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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: You've Got No Mail
Hello ALL,
Happy New Year to y’all.
~~~~~
So what happened this year? Here’s a list of items that caught my eye.
Our soldiers, sailors and airmen continue to fight for our security and Iraq freedom.
The world's largest steam locomotive stopped in McNeill on it's way to the Super Bowl.
"The Passion" was, as they say, a very moving experience.
Annette had her ankle re-broken but we survived and she continues to heal.
The "Fillin Station" opened on West Main, run by Fred and Jean Rojas.
Uncle Willard Taylor celebrated his 21'st birthday
Snow was beautiful and it was a great chance to try out the Yukon's 4WD
"Trivia Challenge" has come and gone. Albemarle was again the first runner up.
The "B" Bowl generated a tidal wave of protests due to the offensive, dumb, crude, half time display.
Avian Flu
Bob Keeshan, otherwise known as Captain Kangaroo, passed away
A new computer virus capable of harvesting millions of e-mail addresses from infected PCs was rapidly spreading across the Internet also, a new Trojan horse program also appeared on the Internet
The Reynolds Center
The Ugly Panther
XM Radio, commonly called Satellite Radio was installed in both the McClellan vehicles.
The price of gasoline LEAP up
We started our first semester of "Small Groups"
President Bush proposed to have a colony on the moon within 15 years
West Nile Virus
Medicare's plunge into the world of prescription drug coverage began
MCC Africa, Romania, and New York Missions trips
Special Olympics
Magnolia based "Delta Company Patrols Baghdad."
The new drive through line for the World Championship Steak Cook-off
New overtime rules
A Cessna 150 crash landed in southern Columbia County
Old friend Mike McNeill soloed for the first time
Tim Wooley preached his first sermon
The Magnificent 14 became Arkansas's first industrial Fire Fighters Pro Board Certified in Exterior Fire Fighting Skills under the 1081 Challenge Program for Fire Brigade Training
New DVD players cut out the smut
9-11 Commission on Terror Attacks
Waldo Bulldogs are Arkansas state class A B Ball Champs.
Fellowship Bible Church donated their building to the Hannah Center.
Alcoa decided to keep Magnolia's aluminum extrusion plant
Arkansas's sales tax went up to 6 cents
We loaded the Mozilla Browser and started using it instead of MSExplorer
Annette got a new bed
We got the Multi-Media equipment at MCC up and running.
Whooping cough
An outbreak of polio hit children in the Nigerian state of Kano
Ronald Reagan passed away
A storm moved through the area that left thousands w/o power
May 17th, MCC's Wade ministry group had a record 72 prisoner for the service
Jeffery and Jodie's wedding was probably the most beautiful we've ever been to
Magnolia's second regional gathering of gyrocopters
A constitutional amendment defining marriage
One of the BEST Blossom Festival weathers in history
WHO confirmed an Ebola cases in Sudan
The prisoner mistreatment issue
The Taylor Tigers Baseball team won the state Class A baseball championship
SpaceShipOne won the $10 million X Prize
AB5KH, passed away
SCAN Contest
Magnolia Internet "HyperSpeed"
"Da Bleat" is now on the web as "Da Blog" version,
Christian Radio Station (107.1)
The twin Mars rovers
Flu vaccine
Hurricane Ivan
"Pocket Full Of Rocks" was on TBN
Shopping Cart manners declined
Columbia County Library has a website
Iraq Churches were bombed
Wal-Mart for helping Salvation Army overcome the Target loss
IBM announced that they were going out of the PC business
Central Health Therapy
Albemarle Magnolia went one year (365 days) without a recordable injury
The Clinton Presidential Center opened
"The Incredibles"
"R0lex" Watch Spam
~~~~~
Ranga Tharindra Solanga-Arachchige, the Southern Arkansas University student who lost his mother, sister and grandmother in the tsunami that hit Sri Lanka this past weekend, is staying with the John Burge family. John said that several SAU foreign students have been spending holidays with them this year. Ranga got a call from his father almost before Magnolian’s heard about the disaster.
He’s not going back to Sir Lanka at this time. John explained that Ranga’s mother had already been buried and they hadn’t found his sister or grandmother’s bodies. After they talked it over, Ranga’s father felt that he should stay in Magnolia, especially since there is a severe shortage of food and water in his hometown and he would really be a liability to his family if he returned at this time.
~~~~~
Tsunami deaths are approaching 150,000 and US Aid for the disaster is approaching $350 Million. At the same time, I heard a radio talk show host yesterday ask; “Why should we use taxpayers money for Tsunami relief?”
I’d like to answer him. We should use some taxpayer money for disaster relief because we’re the United States of America.
Earlier this week some UN buffoon said that the US and other prosperous nations were stingy. I call him a buffoon because he made a stupid, uninformed statement.
We give. As a nation we give via government funded (read taxpayer funded) programs as well as privately funded programs.
That’s the difference between the US and many of our strongest critics. In a pinch, we give of our time, resources, labor and money.
Today, one of our EMTs called to say he was waiting for a call to send the Arkansas DMAT team to Indonesia. These volunteers spend hours training to be able to respond to disasters.
This is why I don’t worry if we use “Taxpayer” resources to respond to other countries. It’s no different than the way respond locally when there is a need. Everyone pitches in and helps.
Uncle Sam is not exempt. I wouldn’t want to know that our nation refused to step up to the plate in a time of need.
~~~~~
Speaking of responding to needs, the following link will take you to a list of aid groups accepting donations for tsunami victims - - http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/12/27/quake.aidsites/
~~~~~
Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress
1. Stay out of holiday debt. Know your spending limit. If your local mall starts putting up holiday decorations before you're done paying last year's bills, it's time to rethink your gift-giving habits. Expensive gifts won't guarantee a happy holiday. If your extended family is filling your shopping list to the brim, consider starting a name exchange. There's a good chance everyone else on the list will appreciate a break, too.
2. Make a shopping list, and check it twice. Staying organized will help you avoid any oversights or last-minute panic. As a bonus, you'll be less likely to make any impulse purchases that you can't really afford.
3. Avoid a relative meltdown. The holidays give you a great opportunity to spend time together. But even the closest families can have conflict and friction during the holidays. You can help clear the atmosphere by involving everyone in the planning and decision-making.
4. Go easy on alcohol. A stiff glass of eggnog can be a fine way to toast the holiday, but don't go overboard. Too much alcohol will only add to your stress. You may say or do things that you'll later regret, and you're bound to feel lousy the next day.
5. Keep moving. Exercise is always a great stress reliever. Take a brisk walk around the neighborhood with a cousin or slip away with your aunt to the gym for a much-needed break. Even if you get your workout on a treadmill, try to spend some time outdoors. A little winter sunlight can dramatically brighten your mood.
6. Eat well and be merry. As hard as it may seem, you can hold onto your healthy eating habits throughout the holiday season. Have a few healthy snacks throughout the day. If you catch yourself eating to relieve anxiety or loneliness, take a step back from the kitchen and think about the source of your feelings. Confronting your emotions in a healthy way can keep you from overeating.
7. Don't get too ambitious. Planning on an elaborate craft project with the kids? Keep in mind that a gingerbread mansion would be just as much fun in January. Are you in charge of making a seven-course holiday meal? Ask for lots of help, and don't hesitate to cut it down to four courses. If you're wrapping presents, ask your kids to help out.
8. Take a moment to appreciate the simple things. Getting into the holiday spirit can be as easy as putting on nostalgic holiday tunes or making your favorite wintertime drink.
9. Stay flexible. Too many people approach the holidays with a fixed vision of how everything should go. This year, try to keep an open mind.
