Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Senior Citizen Speaks Out.....

Volume 7, Issue 04

Hello ALL,

We had to take Annette to the Emergency Room this evening. She may have a stomach virus. They gave her a liter of fluids and sent us home. Thank the Lord, she’s resting comfortably.
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Brother Earl Miller passed away this week. Earl drove the Southern Arkansas University Bus for years. In fact, he started driving when it was Southern State College.
Earl was famous for taking care of “his” kids and prompt, reliable, courteous service. After he retired those attributes continued in all his dealings with us.
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Tuesday morning I finished up my time as “Speaker Chairman” of the ‘05 Men’s Prayer Breakfast. Gary McKinnie did a GREAT job of speaking on “Pride”. You are really missing a blessing if you don’t attend the Tuesday morning Prayer Breakfast at Miller’s Cafeteria. Breakfast is only $5 and is served from 5:30 a.m. to 6:30 am.
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Dusty celebrated his 9th birthday last Saturday. He had a skating party at the Mulerider rink. He’s a special guy that we are very proud of.
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Jim and Shirley McWilliams had us out for supper Thursday evening. They represent everything that is good about our community. Zac was with us and he greatly enjoyed Jim’s dog Susie. She can jump high, play with kids and knows commands before they’re spoken.
I enjoyed visiting with the McWilliams and especially the supper Shirley cooked.
Another treat was listening to Katy’s “IPod”. She has some great tunes on there.
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Our trusty “Burton” computer died on us Monday. A quick trip to Magnolia InterNet Services, Computer Service, 1110 East North St., Magnolia, AR 71753 - 870 234-1215, resulted in a diagnosis of “Dirt in the CPU”. Lots of dirt. Seems that our computer had been failed by an overabundance of dust. They told me that the fan was so clogged with dust that it wasn’t turning. Total cost of repairs, $16.22. Now see if you can beat that price anywhere else. They didn’t even charge for the advice to clean my computer more often.
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Just as Magnolia InterNet is our choice for Internet Service and Computer Sales and Repair, “RefDesk.com” is our choice for the best “HOMEPAGE” on the web. Check them out. Everything to make your web surfing productive and enjoyable is there.
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CONGRATULATIONS MAGNOLIA EMPLOYEES!
Through your dedication to safety, we have achieved one million safe work hours!
As of December 31, we had worked one year without an OSHA recordable; now we have extended our safe work record again.
By each of us working with safety as our top priority, we can continue this record as we work toward our next goal of no recordables for the first quarter of 2005.
Thanks for all your hard work in achieving this milestone and your continued efforts to reach our next goal!

Joe Bossier
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Sam Boggs shared this report of his recent trip aboard the Shinkansen (Bullet Train) in Japan.

In January, I traveled round trip from Fukuoka, Japan to Kyoto on the Shinkansen (that's the real name of Japan's Bullet Train). There are three levels of Shinkansen: the Kodama, which stops at all the stations, and has as few as four cars. The Hikari which has fewer stops and is thus faster, and the Nozomi, which is the fastest both in speed and in fewest stops. These fastest trains have 16 cars. Most cars are standard but have plenty of legroom. First class cars are called Green Cars and have 4-across rather than 5-across seating. Quieter, roomier and considerably more expensive, and some personal service, but I declined the luxury.

Until this western section of line was completed a few years ago, a trip to Tokyo was upwards of 10 - 12 hours by limited express train, and often was taken at night on a "sleeper" train. One could get off in Kyoto, before arriving in Tokyo. I put "sleeper" in quotes because I always found it impossible to sleep - it was constantly banging to a stop to change cars, change directions, squeal around curves. The goal was maximum noise and annoyance. No a/c. The only way a tall person could possibly sleep was to get on the third (top) row of berths, where his head or feet could hang over into the luggage rack. However, any visitor to Japan quickly learns to envy that the Japanese are gifted sleepers on public transportation.

At least there was a dining car where hot meals were available. This train, the Tsubame (Swallow - bird) still exists, but the RR is under financial pressure to discontinue it. Some RR buffs (they have those in Japan too) are protesting. So if you want to subject yourself to this memorable experience, better hurry.

My trip to Kyoto was about 3 hours in each direction on the high-speed Nozomi, with the train traveling at 300 km/hr (186 mph). This trip was much smoother and a bit faster than in 1973, the last time I rode on the Shinkansen. However, there is no longer a dining car. At least the older Shinkansen had a "buffet" car where noodle and curry dishes were available at a stand-up counter. You now have to buy boxed meals at the station, or snacks from a cart rolled down the aisle. As you would expect, the cars are aerodynamic and pressurized. Constantly going in and out of tunnels at 186 mph, there was no pressure change in the cars. The only bobble was, while passing another train, since there was a closing speed of 372 mph, the car would briefly lean away about 1" because of the pressure wave.

These trains are indeed a marvel. They were built for the 1964 Tokyo Olympics (all the rolling stock is considerably newer than that), and in those 40 years, there has never been an injury due to an accident. In fact, the only real incident finally happened about 3 months ago when an earthquake in northern Japan derailed one of the Shinkansen trains. Fortunately, there were no injuries. The lines have faced earthquakes in the past, but the trains had always been shut down in time. This was a black eye in an otherwise flawless record. Part of the design is that there are no grade crossings. There is an obvious emphasis on safety.

If you travel, be sure to get a window seat. One of the joys of train travel is seeing the countryside, and too often the person next to the window feels compelled to close the shade. Quite a disappointment.

I've attached three photos of Shinkansen. [“Bug’s Note” e-mail us (kc5hii@magnolia-net.com) If you’d like to see the photos.] The first was in front of the first one I came to on the platform, not the one I rode. It turned out to be a Kodama which though fast is the slowest one (see below). The second is a side view of a Hikari version. The third photo is of a very sleek Shinkansen, but it's not the newest one. I was able to ride on the newest version, which is lower and even sleeker than this one, but I couldn't get a good photo of it, mainly because I didn't want it to leave me at the station!

One way in which American trains are much better than Japanese trains is the schedule. In the U.S., if you are delayed in traffic and get to the platform 45 minutes late, no problem. The train probably hasn't even arrived yet. You still have plenty of time to go somewhere for lunch. But in Japan, if the train is scheduled to leave at 11:16, if you get to the platform at 11:17, you'll be Left Behind. It will be gone.

In terms of convenience, the Shinkansen are superb. But these are a bit impersonal; some of the old charm is gone. The day trips on the cramped, slow trains (actually worse than the night trips on the "sleeper" cars) gave you a chance to meet people, eat and even share strange snack food, visit the dining car, roam around and read. You might have to stand for several hours until enough people got off at intermediate stations, but part of the adventure is working out who gets to grab the next seat that comes available. It will not be the elderly, or pregnant women; they usually move too slowly to beat out the college kids.

Oh, you might wonder what Shinkansen means. You might think it's Japanese for Bullet Train or something technical or cool. The real meaning is a bit of a disappointment. It simply means New Trunk (Main) Line.

On the way back to Fukuoka, which was home for two weeks, I sat in the front car. This was the first time I had done that, and I learned something new. Whenever a new crewmember came on board, they stood at the front of the front car, and made a deep bow toward the rest of the cars. A very nice, polite, professional touch.

You'll come back to the States wishing we had such a nice transportation system.

Sam Boggs
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NIMS training and volunteers – [http://training.fema.gov/EMIWeb/IS/]

Volunteer emergency workers must take training necessary for NIMS (the National Incident Management System) certification just like other responders. This includes RACES operators.
Because they are part of an organized volunteer response group, they should receive the NIMS course and the basic (IS100) ICS. This would provide at least an "awareness level" of the system. In the near term, I don't think we can expect every potential volunteer to get NIMS/ICS training, but organized volunteer response groups should at least be familiar with the management system.
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This message was sent from the Arkansas Department of Emergency Management Blackberry Server

Thanks to Bruce Rushton (KB5ROZ)
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Dr. William Winkenwerder Jr., assistant secretary of defense for health affairs, announced Monday the implementation of a new clinical program to assess the health of service members three to six months after redeployment, focusing on support to those needing assistance with posttraumatic stress disorder, psychological and social readjustment issues.
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Feb. 1 Ladies’ Night Out will be held 5:30-8 p.m. in the Donald W. Reynolds Campus and Community Center at Southern Arkansas University. A total of 36 companies, institutions and individuals will have booths at Ladies’ Night Out.
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Gary and Janis Walker reported; WE HAD A NEW GRANDSON. I SUPPOSE WE'LL CALL HIM ELI.
How in the world (after 3 Dog Night sang “Eli's coming”) did we NOT have a rash of Eli’s? Gary James
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Arkansas Children's Hospital and the Arkansas Hospital Association are supporting House Bill 1193 which prohibits smoking on a hospital campus. Please contact your legislators and ask their support for the bill
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Should you not want to cook on a Sunday.............
First United Methodist Church child development center is hosting a fish fry Sunday, February 6, 2005 -- 11:00 am - 1:00 pm – Dine in or carry out - $10.00 includes fish, fries, slaw, hushpuppies and drink
Proceeds go to new playground equipment
Contact Don Vash (235-6112) for tickets
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"Rockin Romania" has been invited to the White House to participate in honoring the workers who've struggled to save Romanian Orphans. We'll keep you posted.
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www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $1.87 $1.98 $2.06 $2.05
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
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Recipe of the week; Chicken and Rice Casserole courtesy Paula Deen
See this recipe on air Wednesday Feb. 16 at 3:00 PM CT - Paula's Home Cooking
Episode: Cooking with Kids


Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Yield: 6 to 8 servings



2 (14 ½-ounce) can green beans, rinsed and drained
3 cups diced cooked chicken
1 medium onion diced and sauteed
1 (8-ounce) can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1 (4-ounce) can pimentos
1 (10 3/4-ounce) can condensed cream of celery soup
1-cup mayonnaise
(6-ounce) box long-grain and wild rice, cooked according to package directions
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar
Pinch salt


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Mix all ingredients together and pour into a greased 3-quart casserole dish. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until bubbly.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD-9936-28829,00.html
Copyright 2004 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/
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This week we share excerpts from “Da Bleat” of Friday, 28 January 2000.
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We’re always looking for stories as well as jokes and other contributions. Don’t hesitate to share any offerings with us.
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

From Auschwitz to Iraq
Honoring Those Who Sacrifice
January 28, 2005

In 1941, a monk named Maximilian Kolbe volunteered to take the place of another condemned prisoner at Auschwitz. Six decades later, a young man serving in Iraq—a soldier inspired by Father Kolbe—sacrificed his life when he volunteered to take the place of another soldier.

The story of this heroic young man—the son of a dear friend of ours in Prison Fellowship—is one we should tell our children as we mark the sixtieth anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz this week.

Twenty-year-old Thomas Doerflinger grew up in a home in which human dignity was vigorously defended. His father, Richard, is a bioethics expert who speaks out against abortion, cloning, and other assaults against human dignity. Some of those who knew the blond, blue-eyed Thomas questioned why this bright young man chose military service. His father says Thomas had no interest in a soft and easy life; he sought instead a life of deprivation and duty, service and sacrifice. And he wanted to help free the citizens of Iraq—people who’d spent decades living under tyranny and terror.

Years earlier, Thomas had offered a hint of his future plans. When he was confirmed into the Catholic Church, he took the name Maximilian Kolbe.

As Austin and Cathy Ruse write in the National Catholic Register, nobody takes Kolbe’s name lightly. “At a time in the world when courage mattered most, Kolbe did not hesitate,” they note. “He offered himself up to the starvation bunker in exchange for a man with a family. You take the name of Kolbe because you hold self-sacrifice and the love of fellow man in the highest regard.”

Last November, the vehicle Thomas was assigned to, a Stryker armored personnel carrier, was undergoing repairs. Another Stryker was headed for Mosul, which had been overrun by terrorists. But the crew was one man short. Would Thomas be willing to take his place?

While he was under no obligation to go, Thomas was known for volunteering. He offered to serve as a rear rifleman to provide cover for the other men.

On November 11, the Stryker rumbled into Mosul. Thomas jumped out—and soon after was ushered into eternity, cut down by a sniper’s bullet.

What motivates young men to make such a sacrifice, not only for their country and their comrades, but on behalf of strangers longing for freedom?

An answer comes from another Thomas. In the Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas put his discussion of just war in his chapter on charity and the love of God. Centuries later, John Calvin echoed his thoughts, calling the soldier an “agent of God’s love” and soldiering justly a “God-like act.” Far from viewing war as a “necessary evil,” Calvin said that “restraining evil out of love for neighbor” imitates God’s restraining evil out of love for humanity.

Thomas Doerflinger’s death reminds us that the cost of restraining evil is heartbreakingly high. On the anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, we should pray for those who bear the cost of protecting our country—and who are willing to liberate another persecuted people.

