recently, the abilities that led to success in school, work, and business were characteristic of the left hemisphere [of the brain]. They were the sorts of linear, logical, analytical talents measured by SATs and deployed by CPAs." But today, the world is shifting from an economy built on the logical, sequential abilities of the Information Age to an economy built on the inventive, empathic abilities of right-hemisphere Conceptual Age. Identifying the causes for this shift to be "Asia, automation, and abundance," Pink champions a more energetic use of right-brain thinking: "Want to get ahead today? Forget what your parents told you. Instead, do something foreigners can't do cheaper. Something computers can't do faster. And something that fills one of the nonmaterial, transcendent desires of an abundant age. In other words, go right, young man and woman, go right." (Wired Feb 2005)


WHERE DID I PUT MY CAR KEYS?
A research team at Johns Hopkins University has found a way to crack the code used in millions of car keys -- a development that could allow thieves to bypass the security systems on newer car models. The researchers found that the "immobilizer" security system developed by Texas Instruments could be cracked using a relatively inexpensive electronic device that acquires information hidden in the microchips that make the system work. The radio-frequency security system being used in more than 150 million new Fords, Toyotas and Nissans involves a transponder chip embedded in the key and a reader inside the car. If the reader does not recognize the transponder, the car will not start, even if the key inserted in the ignition is the correct one. (The Australian, 31 Jan 2005) Rec'd from J. Lamp, Deakin U.


OOPS: 'CAN SPAM ACT' SEEMS TO BE NO-CAN-DO
The Can Spam Act went into effect in January of last year, yet unsolicited commercial e-mail on the Internet is now estimated to account for at least 80% of all e-mail sent -- a figure up from 50-60% percent of all e-mail before the law went into effect. A number of critics of the law had argued that it would make the spam problem worse by effectively giving bulk advertisers permission to send junk e-mail as long as they followed certain rules. Steve Linford, the founder of the UK-based Spamhaus Project, says the law "legalized spamming itself." The law's chief sponsor, Senator Conrad Burns (R- Montana) says the problem isn' t the law but the ineffective enforcement of the law: "As we progress into the next legislative session, I'll be working to make sure the FTC utilizes the tools now in place to enforce the act and effectively stem the tide of this burden." Anne Mitchell of the Institute for Spam and Internet Public Policy comments: "Most people say it's a miserable failure, but I see it as a lawyer would see it. To think that law enforcement agencies can make spam stop right away is silly. There's no such thing as an instant fix in the law." (New York Times 1 Feb 2005)


HP SAYS 'METAL AND MOLECULES' MAY REPLACE SILICON
Hewlett-Packard has come up with a new approach toward computing that could make the transistor obsolete while extending Moore's Law. According to a paper published in the Journal of Applied Physics, the HP technology involves a series of platinum wires crossed in opposite directions called crossbar latches. At the junction of each crossbar are molecules of steric acid. The latches are formed through a specialized stamping process for nano-sized imprints and are so small that thousands of them could fit across the diameter of a human hair. "It's metal and molecules. Nothing else. We're getting away from the physics of silicon," says HP researcher and co-author Phil Kuekes. Just like in a transistor, an electrical signal that passes through the crossbar latch is manipulated to perform logic functions. "The power of this device is not when it's by itself. It's when it glues together other pieces of logic," says HP co-author Duncan Stewart. "As soon as you're able to do that, we call that a computer." The scientists envision computers based on the crossbar latches becoming commercially available as early as 2012, although they hasten to add that transistors will continue to play an important role in the computing process. "Transistors will continue to be used for years to come with conventional silicon circuits," says Kuekes, "but this could someday replace transistors in computers, just as transistors replaced vacuum tubes and vacuum tubes replaced electromagnet relays before them." (AP 1 Feb 2005)

