Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Bewildered

Volume 6, Issue 48

Hello ALL,

We had a great Thanksgiving, David, Bobbie, Dusty and Zac came by, then we had lunch with Claiborne. I know that Thanksgiving is more that food, family and a nap, but those things are still essential.

~~~~~

Thanksgiving has long held a special place in my life. I'm very thankful to be married to a wonderful, woman. And, this week, we're extremely thankful that all Annette's tests came back negative (thanks for praying for us.)

Our kids and their spouses are not only fun, they're compassionate and loving. And, of course, Dustin, Zac and Josiah are the greatest GRAND KIDS anyone could have.

We have a FANTASTIC church family and our small group is made up of SUPER Christians.

Both Annette and I work with some truly great people. We look forward to going to work each day. But more than anything, I'm thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

P.S. We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is meet... 2 Thessalonians 1:3

(Thanks to Ben & Trina Montgomery)

~~~~~

One of our favorite contributors, Norma Kay, shared these Thanksgiving wishes with us;

"I read this on a church sign the other day and I thought we could all benefit from it.

"If we would pause to think, we would have cause to thank"

Hope your Thanksgiving is full of good food, family and happy memories!!"

~~~~~

We appreciate your messages of encouragement. Every week it's a toss up whether I do the "Bleat" or go buy a Harley and some gold chains to wear under my open silk shirt.

We also want to hear your criticism. Within our limits, we want this to be something you enjoy reading.

~~~~~

There are a couple of dozen "McClellan's Rules" that we've discovered over the last half century. Such as;

"When dealing with people, never forget that people don't change. And never, ever expect people to stay the same."

"Work Rule One - The boss is always right. Work Rule Two - When the boss is wrong, see rule one."

"Just because you have no earthly idea what's going on, doesn't mean that someone else does."

"No one should be allowed to vote unless they were compelled to write the government a check within the last twelve months."

~~~~~

Anonymous Quotes (From the ARNS Bulletin -- David M. Barton, AF6S, Editor)

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.

An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.

Some churches welcome all denominations, but most prefer fives and tens.

My karma ran over your dogma.

If at first you don't succeed, you're about average.

~~~~~

“THE WORLD GOING BALD” Once upon a time, in a city where I still live, I was working by the sweat of my whole body, piping houses in the August heat. After one particularly hot day spent crawling under a home south of Taylor, I came home with my long hair full of dirt dobber nests and spider webs (not to mention chiggers and ticks.)

We were starting work at 6:00 am to try to beat the heat of the day. So, when I got up before dawn and looked in the mirror, it just seemed like a good idea to shave my head. I figured it would be cool as well as kool. And the ticks wouldn’t have that area to hide in.

So I started shaving my head. It didn’t take me long to figure out that you can’t just start shaving a full head of long hair. You got to whack some of it off first.

About that time, Annette woke up and, after looking in the bathroom, asked me if I’d gone totally insane. After explaining my reasoning to her, she concluded that I wasn’t insane, just stupid and she started helping me get rid of the hair on my head.

In the meantime, my work partner, Rod Corley, was called by the boss to come by his house to change a flat on the company car before he picked me up.

Now Rod was a “KooL” dude who looked a lot like some of those pictures of Jesus (long hair, full beard, thin and wasted looking.) But he didn’t have the wisdom to go with his looks. At that time, he was a little paranoid (and may have had reason to be.) So he “spooked” easily.

So Rod didn’t respond well to surprises. When he got to the bosses house, he knocked on the door and nearly had a heart attack when the boss opened the door to give him the keys to the company car.

You see, our boss was always immaculately dressed and, unbeknownst to Rod, wore an expensive toupee. But this morning, he came to the door in a pair of boxer shorts without his hair on.

It really freaked Rod. In fact, he decided to talk it over with me when he picked me up. He just couldn’t figure out how the boss lost all his hair overnight.

So he changed the tire, left the keys in the mailbox and drove over to my house.

Imagine his shock when I came to the door without hair. He just stared at me, mumbled “No! No! No!” got back in the truck and drove off.

I walked to work and found him parked in the alley trying to figure out how to keep the aliens from taking his hair.

~~~~~

An ingredient found in cocoa beans was nearly a third more effective than cough medicine in stopping persistent coughs, researchers at Imperial College London found. The ingredient, theobromine, contributes to the bitter taste of cocoa. It works by suppressing vagus nerve activity, which is responsible for coughing.

~~~~~

As a fireman, I hate candles. Now , a new study shows that, in addition to being a fire hazard, they’re not so good for the lungs.

Scientists from Maastricht University in The Netherlands found that burning candles and incense in church can release dangerous levels of potentially carcinogenic particles.

"After a day of candle burning we found about 20 times as much as by a busy road," Theo de Kok, the author of the study, said. "These levels were so unbelievably high we thought we should report it to the public."

The air at a Maastricht basilica contained 20 times the European Union limit of PM10 particles after a simulated mass ceremony. Tiny PM10 particles can be inhaled and are therefore a potential hazard.

The scientists also found high levels of carcinogenic polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons as well as some unknown types of free radicals released from burning candles and incense. Free radical atoms act as starters and promoters of cancer tumors.

~~~~~

The toys on the 2004 T.O.Y. awards list are literally the best of the best, the toys your kids WILL want to play with well after you take down the holiday decorations. For a complete list of this year's winners, just point your favorite web browser to

http://tinyurl.com/4o3hm

The T.O.Y. Awards themselves are pretty self-explanatory, and the layout of the Awards site hasn't changed much since 2001. There are two dozen award categories that cover both the type of toy and the age group for which that toy was designed.

~~~~~

We heard from an old friend this week;

It has been a long time, hope all is well with you. We moved to North Pole. I am working for an Orthopedic Surgeon and Danielle is with a large Family Clinic. Things are going well, the boys are 9 and 12. I am looking into volunteer fire departments and avoiding full time emergency services. I am one of a few Paramedics in the state. They call us MICP's (Mobile Intensive Care Paramedic) up here and are licensed.

Jamey my oldest son took a ham radio course (his call sign is KL2SV), so you guessed it I thought of you. He is so excited he is beside his self. My Dad has a base station and Jamey will be looking for friends to talk to in the near future. He is overwhelmed with radio looks like he is going to push me into taking the test so I can know how to supervise him.

The weather is very much the same here as it is in Arkansas with the great temp. gradient being the only real difference. You never know from one day to the next what the weather will be. The temp. has ranged from 24 F to -20 F in 3 days. We have ice fog powder snow, occasionally wet snow and just as in AR the for cast means it will do just the opposite.

Well I will see if you get this before I ramble any more, hope to here from you soon.

Jerry Wickland

~~~~~

Antoinette K. Williams has been named Albemarle HR Staffing Representative and will report to Martha Watson. Antoinette has been part of the Corporate Compensation Group since completing her assignment at the Magnolia plant earlier this fall.

~~~~~

The attached link ( The 16 Best-ever Freeware Utilities ) came from my current ISP (copper.net) in their monthly newsletter. I have already been using a few of these (Spybot, AdAware, Mozilla FireFox) and they all work fine. Can't make any promises re the others, but they are likely all good. I'll probably load a couple of them onto my computer.

The word "Free" appealed to me. Hope this is useful.

http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-16-free-utilities.htm

Thanks to Sam Boggs

~~~~~

We're sharing selected items from the November 24, 2000 "Bleat" this week.