10. If you're traveling, give yourself plenty of time to get there. This is especially important if you're traveling with small children. Remember to bring all the toys and supplies you need to keep them occupied if you hit a jam. Whether you're on the road or in the airport, realize that everyone else is in the same predicament. Slow down, take a deep breath, and try to be courteous to the driver or fellow traveler around you.
11. Rein in your expectations. No holiday in the history of civilization has ever gone perfectly. Spills and squabbles and unwanted gifts are just a part of the season. Don't hold yourself or anyone else up to an unrealistic standard. Just take it all in, relax, have fun.
You can help your children beat holiday stress by following these similar tips:
a. · Limit TV and video games? It's very easy at this time of the year to allow the TV and video games to become the baby sitter. But children who are stressed need some type of physical activity or exercise.
b. · Remember routines? For parents of small children, this is especially good advice. During the holidays children will find their routines disrupted. They are often dragged along on shopping expeditions or taken to events over which they have no control. And when a routine is broken, stress can result.
c. · Nutrition? Don't end up with a stressed out, hungry family. Plan at least one healthy meal as a family everyday.
d. · Family traditions? Many people fail to underestimate how important traditions are to themselves and their children. Family traditions offer great comfort and security for children when everything in their lives is being disrupted by the holiday season.
e. · Attitude check? Take a deep breath, and have everyone in the family pledge to make the holiday season a time of joy and peace.
f. · Rest and relaxation? Everyone, especially children, need to take a "time out" over the holiday season to rest and relax. Schedule R & R time for everyone in the family.
g. · Laugh? Laughter is still the best way to beat stress and change everyone's mood from bad to good.
~~~~~
In the news this week; articles on a Trucker shortage, a Therapist Shortage and a Nurse Shortage
Tell me again about jobs going to Mexico or China?
~~~~~
Recipe of the week; Sweet Potato Fries courtesy Kathleen Daelemans on her Show: Cooking Thin, the Go Mom Go, Part 2 episode
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 6 servings
User Rating: 4 Stars
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving:
Calories 182
Fat 5.1 g
Saturated Fat 0.8 g
Carbohydrates 32.6 g
Protein 2.3 g
Fiber 3.9 g
Ingredients
Extra-virgin olive oil, for lightly coating
6 large sweet potatoes, peeled and sliced like steak fries
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/4 packet taco seasoning mix
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
In a large mixing bowl, drizzle oil over the potatoes and toss to coat. Add salt and taco seasoning mix and toss. Place sweet potato fries in one even layer onto a baking sheet. Keep space between them so they get crispy on all sides. Bake in batches.
Place into the oven for 10 minutes, and then flip them over. Place back in for 10 more minutes. They should be soft on the inside and browned on the outside. Let them cool for 5 minutes before serving.
* You may substitute baking potatoes for sweet potatoes. However, when placing back into the oven change cooking time to 5 minutes instead of 10.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/
~~~~~
"Rockin Romania" has been invited to the White House to participate in honoring the workers who've struggled to save Romanian Orphans. We'll keep you posted.
~~~~~
The World Championship Rotary Tiller Race, held each June at the Emerson PurpleHull Pea Festival, will be telecast twice on Jan. 20. The 2005 PurpleHull Pea Festival will be June 24 and 25, with the tiller race on Saturday, June 25.
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
~~~~~
This week we share some reruns from "Da Bleat" of December 29, Y2K;
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $1.77 $1.88 $1.95 $2.048
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Wal-Mart price today: $1.65
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship
Resolutions
Thoughts on the Year Ahead
December 31, 2004
This is New Year’s Eve, a time to reflect back on the year ending—which I’m sure most Christians do with great gratitude. Many of us believe that God was with us in providing political leadership that will continue to support causes we believe so deeply in. And God has seen us through a year of war and international turmoil, a year in which we were spared further terrorist attacks.
But New Year’s Eve is also the occasion for looking ahead and making resolutions—resolutions that most of us never keep.
Well, I will make mine, and I’m going to do my best to stick with them. I see the new year as a time of great hopefulness. Though we’ll face a major contest getting the Federal Marriage Amendment through the Senate, our cause has been strengthened greatly by having a president who is committed to fight for it and by the referenda in eleven states in which the people spoke so clearly. We also have more pro-life members of the House and Senate. We won’t win all of our battles, but we’re likely to make progress in a number of areas.
We also, however, face a sobering question. Evangelicals have come back into the limelight. Talking heads are commenting on the increasing power of “values voters” and conservative Christians. And to listen to some Christians, one gets the idea that this is the time for our political payback.
So the question is this: Can we handle success and increased influence with grace and prudence?
The sad fact is that all Christians are susceptible to worldly wiles. In fact, sad to say, the Church has managed to shoot itself in the foot almost every time it has achieved power in society.
So what we need most right now is a bracing dose of humility. We’re not a labor union, lining up for our share of the spoils after the election. We are the Church. Our job is to bring biblical truth to bear in society; to win people to Christ; and to promote righteousness and justice. We serve the King of kings, no mere temporal king.
The Apostle Peter tells us always to be prepared to give a reason for the hope that is within us, but with gentleness and reverence. And we are to keep a clear conscience so that when people slander us, they may become “ashamed of their slander.” Though we are commanded to engage in the political process, we are to do so lovingly, as citizens concerned for the common good. Trying to do that is my first resolution.
The second one is to reread Francis Schaeffer’s classic The Mark of the Christian. In this book, the great intellectual makes a simple point: Without love, we can’t possibly affect the world around us. Our task in the year ahead is to love one another, love fellow citizens, and promote the common good, whether by reaching out to the lost in the prisons, fighting international sexual trafficking, or helping AIDS victims in Africa. A book I read last month by Alan Hertzke, Freeing God’s Children, tells the story of how evangelicals have changed foreign policy in these critical areas of human rights. It’s a great book, and I recommend it.
I pray that 2005 will be a year when we confound human wisdom, when we handle our increased power and influence with gentleness and reverence, and when people who are ugly toward us are won over because they see our good behavior—not a bad set of New Year’s resolutions.
And, oh yes: Have a wonderfully blessed 2005.
For further reading and information:
Please help BreakPoint continue its worldview ministry. We are grateful to all of our listeners and readers, who make it possible for BreakPoint to provide teaching and advocacy for living out biblical principles in all of life. Your donation will help us continue strong in the new year. Please call 1-877-322-5527 to give today, or donate online.
BreakPoint Commentary No. 041108, “It’s Not Payback Time: Christians and Politics as Unusual.”
BreakPoint Commentary No. 041103, “Now That We’ve Voted: Elections and the Kingdom of God.”
Charles Colson with Anne Morse, “Reclaiming Occupied Territory,” Christianity Today, 25 July 2004.
Francis Schaeffer, The Mark of the Christian (InterVarsity, 1984 edition).
Alan Hertzke, Freeing God’s Children (Rowman & Littlefield, 2004). Call 1-877-322-5527 to order.
For more suggested books to read, see part 1and part 2 of this past Christmas’s book list.
To keep informed about news and trends from a Christian perspective throughout the upcoming year, be sure to subscribe to BreakPoint WorldView magazine. Call 1-877-322-5527 today!
“Setting Your Moral Compass”—This CD from BreakPoint will inform you on the key moral issues today and how to think Christianly about them. It’s a useful resource for teachers and pastors, as well as all other citizens, to help you focus on the challenges ahead. Also available from BreakPoint is our “Marriage in America” CD.