Like Maximilian Kolbe, at a time when courage mattered most, Thomas Doerflinger did not hesitate.

For further reading and information:
Today’s BreakPoint offer: In The End of Illusions: Religious Leaders Confront Hitler’s Gathering Storm, Joseph Loconte brings together pieces from the most significant religious thinkers of the pre-war period. In these essays, the writers explore issues vibrantly relevant today, including the Christian cause for war, the problem of evil, and America’s role in the world. To order, call 1-877-322-5527.
Austin Ruse and Cathy Cleaver Ruse, “The Short, Heroic Life of Thomas Doerflinger,” National Catholic Register, 17 December 2004.
Read messages to Army Spc. Thomas K. Doerflinger on the “Fallen Heroes of Operation Iraqi Freedom” page.
Gerard Perseghin, “Army Spc. Doerflinger remembered for caring ways, sacrifice,” Catholic News Service, 23 November 2004.
Thomas Tobin, “I Haven’t Lost You, My Friend,” Communion and Liberation. (Memories and comments from Army Spc. Doerflinger’s friend and professor.)
Susan Kinzie, “Family, Friends Mourn a Soldier and a Poet,” WashingtonPost, 20 November 2004, B03.
Stephen Manning, “Fort Lewis soldier killed in Iraq,” Associated Press. (Reprinted on the “Honor the Fallen” page of MilitaryCity.com.)
Berel Lazar, “Where Is Man?” Wall Street Journal,27 January 2005.
Read about the life of Maximilian Kolbe.
“St. Maximilian Kolbe: Priest hero of a death camp,” Catholic-pages.com.
Pius Kamau, “Learn from courage of ‘Hotel’,” Denver Post, 26 January 2005.
St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica (Benziger Bros. edition, 1947).
BreakPoint Commentary No. 040531, “A Soldier’s Valor: Helping and Healing in Iraq.”
BreakPoint Commentary No. 020306, “Loving Your Neighbor: Just War and Charity.” (Free registration required.)
Joseph Loconte, “Democracy and Anti-Semitism,” Heritage Foundation,24 January 2005.
Elie Wiesel, “Bearing Witness, 60 Years On,” Beliefnet,25 January 2005.
Suzanne Fields, “Remembering Auschwitz at the UN,” Townhall.com,27 January 2005.

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
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Words of the Week:
omnipresent: present in all places at the same time.
forlorn: sad and lonely because deserted, abandoned, or lost.
evince: to show in a clear manner.
seriatim: in a series; one after another.
coruscate: to give off or reflect bright beams or flashes of light.
turpitude: baseness; depravity.
moiety: a half; a small part.
bete noire: something or someone particularly detested or avoided.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"When you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing." - Anonymous

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge." - Charles Darwin

"Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop Than when we soar." - William Wordsworth

"I wish I could stand on a busy street corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours." - Bernard Berenson

"Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know; and it's knowing how to use the information you get." - William Feather

"It is always the secure who are humble." - G.K. Chesterton

"We can forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato

"Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now." - Charlotte P. Gilman
~~~~~
FLASH CARD "The limits of my language are the limits of my mind. All I know is what I have words for." (Ludwig Wittgenstein)
*****
FLASH CARD "A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students." (John Ciardi)
*****
FLASH CARD "Ye can lead a man up to the university, but ye can't make him think." (Finley Peter Dunne as "Mr. Dooley")
*****
FLASH CARD "The new electronic interdependence recreates the world in the image of a global village." (Marshall McLuhan)
*****
FLASH CARD "Abba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba, said the monkey to the chimp... All night long they chattered away. All day long they were happy and gay, swinging and swaying in a honky, tonky way." (Arthur Fields and Walter Donovan, sung by Debbie Reynolds and Carleton Carpenter in the 1950 musical "Two Weeks With Love.")

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GCF: Senior Citizen Speaks Out.....

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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A college student at a recent football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.

"You grew up in a different world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh...."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the old geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are YOU doing for the next generation?"

(I love senior citizens!)
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GCF: Surgical Beauty

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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Irving was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife, Sarah, was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, Sarah continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful'?" Sarah asked.

"I guess the drugs must be wearing off," he replied.
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GCF: Cell Phone Etiquette

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
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Friends and I were chatting over dinner in a restaurant. A man at the next table told his cell-phone caller to hold on. Then he stepped outside to talk.

When he returned, I said, "That was very thoughtful."

"I had no choice," he nodded and said to me. "You were making too much noise."
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GCF: New Light Switch

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
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My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

"Honey!" he called excitedly. "You've got to come here and see what I found."

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.
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GCF: Mis-Step

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated though when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"
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(((\ \>|-/ )------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Money isn't everything.... \ /
\ -/there's credit cards, money orders,\- /
/ / and travelers checks. \ (((\ \>|-/ )------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / A chrysanthemum by any other \ /
\ -/ name would be easier to spell. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / "A diplomat is a man who \ \-/ ////
\ / always remembers a woman's \ /
\ -/ birthday, but never remembers \- /
/ / her age." - Robert Frost \ (((\ \>|-/ )------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ /"It has been said that politics\ \-/ ////
\ / is the second oldest profession.\ /
\ -/ I have learned that it bears a \- /
/ / striking resemblance to the first." \ - Ronald Reagan
(((\ \>|-/ )------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / A true friend is one \ /
\ -/ who lets his grass grow \- /
/ / as tall as his neighbor's. \ \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ///// / \ / )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-| *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Smarter Than You Think

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.

They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Johnny would always take the nickel (they said) because it was bigger.

One day after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

With a big grin on his face, Johnny slowly turned toward the store owner. "Well," he answered, "If I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved $20!"
Received from Toni Buffmyer.
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[GCFL.net] Politicians Day Out

A bus load of politicians was traveling down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Received from Bill's-Punch-Line.
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[GCFL.net] Speeding Ticket

A county traffic policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver for her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan, visiting my daughter at Columbia."

The cop put away his summons book and pen and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

Received from Cadre N. Griffin.
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[GCFL.net] Long Bike Trip

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff, Arizona (about 140 miles). He got as far as Black Canyon City (about 40 miles) before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be out done, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 MPH, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 MPH.

He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass."

Received from Chris P.
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[GCFL.net] Interview Etiquette

/* Thanks again to all the members that helped support GCFL for another six months this donation drive! Once again we have enough funds to pay the bills and handle any hardware issues that might come up. Thanks for your support!

We've added a new rating feature to the web page. There is a link at the bottom of each mailing if you are interested in posting your vote. If you do give it a try, please give us some feedback. Have a great day! */

Billy Joe and Billy Ray went to the big city to get jobs. They had been friends since they were kids, so they decided to apply at the same firm. They had finished filling out the applications and were waiting to see the owner. Billy Ray was called in first.

The owner was a stout man, with a weathered face and a scar above his right eye. He also had the distinguishing feature of having no ears, just two tiny holes in the sides of his head. The man ordered Billy Ray to sit down. He leaned across the desk and moved his cigar to the corner of his mouth. He growled at Billy Ray "This is a tough business. You have to be on your toes, keen, observant. Look around the room and tell me what you notice!" Billy Ray looked at the polished glass, chrome furniture, and large bar. He looked at the owner and said "You ain't got no ears!" The owner jumped out of his chair, grabbed Billy Ray by the neck and threw him out of his office.

Billy Joe saw Billy Ray come flying out the door and went over to help his friend up. "What happened?" Billy Joe told him, "What ever you do - don't talk about his ears!" Just then, the intercom buzzed and the secretary told Billy Joe he could go in.

Once again the owner ordered Billy Joe to sit down. He leaned across the desk and moved his cigar to the corner of his mouth. He growled at Billy Joe "This is a tough business. You have to be on your toes, keen, observant. Look around the room and tell me what you notice!" Billy Joe looked at the polished glass, chrome furniture, and large bar. He looked at the owner and said "You wear contacts!"

The owner stood up in amazement. "That's awesome perception! How could you tell that from way over there?"

"It's obvious," said Billy Joe. "You can't wear glasses because you ain't got no ears!"

Received from Laugh-A-Lot.
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Bubba And Earl

Thanks to Greg McDaniel
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Bubba and Earl, two rednecks from Kentucky, were in a local Wal-Mart and they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti!"

Earl asked Bubba, "How about you? How's the toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba. "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Kids say...
From: "David & Bobbie McClellan"
My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said "...And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'" Then the teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said?"
My friend's son raised his hand and said , "I know! I know! He said, 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer now,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor now.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For weeks, a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
brainy stuff
ANN ARBOR
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
KENTUCKY
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
AN IDIOT'S IDIOT
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
LOUISIANA
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
NEW YORK
As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
SEATTLE
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Something to think about
Hi Donna,
Here is something that my husbands brother's wife sent. I thought you might enjoy it.
Take Care,
Love, Dawn
Subject: For the women.
Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade... It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom...
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either
16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned
18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom [ or at age 46
too.
The beauty of a woman Is not in the clothes she wears, The figure that she carries, Or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, The passion that she shows, And the beauty of a woman With passing years-only grows!
This is in honor of Women's History Month:
Did you know... There are 3 BILLION women who don't look like supermodels...and only 8 who do?
Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12.
If Barbie were a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
The average American woman weighs 144 lb. and wears between a size 12 and 14.
If shop mannequins were real women, they'd be too thin to menstruate.
One out of every 4 college aged women has an eating disorder.
The models in the magazines are airbrushed-they're not perfect!!
A psychological study in 1995 found that 3 minutes spent looking at models in a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty and shameful.
Models who twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, today weigh 23% less.
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Subject: GCF: Signs You Might Be Alaskan
From: "Thomas S. Ellsworth"
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Naomi) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
----------------------------------------
Tom's Note: I have seen another version of this, sent as "You know you are Canadian when..."
This one was sent as "You know you are Alaskan when..."
Having lived in Alaska (Kodiak 1968-69), I tend to believe that the list is more appropriate to our 49th state, no slight intended to my Canadian Neighbors. Last November, I posted "Signs You Might Be Canadian" and asked my Canadian friends to respond. This time, I ask my friends of "The Last Frontier" to respond and let me know if these are really true! 78^) I'll post an update with the responses.
PS: The Alaska State Insect is the Dragonfly (it eats mosquitos!)
I'm not making that up.
-----------------------------------
"Signs You Might Be Alaskan"
1. You only know four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
6. You thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary.
7. The local hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy store at Christmas.
8. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is three feet above the ground.
9. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
11. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons.
12. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat-processing plant.
14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
16. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
17. You head south to go to your cottage.
18. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo -- it's sausage making.
20. The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
21. You find -60 C a little chilly.
22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep-freeze.
23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels. 24. You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Construction.
25. You can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away.
26. Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
27. The town buys a Zamboni before they buy a bus.
28. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Alaskan friends.

\\\\ \-/ / I don't exercise at all. \ \-/ ////
\ / If God had meant me to touch \ /
\ -/ my toes, He would have put \- /
/ / put them on my knees. \ Subject: GCF: If Cats Performed "CATS"
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Lynn) -Tom
-----------------------------------------------------
"Cats" is the longest-running show on Broadway to date. The show romanticizes and shrouds in mystery the lives and habits one of America's most popular pets. Yet, even with the lively dancing and popular songs, "Cats" doesn't seem to capture the true-to-life behavior of our feline companions. Below is a list of what "Cats" would have to do to more accurately portray the true essence of cats.
1. Audience members would enter the auditorium only to find their seats had been clawed and covered with fur.
2. The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuum cleaner.
3. Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not - depending on their mood.
4. Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aisles at the recorded sound of a can opener in the lobby.
5. When certain audience members opened their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.
6. In the middle of a performance, various cast members would curl up and go to sleep, even in the middle of a song.
7. For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run to the lobby, and then back to the stage at top speed. They would then continue as if nothing had happened.
8. A special audience member would find a headless bird in his/her seat after the intermission. (Yuck!)
9. Snack bar employees would constantly be reprimanding cast members for walking on the counter.
10. Open the stall door and guess who is drinking from the toilet?
11. Part of the performance would include the cast climbing and shredding the theater curtains.
12. The stage would be stained from coughed up hairballs.
13. Performers would find the sand in the lobby ashtrays and - well, we don't have to draw a picture here, do we?
14. The show would need to be stopped several times to allow cast members to "bathe" themselves.
15. Most of the final act would consist of the cast just staring at the audience.
16. The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn, feathers on a pole and stray strands of dental floss.
17. Theater patrons waiting outside the stage door after performances would get their legs rubbed, if they were lucky.
18. Cast members would never cash their paychecks, just play with them.
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / I want less work and \ /
\ -/ more money for not doing it. \- /
/ / \ Subject: GCF: Goodbye, Charlie
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funny-Bone) -Tom
To subscribe to "The Funny-BPne" send e-mail to:
Join-Funny-Bone@lists.spunge.org
------------------------------------------------------
Charles Schulz, the creator of the comic strip "Peanuts", recently
retired. "Frozen in time", even though the comic strip was produced for
almost 50 years, the Peanuts gang were in some unspecified elementary
school holding pattern. But what if they had been allowed to age like
the rest of us?
With apologies to Charles Schulz, here's what the Peanuts characters
would be doing today:
Charlie Brown: Operates Good Grief Counseling Inc., which specializes in
people who are just having a bad day. Moonlights as a pitching coach at
high school and college levels. Married to Marcie. They have a
roundheaded son who wears glasses.
Linus: Developer of Security Blanket Software, which is a hot item on
the New York Stock Exchange. Worth millions but is actively involved in
charitable causes, including the Great Pumpkin 5K Fun Run every
Halloween. Only man who makes Bill Gates nervous.
Lucy: Serving her seventh term in Congress. On her third husband.
Claims she hasn't thought about Schroeder in years, but the background
music on her answering machine is Beethoven.
Schroeder: After years on the classical performing circuit, he runs a
piano bar in Carmel, Calif. Won't let anybody lean on his piano.
Sally: Never quite got over being spurned by Linus. Has a cat named
Sweet Baboo. Sells Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Peppermint Patty: Women's athletic director at a Midwestern university.
Her fashion credo: "Sandals go with everything."
Snoopy: In dog years, he'd be 350. Linus has created an endowment at
Daisy Hill Puppy farm in Snoopy's memory.
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Always remember to pillage \ /
\ -/ BEFORE you burn. \- /
/ / \ Subject: GCF: Child of the 80's
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to "The Funnies" send a blank e-mail to:
andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
---------------------------------------------------------
If you can identify with at least half of this list then you, my
friend, are a "Child of the 80's".
1. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".
2. You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer".
3. You can sing the McDonald's Big Mac, Filet-O-Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fry song while jump roping.
4. You know who "Mr. T" is.
5. You know who Fat Albert is. And also the boy with the pink mask.
6. You ever wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
7. You could break dance, or wish you could.
8. You wanted to be "The Hulk" for Halloween.
9. You Believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"
10. Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.
11. You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
12. You wanted to be on Star Search.
13. You remember the Garbage Pail Kids, and owned some.
14. You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout."
15. You HAD to have your MTV.
16. You wondered why Tootie always wore those skates.
17. You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
18. You watched Purple Rain over and over again.
19. You remember the episode of Good Times when Flo broke down after James' funeral.
20. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
21. You own any cassettes.
22. You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
23. You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut.
24. Poltergeist freaked you out.
25. You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunch box.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
27. You know what leg warmers are and probably had a pair.
28. You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.
29. You had a Swatch Watch with the Swatch Guard.
30. You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
31. You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
32. You know what a "Push Up" ice cream is.
\ / The more you know, \ /
\ -/ the more you know \- /
/ / you ought to know. \ Subject: GCF: Where the Heck...
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Elora) -Tom
--------------------------------------------------------
I know that you, just like me at one time or another has said,
"Now, where in Heck did THAT come from.

Do you know where Heck is?
- - - -
It's where you go after you die, if you don't believe in Gosh.
- ------------------------------------- -
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / If at first you don't succeed, \ /
\ -/ skydiving is not for you. \- /
/ / \ ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Subject: GOD'S VOICE MAIL!
From: "Claiborne Sharp Jr."

You might get a laugh - Claiborne

We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. Some of us have even become a fan of it after finally taking the plunge and joining in the progress! But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voicemail? Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
Press 4 for HEALING
Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
Press 6 for RAIN
Press 7 for "JUST SAYING HI!"
Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck, we just guess too)
Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES
Press 0 for this to all begin again.

What if God used the familiar...

"I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other customers right now.

Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in prayer:

"If you would like to speak to:
Gabriel, Press 11.
Michael, Press 22.
For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33."
For a directory of Seraphim and Cherubim, Press 44.
If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
please press 55, wait for the beep and enter the Number of the Psalm.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 66, enter his/her social security number, press the pound (#) key, date of Birth, then press the pound (#) key twice.

For reservations in one of the Many Mansions, press the letters J-O-H-N then 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFO's please wait until you arrive here, they can only be understood from a "heavenly perspective".

For Lucifer, Press 666, and your call will be automatically transferred.

Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:30am. But before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial Standard Time)

Please call again soon, but never on Sunday, That is OUR day of rest."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: In-glish - lawng and tee-dee-ous
This little poem came about as an exercise for multi-national translation personnel at the NATO headquarters in Paris. English wasn't so hard to learn, they found, but English pronunciation is a killer.

After trying the poem, native French interpreter said he'd prefer to spend six months at hard labor than reading six lines loud.

English is Tough Stuff
Dearest creature in creation
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I: Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar.
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone,
Balmoral Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamor
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and droll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangor.
Soul but foul, haunt but aunt, Font,
front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does.
Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, knob, bosom, transom, oath.
Through the differences seem little,
We say actual, but also victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, Conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succor, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye.
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, brass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging.
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here, but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation - think of Psyche!
Is it paling, stout and spiky?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough -
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advise is to give it up!!!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Subject: [GCFL] A really funny one!
Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:
RevTony offers some real ads found in the classifieds:

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
-----------------------------------
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
----------------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
----------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
----------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART
STUPID DOG
----------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
----------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS
OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
----------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
----------------------------------
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
----------------------------------
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
89 cents
----------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
----------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
----------------------------------
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
----------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED ***************
CALL CHUBBIE ***************
----------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
----------------------------------
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
----------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
----------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
----------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
----------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
----------------------------------
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
----------------------------------
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
----------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE
OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
----------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
----------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
----------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
----------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
-----------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
----------------------------------
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
----------------------------------
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

TODAY'S KINDNESS COMMENTS:
The other day John L. Weeks suggested Bring doughnuts into work. Greg Mosier thought this was a idea:
Unless you happen to work for Dunkin' or Krispy Cream ;-)
In that case it would be a cruel joke ;-) Smiles....
Editors Note: As for for being the change, thanks go to Ravi and Alpana Chatterji for a spelling correction ... It is Gandhi and not Ghandi.

Greg Mosier also this note:
Speaking of him....
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person.
Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
Therefore: he came to be known as a:
"Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."

Karen Norris -- Lynnwood, WA
The kindness add-on is a great idea. It will remind us all that not only are we pretty terrific people when we take just a tiny amount of time to be thoughtful, but there are far more people in the world that ARE wonderful and thoughtful people--we just fail to remember that and tend to only see those who are not so wonderful. We tend to hear about the negative and not the positive things people do.

An idea: At my workplace, we have a "Random Acts of Kindness" card we can use to let someone know when we've noticed when THEY have done something kind for someone else, and they don't think anyone is watching! Most of the time they are sent anonymously, although someone can add their name if they want the person to know who it was that noticed the kindness. It is nice to send them, but it's also nice to receive one once in awhile! You've inspired me to unbury them from my desk drawer and start using them! And, it doesn't have to be a formally-printed card.....it can be a simple piece of paper, an email, a phone call, etc. Thanks.

If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!

HAND! Have A Nice Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-=+=-
Subject: [GCFL] One for the Stay-at-Homers

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Received from BROOKSBY1.
-=+=-
Subject: [GCFL] Random Thoughts (part 1 of 2)

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.

Received from Terouge.
-=+=-
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, FOR FREE! For subscription and other information, go to our web page at http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to gcfl-info@gcfl.net. A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Today's GCFL is online at http://www.gcfl.net/archive/latest.html
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Subject: True Story
From: Harper Baucum

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in urban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.
They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. and on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sunk when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 6 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home.

On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, hand-made, ivory colored, crochet table cloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc. to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor," she asked, "Where did you get that tablecloth?" The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crochet into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. She was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return. One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving. The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike?

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety, and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a concentration camp. He never saw his wife or his home again for all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier. He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story -- submitted by Pastor Rob Reid
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Subject: The U in JesUs
From: "Joe Mullins"

I enjoy getting forwards like this from my daughter. Just knowing so many of our kids are reading and forwarding such messages gives me hope for the future. There are good kids out there. Rocky

The U in JesUs

Before U were thought of or time had begun, God even stuck U in the name of His Son.
And each time U pray, you'll see it's true You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.
You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name, For U, He was born; that's why He came.
And His great love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell crUcified.
Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan.
The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew, and this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.
When JesUs left earth at His Upward ascension, He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.
"Go into the world and tell them it's true
That I love them all -Just like I love U.
So many great people are spelled with a U,
Don't they have a right to know JesUs too?
It all depends now on what U will do,
He'd like them to know, but it all starts with U.
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Subject: [TFTD] Be Careful Who You Follow
From: Joe-Tudor

A teenage girl got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
There's nothing wrong with following others as long as we know that they are headed in the right direction. Even the apostle Paul was careful to limit those who sought to follow him:
"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (I Corinthians 11:1, NIV).
Following a snow plow blindly may have minor consequences, but following someone blindly in the realm of religion can have serious (and eternal) consequences. Be careful who you follow!
Have a great day!
Alan Smith
Boone church of Christ
Boone, NC
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
If others would like to SUBSCRIBE, they can send a blank message to thought-for-the-day-subscribe@egroups.com Send any comments or questions to AlanSmith@boone.net
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Laugh-A-Lot! 1/24/00 - Marriage Rules

This Week's theme: MARRIAGE!

Welcome to Laugh-A-Lot! 2000 - Here's to the last year of the millennium! (That's just to bug the people who think the new one has already started ) In honor of Crissy, our customer service person, getting engaged, we bring you more relationship jokes!

"Sixteen years of marriage and my wife still won't eat Chinese food. It's crazy, especially since we met in a Chinese restaurant."
- Judge Rayford in "...And Justice for All (1979)

Do you have a funny story about how you met your spouse?
Send it in to marriage@laughalot.com!