~~~~~

Gas Prices Unchanged

www.aaa.com. Regular Mid Premium Diesel

Current Avg. $1.94 $2.06 $2.14 $2.16

http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/

~~~~~

Spiced Butternut Squash Stew with Couscous

From Food Network Kitchens

Difficulty: Medium

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 45 minutes

Yield: 4 servings

Squash:

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, smashed

6 canned plum tomatoes, crushed

1 cinnamon stick

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1 small butternut squash (about 2 pounds), peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces

1 (16-ounce) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

3 cups chicken broth, low-sodium canned

1-inch strip lemon zest

½ cup golden raisins

4 cups chopped spinach (about 5 ounces)

Juice of ½ lemon

1/4 cup toasted sliced almonds

Couscous:

1 ½ cups chicken broth, low-sodium canned

½ teaspoon kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

1 cup couscous

Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and golden, about 10 minutes. Add the garlic, tomatoes, and spices and cook until the cinnamon stick unfurls and the tomatoes are cooked down, about 3 minutes. Add the squash, chickpeas, broth, lemon zest, and raisins and bring to a simmer. Cook, partially covered, until the squash is fork tender, about 25 minutes. Stir in the spinach and cook until wilted, about 3 minutes. Add the lemon juice and season, to taste.

Meanwhile, make the couscous. Bring the broth to a boil with the salt and pepper in a small saucepan. Stir in the couscous, pull the saucepan off the heat, cover, and set aside until the water has been absorbed and the couscous is plump, about 5 minutes.

Fluff the couscous with a fork and mound it in 4 soup bowls. Spoon some butternut squash stew over each portion, top with almonds, and serve.

Copyright 2004 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.

Nutritional Analysis per 2 cup servings; Calories 394, Fat 13 grams, Saturated Fat 1 gram, Carbohydrates 65 grams Fiber 9 grams, Protein 14 grams

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD-9936-29161,00.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com

~~~~~

Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com

~~~~~

Many, if not most, of our old sayings are true (i.e. "A stitch in time saves nine.") The facts are that every dollar spent on children five and under, reaps a savings of over $100 later in life. Savings that show up because the child has less chance of ending up on welfare or going to prison.

U.S. Funding preschool programs pays off for society, study finds

Early childhood education receives a strong endorsement in a landmark study released Thursday that shows low-income children who attended a high- quality preschool were better off in most ways at age 40.

By Brooke Adams, The Salt Lake Tribune

- - http://www.sltrib.com/ci-2466252 - -

~~~~~

BREAKPOINT Commentaries

by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

The Fear of God

Teens, Sex, and Religion

November 26, 2004

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

A recent study on teens and sexuality had some intriguing facts. In this particular study, it wasn't just the data on how many teenagers are abstaining that was noteworthy. It was the reasons why they're abstaining.

This team of researchers, analyzing the results of the prestigious 2003 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, paid special attention to the role of religion in teenagers' decisions about sex. Although the results of their study were varied for different groups, they concluded that on the whole, teenagers who are religious are more likely to delay having sex. As the researchers summarized, "Whether measured at the community level, family level, or individual level, religiosity was associated with delaying the initiation of sexual intercourse and with reporting fewer sex partners."

Not only that, but "religiosity" also appeared to be associated with other factors that encouraged teen abstinence. As the publication The Family in America explains, "[S]ignificantly associated with delay of teen sexual initiation" is not only "religiosity," but "conservative sex attitudes." Besides religiosity, attitudes that took into account the impact of having sex further reduced teen sexual debut by "30 percent for boys and 26 percent for girls" attitudes such as whether there will be negative emotional consequences, such as guilt, loss of respect for one's partner, and even the thought that having sex might emotionally upset one's mother.

Did you notice what was missing there? There was nothing about the fear of pregnancy or disease. Believe it or not, the study showed that these fears "did not significantly reduce the likelihood of [having sex] for either boys or girls in this sample." The researchers went on to say, "One implication of this is that pregnancy and HIV prevention programs that focus on the 'fear factor' may be less effective."

There's an important lesson for us here: Never underestimate the power of Christian parents, teachers, and churches. As the researchers wrote, teenagers today are growing up amid "multiple social contexts that often promote contradictory sexual ideologies." But when there is a significant Christian presence in their lives, that voice is often strong enough to drown out competing voices in the culture. According to the study, "attachment to religious institutions" had a "protective" effect for these teens.

Of course we need to keep educating our children about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Teens need to know all of the potential consequences of sexual involvement before marriage. But as The Family in America pointed out in analyzing this study, "Modern attempts by parents, teachers, and elected officials to raise fears of pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease as a means of promoting teen abstinence are not as effective as the old fashioned approach of instilling in young people the fear of God."

In other words, we shouldn't underestimate our kids, either. We need to take the approach of putting principle over pragmatism, because that's the approach that will get their attention. No matter what the stereotypes say, teens are willing to listen to the Christian view of sexuality and marriage. Now it's up to us to make sure that message gets through.

For further reading and information:

Sharon Scales Rostosky, et al., " Coital debut: the role of religiosity and sex attitudes in the add health survey ," Journal of Sex Research (November 2003). Reprinted at FindArticles.com.

"Health Appeals Not Appealing ," The Family in America 18, no. 8, The Howard Center for Family, Religion, and Society, July 2004.

Hardwired to Connect: The New Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities is a report to the nation about new strategies to reduce the currently high numbers of U.S. children who are suffering from emotional and behavioral problems. The researchers base their recommendations on recent scientific findings suggesting that children are biologically "hardwired" for enduring attachments to other people and for moral and spiritual meaning, revealing the importance of families, churches, and community groups.

Charles Colson, Answers to Your Kids' Questions (Tyndale, 2000).

See also the "Worldview for Parents" page " Condoms in School ," which address help answer teens' questions about saving sex for marriage.

Copyright 2004 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.

~~~~~

Words of the Week:

prink: to primp.

sagacious: of keen penetration and judgment; wise.

disquisition: a formal discourse on a subject.

panjandrum: an important or self-important official.

tattoo: a rapid, rhythmic drumming or rapping.

cormorant: a gluttonous or greedy person.

pastiche: a hodgepodge; a potpourri.

from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~

"Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow" - Edward Sandford Martin

"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude." - Albert Schweitzer

"In youth we feel richer for every new illusion; in maturer years, for every one we lose." - Anne Sophie Swetchine

"Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause." - Victor Hugo

"There are books in which the footnotes or comments scrawled by some reader's hand in the margin are more interesting than the text. The world is one of these books." - George Santayana

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box." - Italian proverb

"Man is by nature a political animal." - Aristotle

~~~~~

FLASH CARD "I'd demand a recount." (William F. Buckley, in the early '60s, in response to a reporter's question asking him what he would do if he were to win in his race for the office of Mayor of New York)

*******

FLASH CARD "Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." (Gore Vidal)

*******

FLASH CARD "Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning." (Samuel Johnson)

*******

FLASH CARD "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."(W.C. Fields)

*******

FLASH CARD "Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this." (Peter Sellers)

*******

FLASH CARD "If a person is obviously mentally disabled, such as having Down's syndrome or Alzheimer's, decent people respond with sympathy and understanding; and so why, if people merely have low IQs, are they treated with ridicule and contempt?" (Geoff Kuenning)

*******

FLASH CARD "An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it." (George Bernard Shaw, "Back to Methuselah," 1921)

*******

FLASH CARD "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." (Lily Tomlin)

*******

FLASH CARD "Waking in the night; the lamp is low, the oil freezing." (Matsuo Basho)

*****

FLASH CARD "Show me the man you honor, and I will know what kind of man you are." (Thomas Carlyle)

*****

FLASH CARD "There is no less invention in aptly applying a thought found in a book, than in being the first author of the thought." (Pierre Bayle)

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GCF: Bewildered

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade-Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.

---------------------------------

My youngest brother Tony had just completed Army basic training and was on leave prior to his first tour in Germany. I am an Army National Guard pilot and my other brother is my crew chief. Since we were headed to the Air Base where Tony was to catch his overseas transport, we offered to take him.

When we landed at McGuire Air Force Base, several of Tony's fellow privates came out to greet him. Tony ran ahead, while my other brother and I followed with his gear. As Tony approached his buddies, he was bewildered by their dumbfounded stares.

Then he realized that his friends weren't seeing his two brothers giving him a lift; they were seeing a new private arrive in his own helicopter -- with a captain and sergeant carrying his bags!