Copyright 2004 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
cornucopia: the horn of plenty; also, an abundance.
benison: blessing; benediction.
punctilious: precise; exact in the smallest particulars.
brackish: somewhat salty; also, distasteful.
raillery: good-humored banter or teasing repartee.
sedition: incitement of rebellion against lawful authority.
riposte: a quick and effective reply by word or act.
tintinnabulation: a tinkling sound, as of a bell or bells.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights." - Hamilton Wright Mabie
"I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's." - Henry Moore
"Heap on more wood - the wind is chill;
But let it whistle as it will,
We'll keep our Christmas merry still." - Sir Walter Scott
"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." - Kahlil Gibran
"Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!" - Amanda Bradley
"The greater the feeling of inferiority that has been experienced, the more powerful is the urge to conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation." - Alfred Adler
"In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous." - Robert S. Ingersoll
"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world." - William Shakespeare
"Two simple rules for life: 1. Know Thyself 2. Take nothing in Excess." - Socrates
~~~~~
FLASH CARD will return next week.
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GCF: You've Got No Mail
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to:
andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to
Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life.
Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email.
This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
--------------------------------
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my
clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
The psychiatrist asks, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
"That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a
mailbox in my car.
"How's that working?"
Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet," the blonde replies.
"And why do you think that is?"
The blonde says, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code
keeps changing."
- -------------- -
GCF: Shoplifter
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom
To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with
this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to:
gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
---------------------------------
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act.
He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near
the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see
a number of surprised customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go
through the express line with more than ten items."
- -------------- -
GCF: From the Mouth of a 6-year-old
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Abbie) -Tom
----------------------------------
My mother teaches first grade in a small town. One day, she took all her
students down the hall to the restroom at once so as not to be disturbed
every 5 minutes for a bathroom break. As first-graders tend to dawdle, she
urged them to "hurry up and take care of business" so they could get back
to the classroom.
One young man looked up at her and, in all seriousness said, "Teacher, I
don't have any unfinished business."
Mom had to excuse herself.
- -------------- -
GCF: Concentrating
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to:
andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
----------------------------------
I was talking to my preacher I noticed he had cut himself shaving.
I asked him about it. He said he was concentrating on his sermon and
nicked his chin.
I told him next time to concentrate on what he was doing and cut his sermon.
- -------------- -
GCF: No I.D.
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: a href="http://cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/">Subscribe
----------------------------------
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss.
She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you
will want some identification."
He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary."
"How come?" asked the woman.
"Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
- -------------- -
\\\\ \-/ / Procrastination is my sin \ \-/ ////
\ / It leads me in much sorrow. \ /
\ -/ I intend to mend my ways. \- /
/ / In fact, I'll start tomorrow. \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\\\\ \-/ / "Exercise" is a dirty word. \ \-/ ////
\ / Whenever I hear it, \ /
\ -/ I wash my mouth \- /
/ / out with chocolate. \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\\\\ \-/ / "Government's view of the \ \-/ ////
\ / economy could be summed up in a \ /
\ -/few short phrases: If it moves, tax\- /
/ / it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. \ \
And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
- Ronald Reagan
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Amnesiacs Anonymous meeting \ /
\ -/ will be held at ah, \- /
/ / er, gimme a sec... \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / "Laughter is the shortest \ /
\ -/ distance between two people." \- /
/ / -- Victor Borge \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\\\\ \-/ / You know those wheezing and \ \-/ ////
\ / popping noises the refrigerator \ /
\ -/ makes? It just means that it's \- /
/ / making ice. I'm not getting old. \ \
I'm just making ice!
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ///// / \ \
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
-( (- | http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-|
*** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Rose Parade
GCFL wishes a Happy New Year for all our members! */
IT WAS NEW YEAR'S DAY and the Rose Parade was just starting. To get the best view, we had splurged on reserved seats in the grandstand. Yet every time a float passed, the large man in front of us stood to take pictures. We could see nothing.
Drastic action was called for. I took a picture of the scene in front of us with my Polaroid. When the photo developed, I gave it to the man, who looked wordlessly at a shot of his rear end.
He remained seated for the rest of the parade.
Received from Clean Laffs (who got it from Reader's Digest).
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Holiday Memo
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill).
3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a
Happy Holiday.
Received from FranCMT2.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, for free . . .AND NO ADS! The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/archive/latest.php
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[GCFL] Attainable Resolutions
GCFL
This year, I resolve to...
01. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
02. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
03. Read less. Makes you think.
04. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
05. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
06. Not date any of the Baywatch cast.
07. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
08. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
09. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
11. Not have eight children at once.
12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
13. Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
14. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
15. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
16. Not eat cloned meat.
17. Create loose ends.
18. Get more toys.
19. Get further in debt.
21. Break at least one traffic law.
22. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
23. Stay off the MIR space station.
24. Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.
25. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
26. Not take spaceship rides behind comets.
27. Wait around for opportunity.
28. Focus on the faults of others.
29. Mope about my faults.
30. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
Received from Merry Hearts mailing list.
-=+=-
[GCFL] TOP TEN THINGS TO SAY ABOUT A CHRISTMAS GIFT YOU DON'T LIKE
10. Hey! There's a gift!
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though.
There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like:
1. "I really don't deserve this."
Received from Mikey's Thot for the Day
-=+=-
[GCFL] The Day After Christmas
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin' even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's.
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway--chargeaway--chargeaway all!"
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT........YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
Received from Bill Brenn.
-=+=-
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week,
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GCF: Yankee Dogs vs Southern Dawgs
"Thomas S. Ellsworth"
Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
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GCF: Yankee Dogs vs Southern Dawgs
A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To Southern Dawgs
(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg.
(Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg.
(Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern) Dobimin Pinches.
(Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg.
(Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Mean As A Rattlesnake Dawg. Good dawg to guard the still.
(Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawgs.
(Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg.
(Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg.
(Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg.
(Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs.
(Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg.
(Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg.
(Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg.
(Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg.
(Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What In the World Kinda Dawg Is That?"
(Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff
(Southern) Danged BIG Dawg.
(Yankee) Any dog that raids the hen house
(Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg.
(Yankee) Any lazy dog
(Southern) Good fer nothin' Dawg.
(Yankee) Any dog that's died and been buried and gone to Rainbow Bridge
(Southern) Best danged Dawg I ever had.
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GCF: Teamwork
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.
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GCF: Company Benefits
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"
The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company...."
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(An oldie but a goodie ... first posted at Good Clean Fun 09/14/1998)
GCF: Minister and Lawyer
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party.
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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GCF: Growing Up
My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.
"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."
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GCF: Musical Instruments
My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing.
"Oh," she said, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," my sister answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."
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GCF: The Right Card
A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, Anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
The boy shook his head and answered, "Got any like a blank report card?"
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GCF: Biased Bible?
A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday School with a frown on her face.
"I'm not going back there anymore," she announced with finality. "I don't like the Bible they keep teaching us."
"Why not?" asked her astonished mother.
"Because," said the little girl, "the Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions Minneapolis."
------------------
For those of you not living in the United States, Minneapolis and St. Paul are called the "Twin Cities". Located in Minnesota, they are about ... well I really don't know the distance between them, but on my map it's about one inch! Actually, more information about this area can be found at this address:
http://minneapolis.about.com/citiestowns/midwestus/minneapolis/
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GCF: Admiring Glances
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
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GCF: The Amateur Photographer
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
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GCF: Printer Repair
When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
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GCF: Good Manners
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
"What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
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GCF: Road Closed
They've closed a road near where I live in order to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe. The construction workers have put up a sign saying: ROAD CLOSED.
But, since the actual road closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, a lot of drivers go just to see if the road is *really* closed.
After they see that the road really is closed, they start making their way back. Their embarrassment is made worse by another sign right behind the ROAD CLOSED sign, but facing them on their return. The new sign reads:
TOLD YOU SO!