~~~ There are never any secrets! ~~~

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.
The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"
- As told by Owner-LaughALot@ListFarm.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Laugh-A-Lot! 1/27/00 - Teamwork
~~ Sent by LAUGH-A-LOT! - The CLEAN JOKES email list! ~~

This Week's theme: MARRIAGE!
~~~
"It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
- George Bernard Shaw

Sorry, George, I bet there's people out there who disagree! If you're one of them, and you've got a funny story about how you proposed/were proposed to, send it in to marriage@laughalot.com - We'll be featuring them on the website soon!

~~~ Marriage Requires Teamwork! ~~~

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.

He stood up, went over to the women, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "this is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"

The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

- As told by Owner-LaughALot@ListFarm.com
~ Brought to you by: crosswalk.com http://www.crosswalk.com ~

~ Sent by LAUGH-A-LOT! - The CLEAN JOKES email list! ~
* To join: LaughALot@crosswalk.com
* Send clean jokes to: jokes@laughalot.com
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Subject: SMILEAWHILE [A Lasting Shave]
From: "Roy D. Knight"

Many times I'm asked whether I ever use any of the SMILEAWHILES in sermons or Bible studies, etc. The answer is YES almost everyone at some time or other)......as a matter of fact the following one I used yesterday and managed to get all the way to the Benediction without getting stoned!
Roy
------------------------

After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day.

He put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop which was owned by the pastor of the town Baptist church. The barber's wife, Grace, was working, so she performed the task.

Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water and said, "That will be $20."

The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill and went to work.

The next morning the man looked in the mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barber shop the day before. Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every day.

The next morning, the man's face was still smooth.

Two weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barber shop.

"I thought $20 was high for a shave," he told the barber's wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."

The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his comment.
She responded, "You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved.",
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: SMILEAWHILE [Claire Lee and Lorraine]

With apologies to EVERYONE this one was sent to me from Pat Tucker!
-------------------

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find a new girl had started.

Her name was Claire Lee and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite smitten with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Claire Lee while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and go out with the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing.......

"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: SMILEAWHILE [Two for Superbowl Sunday]

As SuperBowl Sunday fast approaches the following came to me from Nashville, TN (the Mecca of Methodism) courtesy of Angela Gay Kinkead, of the National Youth Ministry Organiization (UM) .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS SUNDAY'S PREACHING TEXT
You and the clergy of Nashville should know that the Lectionary was revised today. The Scripture for next Sunday is Exodus 29:16 (or, as an alternative, Exodus 29:20). Both texts read in the NRSV: "You shall slaughter the ram."
--Dr. Hoyt Hickman

(Go Tennessee TITANS !! )

......and because the weater conditions in the Atlanta area look to be problematic I offer this one from John Boring:

ICY CONDITIONS

I was driving down a lonely Colorado country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain. Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattlesnakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades, and they worked just fine.

What!?