- ----------------- -

GCF: After-Thanksgiving Poem

From the Good Clean Fun Archives. Originally posted 11/30/1998

----------------------------------

I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,

I ate too much pudding and pie.

I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin'

I'm probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.

But I wish I had known when to stop,

For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams That my buttons are starting to pop!

I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes

My stomach is swollen and sore,

But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!

- -------------------- -

GCF: Thanksgiving Prayer

From the Good Clean Fun Archives. Originally posted 03/03/2000

---------------------------------

My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.

At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:

"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."

(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)

- ------------------- -

GCF: Thanksgiving Recipes by Kids

From the Good Clean Fun Archives. Originally posted 11/24/1998

----------------------------------

A Thanksgiving Cookbook

by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook

Ivette - Banana Pie:

You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.

Russell - Turkey

You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy - Turkey

You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew - Pizza

Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby - Applesauce

Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it.

Meghan H. - Turkey

You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny - Turkey

You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon - Turkey

First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat it.

Megan K - Chicken

You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa - Cookies

Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.

Irene - Turkey

Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it's all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah - Turkey

First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the table and eat it.

Vincent - Turkey

You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn - Turkey

First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.

Grace - Turkey

First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.

Alan - Turkey

First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan S - Chocolate Pudding

Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.

Whitney - Turkey

Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason - Chicken Pie

Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher - Pumpkin Pie

First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine - Turkey

First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Ashley - Chicken

Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.

Jennie - Corn

My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.

Jordan - Cranberry Pie

Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.

Adam - Pumpkin Pie

First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.

Jarryd - Deer Jerky

Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.

Christina - Turkey

Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then eat it.

Joplyn - Apple Pie

Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle - Spaghetti

Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Bailey - Chicken

Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding

First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean - Turkey

Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.

Lauren - Turkey

First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.

Olivia - Corn

Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Sierra - Pumpkin Pie

Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla - Turkey

Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy - Pumpkin

Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin

Wai - Pumpkin Pie

Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

- -------------------- -

Tom's note: Many places in the world set aside a time to give thanks, usually a Fall/Autumn festival. While the customs may vary from country to country, the desire to reflect on the blessings of life is common. Here in the United States, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. It is a time for families to get together, give thanks, and celebrate with food (turkey is one of the traditional items). And don't forget football (I bet those Pilgrims loosened their big ol' buckles and just stared at the camp fire ... until half-time). Thanksgiving also marks the unofficial beginning to the winter holiday season. All the humor at Good Clean Fun this week will be of the Thanksgiving genre.

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GCF: Grandfather Turkey

From the Good Clean Fun Archives. Originally posted 11/27/1998

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Just before Thanksgiving, the holding pen was abuzz as Mother Turkey scolded her younger birds. "You turkeys are always into mischief," she gobbled. "If your grandfather could see the things you do, he'd turn over in his gravy."

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\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Learn from the mistakes of \ /

\ -/ others. You can't live long \- /

/ / enough to make them all yourself. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\\\\ \-/ / When I'm feeling down, \ \-/ ////

\ / I like to whistle. It makes \ /

\ -/ the neighbor's dog run to the \- /

/ / end of his chain and gag himself. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / The most efficient labor-saving \ /

\ -/ device is still money. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / The difference between gossip \ /

\ -/ and news is whether you \- /

/ / hear it or tell it. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\\\\ \-/ / I've gotten to the age where \ \-/ ////

\ / I need my false teeth and \ /

\ -/ hearing aid before I can \- /

/ / ask where I left my glasses. \ \

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ///// / \ \

/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \

/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \

-( (- | http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-

(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-|

*** Good Clean Fun ***

Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/

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[GCFL.net] Why Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed To Travel

The following are stories provided by travel agents:

* I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

* A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

* A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that it was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."

* A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m., and got into Chicago at 8:33 a.m.? I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

* I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them!"

* A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

Received from Andychaps "The Funnies".

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[GCFL.net] Things [not] to do to Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

Received from Mikey's Funnies.

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[GCFL.net] All Pro Turkey

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

(For non-Americans: It is traditional to serve turkey on the American Thanksgiving day holiday.)

Received from You Make Me Laugh.

Received from .

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[GCFL.net] Talking Turkey

What does a turkey say? "Gobble, gobble, gobble," right?

Not always!

A jewelry-lovin' turkey?

-> "Bauble bauble bauble"

A dyslexic turkey say?

-> "Boggle boggle boggle"

A turkey in the shoe repair shop say?

-> "Cobble cobble cobble"

A turkey with a sore leg say?

-> "Hobble hobble hobble."

A football turkey say?

-> "Huddle, huddle, huddle"

A dieting turkey:

-> "Nibble, nibble nibble."

A turkey who argues a lot:

-> "Squabble squabble squabble."

What does Dr. Seuss' turkey say?

-> "Tweedle beetle paddle battle puddle wobble hobble gobble."

Then there was the dizzy Turkey who just went:

-> "Wobble wobble wobble!"

Received from Mikey's Funnies.

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[GCFL.net] Some Thanksgiving Groaners

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by it's diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?

A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

Ben: One of our pigs was sick so I gave him some sugar.

Dan: Sugar! What for?

Ben: Haven't you ever heard of sugar-cured ham?

Received from Janet Price & The Daily Groaner.

-=+=-

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, for free . . .AND NO ADS! The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/archive/latest.php

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TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP

I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.

THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE

BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT

TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION

THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.

SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR

AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.

I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,

PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.

I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,

'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.

I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY

WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.

BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES....

HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.

MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,

MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,

MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

Happy ThanksGiving to you and yours...

Thanks to Steve Downey

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TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

--------------------------------------------

FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

--------------------------------------------

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

--------------------------------------------

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie burst into the rec room at the retirement home. She held her clenched fist in the air and announced, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have fun with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouted out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thought a minute and said, "Close enough."

--------------------------------------------

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time..but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

--------------------------------------------

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I driving?"

--------------------------------------------

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

Thanks to Sam Boggs

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There are some things that are meant to be shared. I think this qualifies. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. - - Kenny

Raising Boys - 24 key points to ponder

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much J ell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kid

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Thanks to Kenny Kendrick

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[GCFL] Altered Egos?

From: GCFL

Bruise Lee: inept martial-arts student

Merlyn Streep: professional magician

Sean Cannery: manager, fish-packing plant

Splint Eastwood: respected osteopath

Bette Fidler: skilled symphony musician

Marlon Brandy: maker of fine liqueurs

Jackie Masonry: journeyman bricklayer

Draw Barrymore: portrait artist

Leanardo de Cappuccino: founder, coffee-shop chain

Taken from Reader's Digest, November 2000, p 117.

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"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." -Dorothy Parker

"Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?" -James Thurber

"Life is a zoo in a jungle." -Peter DeVries

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" -Jean Cocteau

"Hollywood -- a place where the inmates are in charge of the asylum." -Laurence Stallings

"One of the most obvious facts about grown-ups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child." -Randall Jarrell

"The world is divided into people who do things - and people who get the credit." -Dwight Morrow

"No man is ever old enough to know better." -Holbrook Jackson

"Old age is always 15 years older than I am." -Bernard Baruch

"History is an endless repetition of the wrong way of living." -Lawrence Durrell

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill

Received from Laugh A Lot! mailing list.

-=+=-

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.

The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flowerbeds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom.

So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"

"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that."

Received from Allan Bitterman

-=+=-

My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.

At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:

"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."

(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)

Received from Good Clean Fun (http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor)

-=+=-

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"

Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

Received from Tim Davis.

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Several Nuns were in there second floor convent one night when a fire broke out. The Nuns took there habits off and tied them together to make a rope to get out of the building via the window.

After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporters came over to one of the Nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broke since they are old?

The Nun Replied, "No, don't you know old habits are hard to break!"

-=+=-

Little Billy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station.

While there, they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly."