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / As I said before, \ /
\ -/ I never repeat myself. \- /
/ / \ \
\\\\ \-/ / Suppose you were an idiot. \ \-/ ////
\ / And suppose you were a member \ /
\ -/ of Congress. But I repeat myself. \- /
/ / -- Mark Twain \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\\\\ \-/ / If the walls have ears, \ \-/ ////
\ / why aren't they clearly marked? \ /
\ -/ The last thing I want to do is \- /
/ / puncture an eardrum when I'm \ \
hanging up a picture.
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ /The office computer had a virus. \ /
\ -/ So I hired my mother to type in \- /
/ / her recipe for chicken soup. \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Clones are people two. \ /
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / If there were no golf balls, \ /
\ -/ how would we measure hail? \- /
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Taxation WITH representation \ /
\ -/ isn't so hot, either! \- /
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Always remember to pillage \ /
\ -/ BEFORE you burn. \- /
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Always buy thermometers \ /
\ -/ in the summer, because \- /
/ / they come with more mercury. \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / The moon may be \ /
\ -/ smaller than the Earth, \- /
/ / but it's further away. \ \
\ / \ /
\ -/ Recursive, adj.; see Recursive \- /
/ / \ \
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / I have always wondered what \ /
\ -/ I look like with a blindfold on. \- /
/ / \ \
- ------------------------------------- -
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
-( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------------( \-|
\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / No sense being pessimistic. \ /
\ -/ It wouldn't work anyway. \- /
/ / \ \
*** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com
Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
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The Bible
From: "David & Bobbie McClellan"
The B-I-B-L-E A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means." His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean when you say you know what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know." "Okay," said his father, "what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, it stands for "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth."
Leave it to a child to figure it out.
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Southern Churches
From: "Ben & Trina Montgomery"
Subject: YOU ARE IN A SOUTHERN CHURCH WHEN....
The call to worship is, "ya'll come on in."
People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and five guys stand up.
The restrooms are outside.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
When it rains, everyone is smiling.
Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.
The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
The pastor wears boots.
Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.
The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
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“The Straight Skinny On” ...
Why Asparagus Makes Your Urine Stink
by Hannah Holmes
"This is of no practical importance," the urologist tells me. "It wasn't part of my training. It's something we contemplated over pizza and beer." When I admit that I have actually timed the arrival of the distinctive odor in my urine after eating asparagus (about 15 minutes), the good doctor suggests, facetiously, that my groundbreaking research might lead to a tenure-track position at a fine university.
It is a sadly neglected field. But I'm not the first to ask.
In 1891 a scientist named "Nencki" had so very little to do that he convinced four guys to eat seven kilograms of asparagus (that's about three and a half pounds each). He collected the pertinent urine, worked some medieval magic on it, and concluded that the smell was due to a metabolite called methanethiol.
So there you go. Nencki claimed that as your body metabolizes asparagus, it produces this smelly chemical, which your discriminating kidneys see fit to dump into the bladder.
This probably doesn't qualify as red-hot science, but it's warm enough to spark differing opinions.
In 1975 a chemist from California claimed in Science that gas chromatography had fingered a different culprit: S-Methyl Thioesters, to be precise. No methanethiol.
Then there's the 1980 reference in the British Medical Journal that simply refers to "metabolites." Another asparagus scholar favors "six sulfur-containing compounds."
I'm voting for methanethiol, partly because the guy who did the gas chromatography left no forwarding address, and partly because the methanethiol entry in my aging Merck Index of chemicals is so interesting.
Methanethiol is composed mostly of sulfur with a splash of hydrogen, plus some carbon, a brew famous for its effect in rotten eggs, cabbages and paper mills. Convincing, no? Merck also notes the asparagus connection and, most intriguing, warns that methanethiol may be a narcotic in high concentrations.
Now if you're scowling at your screen and muttering, "My urine doesn't smell like asparagus," first ask yourself if you eat asparagus.
Even if you do but lack the smell, you're still OK. In fact the fabulously funny book, The ReSearch Guide to Body Fluids (by Paul Spinrad, Juno Books, N.Y., 1994), says just 22 percent of survey respondents experience asparagus urine.
Early investigators thought genetics had divided the world into stinkers and nonstinkers. That was until 1980, when three researchers had the presence of mind to wave urine from the nonstinkers under the noses of the stinkers.
Lo and behold, the problem proved to be one not of producing the stinky urine but of being able to sniff it out.
If you've been deprived of this gift, don't give up hope. To increase the concentration of methanethiol molecules available to your snoot, you could either intentionally dehydrate yourself before you dine (this is unhealthful); or pee into a cup and sniff that. Or eat three and a half pounds of asparagus for lunch.
And if you experience a narcotic effect, you could be looking at a tenure-track position at a fine university.
Vocabulary
Asparagus fleet, n. Roman emperors were so fond of asparagus, which probably originated near the Mediterranean, that they kept special boats for the purpose of fetching it.
~~~~~
“The Straight Skinny On” ...
Tongue Rolling
By Hannah Holmes
Everybody who stayed awake through the first nine minutes of high school biology knows the ability to roll your tongue into the shape of a tube is hereditary.
"We know it's a dominant trait," Wayne Carley, executive director of the National Association of Biology Teachers, told me.
"We teach it because it's an easy thing to test: You either can roll your tongue, or you can't."
.
A public-affairs person at the National Center for Genome Research confidently tells me the same thing. "If a child can, then at least one of her parents can."
But she's wrong. All the biology teachers are wrong, too.
The first clue turns up on a rap sheet kept by Genome Research. A short synopsis of tongue-rolling research is followed by the trait's inheritability status:
"? autosomal dominant"
Grammatical issues aside, that's a funny place for a question mark.
.
"Well," says the woman who updates the database, a bit surprised to find the question mark there herself. "That means that the inheritance is not that secure."
And the more I root through the literature, the less secure I feel -- and not just because trait-trackers also investigate such hot items as "hand clasping," "arm folding" and "ear wax type," but because they turned up no evidence of inherited rollability.
Back in 1952 "Matlock" (scientists, like detectives, go by last name) concluded that identical twins don't always share the tongue-rolling trait. In 1975 "Martin" demonstrated that identical twins are no more likely to share tongue-rolling than are fraternal twins. In 1983 a Hungarian named Forrai found no genetic basis for tongue-curling -- or hand-clasping or arm-folding. And studying the Greeks of Thessaloniki in 1982, Cruz-Gonzalez established that while dry ear wax and attached ear lobes are recessive traits, which means you need the gene from both your parents, the genetic basis for tongue-rolling was less clear.
"But this could be due to difficulties in communication between the examined individual and the examiners," he cautions, which makes me wonder if the examined individuals were trying to talk with their tongues rolled up. (Try it. Now in Greek.)
In fairness the question of tongue-rolling isn't entirely resolved.
.
Solid as a Martin or Matlock study may seem today, tomorrow could bring contradictory findings equally convincing. This is how science staggers drunkenly toward the truth.
The happy news is that although tongue-rolling researchers have failed to exonerate your biology teacher, they have produced some very high-grade, if useless, trivia: In Spain 67 percent of females can roll their tongues, compared to just 64 percent of men. But Spanish men are twice as likely to wiggle their ears (20 percent) as are women. And an Iranian researcher discovered a dearth of tongue-rollers in Northern England, which, he concludes mysteriously, "may be due to mixture with Scandinavians." And hand-clasping -- concerning which thumb ends up on top -- seems related to handedness.
When I tell Wayne Carley what I've discovered, he gets a little quiet. Maybe he's contemplating rewriting all the textbooks to replace "tongue rolling" with "ear wax."