SUN AIMS AT PAY-AS-YOU-GO COMPUTING
Sun Microsystems has launched its Sun Grid -- a large, pay-as-you-go computing grid that the company hopes will change the way consumers think about computing power. Using the Sun Grid, customers will pay $1 for each CPU-hour -- an hour's worth of work by a computer's central processing unit -- with multiple CPUs available for solving complex problems. In a demonstration, Sun COO Jonathan Schwartz used the system to graphically render data from a protein folding experiment. It took just a few seconds, but used 12 hours' worth of CPU time, based on hundreds of machines simultaneously crunching away for several seconds each. Schwartz compared the concept to that of an electrical grid. "There are a lot of grids out there," added Sun CEO Scott McNealy. "The water grid, the power grid, and my favorite, the sewer grid." (CNet News.com 1 Feb 2005)


DATABASE DOCUMENTS DIPLOMA MILLS
The U.S. Department of Education has launched a searchable database that prospective online students may browse to determine whether a particular distance learning institution is accredited by organizations sanctioned by the government. The white-list enables students and prospective employers to distinguish between Hamilton College, a small, distinguished (and accredited) New York college, and Hamilton University, a diploma mill in Wyoming. And while Hamilton University is licensed by the state of Wyoming, using a degree from that school for employment in other states, such as Oregon or New Jersey, could lead to jail time for fraud. The database was created following calls for action from Congress last year, after some high-level government officials were discovered to have purchased questionable degrees to beef up their resumes. (Wired.com 2 Feb 2005)


ADULTS' WEB SAVVY BEATS TEENS'
According to a new study by the Nielsen Norman Group, teenagers aren't as adept at performing tasks on the Web as adults, with teens completing the assigned tasks only 55% of the time, compared with 66% for adults. Teens' biggest handicap was their poor reading and research skills, and their tendency to give up quickly when frustrated. "If things aren't immediately apparent, they go away," says Jakob Nielsen. "Their distaste for reading was a big surprise. It has to be very short, brief text and big pictures." The study, which involved a group of 38 teenagers between the ages of 13 and 17, found that they were drawn to sites that provided opportunities for interaction, whether it be filling in an online questionnaire or adding their two cents to a public forum. The teens steered clear of sites that attempted to include children in their focus -- putting the word "kid" on the Web site was the kiss of death, the study found. And while teens paid close attention to Web sites' appearance, they were put off by "glitzy sites with heavy, blinking graphics," preferring clean, "cool" designs such as Apple Computer's site. (San Jose Mercury News 1 Feb 2005)


J.K. ROWLING DENOUNCES INTERNET FRAUDSTERS
J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-popular Harry Potter series, is warning fans to beware of Internet "phishing" scams claiming to sell electronic copies of her latest book, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." "The only genuine copies of Harry Potter remain the authorized traditional book or audio tapes/CDs distributed through my publishers," says Rowling, and her copyright lawyer, Neil Blair, notes that Rowling has never granted licenses for electronic versions of her books. "Please, please protect yourselves, your computers and your credit cards and do not fall for these scams," says Rowling. Police say they suspect organized crime gangs in Eastern Europe are behind the fraudulent e-mail offers. (Reuters/Washington Post 2 Feb 2005)


EARTHLINK, AOL CHOOSE DIFFERENT BUSINESS PLANS
EarthLink and AOL, the two largest providers of Internet dialup access, are pursuing starkly different business strategies: No. 1 AOL -- which abandoned its broadband strategy last year -- is counting on advertising to keep its dialup service viable, whereas No. 2 EarthLink is busy buying wholesale high-speed connectivity from network operators and reselling it under the EarthLink name. EarthLink founder Sky Dayton says, "AOL is abdicating access and really wants to compete with Yahoo. We think access is what we do." Implying that AOL is in the advertising business rather than the communications business, Dayton wants to use a new $440 million EarthLink joint venture with South Korea cell phone operator SK Telecom to offer "cool" media services. "In South Korea they are watching television on their cell phones, they are doing video conferencing, they are finding their friends with location-based services. If you ask people in Santa Monica how they use their cell phones, they say 'I make calls' or 'I have pictures of my dog.'" (Washington Post 2 Feb 2005)