So Little Billy asked, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"

Received from WestiMom.

-=+=-

walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. Little Johnny stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"

He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.

Little Johnny pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"

The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band-aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to Little Johnny, to show him. On the back of the tab were raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.

Little Johnny felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?"

"Yes I do," said Little Johnny, who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"

Received from G jokes list.

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The minister and the church board called a special meeting of the congregation to explain some desperate needs of the building that had to be fixed before winter set in - roof, boiler, etc. "The board approved that we should take a special offering today to get these repairs underway right away. As they pass the plates to you, I promise that the one who gives the greatest offering will be allowed to pick 3 hymns for next week's service."

The plates were passed and brought to the minister, who discovered a $1,000 bill on top. "Oh my!, how wonderful! Who gave this $1,000 bill?"

A little old lady in the back shyly raised her hand. "Oh Mabel, how generous you are! How blessed we are! Come up and let us thank you!"

When Mabel got to the front with all the applause of the congregation, the minister invited her to select the hymns she wanted.

Mabel slowly turned around to face the congregation, stretched out her arm and said, "I pick him! And him! And him!"

Received from Steve Sanderson.

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A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse. He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.

The poor man replied, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good," and walked away.

The next day the rich man came back and offered the poor man $1000 for the horse.

The poor man said, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good."

On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2000 for the horse, and said he wouldn't take no for an answer. The poor man agreed, and the rich man took the horse home.

The rich man's daughter loved her present. She climbed onto the horse, then galloped right into a tree.

The rich man rushed back over to the poor man's house, demanding an explanation for the horse's blindness.

The poor man replied, "I told you it don't look so good."

Received from Able to Grin mailing list.

-=+=-

I just wanted everyone to know that I have initiated a class action lawsuit against the State of Texas. I wanted you to hear it from me before you read about it in the paper.

In summary, I bought a Lotto ticket on the drive to work weeks ago. After reviewing my picks last night I noticed that I (in a honest mistake) picked the wrong numbers. What I actually meant to pick were the correct numbers!

Accordingly, I should be awarded the 40 million dollar lotto prize that was issued that week. I'm certain others made the same dreadful mistake. I'm also reviewing previously unclaimed winning tickets because I also have the right to claim them as mine.

I have also filed another lawsuit against the State of Texas. After thinking about my SAT scores, I feel there is a chance that I may have punched the wrong answers on several questions, or selected two answers if I wasn't certain, when I took the exam 17 years ago. If I had been treated fairly, I might have grown up to be a Bill Gates, or, heaven forbid, even a Bill Clinton. The questions were (at times) very misleading and the exam score card was quite confusing.

Thanks for your understanding on this serious matter. And please feel free to join in on the lawsuit.

Warm regards,

GWB

Received from Michael J. Pastor.

-=+=-

I opened a veterinary clinic next door to a dentist's office. Afterward I received a card from my neighbor signed, "From someone who treats canines to another."

It's no use having a good memory unless you have something good to remember.

My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.

There is a guaranteed way to get what you want: want less.

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." - Henny Youngman

Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers?

It's called On & On Anon.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

First National Bank of Dad. Sorry, Closed.

Don't drink and drive. Instead, the next time you get too drunk to drive, walk into a local Domino's and order a pizza. Then when they go to deliver it, ask for a ride home.

Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece, I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress. - Ronald Reagan

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

If you don't know where you are going, you can never get lost. -

Herb Cohen

The American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

When I finished school, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him the checkbook.

A great way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.

Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue.

Received from jp.

-=+=-

Interesting Signs

Plumber:

"We repair what your husband Fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeons office:

"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

At A Laundry Shop:

"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a Towing Company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:

"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electricians truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room Door:

"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrists Office

"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a Butchers window:

"Let me meat your needs."

On a fence:

"Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

At a car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel:

"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room:

"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

In a Veterinarians waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:

"We would be de-lighted if you paid your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

On the door of a Computer Store:

"Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley:

"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home:

"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office:

"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

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You Make Me Laugh - Golf Meditations

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are just the way you meant to play them.

You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Thanksgiving Blessing

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your holiday turkey be plump,

May your potatoes 'n gravy

Have nary a lump,

May your yams be delicious

May your pie take the prize

May your Holiday Dinner

Stay off your thighs.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

The Night of Thanksgiving

And after all is said and done.....the kitchen cleaned up,

the football game is over, the kids have FINALLY gone

to bed and you lie quietly thinking about your day.........

your tummy starts to rumble....

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.

I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep;

The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white,

But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation......

The thought of a snack became infatuation.....

So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,

And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,

Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,

Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling...Floating into the sky....

With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,

But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees.........

HAPPY EATING TO ALL !! PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Marine Mines

In Marine Corps basic training, I soon learned that everything we recruits used belonged to our drill instructor. For instance, she referred to the stuff in our footlockers as "my trash" and to the racks where we slept as "my racks."

One time when we were all whispering in the bathroom while making "head calls," our drill instructor must have overheard us.

To our surprise, she suddenly yelled, "Why do I hear voices in my head?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Thanksgiving"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw328

"Wig Deal"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw571

"Seriously, Stop Them!"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw572

"Bear Fridge"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw576

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2002 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.

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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - multitask.html - - Multi-Task Madness "Perhaps I'm out of line, but I think that when you get behind the wheel of a gazillion-pound motorized vehicle, turn the ignition key, get into gear, hit the gas, and begin to move, you should maybe ... I don't know ... PAY ATTENTION..."

Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist

http://www.madkane.com

http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)

http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)

Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:

http://www.madkane.com/email.html

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GrassCatcher: A Daily Roundup of Policy News Clippings - - http://ncsl.org/programs/press/grasscatcher.htm - - This site by the National Conference of State Legislatures delivers online news items on policy issues from around the country. Site also allows you to search by broad category or by state.

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"A majority of employers expect the job market for the class of 2005 to be more robust than last year, with more positions to fill and higher starting salaries. Graduates with a bachelor's in business, engineering and computer-related fields will be in highest demand. Those are some of the key findings of the Job Outlook 2005 survey, conducted by the National Association of Colleges and Employers, released November 12, 2004. 'We're seeing a number of positive indications that the job market for new college graduates is improving,' said Marilyn Mackes, NACE's executive director, in a statement. 'For example, more than 80 percent of responding employers rated the job market for new college graduates as good, very good, or excellent. In comparison, last year at this time just over 38 percent gave the job market those ratings.' "

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50-state rundown on gay marriage laws - -

http://www.stateline.org/stateline/?pa=story&sa=showStoryInfo&id=353058&columns=false - - Since the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruling, more than 35 states have introduced legislation aimed at preserving the traditional definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman. This site provides information on proposed state constitutional amendments, marriage statutes and non-binding resolutions.

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"Oyster reefs in Alabama suffered severe damage from Hurricane Ivan's wave surge, which flushed out an estimated 80 percent of the $4 million crop, disrupting the livelihood of some 200 oystermen who work the reefs in winter. 'These reefs belong to everybody in the state when you consider all the restaurants that benefit from the shellfish,' said Avery Bates, a Bayou La Batre oysterman and vice president of the Organized Seafood Association of Alabama. 'It hurts so bad.' He said some of the oyster fishermen have relocated to Mississippi, which like Louisiana had less Ivan damage. Florida, battered by four hurricanes, clearly suffered damage to some of its oyster reefs although just how severe a loss is still being assessed. The reefs were the hardest-hit among Gulf states, said Vernon Minton, of Gulf Shores, chief of the state's marine resources, who estimated it could take two years to restore them. Gulf states' oyster reefs could be partly restored through a $9 million federal grant for oyster-bed reseeding and rehabilitation. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration will determine how the funds will be distributed to affected areas in Alabama, Florida, Mississippi and Louisiana."