~~~~~
“The Straight Skinny On” ...
Why we can't tell time
By Hannah Holmes
Once upon a time, a day consisted of one spin of the Earth, and a second was about an eighty-six-thousandth of that. Things were simple then.
Now there are actually two times at any given moment, each notoriously inaccurate, which is highly confusing -- although if you're creative they could provide a fresh excuse for being late for work.
"Atomic clocks" have come close to rubbing out old-fashioned time. Nonetheless there are still a few people who use this antiquated day/night version, which goes by the catchy title of "Universal Time," or UT, for short.
Admittedly UT can be a chore to use. Because ocean tides, weather and planetary wobbling all affect the Earth's rotation speed, some days are actually longer than others. In addition to slowing down a thousandth of a second per century, the Earth also speeds and slows on a daily, even hourly, basis. One eighty-six-thousandth of today might be longer, or shorter, than an eighty-six-thousandth of tomorrow. Horribly inaccurate.
Thank heaven for the International Earth Rotation Service, although its name perhaps overstates its role. The IERS collects and distributes data on all this erratic earthly behavior, so that timekeepers can turn out a new and improved version of old-fashioned time, called UT1.
The biggest customers for this brand of time are space or ocean navigators relying on either the stars or the Global Positioning System.
"The stars don't move by our clocks," says Collier Smith, a spokesman for the National Institute of Standards and Technology, which keeps time for America. "The stars move, or appear to, according to how the Earth moves." And so everyone using celestial navigation needs a version of time that is related to how fast the whimsical horizon is delivering up new stars. Allegedly a clock that's one second off from UT1 can produce a quarter-mile navigational bungle.
But evidently even spiffed-up day/night UT1 time doesn't cut the mustard. Enter the atomic clock.
Atomic clocks, which were invented in the 1970s, simply measure the jiggling of dependable atoms such as hydrogen or cesium. These little atoms should jiggle steadily for centuries, the theory goes. Problem is, the apparatus that counts the jiggles bothers the atoms and contaminates time.
"In theory if a cesium atom is totally unperturbed -- it's not being bumped by any magnetic fields, there's no light shining on it, nothing's bugging this atom -- then its resonant frequency is going to be stable," says Collier. In practice things are bugging the cesium atom, and its "resonant frequency" changes all the time: jiggling faster. Jiggling slower. Horribly inaccurate.
Which is why timekeeping institutions manage vast herds of clocks, locked in special chambers. (The U.S. Naval Observatory has 50.) The timekeepers average the output of their flock, and call that an "interval." (Street name: "One second.") "Coordinated Universal Time" (UTC) is completely abstract -- just loosely wired to the sunrise and patched up with "leap seconds" every year or two when the atomic clocks jiggle too far ahead of the planet.
Defective and hurried though it is, the UTC interval is popular. Everyone in the market for really precise time uses it to coordinate essential activities: When you telephone the "time," the cheeps you hear are the progeny of atomic time. When the television news comes on at 6 every night, you're seeing UTC in action.
When the check you write clears before the deposit does, you're feeling it.
The UTC interval is also reproduced in good clocks. And in not-so-good clocks: The next time you're late meeting your friends for a beer, remember that strapped to your wrist is a sloppy, degraded version of time, coldly divorced from earthly reality. Or better yet, look at your watch, then ask accusingly, "When are you guys switching to UT1? You're always early."
Vocabulary
Nutation, n. A nodding motion of the rotation axis of a spinning object. Sample sentence: Nancy Kerrigan nutated wildly, then crashed to the ice.
~~~~~
“The Straight Skinny On” ...
Strange Sneezing Situations
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOO!
By Hannah Holmes
To: Hannah Holmes
From: Tracy Mascolo
Subject: Tweeze and Sneeze
Dear Hannah,
I would like to know why almost every time I tweeze my eyebrows, I sneeze at least twice. I have sisters and friends who have this phenomenon also.
"I happen to be an eyebrow tweezer, and I don't sneeze. I've not heard of that," comes a bold confession of ignorance from Roberta Pagon, sneeze expert.
Pagon was among a flock of docs who, while sitting around a cafeteria table at a pediatrics conference some years back, fell into a discussion of their sternutatory habits. Four of the 10, they discovered, sneezed when exposed to bright light. Being scientists, they wrote up their discovery for publication. Being scientists, they gave the syndrome a really bad acronym. How they figured that "Autosomal Dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst Syndrome" adds up to ACHOO, instead of ADCHOOS, is beyond me. ("Helio" refers to the sun; "Opthalmic" to the eyes.)
Nonetheless it describes a real syndrome. In fact you probably know someone with ACHOO: Twenty to 30 percent of the population suffers this amusing abnormality.
.
The absence of a firm estimate reflects geneticists' low esteem for the subject and a tragic lack of scholarship.
In a nutshell when a person with ACHOO steps outdoors into sunlight, he or she suffers "nearly uncontrollable paroxysms of sneezing provoked in a reflex fashion," Pagon and her collaborators wrote. The probing practitioners noted that not only does ACHOO syndrome run in families (it's a dominant trait), but genetics also determines the number of sneezes.
"In my family it's three sneezes," says Pagon, a professor at the University of Washington School of Medicine, "but someone else's family had eight." If that's starting to sound a little less amusing, consider that one of the subjects reported an ACHOO attack involving 43 outbursts.
ACHOO, however, isn't the only syndrome that can bring on an outburst. Sneezing, it turns out, can be inspired by a bewildering range of nonsensical stimuli.
Sneezing fits can be triggered by combing hair, tweezing eyebrows, rubbing the inner corner of the eye, and even by eating too much.
.
Yes, eating too much. Eleven years after ACHOO got its name, another scientific paper chronicled the sad fate of a man, his three brothers, one of his two sisters, his grandfather, his father, an uncle and the uncle's son. All must harass their hankies after a big meal, and the number of sneezes for each family member runs from three to 15. Imagine Thanksgiving at their house.
Naturally another scientist proposed another truly awful acronym, SNATIATION, which is a combination of "sneeze" and "satiation" and an acronym for "Sneezing Noncontrollably at a Time of Indulgence of the Appetite -- a Trait Inherited and Ordained to Be Named."
But even if it's clear when some people have this sneezing reflex, why they do remains a mystery.
.
"If 20 percent of people do it, you'd think there must be some advantage to it," says Pagon, but she won't even venture a guess as to what that advantage might be.
Reflexes are bodily functions that require no input from the brain. When you touch a hot stove, for instance, an "ouch" telegram travels up the nerves to the spinal cord, and the spinal cord replies with a directive to retract your hand. Genetic quirks involving reflexes are unusual -- and therefore intriguing -- even though they don't cause death and disease, Pagon says.
"Genetics is the study of human variation," Pagon says. "Sneezing is like blood groups and skin color. Because it doesn't make a difference [to your health], studying sneezing might be considered frivolous. But to know the location of one more gene that's part of the nervous system is a good thing."
I have a name ready for the sneeze gene when they find it: Gene Responsible for Outbursts and Acronymic Nausea, or GROAN.
Vocabulary
Sternutation, n. A sneeze. It's lifted directly from Latin. The root bears a resemblance to the Latin word sternere (to cast down), and to sternum, which still refers to the central chest bone.
~~~~~
Hannah Holmes lives in Portland, Maine and can roll her tongue. Her numerous contributions to Discovery Online include "Hitchhikers' Guide to the Hubble". She also writes for Escape, Outside, Sierra, Backpacker, Eco Traveler and Women's Sports and Fitness. Write her at skinny@online.discovery.com.
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Crosswalk - You Make Me Laugh:
Burger Change
I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29. She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward."
"$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago.
I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me.
Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager.
So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax.
She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change.
"HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me."
I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Flight Time
Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.
"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."
"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.
The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a reservation?"
"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around and watch that thing take off."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Diet Skipping
Mr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor?
Replied Mr. Lee, "No, from skipping."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
*Eye Laugh*
"Unbridled Enthusiam"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw612
"Wilma Car"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw620
"Cat Friends"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw621
Crosswalk
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2002 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/starbucks.html - - Ode To Starbucks (Humor column about cappuccino addiction, the Starbucks revolution, and life in Bayside, Queens, New York)
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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News Maps - - http://www.newsisfree.com/newsmap/ - - This site offers visual maps of the NewsIsFree headline database. News Maps allow you to quickly scan dozens of news articles and instantly understand what's being reported all over the world. Each square in the News Map is an article. You can obtain additional detail on each article by moving your mouse over it. You can read an article by clicking on it.
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"Nearly three-fourths of older Americans support legalizing marijuana for medical use, according to a poll done for the nation's largest advocacy group for seniors. More than half of those questioned said they believe marijuana has medical benefits, while a larger majority agreed the drug is addictive. AARP, with 35 million members, says it has no political position on medical marijuana and that its local branches have not chosen sides in the scores of state ballot initiatives on the issue in recent elections. But with medical marijuana at the center of a Supreme Court case to be decided next year, and nearly a dozen states with medical marijuana laws on their books, AARP decided to study the issue. 'The use of medical marijuana applies to many older Americans who may benefit from cannabis,' said Ed Dwyer, an editor at AARP The Magazine, which will discuss medical marijuana in its March/April issue appearing in late January 2005."
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National Earthquake Center
- - http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqinthenews/2004/usslav/ - - Indonesia Earthquake: A great earthquake occurred at 00:58:50 (UTC) on Sunday, December 26, 2004. The magnitude 8.9 event occurred off the west coast of northern Sumatra. This is the fifth largest earthquake in the world since 1900 and the largest since the 1964 Prince William Sound, Alaska earthquake. Related sites: Tsunami and Earthquake Links - - http://wcatwc.gov/atwclink.htm / How Earthquakes Work - - http://science.howstuffworks.com/earthquake.htm / Latest Earthquake News - - http://news.google.com/news?num=30&hl=en&ned=us&ie=utf-8&q=Earthquake
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"A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that married adults are healthier than divorced, widowed or never married adults. The report, 'Marital Status and Health: United States, 1999-2002,' was based on interviews with 127,545 adults aged 18 and over as part of the National Health Interview Survey, conducted by CDC's National Center for Health Statistics. The study looked at health status and limitations, health conditions, and health-related behaviors according to marital status and also by age, race/ethnicity and socioeconomic factors such as education and poverty status."
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Consumers Reports: Best Buy Drugs - - http://www.crbestbuydrugs.org/ - - Prescription drugs can be expensive, even if you have insurance coverage. But there are medicines that can effectively meet your medical needs and give you better value for your health care dollar. Consumer Reports Best Buy Drugs is a free public education service from the nonprofit Consumers Union, publisher of Consumer Reports. Millions of Americans trust Consumer Reports to provide expert, independent information about products and services, and to help them save money. The information on this website can help you learn about more affordable drug treatment options to discuss with your physician. We work with respected doctors and pharmacists to compare drugs and point you to those that are proven to work based on current scientific evidence. In concise, easy-to-read reports, we tell you what you need to know about the effectiveness, safety and cost of many widely used prescription drugs.
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Asian Earthquake & Tidal Waves: Google - - http://news.google.com/news?num=30&hl=en&ned=us&ie=utf-8&q=tidal-waves
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2004: Year in Review - Top events, news, and photos of 2004. - - http://refdesk.com/2004best.html
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USAID: Earthquake and Tsunami Relief - - http://www.usaid.gov/locations/asia-near-east/tsunami/ - - The most effective way people can assist relief efforts is by making cash contributions to humanitarian organizations that are conducting relief operations. This site by the United States Agency for International Development encourages cash donations because they: allow aid professionals to procure the exact items needed (often in the affected region); reduce the burden on scarce resources (such as transportation routes, staff time, warehouse space, etc); can be transferred very quickly and without transportation costs; support the economy of the disaster-stricken region; ensure culturally, dietary, and environmentally appropriate assistance.
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"About a year ago, Dave Champlin and his two roommates lived in what their friends at the University of Missouri called the House of Fat. At a combined weight of 890 pounds, the three decided to try the Atkins diet. By sticking to the low-carb, high-protein diet, Champlin lost about 45 pounds and his roommates each lost between 50 and 60 pounds. Despite being pleased with the results, all three were off the diet by this past summer and have gained back some of the weight. Champlin, 23, and his friends exemplify why many diet and food industry experts are declaring the low-carb diet craze over. 'It just got kind of tiresome,' Champlin said. 'Eating the same thing over and over. It was monotonous.' A study by NPD Group, an independent marketing information company, found that the percentage of American adults on any low-carb diet in 2004 peaked at 9.1 percent in February and dropped to 4.9 percent by early November. Further, it said only one of four people surveyed was significantly cutting carbs and 'virtually none' were reducing carbs as much as the diets recommended."
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North American Mammals - - http://web4.si.edu/mna/ - - This website includes detailed descriptions, images, and distribution ranges for more than 400 mammals native to the North American continent. The primary resources for the site have been based in the continental United States, but as the opportunity occurs, the site will be expanded to complete the species found in Canada and Mexico.
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"Shoppers are racing from store to store this holiday season, with credit cards clutched tightly in hand and visions of future bills dancing in their heads. One-half of Americans say they worry about the money they owe, and many say they worry most of the time about their overall debts, an Associated Press poll found. Those debts can come from home and car loans as well as credit cards - even more so with December buying sprees. Three-fourths in the poll said they have credit cards. Four in 10 of those with credit cards said they will use plastic to help pay for their holiday spending this year, according to the poll conducted for the AP by Ipsos-Public Affairs. Most of those who are using credit cards said they would pay off their holiday expenses when their next bill arrives. About one-fourth of those with cards said they use credit for purchases when they do not have the cash."
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"A novelty item just four or five years ago, the digital camera is shaping up as the most popular electronics gift in 2004, according to the Consumer Electronics Association. It was runner-up last year to the DVD player, the No. 1 gift since 2000. Catapulted by cutthroat competition, digital technology is transforming the $85 billion global photography industry by creating new ways of capturing, developing and storing pictures.... Millions of Americans who waited patiently for the quality and convenience to leap forward and the prices to roll back are now jumping on the digital-shutterbug bandwagon."
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Earthquakes: 1995 - 2004 - - http://www.poynter.org/column.asp?id=49&aid=76250
- - Poynter Online's 'Links to the News' column compiles Web resources on current and previous news topics. This page links to resources about major earthquakes from 1995-2004. During this ten year period the Web became an important medium for sharing disaster related news.
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National Geographic: Map Machine - - http://plasma.nationalgeographic.com/mapmachine/
- - National Geographic's redesigned online atlas gives you the world - your way. Find nearly any place on Earth, and view it by population, climate, and much more. Plus, browse antique maps, find country facts, or plan your next outdoor adventure with our trail maps.
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"In a major step toward resuming launches of the space shuttle, NASA officials said on December 28, 2004, they have completed improvements that will prevent the falling debris problem that destroyed space shuttle Columbia and killed seven astronauts. The first improved and redesigned tank is scheduled to be shipped from the Michoud Assembly Facility near New Orleans on Friday and will arrive at the Kennedy Space Center five or six days later. It will then be further tested, mounted on space shuttle Discovery and readied for a launch in May or June, officials said. Sandy Coleman, NASA's external project manager, said that testing of improvements on the tank 'gives us confidence that problems like what happened on Columbia will not happen again.' 'This is the safest, most reliable tank NASA has ever produced,' Coleman said in a telephone news conference from the Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Ala."