You've never heard of............ wind-chilled vipers??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: The Philosophy of SMILEAWHILE

Periodically people ask me why I "make fun of religious matters." I guess I must say, first, that at some point EVERYTHING that is important in Life can be and should be (at the appropriate time) woth a good laugh....even one's faith and espeically the crazy ways we sometimes give witness to it. But with all seriousness aside, the following came to me from Jay and Kim Quiggle of Myrtle Beach, SC (you know, the place with all the snow this week!!!!). I think it has the definitive word on the matter. Thanks, you guys! Roy
-----------------------

SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER
"It's bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips." (Fred Allen)

:-) Have you found yourself suppressing your laughter? Did you end up laughing like crazy by trying to hold it in?

:-) Whenever I try to hold in my laughter I end up making those funny snorting noises. Your body is telling you when you need to laugh, so LAUGH! Don't worry what other people will think. Most likely they'll be jealous that your laughing so joyously. And if they ask you 'what's so funny?' just tell them your doing some "internal jogging".

:-)Dr. William F. Fry, Jr., Stanford Medical College, discovered "100 belly laughs equals 10 minutes of rowing". So the next time you see a rowing machine, start laughing instead.

Exercise:
Try doing a full-blown belly laugh in the mirror once a day. Or get a group of friends together and do belly laugh all together. The more your practice it the easier it will be for you to laugh spontaneously with vigor.
Copyright 1999 by Humor University. All rights reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SMILEAWHILE is a "part time" ministry of the Rev. Dr. Roy Knight of Parkersburg, WV, where he pastors the Epworth and Lauckport United Methodist Churches. While people's tastes, background, theology, and culture differ it is NEVER his intention to offend "subscribers" to this list. Persons can be added (for free!) or removed by responding personally to royknight@juno.com. Proverbs 17:22
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

Today's Clean Laugh

Getting Closer

Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit.

After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer."

"How do you know?" I asked.
He pointed to a sign that read,

"Sonny's Bar-B-Q--Tank Parking Available."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

All You Can Drink

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. It being hot and him being thirsty, he decided to stop.

Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cent," and a single, very small glass.

Well, he thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to get some anyway.

He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up."

The kid replieds, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents."

To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime."

"It is," the little boy replies, "that's all you can drink for a dime."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Home Maid Cure

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend.

By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful.

His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided.

On Monday morning he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it - my maid said hot water."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Feeding Shamu

At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why.

No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind.

Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance.

An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Dad Value

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.

The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Winging It"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw583

"Mail After Dark"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw605

"Car Club"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw552

"Puppy Trick"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw608

"Installation Extra"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw609

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://madkane.com/almanac.html - - Almanacs are evil. Who knew?
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Experiencing War: Stories from Prisoners of War - - http://www.loc.gov/folklife/vets/stories/ - - Every veteran has his or her own war, and each is custodian of a unique story and memories. This site by the Library of Congress, Veterans History Project, presents the personal narratives by veterans from all wars. Vivid as if they happened yesterday, these heartfelt accounts make us laugh, cry and remember. The stories are not a formal history of war, but a treasure trove of individual feelings and personal recollections.
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"Want a big-screen television set before this year's Super Bowl? Better figure out if you want LCD, DLP, PDP or CRT, and if you want your picture to be HD, ED or plain old SD. Confused? Of course. Buying a television is quickly becoming one of the most confounding decisions in all of home entertainment. The explosion of new television formats is creating a sales boom for the electronics industry -- even if consumers don't always know what they are buying. Digital television sales will jump to 10.77 million units in 2005 from 6.97 million in 2004, the Consumer Electronics Association forecasts. 'The consumer is being kind of lulled into the digital television world by the look and feel of these very lightweight flat panel TVs,' said Rosemary Abowd, director of flat-panel display research at Pacific Media Associates. Scores of the shiny new products were on display at the recent Consumer Electronics Show, as companies showed off the latest and greatest in TV technology, including the ultimate in concept models, a 102-inch set from Samsung."
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NOVA: Origins - - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/origins/ - - Companion web site to the PBS NOVA series, 'Origins.' This series takes you on a cosmic journey to the beginning of time and into the distant reaches of the universe, searching for life's first stirrings and its traces on other worlds.
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"Picture a parent anxiously checking a sick child's thermometer or hauling the kids to the doctor's office and the image that usually comes to mind is of mom. But with rising numbers of stay-at-home dads, father-only households, shared-custody arrangements and other cultural changes, men are increasingly getting involved in their children's health care. The American Academy of Pediatrics is urging pediatricians to help increase fathers' role in what once was considered mothers' domain. It's part of a more holistic approach to medicine and a recognition that both parents have a tremendous influence on their children's physical and emotional health, said Dr. William Coleman, a behavioral pediatrician in Chapel Hill, N.C., and co-author of an AAP report on the issue. But it's also driven by necessity because fathers are increasingly showing up alone with their children or accompanying mothers to youngsters' checkups and other doctor visits, said Evanston pediatrician Dr. Craig Garfield, a co-author of the 2004 report."
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10 Legal Myths About Advance Medical Directives - -
http://www.abanet.org/aging/myths.html - - This American Bar Association site presents the 10 Legal Myths About Advance Medical Directives ranging from 'Everyone should have a Living Will' to 'Advance Directives are a legal tool for old people.'
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Everyday Mysteries - - http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/mysteries-home.html - - Fun science facts from the Library of Congress. This site will help you get the answers to many of life's most interesting questions through scientific inquiry. All of the questions presented on this Web site were asked by researchers and answered by librarians from the Library of Congress, Science Reference Services.
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USA: Crossword Puzzle - - http://puzzles.usatoday.com/ - - USA Today offers a daily crossword puzzle. You can choose either regular or master skill level. Regular level players can get hints for words. Incorrect letters are marked in a different color. Archived crosswords are also available. Related site: Refdesk Crosswords Page. - - http://refdesk.com/crosswrds.html
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Iraq Election At-a-glance. - - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle-east/4033263.stm - - The interim Iraqi government has set a date of January 30, 2005 for its first nationwide election since the toppling of Saddam Hussein. This BBC News site looks at some of the key issues surrounding the vote and how it will take place.
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The DNA of Literature - - http://www.parisreview.org/literature.php - - Welcome to the DNA of literature - over 50 years of literary wisdom rolled up in 300+ Writers-at-Work interviews, now available online - free. Founder and former Editor George Plimpton dreamed of a day when anyone - a struggling writer in Texas, an English teacher in Amsterdam, even a subscriber in Central Asia - could easily access this vast literary resource; with the establishment of this online archive that day has finally come. Now, for the first time, you can read, search, and download any or all of these in-depth interviews with poets, novelists, playwrights, essayists, critics, musicians, and more, whose work set the compass of twentieth-century writing, and continue to do so into the twenty-first.
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Talk Medical - - http://www.talkmedical.com/ - - This site empowers you to make better medical decisions. Powerful medical information at your fingertips. Free for everyone seeking answers to a healthier life. Site features include: Diseases & Disorders, Medications, Parenting & Pregnancy, and Medical Dictionary.
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Studs Terkel: Conversations with America - - http://studsterkel.org/ - - Conversations with America is a collection of the interviews Studs Terkel conducted for his books and for his radio program.
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"Drinking water aboard the nation's airliners is getting worse, not better, despite government-ordered sanitation improvements, the Environmental Protection Agency said on January 19, 2004. About one in six airliners in the latest round of tests conducted in November and December had drinking water that failed to meet federal safety standards, EPA said. Similar tests in August and September showed the water in one in eight aircraft testing positive for coliform bacteria. The latest round of testing produced positive results for presence of the bacteria in 29 of 169 randomly selected passenger aircraft carrying domestic and international passengers. The tests were done on water from galley water taps and lavatory faucets on planes at 14 airports throughout the United States. The coliform bacteria - usually harmless itself but an indicator of the possible presence of other harmful organisms - was found in the planes ranging from small commuter aircraft to jumbo jets is usually harmless by itself. None had E. coli bacteria, which can cause gastrointestinal illness."
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"NASA scientists using data from the Indonesian earthquake calculated it affected Earth's rotation, decreased the length of day, slightly changed the planet's shape, and shifted the North Pole by centimeters. The earthquake that created the huge tsunami also changed the Earth's rotation. Dr. Richard Gross of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, Calif., and Dr. Benjamin Fong Chao, of NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, Greenbelt, Md., said all earthquakes have some affect on Earth's rotation. It's just they are usually barely noticeable. 'Any worldly event that involves the movement of mass affects the Earth's rotation, from seasonal weather down to driving a car,' Chao said. Gross and Chao have been routinely calculating earthquakes' effects in changing the Earth's rotation in both length-of- day as well as changes in Earth's gravitational field. They also study changes in polar motion that is shifting the North Pole. The 'mean North pole' was shifted by about 2.5 centimeters (1 inch) in the direction of 145 degrees East Longitude. This shift east is continuing a long-term seismic trend identified in previous studies." - Source
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"The nation's food companies are stirring up new recipes for everything from Oreos to SpaghettiOs to get rid of trans fat, the artery-clogging ingredient that must be listed on food labels next year. The companies say they're promoting good health, but they're also looking ahead to the new federal rule and new dietary guidelines urging consumers away from trans fats. Trans fats have been in the nation's food supply for decades, giving products a long shelf life and making goodies like chips and cookies oh so yummy. They are formed when liquid oils turn into solid fats and they are generally listed on foods as partially hydrogenated oils. Grab a bag of cookies from the snack food aisle and chances are trans fats are there." - Source
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"The FBI has effectively abandoned its custom-built Internet surveillance technology, once known as Carnivore, designed to read e-mails and other online communications among suspected criminals, terrorists and spies, according to bureau oversight reports submitted to Congress. Instead, the FBI said it has switched to unspecified commercial software to eavesdrop on computer traffic during such investigations and has increasingly asked Internet providers to conduct wiretaps on targeted customers on the government's behalf, reimbursing companies for their costs. The FBI performed only eight Internet wiretaps in fiscal 2003 and five in fiscal 2002; none used the software initially called Carnivore and later renamed the DCS-1000, according to FBI documents submitted to Senate and House oversight committees. The FBI, which once said Carnivore was 'far better' than commercial products, said previously it had used the technology about 25 times between 1998 and 2000." - Source
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"Women who get large amounts of the vitamin folate from food and supplements have a sharply lower risk of developing high blood pressure, a study of 150,000 women found. It is the first large study to explore the link, and it adds to the mounting body of evidence that the B vitamin might help ward off heart disease and strokes. But the study's lead author and an outside expert warned that much more research is needed before concluding that women should increase their consumption of folate. Folate is found in such foods as oranges, dark green leafy vegetables and beans and legumes. In the United States, it is also added to cereal and flour products to help prevent birth defects. The new study, published in the January 19, 2004 edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association, involved one large group of women ages 27 to 44 and another ages 43 to 70. They recorded their folate intake over an eight-year period during the 1990s. Participants did not have a history of high blood pressure."
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Arkansas Celebration of Marriage - AFR Live Broadcast

This February 14 will be a fun-filled romantic evening which will encourage and equip you as a couple to go the distance. Governor Huckabee invites you to join him when he and his wife, Janet, stand with thousands of others on Valentine’s Day to renew their vows and celebrate their marriage covenant.

The event will take place at the Alltel Arena, Little Rock Arkansas from 7:00-9:00 p.m. Central. It’s not just for those who live in Arkansas! Make plans now to attend. The nation will be watching as we take a stand for marriage. American Family radio is proud to partner with Governor Mike Huckabee and Dennis Rainey of Family Life Today ministries!

If you can’t make it to the event, listen to the broadcast live on [KBPW, 88.1 FM] or http://www.afr.net

For complete information on the event please click here: http://www.arkansas.gov/covenant

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Chairman
OneMillionDads.com
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Marriage Protection Amendment To Be Introduced In U.S. House

Within a few days, the Marriage Protection Amendment will be introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives. This constitutional amendment would make marriage legal only between one man and one woman.

Take Action!

Time is short, so please act quickly on this matter. We have made it very easy for you to contact your Representative and to ask him or her to co-sponsor the proposal.

A similar proposal gained a majority of votes in the House last year, but did not receive the super majority needed. Even if you contacted your Representative last year, it is necessary to do so again. This is a new Congress.

Last fall, 14,000,000 voters in 11 states voted for state constitutional amendments defining marriage as being only between one man and one woman. The average state vote was an overwhelming 67 percent. Thus far, a total of 17 states have banned homosexual marriage.

But the Marriage Protection Amendment is needed because a single federal judge could strike down all those state amendments. Indeed, a single federal judge could strike down all marriage laws in all 50 states! The MPA would be in the Constitution and prohibit a judge from doing this.

Click http://www3.capwiz.com/afanet/issues/alert/?alertid=6855161&type=CO to send your letter now!

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Chairman
OneMillionDads.com
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Hundreds of people around the country have been receiving an e-mail message entitled "How to Survive a Heart Attack When Alone." This article recommends a procedure to survive a heart attack in which the victim is advised to repeatedly cough at regular intervals until help arrives.