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BBC Motion Gallery - - http://www.bbcmotiongallery.com/customer/index.jsp - - This BBC site provides access to thousands of shots from the vast and diverse archives of the BBC and CBS News. Spanning over 70 years, BBC content encompasses more than 300,000 hours of footage, including a wealth of material covering natural history, wildlife, news, locations, art, music, celebrities, culture, performing arts and more. Note: free registration required.

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"The number of people sentenced to death reached a 30-year low in 2003, when the death row population fell for the third year in a row, the government reported November 14, 2004. Some 144 inmates in 25 states were given the death penalty last year, 24 fewer than in 2002 and less than half the average of 297 between 1994 and 2000, according to the Justice Department. Death penalty opponents say the report shows how wary the public is of executions, heightened by concerns about whether the punishment is administered fairly and publicity about those wrongly convicted. Illinois emptied its death row in 2003 after several inmates were found to be innocent. 'What we're seeing is hesitation on the death penalty, skepticism, reluctance,' said Richard Dieter, executive director of the Death Penalty Information Center. 'I do think there is some concern about the death penalty and it's reflected in death sentences from juries.' Opponents also point to other possible reasons, including continuing fallout from Supreme Court decisions requiring that juries be told that life in prison without parole is an alternative to death."

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"The U.S. airline industry, buoyed by the popularity of regional and discount carriers, is poised in 2004 to set a record for the most passengers carried. Until now, industry economists had expected passenger traffic this year to be second to the pre-9/11 surge in 2000. But low fares, a diminished terrorism threat, more international travel and a favorable forecast for the holiday season have changed the consensus among industry trackers. Yet the anticipated record would come amid deepening financial losses for the industry. John Heimlich, chief economist of the trade group Air Transport Association, says soaring fuel costs and fierce fare competition will result in yearlong losses for domestic airlines of up to $8 billion, or $2 billion more than he had previously forecast. Major carriers lost a total of $23.2 billion from 2001 to 2003."

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The USGenWeb Project - - http://www.usgenweb.org/ - - The USGenWeb Project consists of a group of volunteers working together to provide Internet websites for genealogical research in every county and every state of the United States. The Project is non-commercial and fully committed to free access for everyone. Organization is by county and state, and this website provides you with links to all the state websites which, in turn, provide gateways to the counties. The USGenWeb Project also sponsors important Special Projects at the national level and this website provides an entry point to all of those pages, as well.

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Thanksgiving Day - - http://www.infoplease.com/spot/thanksgiving.html - - Holiday history, turkey trivia, and Thanksgiving fun.

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Site of the Day: HomeTownLocator gazetteer: Census Data - - http://gazetteer.hometownlocator.com/index.cfm - - This site allows you to browse physical and cultural features of the United States, arranged by individual state. From each state listing, you can learn about various physical and cultural attributes within each county, such as hospitals, bays, airports, oilfield, and post offices. After browsing a list of each type of feature, you can elect to view an aerial photograph of the feature and its environs as well. Census 2000 information may be browsed by city, town, village, county, or zip code. You can also use the My House feature to obtain a photo of the street you live on and use a distance finder to calculate the distance between two cities, towns, or zip codes.

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"Automakers are failing to equip most car models sold in the United States with seats and head restraints that provide good protection against neck injuries in rear-end crashes, according to a new insurance industry study. The study, released on November 14, 2004, by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, said only eight of 73 seat and head restraint combinations it tested got a "good" rating for whiplash prevention, while 16 others were rated 'acceptable.' Nineteen earned only "marginal" ratings and 30 got 'poor.' Among the seat-head restraint systems that were tested, good ratings were earned by Volvo's S40, S60 and S80 cars and Saab's 9-2X and 9-3 models. The Swedish automakers, long known for putting a premium on safety, are owned by Ford Motor Co. and General Motors Corp., respectively. The Jaguar S-Type, Subaru Impreza and some of Volkswagen AG's New Beetle cars also earned top scores. In the rear impact tests, which simulate a stationary car being struck by a vehicle of the same weight at 20 miles per hour, the seat-head restraint on Toyota Motor Corp.'s 2004 model Corolla also rated good. But the Corolla's overall rating dropped to "acceptable" because of the head restraint's poor positioning."

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Your Disease Risk - - http://www.yourdiseaserisk.harvard.edu/ - - Welcome to Your Disease Risk, the source on prevention. If you were looking for Your Cancer Risk, doníít worry. Youííre in the right place. This Harvard Center for Cancer Prevention has expanded. Now, in addition to cancer, you can find out your risk of four other important diseases and, as always, get personalized tips for preventing them.

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"The recovering economy and looming retirement of the baby boomers are making this a very good year to be a college senior looking for a job after graduation. Recruiters, career counselors and students say the fall recruiting season has been the most active since the dot.com boom. Accountants are again finding increased demand for their services - thanks to the wave of post- Enron regulations - but theirs is just one of several hot fields. Technology companies, investment banks and consulting firms appear to be picking up the pace, as do some defense contractors and even smaller businesses that haven't traditionally recruited on campus. 'I haven't been to school in the last three weeks because of my interview schedule,' said Eric Golden, a senior at Bentley College, a business-oriented school in the Boston suburb of Waltham. He feels lucky to be graduating this year. Friends with similar credentials who graduated earlier often ended up taking positions that weren't their top choices - 'just to have a job,' Golden said. He's been juggling about a dozen interviews with companies including money managers, investment banks and General Electric."

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50states.com - - http://www.50states.com/ - - Lot's of facts and useful information links arranged specific to each of the 50 United States of America. - State homepage, capitol tours, cams, constitution, driving rules, election links, genealogical resources, newspapers, maps, political representatives, state symbols, tax forms, topography, tourism, veteran affairs, weather, and more. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

"Thousands of DNA profiles in unsolved criminal cases experience long delays before they are added to a national FBI database, jeopardizing their value in identifying suspected murderers, rapists and others, according to a Justice Department report November 15, 2004. The report by Glenn A. Fine, the Justice Department's inspector general, identified more than 2,500 completed DNA profiles in unsolved cases that had not been added by state and local crime labs to the FBI's Combined DNA Index System in a timely fashion. Some had been waiting for nearly a year. 'The crime-solving potential of these profiles cannot be realized until they are uploaded into CODIS, where they can be matched to convicted offenders or other crime-scene evidence,' Fine said in the report. The FBI database, which contains more than 1.7 million profiles, is used by forensic laboratories nationwide to match DNA evidence to that recovered in previously unrelated crimes or to people already convicted of other crimes."

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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.

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We first shared this in 2000. It seems appropriate to share it again during the Thanksgiving season.

Sent by a Marine veteran of Korea and Vietnam......

Each year I am hired to go to Washington, DC with the eight grade class from Clinton, WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation's capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall's trip was especially memorable.

On the last night of our trip we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history - that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the Island of Iwo Jima, Japan during WW II. Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, "Where are you guys from?"

I told him that we were from Wisconsin. "Hey, I'm a Cheeshead too! Come gather around Cheeseheads, and I will tell you a story."

(James Bradley just happened to be in Washington, DC to speak at the memorial the following day. He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who has since passed away. He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up. I videotaped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape. It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC. But it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night. When all had gathered around he reverently began to speak. Here are his words that night.)

"My name is James Bradley and I'm from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called "Flags of Our Father's" which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me. Six boys raised the flag.

The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called "War." But it didn't turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands. I don't say that to gross you out, I say that because there are generals who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war. You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old.

(He pointed to the statue) You see this next guy?

That's Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene's helmet off at the moment this photo was taken, and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph. A photograph of his girlfriend. Rene put that in there for protection, because he was scared. He was 18 years old. Boys won the battle of Iwo Jima. Boys. Not old men.

The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank. Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the "old man" because he was so old. He was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn't say, "Let's go kill some Japanese" or "Let's die for our country." He knew he was talking to little boys. Instead he would say, "You do what I say, and I'll get you home to your mothers."

The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona. Ira Hayes walked off Iwo Jima. He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, "You're a hero." He told reporters,

"How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?"