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Bible Reading Plan. Divided into daily readings, seven days a week. Sunday - The Law, Monday - History, Tuesday - Psalms,
Wednesday - Poetry, Thursday - Prophecy, Friday - Gospels, and Saturday - Epistles.
Week (Sunday) Week (Monday) Week (Tuesday)
The Law History Psalms
1 Gen 1-3 1 Josh 1-5 1 Psa 1-2
2 Gen 4-7 2 Josh 6-10 2 Psa 3-5
3 Gen 8-11 3 Josh 11-15 3 Psa 6-8
4 Gen 12-15 4 Josh 16-20 4 Psa 9-11
5 Gen 16-19 5 Josh 21-24 5 Psa 12-14
6 Gen 20-23 6 Judg 1-6 6 Psa 15-17
7 Gen 24-27 7 Judg 7-11 7 Psa 18-20
8 Gen 28-31 8 Judg 12-16 8 Psa 21-23
9 Gen 32-35 9 Judg 17-21 9 Psa 24-26
10 Gen 36-39 10 Ruth 10 Psa 27-29
11 Gen 40-43 11 1Sam 1-5 11 Psa 30-32
12 Gen 44-47 12 1Sam 6-10 12 Psa 33-35
13 Gen 48-50 13 1Sam 11-15 13 Psa 36-38
14 Ex 1-4 14 1Sam 16-20 14 Psa 39-41
15 Ex 5-8 15 1Sam 21-25 15 Psa 42-44
16 Ex 9-12 16 1Sam 26-31 16 Psa 45-47
17 Ex 13-16 17 2Sam 1-4 17 Psa 48-50
18 Ex 17-20 18 2Sam 5-9 18 Psa 51-53
19 Ex 21-24 19 2Sam 10-14 19 Psa 54-56
20 Ex 25-28 20 2Sam 15-19 20 Psa 57-59
21 Ex 29-32 21 2Sam 20-24 21 Psa 60-62
22 Ex 33-36 22 1Ki 1-4 22 Psa 63-65
23 Ex 37-40 23 1Ki 5-9 23 Psa 66-68
24 Lev 1-3 24 1Ki 10-13 24 Psa 69-71
25 Lev 4-6 25 1Ki 14-18 25 Psa 72-74
26 Lev 7-9 26 1Ki 19-22 26 Psa 75-77
27 Lev 10-12 27 2Ki 1-5 27 Psa 78-80
28 Lev 13-15 28 2Ki 6-10 28 Psa 81-83
29 Lev 16-18 29 2Ki 11-15 29 Psa 84-86
30 Lev 19-21 30 2Ki 16-20 30 Psa 87-89
31 Lev 22-24 31 2Ki 21-25 31 Psa 90-92
32 Lev 25-27 32 1Chr 1-4 32 Psa 93-95
33 Num 1-4 33 1Chr 5-9 33 Psa 96-98
34 Num 5-8 34 1Chr 10-14 34 Psa 99-101
35 Num 9-12 35 1Chr 15-19 35 Psa 102-104
36 Num 13-16 36 1Chr 20-24 36 Psa 105-107
37 Num 17-20 37 1Chr 25-29 37 Psa 108-110
38 Num 21-24 38 2Chr 1-5 38 Psa 111-113
39 Num 25-28 39 2Chr 6-10 39 Psa 114-116
40 Num 29-32 40 2Chr 11-15 40 Psa 117-118
41 Num 33-36 41 2Chr 16-20 41 Psa 119
42 Deut 1-3 42 2Chr 21-24 42 Psa 120-121
43 Deut 4-6 43 2Chr 25-28 43 Psa 122-124
44 Deut 7-9 44 2Chr 29-32 44 Psa 125-127
45 Deut 10-12 45 2Chr 33-36 45 Psa 128-130
46 Deut 13-15 46 Ezra 1-5 46 Psa 131-133
47 Deut 16-19 47 Ezra 6-10 47 Psa 134-136
48 Deut 20-22 48 Neh 1-4 48 Psa 137-139
49 Deut 23-25 49 Neh 5-9 49 Psa 140-142
50 Deut 26-28 50 Neh 10-13 50 Psa 143-145
51 Deut 29-31 51 Esther 1-5 51 Psa 146-148
52 Deut 32-34 52 Esther 6-10 52 Psa 149-150
The Law History Psalms
Week (Sunday) Week (Monday) Week (Tuesday)
Week (Wednesday) Week (Thursday) Week (Friday)
Poetry Prophecy Gospels
1 Job 1-2 1 Isa 1-6 1 Matt 1-2
2 Job 3-4 2 Isa 7-11 2 Matt 3-4
3 Job 5-6 3 Isa 12-17 3 Matt 5-7
4 Job 7-8 4 Isa 18-22 4 Matt 8-10
5 Job 9-10 5 Isa 23-28 5 Matt 11-13
6 Job 11-12 6 Isa 29-33 6 Matt 14-16
7 Job 13-14 7 Isa 34-39 7 Matt 17-19
8 Job 15-16 8 Isa 40-44 8 Matt 20-22
9 Job 17-18 9 Isa 45-50 9 Matt 23-25
10 Job 19-20 10 Isa 51-55 10 Matt 26-28
11 Job 21-22 11 Isa 56-61 11 Mark 1-2
12 Job 23-24 12 Isa 62-66 12 Mark 3-4
13 Job 25-26 13 Jer 1-6 13 Mark 5-6
14 Job 27-28 14 Jer 7-11 14 Mark 7-8
15 Job 29-30 15 Jer 12-16 15 Mark 9-10
16 Job 31-32 16 Jer 17-21 16 Mark 11-12
17 Job 33-34 17 Jer 22-26 17 Mark 13-14
18 Job 35-36 18 Jer 27-31 18 Mark 15-16
19 Job 37-38 19 Jer 32-36 19 Luke 1-2
20 Job 39-40 20 Jer 37-41 20 Luke 3-4
21 Job 41-42 21 Jer 42-46 21 Luke 5-6
22 Prov 1 22 Jer 47-52 22 Luke 7-8
23 Prov 2-3 23 Lamentations 23 Luke 9-10
24 Prov 4 24 Ezek 1-6 24 Luke 11-12
25 Prov 5-6 25 Ezek 7-12 25 Luke 13-14
26 Prov 7 26 Ezek 13-18 26 Luke 15-16
27 Prov 8-9 27 Ezek 19-24 27 Luke 17-18
28 Prov 10 28 Ezek 25-30 28 Luke 19-20
29 Prov 11-12 29 Ezek 31-36 29 Luke 21-22
30 Prov 13 30 Ezek 37-42 30 Luke 23-24
31 Prov 14-15 31 Ezek 43-48 31 John 1-2
32 Prov 16 32 Dan 1-6 32 John 3-4
33 Prov 17-18 33 Dan 7-12 33 John 5-6
34 Prov 19 34 Hosea 1-7 34 John 7-9
35 Prov 20-21 35 Hosea 8-14 35 John 10-12
36 Prov 22 36 Joel 36 John 13-15
37 Prov 23-24 37 Amos 1-4 37 John 16-18
38 Prov 25 38 Amos 5-9 38 John 19-21
39 Prov 26-27 39 Obadiah 39 Acts 1-2
40 Prov 28 40 Jonah 40 Acts 3-4
41 Prov 29-30 41 Micah 41 Acts 5-6
42 Prov 31 42 Nahum 42 Acts 7-8
43 Eccl 1-2 43 Habakkuk 43 Acts 9-10
44 Eccl 3-4 44 Zephaniah 44 Acts 11-12
45 Eccl 5-6 45 Haggai 45 Acts 13-14
46 Eccl 7-8 46 Zechariah 1-7 46 Acts 15-16
47 Eccl 9-10 47 Zechariah 8-14 47 Acts 17-18
48 Eccl 11-12 48 Malachi 48 Acts 19-20
49 Song 1-2 49 Rev 1-6 49 Acts 21-22
50 Song 3-4 50 Rev 7-11 50 Acts 23-24
51 Song 5-6 51 Rev 12-17 51 Acts 25-26
52 Song 7-8 52 Rev 18-22 52 Acts 27-28
Week (Wednesday) Week (Thursday) Week (Friday)
Poetry Prophecy Gospels
Week (Saturday)
Epistles
1 Rom 1-2
2 Rom 3-4
3 Rom 5-6
4 Rom 7-8
5 Rom 9-10
6 Rom 11-12
7 Rom 13-14
8 Rom 15-16
9 1Cor 1-2
10 1Cor 3-4
11 1Cor 5-6
12 1Cor 7-8
13 1Cor 9-10
14 1Cor 11-12
15 1Cor 13-14
16 1Cor 15-16
17 2Cor 1-3
18 2Cor 4-5
19 2Cor 6-8
20 2Cor 9-10
21 2Cor 11-13
22 Gal 1-3
23 Gal 4-6
24 Eph 1-3
25 Eph 4-6
26 Phil 1-2
27 Phil 3-4
28 Col 1-2
29 Col 3-4
30 1Thes 1-3
31 1Thes 4-5
32 2Thes
33 1Tim 1-3
34 1Tim 4-6
35 2Tim 1-2
36 2Tim 3-4
37 Titus
38 Philemon
39 Heb 1-4
40 Heb 5-7
41 Heb 8-10
42 Heb 11-13
43 James 1-3
44 James 4-5
45 1Pet 1-3
46 1Pet 4-5
47 2Pet
48 1John 1-3
49 1John 4-5
50 2John
51 3John
52 Jude
Epistles
Week (Saturday)
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TGIF-Today God Is First
Please pray...