The source of information for this article was attributed to ViaHealth Rochester General Hospital. This article is being propagated on the Internet as individuals send it to friends and acquaintances - and then those recipients of the memo send it to their friends and acquaintances, and so on.

We can find no record that an article even resembling this was produced by Rochester General Hospital within the last 20 years. Furthermore, the medical information listed in the article can not be verified by current medical literature and is in no way condoned by this hospital57;s medical staff. Also, both The Mended Hearts, Inc., a support organization for heart patients, and the American Heart Association have said that this information should not be forwarded or used by anyone.

Please help us combat the proliferation of this misinformation. We ask that you please send this e-mail to anyone who sent you the article, and please ask them to do the same.

Sincerely,

Rich Sensenbach
Web Development Coordinator
ViaHealth Rochester General Hospital
(585-922-1024)
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Verse Of The Day ~=~ Harley E. Hudson

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Ephesians 2:8 - 9 (NASB)

When Melanie and I were in college, we owned an old Buick Electra 225 – that’s the one with the big round tail lights and wings. We loved that car … sorta. We enjoyed the ride of a big car. We didn’t enjoy the gas mileage. I, in particular didn’t enjoy working on it. If anything went wrong, and that seemed to be a frequent event, I as a poor college student, had to fix it. I changed the oil … on a somewhat regular basis. I adjusted the carburetor. I changed the plugs and points. I tried to do everything. The only problem was that I was a Bible student, not a mechanic. I usually fixed that monster in such a way that I had to take it to a mechanic to repair my repairs! I eventually came to the conclusion that my “works” cost me more than what a mechanic’s “works” would cost and quit fixing my vehicle.

It was about that same time that I read the words of Jesus when He said, “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” (Matthew 6:25 NASB) Something struck me in the heart and I thought to myself, “Jesus tells me not to worry,” and I was a worrier, “so I will not worry any more.” And I mostly haven’t. I didn’t worry about fixing the car or having the money to do it. I trusted that God would meet those needs … and He always did. My friends thought I was crazy for taking the Bible so literally. My wife thought she had to worry enough for two of us, but I simply pressed in and trusted.

So what does that have to do with today’s verse and our identity in Christ? Simply this: just like I couldn’t work on that old Buick and succeed, I can’t work on my own life and succeed. I can’t fix my sinful soul. I can’t wash out the splotches of sin-stains on my heart. I can’t do enough to earn God’s love or grace or … salvation. All of my works are futile and accomplish nothing. Paul tells us we have been saved through faith – and even that faith is not ours. It is a gift from the Father who knows our weaknesses.

WAIT A MINUTE! Does that mean that I couldn’t work up enough faith when I was ten to call upon Jesus to save me? Does that mean that when I was languishing in despair wondering why I was a “minister of the Gospel” that I could not muster up enough faith to pull me out of the dumps and into God? YUP, that’s exactly what it means.

WHY? Why have my attempts come up so short? Paul has the answer … and it is the same answer as to why Gideon could only take 300 men into battle against the Midianites. Do you recall what God said? “The LORD said to Gideon, ‘The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into their hands, for Israel would become boastful, saying, “My own power has delivered me.”’” Judges 7:2 (NASB) Gideon could not go to war with a big army lest the people boasted about their great victory. God wanted them to forever know that He was their victory.

So it is with our salvation. Even the faith we claim to have is God’s gift to us so that we cannot boast in how we “earned our salvation” or “were good enough to make our way into heaven.” God wants us to know and always remember that He is our victory … our salvation. Without His strength, we can accomplish nothing. All of our works are empty and powerless to save us! Our whole identity as children of God is totally His work … through Jesus Christ.

So, how does God see us? Add “saved by the grace of God” to your ever growing list.

Harley
~=~
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10(NASB)

“There it is, Harley! I knew we would get to good works sooner or later. I knew we have to do good things in order to please God. There, I knew I was right!”

OK. Hang onto your bonnet and let’s take a look at this “perplexing” situation. We’ll take this verse one phrase at a time and see what Paul is telling us. “For we are His workmanship …” “We” equals you and me. “His” must refer to God the Father since “Christ Jesus” appears in the next phrase. “Workmanship” means that God the Father has made us. The fact that we are His workmanship indicates that He had a purpose in mind for what He was making otherwise Paul might have said “we are God’s doodling.” So add to your list: “I am His workmanship”. Now let’s move on to the next phrase.

“… created in Christ Jesus …” Do you remember that I said the most important words in Ephesians are “in Christ”? Here they are again. We are God’s workmanship and we are made or created, again indicating purpose, in Christ Jesus. John, in his Gospel, tells us concerning Jesus and creation, “He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.” John 1:2-3(NASB) It is only in Jesus that we find purpose, life, and salvation. Without Him, we have no reason to exist. Next phrase:

“… for good works …” There are your words. They are rather self-explanatory as they sit, but remember, we must always put words and phrases into the context of the work at hand. How do these words fit what Paul is saying?

“… which God prepared beforehand …” Where does this fit? It could be referring to “good works” and read “good works which God prepared …” We are created in Christ Jesus for good works, and these works God prepared beforehand …. That has possibilities. Could this refer to something else in this sentence? Yes, it could refer to the “workmanship”. It might read, “For we are His workmanship, which God prepared beforehand ….” Now that makes sense, too. He made us. He knew He would make us. He designed us to specifications that He had in mind from before time began. We are prepared … beforehand.

If this is the case, then what happens with “good works”? We were made to do good works … in Christ Jesus … because of Christ Jesus. This makes more sense to me. We were created by the Father, through Christ Jesus, His Son, with the express purpose of doing good things – not to please the Father, but because of our identity in Jesus. If this is true then the last phrase makes perfect sense. “… so that we would walk in them.” “Them” refers to good works, not Father God and Jesus which wouldn’t make sense at all, but it does follow that we are to walk in good works – good works are to be a natural (or could we say, supernatural?) outcome of our salvation through Jesus.

Conclusion: we do good works, not to gain salvation or even please God, but because we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) with the express purpose of doing good works. In addition to adding to our list that we are God’s workmanship (and He doesn’t make junk), we can add that “we are walking in good works” – our good works are a natural outflow of our salvation.

How do you stack up with the list of how God sees us? Falling a bit shy? Don’t feel bad. We have yet to begin to comprehend how to appropriate all of God’s riches. For now it is most important to realize that we are God’s children – we bear the DNA of Jesus – and we are heirs of God’s great riches. That alone will help us help us walk differently, confidently in our daily lives.

Harley
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Therefore remember that formerly you, the Gentiles in the flesh, who are called “Uncircumcision” by the so-called “Circumcision,” which is performed in the flesh by human hands— remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

Ephesians 2:11 - 13 (NASB)

Nobody likes to be separated – disconnected. We are social creatures and as such need social contact. My job is a lonely affair. I have no assistant who works with me. I roam the building from end to end and top to bottom. I am seldom in one place for long, and when I am, it is not at a place providing human contact. In short, I get lonely. Sometimes I listen to talk radio, not because I particularly like some of the commentators, but because I need to hear a human voice. But even that has its limitations. The solution is to wander over to the office building and check my mail. I don’t get much mail, but I still check so that I can say “hi” to someone and hear a real human voice coming from a real human being.

We all have been separated from God. Depending upon your theology, it could have happened at birth or that mysterious age of accountability when we finally grasped the concept of right and wrong. The point is, we were cut off from the Life Giver, and we began to die. Like a fish out of water, we began to gasp for spiritual air. We made our way to numerous places seeking “connection” and invariably failed to find the One who could provide what we needed. We were strangers in a foreign land, wandering in search of truth, but the truth always evaded us.

While this may seem to be a “downer” dooming us to misery and depression, it is really the driving force that God uses to bring us into a relationship with Him – to find that reconnection, that source of life from which we were separated so long ago. Paul Tillich, a German theologian, said there is a God-shaped hole in each of us and we will never be content until that hole is filled.

Well, I have good news for you! That hole can be filled with … GOD! And, God can be found … you guessed it … through Jesus Christ. It is through Him that we are brought to the source of life, that connection for which we all long. If you have confessed that you are a sinner and in need of salvation, if you have called upon the name of Jesus asking to be saved, then you have found the One who can fill the hole!

If by some chance you are reading this and are still searching, and this message has struck a harmonic chord in you, I encourage you to seek Jesus. He is not far away. As a matter of fact, He, through His Holy Spirit, has directed you to this very moment. Take some time to talk to Him. You don’t have to use fancy language. He understands the everyday words you use – even it is a bit salty. He is longing to have a conversation with you … to draw you into Him. You might start with something like, “Jesus, I’ve blown it. I have done so many wrong things, and I am sick and tired of this life. Please, save me. Save me from my sins. Save me from myself. I want to be a child of your Father. I want all of those promises that Harley has been writing about. I don’t want to be separated from You any longer. Help me.” And He will … He already has. That hole is being filled.

Now all of you can write, “connected with God through the blood of Jesus” to your list. Wow! Feel the power? It is there, surging through your veins. You are connected, through Jesus, to the most powerful energy ever!

Harley
~=~
For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, by abolishing in His flesh the enmity, which is the Law of commandments contained in ordinances, so that in Himself He might make the two into one new man, thus establishing peace and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross, by it having put to death the enmity.

Ephesians 2:14 - 16 (NASB)

You are at peace! Oh, you don’t feel like it? Well, you are. Put that on your list. Whether you feel it or not, you are at peace. Sure, troubles may surround you. Difficulties abound. Tears are ready to burst forth in torrents, but YOU ARE AT PEACE!

How can I say that? I can say it because God says it through today’s verses. On the surface, these verses seem to be talking about a struggle between gentiles, most of us, and Jews, God’s chosen people. If this is true, then it has little meaning for me. I am not a war with any Jewish person. As a matter of fact, I believe we should be supporting Israel at all costs, and when we, as a nation, cease doing that, we are doomed to insignificance.

But Paul is saying more than we are at peace with Jews. Look at what took place: He, Jesus, “broke down the barrier of the dividing wall … which is the Law of commandments …” To understand this, you must know a bit about the Temple as it stood in Jerusalem in Jesus’ day.

The Temple was composed of several important parts. The Most Holy Place was the room that the high priest could enter only on the Day of Passover. Outside that was the Holy Place were all priests could go. In there was the Alter of Incense, the Menorah (seven armed candlestick), and the Table of Showbread (twelve loaves representing the twelve tribes of Israel). This comprised the Temple building proper. Outside the massive brass doors was the Outer Court. This is where the priests did their work of preparing burnt offerings, etc. Only priests and Levites could enter this court. Outside that was the Court of Men for all Jewish males, then the Court of Women. The last part of the Temple was the Court of Gentiles. This area was open to everyone of any nationality. To make sure that the Gentiles knew where to stop, a short retaining wall was built and signage was attached to that letting the non-Jew know that he was not allowed beyond that point. Obviously, anyone “outside” wanted in, and that brought contention. No one wants to be excluded … especially from contact with God.

According to Paul, this wall represented more than separation between Jew and gentile; it represented separation from God himself. The wall was symbolic of the Law, and we all know that it is impossible to keep the Law by human effort. Even the Jews could not do that, thus the blood sacrifice for forgiveness of sins.

Whew! Are you with me? The long and short of this whole mess is that we, all people, were at odds with God the Father. We were separated. We were on the outside looking in. It is like the little orphan boy looking in the window at a family gathered around the fireplace, warm and cozy, while he stood freezing and homeless outside. The little lad was NOT at peace, and neither were we.

But, Jesus, through His sacrificial death on the cross, invalidated the Law that prevented us from approaching God. If you will, He opened the door of the house and invited the freezing orphan in, adopted him, and gave him all the benefits of family membership!

That is why I can boldly say, “You are at peace!” You are. Now, accept that peace and let it permeate the rest of your life. After all, if you are at peace with God, in the grand scheme of things nothing else really matters! If God can adopt you into His family, forgive your sins, and give you all the benefits of family membership, He can certainly take care of the other things that concern you no matter how big they seem.

Harley
~=~

c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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TGIF-Today God Is First

Many of you have read how Gunnar Olson, founder of the International Christian Chamber of Commerce, has played a significant spiritual role in my life. I am sad to report the death of his wife, Asther Olson on Christmas day. Asther had been suffering with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) for the past three to four years. Please pray for Gunnar and his family for comfort, peace of mind, rest, and God’s amazing Grace in sufficient amounts for this time of loss.

Placing Trust in Our Strength
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Friday, January 28, 2005

by Os Hillman
So the Lord sent a plague on Israel, and seventy thousand men of Israel fell dead. ~ 1 Chronicles 21:14

When was the last time your overconfidence cost the lives of 70,000 men? That is exactly what happened to David. David made what might appear to be an innocent request of his general, Joab. But the minute Joab heard the request he cringed. He knew David was in big trouble for this one. You see to number the troops was a great sin in Israel because it was against the law. Why? Because it demonstrated that you were placing more trust in numbers than in the living God. David displayed enough pride to cost the lives of 70,000 fighting men. God gave him three choices of punishment for his sin. A plague was the one he chose, and it resulted in the loss of 70,000.