So you take your class at school. 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together. Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive. That was Ira Hayes. He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes died dead drunk, face down at the age of 32. Ten years after this picture was taken.

The next guy, going around the statue is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop Kentucky. A fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70 told me, "We pushed two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store. Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn't get down. Then we fed them Epson salts. You know what happened. Yes he was a fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother's farm. The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning. The neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.

The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue is my dad, John Bradley from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite's producers, or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say, "No, I'm sorry sir, my dad's not here. He is in Canada fishing. No, there is no phone there sir. No, we don't know when he is coming back." My dad never fished or even went to Canada. Usually he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell's soup. But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing. He didn't want to talk to the press. You see, my dad didn't see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, because they are in a photo and a monument. My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a care giver. In Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died in Iwo Jima, they writhed and screamed in pain. When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero. When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, "I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back."

So that's the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima, and three came back as national heroes. Overall 7000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time."

Suddenly the monument wasn't just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero none-the-less.

Semper Fidelis!!!!

~

I've read "Flag of our Fathers" and recommend you do to.

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Report Says Congress Must Fix Amtrak

Nov 21,

By LESLIE MILLER

WASHINGTON (AP) - Though Congress approved a $1.2 billion subsidy for Amtrak, the money-losing passenger railroad still is careening toward a major disruption in service.

To save it, the Transportation Department's inspector general says, Congress must do more. Considering current Amtrak policies, says Inspector General Kenneth Mead, it's up to lawmakers to determine what must go and what may stay to restructure Amtrak and stop the hemorrhaging.

"Without clear direction from the Congress, Amtrak has taken the position that it should essentially maintain the status quo," Mead wrote in an assessment being released Monday.

"However, given the level of income from passengers, state contributions and federal subsidies, that decision has resulted in a form of Russian roulette, spreading capital much too thinly."

Mead said it's impossible to tell when the railroad will experience a major failure.

Tracks need to be repaired, locomotives and cars need overhauls and three bridges over rivers in Connecticut must be replaced before they fail. The railroad simply lacks the money to make the repairs.

"Amtrak cannot save its way to financial health," Mead wrote in the periodic report that Congress required in a 1997 law that was to have ended automatic operating subsidies for the railroad by 2002. It now must request any federal money it needs.

David Gunn, who took over as Amtrak president 2 1/2 years ago, has cut costs but not enough to stem the railroad's annual loss of more than $500 million.

Gunn has staunchly defended the need for a national passenger railroad system, although some long-distance lines lose more than $100 per rider. He has asked for bigger subsidies - $1.8 billion this year - than Congress has been willing to approve.

Mead, the Bush administration and some members of Congress want to eliminate unprofitable routes and to invest instead in corridors between cities fewer than 500 miles apart.

Enough members of Congress serve in districts that don't want to lose Amtrak service, however, that such proposals always have failed.

The Bush administration proposed this year cutting Amtrak's federal subsidy to $900 million, with a promise of more money if the railroad can restructure itself.

Gunn said it's up to Congress and the administration to make the restructuring decisions.

The $1.2 billion that Amtrak ended up with in the huge spending bill passed Saturday is less than it needs to maintain the railroad in a state of good repair, according to Mead's report.

President Bush will get the new spending bill to sign into law late this week.

Mead argued that Amtrak can't continue to defer spending on repairs with the hope that Congress will eventually give it enough money to run an efficient, well-maintained national system.

In a letter that responded to the inspector general's report, Gunn defended his $1.8 billion request. "It is management's responsibility to inform the board and others of the minimum federal funding required for a safe, reliable operation," he wrote.

Mead concluded that Amtrak management's commitment to the status quo leaves it up to Congress to set a direction for the railroad, which it has been unable to do.

He also urged Amtrak's board, which is appointed by the president and the transportation secretary, to work with Congress and the administration to plan for the railroad's future.

The report also said:

-Ridership increased to a record 24 million in 2003, but revenue fell from 2002, partly because of fare reductions.

-Between Oct. 1, 2003, and June 30, 2004, ridership was up 5.7 percent and passenger revenue was up 5.6 percent, better than forecast.

-The persistent unreliability of service could depress revenue. Trains were on time only 71.8 percent during the October-June period, a decline from 74.1 percent for the previous year. The Acela Express was on schedule only 74.7 percent of the time, short of Amtrak's target of 94 percent.

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On the Net:

Amtrak: http://www.amtrak.com

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HELP MAKE THE DISPLAY OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS LEGAL IN ALL PUBLIC PLACES

As you know, the Supreme Court is currently studying the Ten Commandments issue. The Supreme Court is not immune to the will of the people. While we cannot directly influence the outcome of the decision by the Supreme Court, we can express our desires as citizens of the United States.

I urge you to join with other Americans in expressing a desire that the Ten Commandments can be legally displayed in all public places. It is important that we have a moral basis for our laws. The Ten Commandments are in essence the foundation for our laws. Should the foundation be destroyed, the building will fall.

Please join me in supporting the display of the Ten Commandments in all public places, including schools and courtrooms.

>From time to time the number of Americans who have expressed a desire to see the Ten Commandments legally displayed in public places will be released and forwarded to the Supreme Court. It will take millions of Americans participating for us to be successful.

Thank you for participating in this effort. If we are to be successful, we need you to forward this letter to others today.

Click here to show your support now! - -

http://www.afa.net/petitions/signpetition.asp?id=1310

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Chairman

OneMillionDads.com

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Target Stores boot Salvation Army bell ringers off premises

I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving.

Sad to say, if Target stores refuse to reverse their policy, thousands poor and needy will not have a very happy Christmas. Why? Because Target stores nationwide have banned the Salvation Army's red kettle campaign. They have told The Salvation Army's bell ringers, "You're no longer welcome here."

Target spokesperson Jennifer Hanson said that allowing the Salvation Army to collect funds as a mission of hope for the hungry, the homebound, and the helpless would violate their 'no solicitation' policy.

Target's new policy is opposite of that with community-minded giants like Wal- Mart, J.C. Penney's, and Big Lots. They believe the Salvation Army serves a critical need by offering kindness to a family in need.

"Last year, bell ringers raised about $8.8 million nationally outside Target stores," Major George Hood, Community Relations Secretary for the Salvation Army U.S.A.

Target's change adds pressure on the charity as it faces budget cuts from other sources and an increasing demand for services.

"We're going to lose 112 days of food service for the hungry because of [Target's] decision," Russ Russell, Salvation Army executive director for development told The Detroit News. - - http://www.detnews.com/2004/metro/0410/05/a01-293907.htm

Because of Target's decision 6,000 people, including children, will be forced to go elsewhere to find help.

Please take this action:

Tell Target that you will be doing your Christmas shopping this year at Wal-Mart, J.C. Penny's, Big Lots or another store which cares about the poor and homeless. We know Target will block emails through the OneMillionDads email system, so your individual action is critical.

1. Call Target customer service toll-free at 1-800-440-0680, option 2, then option 2 at the next prompt.

2. Call your local Target store and speak with the manager. You can find the number in your local phone book, or through their Online Store Locator. - - http://target.com/target-group/storelocator/index.jhtml

3. Here is additional contact information for Target:

Target Stores

Chairman Robert J. Ulrich

1000 Nicollet Mall

Minneapolis, MN 55403

(612) 304-6073

Fax: 612-696-3731

Email: Guest.Relations@target.com

Thanks for caring.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Chairman

OneMillionDads.com

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Revolution 3.1

From: Jimmy Malone

The hammer rang and the blood spilled... A crimson stain on a lonely hill. No one knew sin was being judged, Lord, when You poured out Your blood One man's sin was the death of us all One man fell and we all took the fall From Adam's crime, we could not escape But You made a way, Jesus, You died in our place. For the healing of the nations You became the sacrifice So every generation Forever would cry, "Worthy! Worthy!"