THAT MUSIC IN THE AIR HAS BECOME A RENT-OR-BUY DECISION
The business model made popular by Apple's iTunes Music Store and its iPod portable player -- which allows music fans to buy songs by the track -- is being severely tested not only by new subscription services that treat music as a pay-as-you-listen proposition, but by Microsoft's new copy-protection software that allows subscribers to move their rented tracks from their PCs to portable music players. How does this work? By putting a timer on the tracks loaded on the player, and automatically checking whether a user's subscription is still current. Phil Leigh of Inside Digital Media says, "This is potentially the first serious challenge that the iPod is going to face. What these devices are going to be able to do is attack iPod where it's weak." But of course renting and buying can live together in peace: Jupiter Research's Michael Gartenberg says, "There's going to have to be some education in the marketplace. There's some stuff that consumers watch over the air and on cable but don't actually own and some DVDs consumers actually go out and buy. There's going to be some coexistence here as well." (AP/San Jose Mercury News 3 Feb 2005)


PRIVACY BREACH AT ACER SITE
Acer's online customers suffered a major privacy breach after the computer maker's Australian shopping website exposed their personal details to other shoppers using the service. The online shopping portal www.shopacer.com.au revealed purchase order information including names, delivery addresses, e-mails and contact numbers of customers who had recently placed orders at the site. Customer credit card numbers were not disclosed. Customers who logged on to the site to check the status of their equipment orders via a bookmark stored in their web browser were freely able to access order details of other customers. (The Australian 2 Feb 2005)
Rec'd fr J Lamp Deakin U

WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHAT JOURNALISM IS?
A California court will soon decide whether bloggers have the same legal protections as journalists under "shield" laws that protect reporters from revealing their sources. Electronic Frontier Foundation attorney Kurt Opsahl, who represents two bloggers targeted by Apple for leaking information about new company products, maintains that if the bloggers are forced to give up their sources "the public will lose out on a vital outlet for independent news, analysis, and commentary." An opposing view is offered by University of Iowa law professor Randall Bezanson, who says that simply expressing opinions to a tiny audience isn't journalism -- because if it were "then I'm a journalist when I write a letter to my mother reporting on what I'm doing. I don't think the free-press clause [of the U.S. Constitution] was intended to extend its protections to letters to mothers from sons." (USA Today 2 Feb 2005)


YOUR LYING EYES IN THE PHOTOSHOP AGE
Have the ethics of photojournalism been changed in some way by such software as Adobe Photoshop, which allows easy manipulation of digital photos? The National Press Photographers Association says it's wrong to alter the content of a photograph "in any way that deceives the public," and the director of photography at the Los Angeles Times director of photography says, "If our readers can't count on honesty from us, I don't know what we have left." Dartmouth computer science professor Hany Farid is working to solve the problem of dishonest photographs by developing computer algorithms that can detect when an image has been altered. But Farid says, "It's a bit of an arms race. It's tamper and tamper protection, and we can already predict who's going to win. We simply make it harder" for the average person with the average amount of skill to get away with photographic deceptions. (CSM/USA Today 2 Feb 2005)


SCHOOL DAYS: WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON?
It is increasing commonplace now for teachers and schools to use the Internet to distribute grades, pending assignments, written comments, class participation, and disciplinary actions -- and to allow parents to check on both the academic progress and general activities of their children. One parent says, "My sixth grader has not bothered to tell me he is failing math for the first time in his life. I was just perusing [the school's Web site] and he's got one, two, three, four, five zeros. I have immediately put a call in to that teacher." The parent adds: "If everybody would use it and use it more, we could be more involved in our children's education." Yet Pearson Education, one of the vendors for systems to manage student information, estimates that only a quarter of its 16,000 school districts buy the optional parental-access package. Among the reasons schools are reluctant to use it is that teachers just don't want to let parents quibble with them about grades. Yet without such systems some parents won't even know that there's anything to quibble over, because, in the words of another parent, "Kids don't always bring the bad stuff home." (AP 2 Feb 2005)