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Please pray for the victims of the earthquake, their families and the relief workers.
Would you like to join the prayer team for Os and Angie Hillman? Click - - http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/pages.asp?pageid=7891 - - to Learn More
A Gift Basket From Heaven
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Friday, December 31, 2004
by Os Hillman
I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord. ~ Hosea 2:19-20
My wife came to know Jesus in the workplace when her boss led her in the sinner's prayer to receive Christ. She was 29 and had no idea who God was. She was a professional single woman who had always had a boyfriend. When Christ came into her life, He gradually began to change her life in very significant ways-especially in the area of relationships. As she began her first Bible study, she read in Matthew 7 that if she asked, she would receive (see Mt. 7:7). She prayed for a husband and the Lord spoke to her through His Word. The next verse in her study was "Be still, and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10a).
Over time, the Lord began to show her that He wanted to become her Husband. After two and one-half years without a boyfriend, she asked the Lord to show her how to fall in love with Him. Days later, she received a phone call from someone asking her if she could go on a three-day retreat. She instantly knew God was answering her prayer. He showed her that she could have the same kind of intimacy with Him that she could have with a human husband. She thought this to be strange for the obvious reasons most would think it strange. However, God began to demonstrate to her a level of intimacy that she never thought possible.
It was Valentine's Day, and she would normally leave such occasions to the married couples to celebrate. However, on this occasion, her church was having a Valentine's Day dinner. She felt impressed to go as a single. Actually, she knew the Lord was her escort. Because she had made a decision not to date in order to develop her intimacy with the Lord, she no longer received perfume as gifts. Lord, I know You would not take me to a Valentine's Day banquet without giving me a gift, she thought to herself. That evening, there was a drawing, and Angie won a beautiful gift basket full of fragrances.
On another occasion, she went to a company banquet alone. She was considered by this time rather weird for her commitment not to date. She often joked, "If it weren't for back rubs, I would never have need of a man." (You have to know Angie to appreciate that statement.) That evening, she won a gift certificate for a massage. Her friends looked at her and said, "How do you do that?"
Intimacy with God is not a fairy tale God teases us with in the Bible. He really desires to have intimacy with you and me. Ask God to reveal Himself to you in personal and intimate ways. He desires to do this.
Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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Activities and Events of Interest
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January 10 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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February 5 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. Krystle Maczka, Piano
February 6 Magnolia 2:00 p.m. "
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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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MCC Tanzania, Africa Mission Trip, July 2005. Get your passport!
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be
found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.
01. 1st Lt. Christopher W. Barnett, 32, of Baton Rouge, La., died Dec. 23 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle. Barnett was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 156th Armor Regiment, 256th Brigade Combat Team, Shreveport, La.
02. Chief Joel Egan Baldwin, 37, of Arlington, Va., died in Mosul, Iraq on Dec. 21, when the dining facility was attacked. Baldwin was assigned to Navy Mobile Construction Battalion 7, Gulfport, Miss.
The Department of Defense announced the death of three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
03. Lance Cpl. Eric Hillenburg, 21, of Marion, Ind.
04. Lance Cpl. James R. Phillips, 21, of Hillsboro, Fla.
05. Cpl. Raleigh C. Smith, 21, of Lincoln, Mont.
All three Marines died Dec. 23 as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. They were assigned to 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif.
06. Staff Sgt. Todd D. Olson, 36, from Loyal, Wis., died Dec. 27 in the 67th Combat Support Hospital in Tikrit, Iraq from wounds sustained in Samarra, Iraq on Dec. 26, when an improvised explosive device detonated. Olson was assigned to the National Guard’s 1st Battalion, 128th Infantry Regiment, Neillsville, Wis.
07. Spc. Jose A. Rivera-Serrano, 26, from Mayaquez, Puerto Rico, died Dec. 27 in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device hit his vehicle. Rivera-Serrano was assigned to the 2d Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, Fort Hood, Texas.
08. Staff Sgt. Jason A. Lehto, 31, of Mount Clemens, Mich., died Dec. 28 in a non-hostile incident in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Lehto was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s Marine Wing Support Group 47, 4th Marine Aircraft Wing, Mt. Clemens, Mich.
09. Navy Seaman Pablito Pena Briones, Jr., 22, of Anaheim, Calf., died Dec. 28 of a non-hostile gun shot wound in Fallujah, Iraq. Briones was assigned to 1st Marine Division Detachment, Naval Medical Center San Diego.
10. Staff Sgt. Nathaniel J. Nyren, 31, from Reston, Va., died in Baghdad, Iraq on Dec. 28, when a civilian vehicle struck his military vehicle. Nyren was assigned to the Army’s 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division in Fort Hood, Texas.
11. Pfc. Oscar Sanchez, 19, from Modesto, Calif., died Dec. 29 in Mosul, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device struck his observation post. Sanchez was assigned to 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)
Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.
Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)
Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett,
12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m.Monday - Friday.At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m.Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m.Union Street Station.And YOU'RE invited.Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second.Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program.For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there, especially in January when we've got the program. Here's our list of January speakers; January 04 - - Paul Troquille, January 11 - - Joe Sledge, January 18 - - Eric Williams, January 25 - - Gary McKinnie.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Luke 23:18-24 John 18:17-18, 25-27 John 18:10-12 Luke 22:39-40 Luke 22:35-36 Luke 2:8-16
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Da McClellan’s and Malones.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>posted by Bug | 10:24 AM
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