"Crowned with honor, power and majesty, Lord Jesus, You are Worthy!"

jhmj

P.s More Revolution to come! This is a simple thanksgiving to the Revolutionary King whose Own blood brought me out of the kingdom of darkness and into the Kingdom of His Love!

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TGIF-Today God Is First

Freedom and Boundaries

Friday, November 26, 2004

by Os Hillman

Now the serpent was craftier than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" ~ Genesis 3:1

God is big on giving man freedom and boundaries-freedom to manage what He has entrusted to us, boundaries to protect us from evil. The boundaries in the Garden of Eden were not set for the purpose of limiting Adam. Man got into trouble when he questioned those boundaries. God had provided everything he would need for life. He also entrusted man with responsibility to manage and work the Garden. God gave him freedom in that responsibility. God knows we were made to express ourselves creatively through our work.

Each of us must have freedom and boundaries in our work life. Whenever you are hired for a job, you must have the freedom to make certain decisions. You must have the authority to manage things within your area of expertise. You must also have limits within your area of responsibility. You need to know where those limits are and stay within them. Both freedom and boundaries are always under the umbrella of God's authority and our authorities at work.

Jesus understood these boundaries. When He was tempted for 40 days by the devil after being baptized, He was challenged by satan to go outside His freedom and boundaries. (See Matthew 4:1-11.) Satan said that He had the power to turn a stone into bread. Jesus was hungry and easily could have justified using His power to feed Himself. However, Jesus understood He could do nothing outside the boundaries of God's will for His life. It was God's will for Jesus to be tempted and to withstand the temptation. God was showing His Son that "man does not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Mt. 4:4b).

You and I are tempted every day to go beyond our God-ordained boundaries. Whether it is solving financial problems that have arisen through debt, making wrong decisions due to pressure, or manipulating someone in order to achieve our ends, it all represents rebellion toward God.

Ask God to show you His freedom and boundaries for your life. These are meant to enhance your life, not hinder it.

Os Hillman Copyright 2004

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NewsScan Daily, 2004 ("Above The Fold")

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NewsScan Daily is underwritten by RLG, a world-class organization making significant and sustained contributions to the effective management and appropriate use of information technology. NSD is written by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, editors@NewsScan.Com.

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MAKE INCISION HERE: RFID TAG USED IN SURGERY

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved use of radio frequency ID (RFID) tags to ensure that physicians perform the right surgery on the right patient. Manufactured by SurgiChip Inc., the radio tag is encoded with the patient's name and the site, type, and date of the surgery; the patient helps stick the adhesive-backed tag near the site of the surgery and workers in the hospital's operating room scan the tag to compare that information with the patient's chart. (AP/San Jose Merury News 19 Nov 2004)

MICROSOFT SOFTWARE FOR THE BLIND

In Spain, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates has signed an agreement with the National Association of Blind Spaniards to develop software for people with visual impairments and give blind and visually impaired people access to the Internet. Much of the work will focus on software for voice synthesizers and braille keyboards that tell blind people what is on the screen in front of them. Gates said, "Because software is so magic, we want broad access." An estimated 1 million of Spain's 40 million people are blind or visually impaired. (AP 20 Nov 2004)

ACLU ATTACKS MICROCHIP PASSPORT PLANS

The American Civil Liberties Union and some other privacy advocate groups are charging that international standards for "electronic" passports disregard a basic privacy approach protecting the security of the documents. New passports will have a chip containing the holders' name, birth date and issuing office, along with a "biometric" identifier that includes a photo of the holders' face. Barry Steinhardt of the ACLU says, "There's no security built into it. This will enable identity theft and put Americans at some risk when they travel internationally." A spokesman for the International Civil Aviation Organization and the State Department says those organizations are working on security concerns: "This is a process that is being implemented over the next few years, it is not something that happens overnight." The spokesman says that one way to fight identity theft is already in the standards, since the passports will have built-in encrypted authentication to let electronic readers know they are original documents and not forgeries. (AP/USA TODAY 22 Nov 2004)

ADULT-ENTERTAINMENT GROUP SUES GOOGLE

In a federal lawsuit filed against Google, the adult-entertainment firm Perfect 10 Inc. is charging that Google's search engine has been displaying copyrighted images from Perfect 10's magazine and Web site, along with passwords to its subscription Web site, in response to user queries. The company says that Google's computers retrieve the passwords and images (mainly photos of female models) not from Perfect 10's own site but from other sites that have pirated them; charging that it would be "virtually impossible" for consumers to locate the stolen content if Google didn't direct them to it, its complaint accuses Google of "putting them on their servers knowing in most cases these pictures are unauthorized." Google has not yet responded to the complaint. (Wall Street Journal 22 Nov 2004)

THE COMING BATTLE: GOOGLE VERSUS MICROSOFT

Already competing against one other in Web search, free e-mail, and techniques for searching individual computers, Google and Microsoft are drifting into a war over control of the user experience now dominated by Microsoft's Windows operating system. Industry-watchers say that Google could make people less dependent on storing information on their Microsoft-powered PCs and more dependent on free Web-based e-mail and search functions accessible anywhere from any device regardless of operating system, and analyst David Garrity says the real question is whether computer buyers may one day simply decide that they no longer even need a Microsoft operating system. (AP/Los Angeles Times 22 Nov 2004)

BROADBAND USE UP, BUT U.S. STILL LAGS FAR BEHIND

A Bush administration report, titled "A Nation Online: Entering the Broadband Age," notes that the number of Americans using broadband Internet connections doubled between 2001 and late 2003, but the country as a whole still lags far behind many other nations, including South Korea, Taiwan and Canada. The report also points to a widening gap between the digital haves and have-nots. Only 25% of rural households have a broadband connection, compared with 40% for urban areas, and only one-in-seven blacks and fewer than one-in-eight Hispanics lives in a household with high-speed Internet service. "It shows we continue to have a significant divide between urban and rural America in the infrastructure of the 21st century," says Gregory L. Rohde, a top telecom advisor during the Clinton administration. Significant numbers of rural Americans complained there were no broadband services available where they live. "This is lousy," says Harris Miller, head of the Information Technology Association of America. "We're just not keeping up with our competitors. We're not even keeping up with countries we don't consider competitors. It's not acceptable." (AP 23 Nov 2004)

TELCOS THREATENED BY MUNICIPAL WIFI

Dozens of municipalities around the country are installing WiFi networks in order to provide citizens with low- or no-cost wireless Internet access -- a phenomenon that has raised the ire of large telephone and cable companies, who see their lucrative broadband businesses eroding. In response, telcos and cable companies are pushing states to pass legislation that could make such municipal networks illegal. Last week, after intensive lobbying by Verizon, the Pennsylvania General Assembly passed a bill with a deeply buried provision that would make it illegal for any "political subdivision" to provide to the public "for any compensation any telecommunications services, including advanced and broadband services within the service territory of a local exchange telecommunications company operating under a network-modernization plan." Verizon is the local exchange operator for most of Pennsylvania and is planning a major fiber-optic cable rollout. Similar bills have passed in Utah, Louisiana and Florida. Critics say the telco giants' clout is stifling broadband expansion in the U.S., but the telcos argue it's unfair for them to have to compete against local governments, which have easy access to capital and pay no taxes. (Wall Street Journal 23 Nov 2004) (sub req'd)

WHAT EVIL LURKS IN BANNER ADS?