SPAMMERS TRY A NEW TACK
Tired of being blocked by "blacklists," spammers are turning to a new technique -- routing it directly through the computers of their Internet service providers, rather than sending it from individual machines. The result poses a dilemma: to block spam coming directly from an ISP's servers would mean blocking all its mail, crippling the system. "From what we've seen, the volumes of this type of spam are going up dramatically," says Steve Linford, who heads up the Spamhaus Project. "We're really looking at a bleak thing" if ISPs don't quickly deploy countermeasures, he adds. Such measures could include more aggressive monitoring and limiting how much mail is being sent from individual machines on their networks. In addition, ISPs should beef up efforts to authenticate mail they pass on through their own computers, says Linford. A study released yesterday estimates that deleting spam costs nearly $22 billion per year in lost productivity, based on a survey of 1,000 adults who said they spend about three minutes per day trashing spam when they check their e-mail. (Washington Post 4 Feb 2005)


CANADIANS UP IN ARMS OVER HEALTH INFO PRIVACY
Activists with the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association say that plans to outsource storage of Canadian citizens' health records to a U.S. company places that sensitive information in jeopardy. They fear that putting the data in the hands of Maximus Can, a subsidiary of U.S.-based Maximus, could lead to data-mining exercises, such as those that involved passenger records from JetBlue and other airlines. Or, as in the case with data on Latin American citizens purchased in 2003 by ChoicePoint that was then sold to U.S. immigration authorities, it could be used to prevent British Columbians with serious health issues, such as AIDS, from entering the U.S. Under the U.S. Patriot Act, U.S. companies can be forced to reveal information while prohibited from telling customers or employees that it has been shared. Activists fear that reach will extend to subsidiaries of U.S. companies operating outside its borders. "There really isn't a database of cross-referenced information that you could consider to be more personal. The potential for this information to be used and misused is great," says Michael Vonn, policy director for the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association. (Wired.com 4 Feb 2005)


WHY BUY WHEN YOU CAN RENT?
Until recently, subscribers to music download services were restricted in their ability to transfer songs they purchased to portable players, while Apple has touted the portability of its iTunes service, aimed at owners of its iPod portable music player. But Napster is hoping to change all that with its Napster To Go service, which it's promoting in a SuperBowl ad urging music fans to compare the costs of spending $10,000 to buy and transfer 10,000 songs to an iPod, compared with the $15 per month fee to carry songs from a catalog of more than a million tracks on Napster-compatible players. The Napster service will use Microsoft's new Janus digital rights management software, and manufacturers like Samsung, iRiver, Gateway and Creative are cranking up production of Janus-compatible devices ranging in price from about $250 to $500. An IDC analyst predicts the price eventually will fall below $100, creating tougher competition for Apple. (Reuters 3 Feb 2005)


YAHOO LAUNCHES 'CONTEXTUALLY RELEVANT' SEARCH TOOL
Yahoo is taking the wraps off its Y!Q search tool that combs the Internet for "contextually relevant" content based on what the user is reading. So if a user is reading an article on Sammy Sosa being traded to the Baltimore Orioles, one click on the Y!Q link produces a menu of related stories from ESPN and others, as well as links to the Os' team page and ticket information. The tool is the latest in a series of search innovations launched by Yahoo and rival Google. "It's a game of one-upmanship," says a Forrester Research analyst. (San Jose Mercury News 3 Feb 2005)


WIFI PHONES
Travelers lugging laptops to wireless hot spots in airports and coffee bars may soon be flipping open their Wi-Fi handsets to take advantage of cheap calls. The voice over Wi-Fi handsets digitize the voice and send it as data packets, similar to the way VoIP calls work. But they do it wirelessly, over the Wi-Fi network. Experts say Wi-Fi handsets soon will be common on the consumer market. "Probably we will see dual-use handsets that are cell phones as well as voice over Wi-Fi," says Philip Solis, senior analyst at ABI Research. Vonage, which has 400,000 customers who use its VoIP service, plans to start selling Wi-Fi handsets, priced somewhere between $75 and $100. (New York Times 3 Feb 2005)