Throughout Israel's history, God set the stage for battles to be won, miracles to take place, and people to exercise faith. The stage was always set so that man could not take credit for what God did. Consider Gideon who was only allowed 300 men to fight an army of 100,000. Consider Jehoshaphat, who had to lead his army with his singers. God defeated the enemy. Consider Joshua, who was told simply to walk around Jericho seven times, and they would get victory. God did things in some very unconventional ways!

How does this relate to you and me as workplace believers? Well, the minute you and I place more trust in our abilities than in God, we are guilty of numbering the troops. How does He punish us? Sometimes it's through letting a deal go sour. Sometimes it's through problems with a client or vendor. Sometimes situations just blow up in our face. Other times, He lets us go on for a long time doing our own thing, but eventually He deals with it.

The lesson here is to learn daily and complete dependence on God. Use your gifts and abilities through the power of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him daily for direction and wisdom. His ways won't always line up with conventional wisdom. When we begin depending on our abilities only, God has a responsibility to make known to us who is the giver of the blessings.
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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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NewsScan Daily, 2005 ("Above The Fold")
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NewsScan Daily is underwritten by RLG, a world-class organization making significant and sustained contributions to the effective management and appropriate use of information technology. NSD is written by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, editors@NewsScan.com.
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"ABOVE THE FOLD"

KEN KING: GRID COMPUTING FOLLOWING SAME PATTERN AS INTERNET, LINUX
IBM, Intel, Hewlett, and Sun are forming a consortium called Globus Consortium to promote utility-like grid computing in the corporate world. The Globus project was started in 1996 by scientists at research laboratories and universities, with the federal government providing most of the early finances to develop the open-source software. Ken King, vice president of grid computing at IBM, says: "We're seeing the same pattern with grids that we saw with the Internet and Linux. It starts in government labs and universities and then moves into broader commercial use." (New York Times 24 Jan 2005)

'ROBO-SOLDIER' PREPARES FOR IRAQ
The U.S. Army is sending 18 remote-controlled robotic soldiers called SWORDS (Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection Systems) to Iraq, but they are not the autonomous killer robots of science fiction: a SWORDS robot shoots only when its human operator presses a button (after identifying a target on video shot by the robot's cameras). Jim Lowrie, president of Perceptek, one of the firms developing robotics systems for the military, says: "For the foreseeable future, there always will be a person in the loop who makes the decision on friend or foe. That's a hard problem to determine autonomously." (Washington Post 24 Jan 2005)

FEMA YANKS ONLINE TSUNAMI GAME
Afraid it would be seen as unintentionally trivializing the recent tsunami disaster, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has removed from its Web site an online game that was meant to educate kids about tsunamis. The game, designed in 1998, asked players to guide beach objects back to their proper places after they were scattered by a tsunami. Game-winners were awarded with a link to a cartoon dancing frog. (AP/San Jose Mercury News 21 Jan 2005)

LONG LIVE THE LAPTOP!
We've apparently entered the age of laptops: during the past holiday season U.S. retail stores sold 24% more laptops than during the same period in 2003, whereas desktop computers fell 7% in the same period. The report comes from research company Current Analysis. Intel vice president Mooly Eden provides confirming data: "Between 2001 and 2004, we more than doubled the amount of notebooks in the market. Between 2004 and 2008, we believe the market will double again." (USA Today 23 Jan 2005)

PEW STUDY FINDS SEARCHER MISPERCEPTIONS
A new study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project has found that only 1 in 6 users of Internet search engines can tell the difference between unbiased search results and paid advertisements. All of the major search engines return a mix of regular results (based solely on relevance to the search terms entered) and sponsored links (for which a Web site had paid advertising fees). Only 38% of Web searchers are aware of the distinction, and of those only 47% can always tell which are paid -- even though they're usually labeled by the search engines. PEW researcher Deborah Fallows says: "We're still in the infancy of the Internet. People are still kind of so pleased that they can go there, ask for something and get an answer that it's kind of not on their radar screen to look in a very scrutinizing way to see what's in the background there." (AP 24 Jan 2005)

IBM'S PC BUSINESS SALE RAISES RED FLAG ON NATIONAL SECURITY
The U.S. Committee on Foreign Investments, which reviews acquisitions of U.S. businesses by foreign firms, says it's concerned that IBM's sale of its PC business to China's Lenovo Group could open the door for industrial espionage. The committee is composed of 11 U.S. government agencies, including the departments of Justice and the Treasury. The $1.75-billion deal has already passed the antitrust scrutiny of the Federal Trade Commission, which said it would not raise objections based on how the sale might affect competition in the market. The IBM-Lenovo transaction is the biggest PC industry deal since Hewlett-Packard acquired Compaq in May 2002, and would result in Lenovo becoming the third largest PC maker in the world, after Dell and HP. (CNet News.com 24 Jan 2005)

YAHOO AND GOOGLE FACE OFF ON TV CONTENT SEARCHING
Search-engine giants Yahoo and Google are opening a new front in their battle for market dominance as they unveil rival efforts to enable users to search through video programming content. Yahoo Video Search scours the Web for video clips and says it soon will include news clips from Bloomberg and the BBC that are indexed by closed-captioning. Yahoo also offers a way for publishers to submit their videos for inclusion. Google Video's search service works by archiving the closed-captioning text of TV shows on PBS, C-SPAN, Fox News, ABC and other channels. It doesn't actually play video clips yet, but has not ruled out a future move to include them once it works out copyright issues with producers. Although it's as yet unclear how people will use these capabilities, some say video searches could signal a new way for users to find and view television programming. "Just think of the number of hits these folks from Google get every day," says C-SPAN founder Brian Lamb. "We're not really sure where they're going to go with this, but we're all ears." (Los Angeles Times 25 Jan 2005)

SOFTWARE WATCHES WHILE YOU WORK
Security firm 3ami and storage specialist BridgeHead Software have teamed up to create a network security system that can log computer keystroke activity, store it and retrieve the files within minutes. The developers say the system represents a breakthrough in the way data is monitored and stored, but privacy advocates worry that such monitoring not only is overly intrusive but can be damaging to employees' morale. However, 3ami managing director Tim Ellsmore counters: "That is not the case. It is not about replacing dialogue but there are issues that you can talk through but you still need proof. People need to recognize that you are using a PC as a representative of a company and that employers have a legal requirement to store data." The software was developed in response to the Freedom of Information Act's requirement for companies to store all data for a specified period of time, and is designed to monitor the downloading of pornography, the use of inappropriate language and the copying of applications for personal use. It also potentially could enable employers to track stolen files and identify whether they'd been e-mailed to a third party, copied, printed, deleted or saved to a CD, floppy disk, memory stick or flash card. (BBC News 25 Jan 2005)

RUSSIAN MUSIC SITES SPECIALIZE IN CHEAP DOWNLOADS
Russian music sites with names like MP3search.ru and 3MP3.ru provide music fans with a way to bypass the copyright restrictions on most U.S. and European online music services and pay less while they're at it. The sites offer a large selection of high-quality downloads with no restrictions for about 10 cents or less per song, but U.S. lawyers warn that downloading music from these sites is just as illegal as downloading from free P2P sites like Kazaa: "It doesn't matter if somebody downloads in the U.S. and believes that it's legal because the site tells them so," says one intellectual property attorney. However, several of the Russian sites say they pay licensing fees to a group called the Russian Organization for Multimedia & Digital Systems (ROMS), which purports to represent Russian copyright holders and acts "in conformity with the requirements of the Russian laws," according to ROMS legal expert Konstantin Leontiev. Meanwhile, the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry says that Russia is second only to China in CD piracy and is threatening legal action against some Russian music sites. (Wall Street Journal 25 Jan 2005) (sub req'd)

THOUSANDS OF LAPTOPS, CELL PHONES LEFT IN CABS
A new survey estimates that 11,300 laptops, 31,400 handheld devices and 200,000 mobile phones were left in taxis around the world during the last six months. The survey, which polled some 1,000 taxi drivers and extrapolated from there, indicates that four out of five cell phones and 19 out of 20 laptops were returned to their owners eventually. Geographically, Chicagoans were most likely to leave a handheld device in a cab, while Londoners were more careless than others with their laptops. Danes seemed to be most likely to forget their cell phones. Other items reportedly left in cabs include a harp, dentures, artificial limbs and a baby. (Reuters/CNN.com 24 Jan 2005)

PREPARING FOR A DIGITAL HEALTH NETWORK
Eight leading high-tech companies -- IBM, Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, Accenture, Cisco, Hewlett-Packard and Computer Sciences -- have agreed to adopt open, nonproprietary technology standards as the software building blocks for a national health information network, which the Bush administration hopes will improve care and reduce costs by moving to a digital system for handling patient records, clinical research, claims and payments. IBM executive Neil de Crescenzo says, "The challenge is to turn a call for change in the nation's health care system into actual change. We got together to try to speak with one voice to the federal government and other stakeholders, and say this is an approach we will all stand behind." (New York Times 26 Jan 2005)

MICROSOFT: SOFTWARE FIXES AREN'T FOR PIRATES
Microsoft will soon be requiring that Windows XP users verify that their copy of the software is genuine before they'll be able to receive "greater reliability, faster access to updates, and richer user experiences." Although users of pirated copies of Windows will still be able get security patches, they won't be able to get other enhancements to Windows. The company will be expanding a trial authentication program it began last fall, and will make mandatory in mid-2005 for all users seeking to access software updates, downloads and security fixes for Windows. (Reuters/Washington Post 26 Jan 2005)

ADVERTISING: PAY-PER-CALL CHALLENGES PAY-PER-CLICK
Analysts say that Yahoo, Google and other search services will follow the lead of AOL in adopting a pay-per-call advertising approach pioneered by the San Francisco firm Ingenio, which monitors advertiser phone numbers and bills them for each call made in response to a Web ad. The concept of pay-per-call is more attractive than pay-per-click to the relatively large number of businesses that still do not have Web sites or that are in service businesses (e.g., dentists, mortgage brokers, attorneys) that don't have a product they can sell online. Jupiter Research ananlyst Niki Scevak explains, "The concept of paying for a call rather than a click is one of the -- if not the most -- significant expansion points for commercial search. Paid search spending today is tied very tightly to an online transaction. However, if you look at the landscape of U.S. businesses, the majority are service-based enterprises." (San Jose Mercury News 26 Jan 2005)

ARTISTS AGAINST MUSIC PIRACY
The U.S. Attorney General and the state attorneys general will have some celebrity allies in their effort to convince the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn a lower-court Internet file-sharing decision. Music stars rallying against file-sharing software's threat to copyright include the Eagles, the Dixie Chicks, Bonnie Raitt, Sheryl Crow, Stevie Nicks, Tom Jones and Beach Boys founder Brian Wilson. Don Henley of the Eagles says, "There is no more important case for the future of our business. These systems promote copyright violations on an unprecedented scale." But Fred von Lohmann, a lawyer representing the Grokster file-sharing service, says: "All the prominent movie stars of the day talked about how the VCR was the death of Hollywood. The court wasn't fooled then by the parochial interests of one industry, and it won't be now." (USA Today 25 Jan 2005)

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS BLACKBERRY?
The Canadian government has joined the battle of Ontario-based Research in Motion Ltd. (RIM), creators of the BlackBerry, in that firm's decision to defend itself all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court against a patent infringement case brought against it by an Arlington, Virginia, company. RIM claims that since its BlackBerry relay server is based in Canada, U.S. patent laws have no jurisdiction. The Arlington company argues that RIM is using its technology to reap profits in the U.S. and so U.S. patent laws rule. The Court is expected to hear arguments from the two sides in February. (AP 26 Jan 2005)

fsADOBE SEEKS TO SHAPE A NEW FUTURE
Adobe Systems COO Shantanu Narayan sees some major opportunities glimmering in Adobe's future: "On the creative professional side, there is still a lot of room to allow people to use more of our products. Video is a very compelling media and we think that over the next couple of years, all the creative professionals will look to extend their information to video." In addition to video, Narayan is intrigued by the number of alternative devices such as cell phones and PDAs connected to the Internet. "How are people going to consume information on that? How are people going to create information for these devices?... How do you create a campaign that a company can then use across print and web and even these small phones that people are going to access it on? The new devices on which this information is going to be consumed are going to be another paradigm change." Narayan also sees RSS (Really Simple Syndication) and the blossoming of blogging as another major shift in information channeling. "We are going from 'one to many' publishing to 'one to few,'" says Narayan, who adds that the challenge for Adobe is to enable people to use these new media creatively but also efficiently. (The Pfeiffer Report 27 Jan 2005)