*****

JOE "KING" OLIVER
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the legendary jazz musician Joe "King" Oliver (1885-1939), whose masterful command of the cornet earned him the nickname "King" in the early years of the New Orleans jazz scene.
Oliver was a pioneer in using an assortment of items such as derby hats, bottles and cups to mute and alter the wa-wa and other sounds coming from his instrument. Blinded in one eye as a child, he often played while sitting in a chair or leaning against the wall, with a derby hat tilted so that it hid his bad eye.
Like most trumpet players of his day, Oliver was an ensemble player more than a virtuoso soloist. Because recording technology was just in its infancy, the sound legacy of Oliver's performances is skimpy. He made no recordings until 1923, when his best years were behind him. Written accounts of his live performances, however, attest to the exciting spontaneity and creativity of his music. In the span of black musical history, Oliver occupies an important place in the era between ragtime and solo improvisation, as exemplified by Oliver's famous protégé, Louis Armstrong.
Joseph Oliver was born in the town of Abend, Louisiana, 19 December 1885. He moved to New Orleans in his youth, where he became a professional musician playing in dance bands and marching bands. Together with the trombonist Edward "Kid" Ory he formed a band that soon caught on with the New Orleans jazz enthusiasts. When a fight broke out during a performance in a local dance hall, Oliver and his band were hauled into court along with the troublemakers. Oliver decided to take jobs out of town, first in Chicago, then in California, returning to Chicago where he remained until 1927. By then the King Oliver's Creole Jazz Band had become famous for its ensemble jazz, and Oliver's compositions, including Dippermouth Blues, Doctor Jazz, and Canal Street Blues, were becoming jazz standards. In 1927 Oliver moved to New York City, where he had been offered permanent work at the Cotton Club. But when he held out for more money, the job went to the band of young Duke Ellington.
The Depression years were hard on Oliver. He lost his savings when a Chicago bank failed, and he had to take the band on tour accepting low-paying billings until the band broke up and Oliver was stranded in Savannah, Georgia.
In 1937, after quitting show business, he was forced into a life of poverty, working as a poolroom attendant. His health was poor and he died soon thereafter.
During his career Oliver had a profound influence on many younger players, including Tommy Ladnier, Muggsy Spanier, Paul Mares, Bubber Miley, Johnny Wiggs, and his truest protégé, Louis Armstrong, who on learning of Oliver's death said:
"Joe Oliver has always been my inspiration and my idol. No trumpet player ever had the fire that Oliver had. Man, he really could punch a number. No one created as much as Joe."
[To find a library copy of Walter C. Allen's biography of "King" Oliver, visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase Oliver's music on CDs visit:

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: OVID
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Roman poet Ovid (43 BC-16 AD), the short name used for Publius Ovidius Naso, who first came to prominence as the composer of risqué love poetry, but whose most important poetic legacy was his long narrative poem "Metamorphoses," a literary masterpiece that became a veritable a storehouse of classical stories for English writers from Shakespeare's time to the present.
Ovid was born a year after the assassination of Julius Caesar in the town of Sulmo, some 90 miles east of Rome. When the civil strife subsided and Caesar Augustus became Rome's uncontested ruler, Ovid's father sent him Rome to be educated for a political career. Ovid's true ambition, however, was to become a poet. By age 20 he had found an appreciative audience for his undoubted talent among Rome's sophisticates, and at age 30, he was Rome's most popular poet.
Initially, he wrote under the influence of his poet-friend, Sextus Propertius, who wrote compellingly on the torments of love. In his poem "Amores" Ovid depicts a witty lover who evades love's torments by turning love into a sport. Then in the "Heroides" he pursues another theme suggested by Propertius: passionate letters written by famous heroines to men who have abandoned them. Then in the "Art of Love" he writes professorially, and impudently, on how men can seduce women; in reality, however, this poem reveals the folly of making the art of love into a "science." This poem, more than any other, contributed to Ovid's loss of favor with the Emperor Augustus, who was seriously committed to improving the moral tone of Roman society.
Besides the poet Propertius, Ovid also enjoyed the friendship of Horace and other members of Rome's literary elite. Having found acceptance as a talented poet, Ovid took on more ambitious projects, such as "The Metamorphoses," a collection of mythological and legendary stories told in chronological order from the creation of the universe (the first metamorphosis, of chaos into order) to the death and deification of Julius Caesar (the culminating metamorphosis of the chaos of the Civil Wars into the order of the Augustan Peace).
When Ovid was 50 years old, Augustus suddenly ordered him into exile at Tomis (modern Costanza, in Romania), then a primitive, semi-barbaric town on the Black Sea. The exact reason for his exile has never come to light -- both Ovid and the Emperor merely made a vague reference to an unspecified indiscretion. Ovid's banishment was never lifted and for the remainder of his life he consoled himself by writing poetry about exile. He apparently died soon after, an unhappy man of 60 whose suffering exposed the authoritarian nature of Augustus.
***
[To find a library copy of "Metamorphoses," visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase a copy go to:

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: AKIRA KUROSAWA
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Japanese film director Akira Kurosawa (1910-1998), who by the close of his career was hailed as a cinematic "giant" and one of the most influential directors in the history of the industry.
Kurosawa's breakthrough film "Rashomon" won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Film in 1951 and launched a decade of landmark films that included "Seven Samurai" (1954) and "Throne of Blood" (1957). He also earned an Oscar for "Dersu Uzala" (1975), and was given an honorary Academy Award for lifetime achievement in 1990. His films employed an impressive use of widescreen cinematography and displayed a unique blend of traditional Japanese theatrical forms with Western styles of filmmaking.
Born the youngest of eight children in Tokyo in 1910, Kurosawa turned to the cinema after failing to get into art school as a painter. He began his filmmaking career as an assistant director and by 1941 was writing scripts and directing major film sequences for other directors films. At age 33, he directed his first film, and then in 1950 came the Oscar-winning "Rashomon," in which a single violent event was retold in completely different versions from the point of view of the individual participants.
There then followed a dry period in Kurosawa's creativity, during which he attempted suicide when he suffered a box-office failure in 1971.
Because his films required big budgets, he was often refused funding by Japanese studios and forced to look elsewhere for support. Fortunately for movie-lovers worldwide he succeeded in finding the backing needed for leaving them a legacy of 30 major cinematic works of art. Kurosawa was married to actress Yoko Yaguchi, who died in 1985 after 35 years of marriage. Besides son Hisao, they had a daughter, Kazuko.

[To find a library copy of Donald Richie's "The Films or Akira Kurosawa," visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase a DVD of "Rashomon" go to:

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: A WILLINGNESS OF HEART
Journalist David Lamb explains what he found when he took an extended journey across America:
"The French traveler Alexis de Tocqueville wrote after his journey through the United States in 1831-32: 'The time will therefore come when one hundred and fifty million men will be living in North America, equal in condition, all belonging to one family, owing their origin to the same cause, and preserving the same civilization, the same language, the same religion, the same habits, the same manners, and imbued with the same opinions, propagated under the same forms. The rest is uncertain, but this is certain; and it is a fact new to the world, a fact that the imagination strives in vain to grasp.'
"Could that be us he was talking about? What Tocqueville didn't foresee was that our commonalty would be our differences, not our similarities. Americans would be bound not by language or color or opinions but by sharing a dream and a universal sense of place. America, F. Scott Fitzgerald said, is 'a willingness of the heart,' and that says it pretty well. Though pop cynics would have us believe such sentiments are antiquated these days, the strength of the American character remains a striking and provable thing. I have seen it on the battlefields of Vietnam and the Middle East, in the prairie towns of the Dakotas and along the long, lonely byways that cut through the heartland of a great nation. From all these places I came away convinced that, however wrenching our problems. The America of the 1990s is an achievement to be celebrated, not lamented.
"I may well be out of sync with common sentiment, but the pessimism I hear expressed when learned people gather to discuss our country mystifies me. The self-indulgence of the sixties and the trickle-down indifference of the eighties are behind us, and what the doomsayers tend to ignore are the Americans themselves. I did not find in my travels defeated people looking backward. Most of the Americans I met had rolled up their sleeves and gotten on with life. They accepted any honorable man as a neighbor and knew that the best social program was a good job. It wasn't very glamorous stuff, but still, they always left me heartened and reminded me that there was a lot to feel good about in America."
***
[Source: David Lamb, "A Sense of Place: Listening to Americans."
To find a library copy, visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase a copy go to:

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: ELIJAH BEN SOLOMON
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Jewish scholar and spiritual leader Elijah ben Solomon (1720-1797), whose scholarship embraced mastery of every field of study in the Jewish literature up to his own time.
Born in Sielec, Lithuania, into a long line of scholars, Elijah traveled among the Jewish communities of Poland and Germany in 1740-45 and then settled in Vilna, which was the cultural center of eastern European Jewry. There he lived as a recluse, devoting himself to study and prayer. By the time he was 30 his reputation as a scholar had spread throughout the Jewish world, and as a mark of respect they began calling him the Gaon of Vilna, the title Gaon being an ancient Hebrew honorific term for "majesty."
Although he refused to act as a rabbi in his own community, Elijah was one of the first authoritative critics of rabbinical texts. He prepared commentaries on the Talmud and on Hebrew classics, introducing the methods of textual criticism in the study of the Bible and the Talmud. He also broadened Jewish learning to include the natural sciences, and asserted that a complete understanding of Jewish law and literature required the study of mathematics, astronomy, geography, botany and zoology. He encouraged translations of works on these subjects into Hebrew and made his own contribution by writing a Hebrew grammar as well as treatises on mathematics and astronomy.
Elijah is sometimes remembered in a less than favorable light for his strenuous opposition to the spread of Hasidism among the Jewish population. Hasidism was a pietistic mystical movement that he considered superstitious and unscholarly, deserving the strongest condemnation and rejection by the Jewish community. His opposition succeeded in temporarily checking the movement's spread in Lithuania.
Elijah's writings were published posthumously and include commentaries and numerous annotations on the Bible, Talmud, Midrash, and other works. One of his best-known books is "The Village Gaon Views Life," cited below.
[To find a library copy Solomon's "The Village Gaon Views Life," visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at

-- or to purchase a copy go to:


Note: We donate all revenue from our book recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

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Activities and Events of Interest
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Krystle Maczka, Piano - February 6 Magnolia FUMC 2:00 p.m. "
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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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MCC Tanzania, Africa Mission Trip, July 2005. Get your passport!
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.

01. Sgt. Andrew K. Farrar Jr., 31, of Weymouth, Mass., died Jan. 28 due to a non-hostile related incident in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to Headquarters and Service Battalion, 2nd Force Service Support Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

02. Cpl. Timothy A. Knight, 22, of Brooklyn, Ohio, died Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter he was in crashed near Ar Rutbah, Iraq. Knight was assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

The Department of Defense announced the death of five soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The soldiers died Jan. 24 in Mohammed Sacran, Iraq, when their Bradley Fighting Vehicle overturned. They were assigned to the 2d Battalion, 2d Infantry, 1st Infantry Division, Vilseck, Germany. Dead are:
03. Staff Sgt. Joseph W. Stevens, 26, of Sacramento, Calif.
04. Sgt. Michael C. Carlson, 22, of St. Paul, Minn.
05. Sgt. Javier Marin Jr., 29, of Mission, Texas.
06. Spc. Viktar V. Yolkin, 24, of Spring Branch, Texas.
07. Pfc. Jesus A. Leon-Perez, 20, of Houston, Texas.

08. Lt. Cmdr Keith E. Taylor, 47, of Irvine, Calif., died Jan. 29, in a rocket attack on the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. Taylor was assigned to Commander, U.S. Naval Forces, Central Command, Iraq Detachment.