SHAKEOUT IN CONSUMER ELECTRONICS FORECAST
Experts are predicting a major shakeout in the consumer electronics industry, similar to the one computer makers endured two decades ago. Hordes of upstart rivals, plummeting prices and a host of new technologies are pummeling profits at industry stalwarts such as Sony, Pioneer and Philips Electronics. "We're seeing price depreciation that would have been unimaginable in the past," says Sony chief strategy officer Katsumi Ihara. "What's behind it is that with the switch to digital components, anyone can make them and there aren't compelling ways to distinguish one's products." In an effort to cope with the onslaught of mass look-alikes, the big electronic makers have scrambled to control the few key components that still yield reasonable profit margins, such as flat-panel displays. That, in turn, has led to a debilitating supply glut, with LCD prices falling 40% since last summer. The result has been a refocusing on the part of Philips and Thomson SA of France, which are now placing more emphasis on medical equipment and broadcasting gear, respectively. Meanwhile, Sony and Samsung are finding new life in cooperative ventures, teaming up to build the world's largest LCD panel factory. Hitachi, Toshiba and Matsushita are following suit, with an LCD plant that will open next year. The bottom line will be good for consumers, however, as electronics manufacturers struggle to churn out innovative products at ever-lower prices. (Wall Street Journal 27 Jan 2005) (sub req'd)

SONY'S PLAYSTATION PORTABLE TO DOUBLE AS MUSIC PLAYER
Sony is upping the ante in the music player market with the introduction of its latest contender -- the PlayStation Portable. The company plans to incorporate a delivery mechanism in the handheld game device that initially will be used for downloading video game levels and software updates, but by summer it plans to extend its offerings to music as well. And given the PSP's high-end graphics, the media giant might eventually expand to video downloads, say some analysts. (The Register 27 Jan 2005)

PC MAKERS HOPE MAC MINI SPARKS BIG INTEREST IN LITTLE PCs
Computer makers have big hopes for small computers, sparked by the initial buzz over Apple's new Mac Mini, which hit the shelves last Saturday. "I love the product. I think it's beautiful," says Hewlett Packard marketing VP Tom Anderson. "If it started a trend of small (desktops). I'd be very happy about that. It would be a reason for someone to consider a desktop." Anderson's view reflects that of most desktop makers, who saw laptop sales soar 26% in the 2004 holiday season alone, according to preliminary data from the NPD Group. "People who are adding to their home inventory (of PCs) are going to want something different. Most people don't have two great big TVs. They've usually got one big one and the kids might have one and maybe there's a 13-inch in the kitchen. People try to fit the value to the task that product is going to perform. I think more and more you'll see PCs have that effect," says NPD analyst Steve Baker. The emerging trend has HP considering revival of its ePC, a small desktop aimed at businesses that was retired in 2002 after the Compaq merger. Meanwhile, Dell says it already makes a mini-PC, the Dimension 4700C, which is significantly smaller than its standard Dimension 4700 mini tower. The trick is squeezing all of the standard components into the smaller package, says HP's Anderson. Even charging as little as $50 more for the ePC than its standard-size PCs turned consumers away. (CNet News.com 27 Jan 2005)


MOST IDENTITY THEFT OCCURS OFFLINE
Despite growing concerns over online fraud, a new study conducted by the Better Business Bureau and Javelin Research finds that most cases of identity theft can be traced to a lost or stolen wallet or checkbook, rather than vulnerable online financial data. Computer crimes make up just 12% of all ID fraud cases in which the origin is known, and half of those are attributed to spyware that sneaks onto computers and steals private information. (AP 27 Jan 2005)

PLANS FOR TAXING THE INTERNET
Forty state governments and the District of Columbia have issued bids from technology companies to design the software and Web-based networks for tracking online purchases and processing sales tax payments. Technology and consulting companies hoping to work on the project include Accenture, EDS, KPMG and PriceWaterhouseCoopers, along with software companies Taxware, Tax Matrix Technologies, and Vertex. Maureeen Riehl of the National Retail Federation notes: "A lot of businesses said they didn't want anyone running the registration system who could use the information as an opportunity to go after merchants for other things." (Washington Post 28 Jan 2005)

BELL COMPANIES FIND AT&T's CHARMS HARD TO RESIST
A principal reason that regional Bell phone company SBC wants to buy AT&T is to acquire the venerable long-distance carrier's 24 million consumer phone subscribers, who would be prime prospects for SBC's wireless and cable TV services. However, negotiations between SBC and AT&T may falter over the issue of how to value AT&T's deteriorating business. Attorney Michael Salsbury, who worked for MCI and WorldCom, says: "Given that there would be a regulatory lag in the deal process, you have to have a valuation that you feel comfortable will hold itself during that period, and right now I don't feel the likely buyers think that's the case." Analysts are speculating that two other regional Bell companies -- Verizon and BellSouth -- might make their own bids for SBC. (AP/San Jose Mercury News 27 Jan 2005)

WEB SITE TO FIGHT CHILD ABUSE
A new Web site, , has been created by the U.K.'s National Crime Squad (NCS) in collaboration with the technology industry and with agencies in the U.S., Canada, and Australia, and Interpol, to provide information to help and support victims of abuse. Jim Gamble of the NCS explains: "Child abuse is one of the worst crimes to affect today's society and we in the UK must break away from thinking that we can tackle this issue within our own borders. Internet users access a worldwide service and we must tackle abuse from a worldwide perspective. That is why strategic partnerships with partners across the globe are so vital to the success of this initiative. Police across the world must work as one on this." (Federal Computer Week/USA Today 27 Jan 2005)

AMAZON ADDS PHOTOS TO YELLOW PAGES
Online retailer Amazon has introduced a local search service that can display photos of neighborhood businesses, and that will draw from its collection of 20 million photos of buildings in 10 major U.S. cities. It took Amazon subsidiary A9 just four months to develop the collection, using an SUV with specially designed digital photographic equipment. A9 director of programming Barnaby Dorfman says his company's approach will help create a sense of community for online shoppers and adds: "The printed yellow pages have been around for 100 years, and they haven't changed much. This is a way of taking it to the next level." (New York Times 27 Jan 2005)

SOFTWARE FOR SCANNING ARABIC DOCUMENTS
Noting that "the whole Internet is skewed toward people who speak English," computer scientist Venu Govindaraju of the University of Buffalo says his research group is developing software to scan Arabic printed and handwritten documents. Without optical character recognition software developed for a particular language, Govindaraju fears that "all the classic texts in that language will disappear into oblivion." The project's Arabic software will take into account the fact that characters may take different forms depending on where within a word they appear, and that Arabic vowels are pronounced but often not written. (AP 27 Jan 2005)

*****

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: OFFICE POLITICS
Freelance social scientist Howard Bloom calls attention to a "theatrical charade used by those who wish to exercise power over others." He explains:
"It's a device even ambitious chimpanzees employ to maintain authority. The ruse goes something like this: The dominant male sits in the center of a noisy multitude looking utterly indifferent to what goes on around him. Lower-ranking apes nervously glance left, right, and behind them for clues as to what they should do next. They cast frequent, furtive glances at the master chimp to see if it is time for them to honor him with a deferentially downcast gaze or to discover if he has turned aside. For when his back is toward them, the underlings can get away with some forbidden gesture. However, the lofty head of the chimpanzee clan seems to look at no one and gives the impression that he need take his cues from no mere earthly beast.
"But even the chimpanzee at the top of the hierarchy who looks so impressively aloof is boiling with social emotions he doesn't dare show. Ethologist Frans de Wall made a six-year study of chimps in Belgium's Arnhem Zoo and published the results in a brilliant and illuminating volume called 'Chimpanzee Politics.' In it, de Waal describes two males competing for top position in the group. The combatants confront each other with all the dignity of chivalric knights. Each stands erect, his hair raised in a magnificent mantle about him, looking massive and heroic. The pair stare into each other's eyes without flinching.
"The manly stoicism with which the duo square off is a pose maintained only by an extreme exertion of self-control. After the confrontation is over, both chimps march away. When one is certain he is out of sight of gawkers, all the emotions he's been holding back suddenly rampage across his face. His upper life flies up, leaving his teeth bare -- the ultimate chimpanzee sign of nervousness. Realizing that another member of the tribe might spot him and note his delayed terror, the recent combatant tries again and again to pull the rebellious lip down over his teeth and regain his dignified appearance, but the stress-filled grimace simply will not leave his face. Under the dignity and confidence of a few moments before was a seething cauldron of insecurity."
***
[Source: Howard Bloom's "The Lucifer Principle: A Scientific Expedition Into the Forces of History." To find a library copy visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase a copy go to: .

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: MARSHALL MCLUHAN
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Canadian writer and teacher Herbert Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980), whose famous aphorism "The medium is the message" summarized his view of the potent influence of television, computers, and other electronic disseminators of information in shaping styles of thinking and thought, whether in sociology, art, science, or religion. (In one of his later books he provided an alternative version of his aphorism: "The medium is the massage.") McLuhan is the person who made the whole notion of "media" a central focus of contemporary study.
McLuhan was associated with St. Michael's College of the University of Toronto from 1946 until his death in 1980. He became full professor of English literature there in 1952 and from 1963 was director of the university's Centre for Culture and Technology. He was also associated with Fordham University in New York.
McLuhan's critical view of 20th-century society's self-transformation made him one of the popular prophetic voices of his time. His books include "The Mechanical Bride: Folklore of Industrial Man," "The Gutenberg Galaxy," and, most notably, the seminafsl "Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man."

[To find a library copy of "Understanding Media," visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at -- or to purchase a copy of "The Essential McLuhan" visit:

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: FINLEY PETER DUNNE
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Chicago-born newspaperman Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), who ranks high among American humorists for his fictional creation of the irrepressible Irishman, "Mr. Dooley." Dunne had Dooley, portrayed as a Chicago saloonkeeper, speak out in a rich Irish brogue on the political and social issues of the day.
"Thrust ivrybody, but cut th' ca-ards" is a good example of the Dooley humor to be found in the Irish-dialect sketches Dunne wrote for the editorial pages first of the Chicago Evening Post and later the Chicago Journal. By the end of his career, he produced more than 700 of these dialect essays, making the Dooley character a permanent part of American lore. His Dooley stories were so popular that many of them were republished in book form in the years 1898 to 1919.
Dunne was born in Chicago of Irish-immigrant parents and began his working career in 1884 as a journalist on various Chicago newspapers, eventually specializing in political reporting and editorial writing. Over time Dunne's witty commentaries on political sham and hypocrisy established his voice as a force for clear thinking and tolerance in public affairs. Politicians recognized the power he exerted on public opinion and learned to respect and fear him. Dunne is also credited with improving the image of the Irish in America by depicting the common sense wisdom and human dignity possessed by the working class Irish who frequented Dooley's saloon.

[To find a library copy of "Mr. Dooley's Philosophy" visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at or to purchase "Mr. Dooley: Now and Forever," visit

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: MELINA MERCOURI
Today's Honorary Subscriber is the Greek actress and political activist Melina Mercouri (1925-1994) who was the minister of culture in her country's first Socialist government. Mercouri achieved international stardom when she played the good-hearted prostitute in the 1960 film "Never on Sunday," and her fame from this role gave a boost to her subsequent involvement in Greek politics.
Mercouri was indignant over the military coup that brought a handful of army colonels to power in Greece in 1967. The coup occurred when she was abroad, and her early opposition against the junta was first voiced in Europe and the United States. In retaliation, the regime revoked her Greek citizenship, effectively exiling her. During her years in exile, she lived mainly in Paris, but was able to perform in British and American productions, such as "Topkapi."
Mercouri was only able to return to Greece after the dictatorship collapsed in 1974. Upon her return, she promptly joined Papandreou's Panhellenic Socialist Movement, running unsuccessfully for deputy from the same Piraeus district that had made her famous in "Never on Sunday." Later, she was elected to the Greek parliament, first in 1977, and again in 1981.
Politically, she was a pacifist as well as a vociferous anti-fascist. When Papandreou became Greece's premier, she was appointed his minister for culture. As minister she supported feminist causes and was an effective publicist for Greece on the international cultural scene. She succeeded in increasing government subsidies for the arts, building additional libraries, and promoting the preservation of national monuments. She failed, however, in her attempt to persuade the British government to return the Elgin Marbles sculptures, which had been taken from the Parthenon to the British Museum during the Turkish occupation in 1806.
Mercouri was born in Athens, Greece, and came from a politically prominent family. Her father was an interior minister of Greece, and her grandfather a mayor of Athens. She graduated from the Drama School of the National Theatre of Greece. Her first major role, at the age of 20, was Lavinia in Eugene O'Neill's "Mourning Becomes Electra." She began her film career in 1955, and in 1966 she married the French-born American film director Jules Dassin, who had directed most of her films. In 1971 Mercouri published an autobiography, "I Was Born Greek." She died in 1994, while hospitalized in New York City.