09. Sgt. 1st Class Mickey E. Zaun, 27, of Brooklyn Park, Minn., died Jan. 28 in Mosul, Iraq, from injuries sustained in a collision between two armored vehicles. Zaun was assigned to the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The Soldiers died Jan. 28 in Baghdad, Iraq, in a helicopter accident. Both were assigned to the 1st Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. They are:
10. Capt. Orlando A. Bonilla, 27, of Killeen, Texas.
11. Chief Warrant Officer Charles S. Jones, 34, of Lawtey, Fla.

12. Lt. Cmdr. Edward E. Jack, 51, of Detroit, Mich., died Jan. 29, of a non-combat related incident aboard the USS Bonhomme Richard. Jack was assigned to Commander, Destroyer Squadron Seven, home ported in San Diego, Calif.

13. Lance Cpl. Nazario Serrano, 20, of Irving, Texas, died Jan. 30 as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Serrano was assigned to the Combat Service Support Battalion 1, Combat Service Support Group 11, 1st Force Service Support Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

14. Pfc. James H. Miller IV, 22, of Cincinnati, Ohio, died Jan. 30 in Ramadi, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Miller was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503d Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea.

15. Pfc. Stephen A. Castellano, 21, of Long Beach, Calif., died Jan. 28 in Mosul, Iraq, from a non-combat related injury. Castellano was assigned to 1st Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 25th Infantry Division (Light) from Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

16. Sgt. Lindsey T. James, 23, of Urbana, Mo., died Jan. 29 in Baghdad, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted patrol. James was assigned to the 2d Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The soldiers died Jan. 28 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device struck a nearby vehicle. All were assigned to the Army National Guard's 1088th Engineer Battalion, 256th Brigade Combat Team, New Roads, La.
The soldiers are:
17. Staff Sgt. Jonathan R. Reed, 25, of Opelousas, La.
18. Spc. Michael S. Evans II, 22, Marrero, La.
19. Spc. Christopher J. Ramsey, 20, of Batchelor, La.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
20. Lance Cpl. Jason C. Redifer, 19, of Stuarts Draft, Va.
21. Lance Cpl. Harry R. Swain IV, 21, of Cumberland, N.J.
22. Cpl. Christopher E. Zimny, 27, of Cook, Ill.
All three Marines died Jan. 31 as a result of hostile action in Babil Province, Iraq. They were all assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

23. Staff Sgt. Joseph E.Rodriguez, 25 of Las Cruces, N.M., died Jan. 28 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device struck his armored vehicle. Rodriguez was assigned to the 8th Engineer Battalion, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

24. Spc. Lyle W. Rymer II, 24, of Fort Smith, Ark., died Jan. 28 in Baghdad, Iraq, when he was shot by enemy forces. Rymer was assigned to the Army National Guard's 239th Engineer Company, 39th Infantry Brigade, Booneville, Ark.

25. Barbara Heald, 60, of Stamford, Conn., died Jan.29 in Baghdad, Iraq, when the Republic National Palace was hit by a mortar round. Heald worked for the Project and Contracting Office - Finance.

26. Lance Cpl. Sean P. Maher, 19, of Grays Lake, Ill., died Feb. 2 as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.
27. Spc. Robert T. Hendrickson, 24, from Broken Bow, Okla., died Feb. 1 in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained when his military vehicle overturned. Hendrickson was assigned to the 2d Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

28. Sgt. Stephen R. Sherman, 27, from Neptune, N.J., died Feb. 3 in Mosul, Iraq, from wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Sherman was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 5th Infantry Regiment, 25th Infantry Division, (Stryker Brigade Combat Team) Fort Lewis, Wash.

29. Sgt. 1st Class Mark C. Warren, 44, from LaGrande, Ore., died January 31 at Kirkuk Air Base, Iraq from non-combat related injuries. Warren was assigned to the 3d Battalion, 116th Armor Cavalry Regiment, 116th Brigade Combat Team (Forward), LaGrande, Ore.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.

Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett, 12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m.Monday - Friday.At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m.Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m.Union Street Station.And YOU'RE invited.Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second.Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program.For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of “Faith Builders” fellowship, MCC Video Control and Camera Girl, and one of our favorite comic strips.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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