[To find a library copy of "I Was Born Greek," visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at or to purchase the DVD of "Never on Sunday" go to .

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: JEAN-FRANCOIS CHAMPOLLION
Today's honorary subscriber is French historian and linguist Jean-François Champollion (1790-1832), whose success in deciphering the hieroglyphics on the Rosetta Stone led to a life long career in the study of early Egyptian history and culture.
Discovered during Napoleon's incursion into Egypt, the Rosetta Stone (engraved with a Greek text accompanied by both an hieroglyphic and a demotic translation) had obvious potential as a key to unlock the Egyptian system of hieroglyphic writing. After an initial abortive attempt by the English physicist Thomas Young to decipher the Rosetta Stone, Champollion took up the task with scholarly zeal. He was something of a prodigy, and had mastered by age 16 six ancient Oriental languages, in addition to Latin and Greek. With a single-minded dedication to deciphering hieroglyphics, Champollion soon began to piece together the puzzle of the hieroglyphics.
In 1821-22 he started publishing papers on the hieroglyphic and hieratic elements of the Rosetta Stone, and he went on to establish an entire list of hieroglyphic signs and their Greek equivalents. He was first to recognize that some of the signs were alphabetic, some syllabic, and some determinative--i.e., standing for a whole idea or object previously expressed. Because Egyptian texts in France were few, he spent most of 1824-25 working on inscriptions and papyruses in Italian collections, chiefly at Turin. In 1828-29 he led a joint French and Tuscan mission to Egypt to copy inscriptions on monuments lying between Alexandria and the Second Cataract, and to collect antiquities for the Louvre, of which he had been appointed curator in 1826. He was also elected to the French Academy and was appointed the first professor of Egyptology at the College de France.
His major publications include Summary of the "Hieroglyphic System of the Ancient Egyptians"; "Egyptian Grammar"; and "Egyptian Dictionary."
[To find a library copy of Alan Honour's "The Man Who Could Read Stones" visit RLG's RedLightGreen service at or to purchase the book go to <>. Note: We donate all revenue from our book recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

MAILBAG: THE WORLD AS WE FIND IT

LILY PONS
Re:
Well, your Honorary Subscriber article on Lily Pons certainly clears up a small mystery for me. There used to be a very small town in Maryland named Lilypons. They claimed years ago to be the state's smallest incorporated entity, which was likely true since it's only a couple of houses and a business of selling plants and fish from their several lily ponds (). These days, they give their address differently. I've always wondered why they had such a seemingly peculiar spelling for the name. (Bill Carpenter)

DANGEROUS DEVELOPMENT
Just wondering if you are aware of the recent effort and feasibility study underway by the federal department of education and the National Center for Education Statistics (see for example
). The effort is intended, basically, to require all colleges and universities to submit unit-record (i.e. name- and SSN-specific) data on all college-level students to the federal government for creation of studies and cross-checking with IRS records. And this is not intended as a snapshot related to financial aid, as already occurs. It is a transactional database intended to track changes in a student's record ranging from enrollment status to major declaration to address changes to sex changes. Institutions may be required to submit a data file whenever a change is made to a list of 20 or more personal characteristics. This strikes me as very dangerous. (Scott Dittman)

EDUCATION IS NOT A BUSINESS (CONT'D)
Re:
You write: "Secretary of Education Rod Paige says in the National Education Technology Plan: 'Education is the only business still debating the usefulness of technology...'" Let me join John Law's "Pleased to hear it," and add another reason: the internet and associated information technologies offer unprecedented access to information; and I don't doubt that technology may make it easier to help students practice rote-memory skills (games for multiplication tables or verb-ending memorization come to mind). Technology doubtless offers many useful behind-the-scenes administrative advantages as well: all schools have budgets and a business side, and this year I can call up the university id photos of the students in my classes to help me learn their names more easily. But at least at the level where I work (and I'd hope to some extent at earlier levels), the teacher's primary task is not to lead the student to information, but to help her develop the judgment with which alone she can make any sense of it. And that sense of judment cannot be honed by any less than the intimate, intense involvement that person-to-person (and ideally face-to-face) encounter allows. To read is one thing, but to make good judgments about one's reading is another thing entirely. Thanks for the provocation, and for your always-welcome summaries. (W.S.K. (Scott) Cameron)

BE CAREFUL WITH SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS
Re:
You say, "Although Jacobsen was able to view the names and Social Security numbers of 400 customers (all of whom were notified in writing about the break-in), customer credit card numbers and other financial information never were revealed." Interesting way to phrase this. If I'm not mistaken, if someone makes fraudulent charges with my credit card, by law my liability is only $50. But SSNs are the key to identity theft, and could cost me thousands and years to clean up my financial reputation. My subtext: non-payroll/tax related use of SSNs should stop, period! Why does your PHONE company need your SSN?" (Richard Rathe M.D.)

ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS
Re:
Right, that's just what we need in our environment: copper and aluminum fiber dust. Didn't we learn our lesson with lead paint? (Chris Shaffer)

GO SLOW, TIVO
Re:
I couldn¹t find anything about TiVo in your link, however I found three other links:
http://www.baanassist.com/news/dispnews.asp?i=125342&t=99
http://asia.news.yahoo.com/050106/ap/d87erdag0.html
http://www.alwayson-network.com/comments.php?id=P7839-0-6-0-C
All three said, "Alviso-based TiVo said it expects to release CableCard models as a premium product in early 2006." Maybe my time scale is off but after reading your summary paragraph I would not expect to have to wait a year to buy the product. I think the fact that their "introduction" was for something a year away merited a mention in the summary. (Marc Rhodes)

BREAKDOWN-SERVICE FOR BUGGY SOFTWARE?
Re:
Is it me or don't people see it as ironic that MS want to get into the market for anti-virus software. The fact is if their original software is so buggy and full of holes which allows hackers/virus writers to exploit. Surely it's an admission of defeat that their software isn't good enough or do they have no shame? It's a bit like the manufacturers of the old combustible Pinto moving into the private ambulance business. A bit harsh perhaps but do Ford /BMW/Toyota etc. run a car breakdown service? (Glad Englad)

I WANT TO BE BAD, BOOP-BOOP-A-DOOP!
Re:
Skip Eastman remembered a song called 'I Want to Be Bad.' Perhaps you can pass this link on to Skip: Google tells us:
http://www.heptune.com/iwanttob.html. Which sends us to:
http://tinyurl.com/6yah7. (Geoffrey Tully)

Note: We donate all revenue from our book recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

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Activities and Events of Interest
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February 5 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. Krystle Maczka, Piano
February 6 Magnolia 2:00 p.m. "
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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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MCC Tanzania, Africa Mission Trip, July 2005. Get your passport!
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.

01. Sgt. Kyle W. Childress, 29, of Terre Haute, Ind., died Jan. 21 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds received in Ad Duluiyah, Iraq, when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Childress was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

02. Capt. Joe F. Lusk II, 25, of Reedley, Calif., died Jan. 21 in Camp Buehring, Kuwait, of non-combat related injuries. Lusk was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 3rd Aviation Regiment, Fort Bragg, N.C.

03. 1st Lt. Nainoa K. Hoe, 27, of Hawaii, died Jan. 22 in Mosul, Iraq, of wounds received when he was attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Hoe was assigned to the Army’s 3d Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

04. Staff Sgt. Jose C. Rangel, 43, of Saratoga, Calif., died Jan. 23 in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, of non-combat related injuries. Rangel was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 1106th Aviation Classification Repair Activity Depot, Fresno, Calif.

05. Sgt. Leonard W. Adams, 42, of Mooresville, N.C., died Jan. 24 in Camp Bucca, Iraq, of non-combat related injuries. Adams was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 105th Military Police Battalion, 18th Military Police Brigade, Asheville, N.C.

06. Sgt. Brett D. Swank, of Northumberland, Pa., died Jan. 24 in Baghdad, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his position. Swank was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 509th Infantry Regiment, Fort Polk, La.

07. Sgt. William S. Kinzer Jr., 27, of Hendersonville, N.C., died Jan. 26 in Ad Duluiyah, Iraq, from injuries sustained when a rocket propelled grenade hit his patrol. Kinzer was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
08. Cpl. Jonathan W. Bowling, 23, of Patrick, Va.
09. Lance Cpl. Karl R. Linn, 20, of Chesterfield, Va.
10. Cpl. Christopher L. Weaver, 24, of Fredericksburg, Va.
Bowling and Linn died Jan. 26 of wounds received as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Weaver died Jan. 26 as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. All Marines were assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve’s 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, headquartered in Lynchburg, Va.

11. Petty Officer 3rd Class John D. House, 28, of Ventura, Calif., died Jan. 26, in a helicopter crash near Ar Rutbah, Iraq. House was assigned to Naval Medical Clinic Hawaii, Marine Corps Units Detachment, Pearl Harbor.

12. Sgt. Jesse W. Strong, 24, of Irasburg, Vt., died Jan. 26 as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Strong was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve’s 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, headquartered in Lynchburg, Va.

The Department of Defense announced the death of 16 Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
13. Capt. Paul C. Alaniz, 32, of Corpus Christi, Texas
14. Lance Cpl. Jonathan E. Etterling, 22, of Wheelersburg, Ohio
15. Capt. Lyle L. Gordon, 30, of Midlothian, Texas
16. Lance Cpl. Brian C. Hopper, 21, of Wynne, Ark.
17. Lance Cpl. Saeed Jafarkhani-Torshizi Jr., 24, of Fort Worth, Texas
18. Cpl. Sean P. Kelly, 23, of Gloucester, N.J.
19. Staff Sgt. Dexter S. Kimble, 30, of Houston, Texas
20. Lance Cpl. Allan Klein, 34, of Clinton Township, Mich.
21. Cpl. James L. Moore, 24, of Roseburg, Ore.
22. Lance Cpl. Mourad Ragimov, 20, of San Diego, Calif.
23. Lance Cpl. Rhonald D. Rairdan, 20, of San Antonio, Texas
24. Lance Cpl. Hector Ramos, 20, of Aurora, Ill.
26. Lance Cpl. Darrell J. Schumann, 25, of Hampton, Va.
27. 1stLt. Dustin M. Shumney, 30, of Vallejo, Calif
28. Cpl. Matthew R. Smith, 24, of West Valley, Utah
29. Lance Cpl. Joseph B. Spence, 24, of Scotts Valley, Calif
All died Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter they were in crashed near Ar Rutbah, Iraq. Alaniz, Gordon, and Kimble were assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif. The others were assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

The Department of Defense announced the death of 11 Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
30. Staff Sgt. Brian D. Bland, 26, of Weston, Wyo.
31. Sgt. Michael W. Finke Jr., 28, of Huron, Ohio
32. 1st Lt. Travis J. Fuller, 26, of Granville, Mass.
33. Cpl. Timothy M. Gibson, 23, of Hillsborough, N.H.
34. Cpl. Richard A. Gilbert Jr., 26, of Montgomery, Ohio
35. Cpl. Kyle J. Grimes, 21, of Northampton, Pa.
36. Lance Cpl. Tony L. Hernandez, 22, of Canyon Lake, Texas
37. Cpl. Nathaniel K. Moore, 22, of Champaign, Ill.
38. Lance Cpl. Gael Saintvil, 24, of Orange, Fla.
39. Cpl. Nathan A. Schubert, 22, of Cherokee, Iowa
40. Lance Cpl. Michael L. Starr Jr., 21, of Baltimore, Md.
All died Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter they were in crashed near Ar Rutbah, Iraq. Hernandez was assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif. The others were assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

41.Staff Sgt. Jose C. Rangel, 43, of Fresno, Calif., died Jan. 23 in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, of non-combat related injuries. Rangel was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 1106th Aviation Classification Repair Activity Depot, Fresno, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
42. Cpl. Stephen P. Johnson, 24, of Covina, Calif.
43. Lance Cpl. Fred L. Maciel, 20, of Spring, Texas
Both died Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter they were in crashed near Ar Rutbah, Iraq. They were assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

44. Pfc. Kevin M. Luna, 26, of Oxnard, Calif., died Jan. 27 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, from non-combat related injuries. Luna was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 63rd Armor Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Vilseck, Germany.

45. Spc. Taylor J. Burk, 21, of Amarillo, Texas, died Jan. 26 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device struck his vehicle. Burk was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

46. Cpl. Jonathan S. Beatty, 22, of Streator, Ill., died Jan. 27 as a result of hostile action in Babil Province, Iraq. Beatty was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.

Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett,
12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m.Monday - Friday.At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m.Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m.Union Street Station.And YOU'RE invited.Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second.Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program.For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Isa 30:20-21 Isa 30:15-16 Psa 34:11-14 1 Cor 8:9-12 2 Cor 7:8-10
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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