Versions of the MyDoom virus are showing up on banner ads, spreading their misery via compromised ad servers. The SANS Institute Internet Storm Center reports that a "high profile UK Web site" was among those affected and on Sunday, and The Register confirmed that "early on Saturday morning some banner advertising served for The Register by third-party ad serving company Falk AG became infected with the Bofra/IFrame exploit." Falk AG serves ads to many popular sites, including NBC Universal, ATOM Shockwave, The Golf Channel and A&E Networks. In addition to Bofra/MyDoom, two additional viruses are working their way through compromised networks: the first, called Virtumonde Adware, hijacks a server and directs users to different pages and searches than those they had intended. The other, dubbed Trojan.Agent.EC, can take control of a PC through the back door and direct it to upload and execute whatever code the attacker wishes. (Internet News 22 Nov 2004)

P2P GROWING LIKE A WEED

Peer-to-peer file-sharing networks, the scourge of the music industry, can also be used to promote music through software programs like Weed, which allows fans to download a song and play it three times before they're prompted to pay for it. Songs cost about a dollar and can be burned to an unlimited number of CDs, passed around on file-sharing networks and posted to Web pages. "We're trying to take the problem of unauthorized music sharing and turn it into an opportunity for everyone to participate in the music business," says John Beezer, president of Shared Music Licensing, which markets the Weed software and channels payments to the artists and distributors. Weed also encourages sharing by offering a commission to users who pass a song onto a friend who then buys it. Under the distribution scheme, the copyright owner gets 50%, Weed gets 15%, and the fan who passes the music along gets 20%. [Note: The article failed to mention where the other 15% goes.] Weed is also a participant in the P2P Revenue Engine project sponsored by the Distributed Computing Industry Association, which seeks to demonstrate to entertainment firms how they can use P2P services to make money. (Wired.com 22 Nov 2004)

KAZAA OFFERS FREE VOIP CALLS

The latest version of Kazaa software, distributed by Sharman Networks, incorporates Internet telephony software from Skype Technologies, which is also owned by Kazaa founders Niklas Zennstrom and Janus Friis. That means while people are downloading their music they can also make free online calls anywhere in the world. (Reuters/CNet.com 22 Nov 2004)

THE IPOD HALO EFFECT

The popularity of Apple's iPod music players is having an unexpected effect -- six percent of iPod users report having dumped their old PCs for Apple Macs, and an additional 7% say they're planning to do the same. Among the reasons cited are ease of use, a focus on entertainment and the perception of better security. Gene Munster, senior research analyst at Piper Jaffray, which conducted the study, says the iPod halo effect will boost Apple's bottom line for a while to come: "We're in the very early innings of a multiyear trend." However, to maintain the buzz, Apple will need to stay ahead of the pack with new design trends. "They've got to keep that 'cool factor' going. If they don't, they're in trouble," says Munster. (CNet News.com 24 Nov 2004)

FIREFOX TAKES A BITE OUT OF IE

The percentage of Web surfers using Microsoft's Internet Explorer browser has fallen below 90%, with many of those users switching over to Mozilla's Firefox. According to a survey by OneStat.com, IE's market share has dropped 5% since May to 88.9%, while Mozilla browsers -- including Firefox -- have garnered an additional 5% in the same time period. Firefox's goal is to capture 10% of the market by the end of 2005. OneStat compiled the statistical comparisons from two million Internet users in 100 countries. (BBC News 24 Nov 2004)

COMPUTER AUTHENTICATION OF ARTWORKS

Computer scientists at Dartmouth University have developed a new mathematical process of authenticating art using high-resolution digital photos and complex computer analyses to map out the idiosyncrasies of an artist's unique pen and brush stokes for comparison with other artworks. The process replicated the work of human authenticators when it was used to analyze works by artists Pieter Bruegel the Elder and Perugino. Dartmouth professor Hany Farid, co-director of the project, says: "What we've tried to do is capture certain mathematical properties of an artist in terms of their underlying style, properties almost certainly not visible to human eyes." But he emphasizes that the process is meant to be an additional tool, and not a replacement for the traditional means of authenticating artworks: "It's simply another tool that is contributing to the dialogue of art authenticating." (CBS News 23 Nov 2004)

POWELL: 'YOU OWN THE SPECTRUM IN YOUR HOME'

Federal Communications Commission Chair Michael Powell explains to the editors of Reason magazine why he's upbeat about the telecom future: "I'm increasingly excited that I can actually talk to you about your TiVo and what that means for convergence. I can talk about your WiFi network at home. I can talk to my son about a cell phone, and he knows what I'm talking about. For the first time, I actually have neighbors who know what it means that digital transition gets spectrum back. Because they never had a reason to think about spectrum. That was the mystery world of broadcasting, and no one really paid attention to it. But now they do, because they can actually imagine that spectrum belongs to people in their own homes. What I love about WiFi is it's a way of saying you, not some institution, own the spectrum in your home. (Reason Dec 2004)

TROJAN HORSE AIMED AT NOKIA CELL PHONES

A new attack by Trojan Horse software known as "Skulls" targets Nokia 7610 cell phones, rendering infected handsets almost useless. It replaces most of an infected phone's program icons with images of skulls and crossbones, and disables all of the default programs on the phone (calendar, phonebook, camera, Web browser, SMS applications, etc.) -- i.e., essentially everything except normal phone calls. Symbian, the maker of the Nokia 7610 operating system, says that users will only be affected if they knowingly and deliberately install the file and ignore the warnings that the phone displays at the conclusion of the installation process. Experts don't consider the Skulls malware to be a major threat, but note that it's the third mobile phone bug to appear this year -- and therefore probably means that this kind of problem is here for the foreseeable future. (ENN Electronic News.net 23 Nov 2004)

*****

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: PIERRE BAYLE

Today's Honorary Subscriber is the French rationalistic and skeptical philosopher Pierre Bayle (1647-1706), who was a caustic advocate for religious toleration, best remembered for his well-known "Historical and Critical Dictionary." Published in 1697, the dictionary presented critically annotated biographies that provided Bayle with a platform to expose the narrow dogmatic thinking he found so prevalent in the religious, philosophical and historical writings of his era.

Bayle's method was to present orthodox positions and then to use quotations, anecdotes, commentaries and clever annotations to slyly discredit them in favor of more tolerant views. His style of subversive criticism would later be adopted by the encyclopaedists of the 18th-century enlightenment. Bayle was even-handed in his opposition to dogmatic thinking, rejecting opinions not only if he thought them overly emotional but also if they were solely intellectual.

Bayle was born near Foix, in southeastern France. Although his father was a French Huguenot minister, Bayle was schooled by the Jesuits and became a Roman Catholic for a short time as a young man, before reverting to Protestantism, and later becoming a religious skeptic. From 1675 until 1681, Bayle was a tutor and teacher of philosophy at the Protestant Academy of Sedan. In 1681 he moved to Rotterdam where he taught philosophy and history at the Ecole Illustre.

In 1682 he published anonymously his reflections on the comet of 1680, deriding the superstition that comets presage catastrophe. After that he began to publish writings in his own name that openly questioned a wide variety of Christian traditions, gradually giving rise to the suspicion that he was an atheist, especially after he advocated that religious toleration be extended even to atheists.

Then in 1693 Bayle was deprived of his Rotterdam professorship, leaving him little else to do but to continue working on his dictionary, which he had begun the previous year. He turned it into an outlet for his extensive criticism of orthodox Christian beliefs, and upon its completion in 1697 Bayle was thoroughly condemned by both the French Reformed Church and the Roman Catholic Church of Rotterdam.

Bayle's dictionary was to become a favorite reference work of Voltaire, who called him "the greatest master of the art of reasoning."

Certainly Bayle was rightly hailed for his dialectical skill, the accuracy of his work, and his encyclopedic knowledge. Continuing controversies with leading theologians marred his later years, but to the end of his life he remained convinced that the only certainty is that everything is uncertain.

In 1702 he brought out a new edition of his dictionary and 1704 he published the "Continuation of Diverse Thoughts," in which he attempted to demonstrate the impossibility of answering the atheists objections to orthodox theology.

Bayle died in Rotterdam in 1706, affirming his faith in the goodness and mercy of God, and the virtue of religious tolerance.

[To find a library copy of Walter Rex's "Essays on Pierre Bayle and Religious Controversy," visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: DAVID GLASGOW FARRAGUT

Today's Honorary Subscriber is the American naval officer David Glasgow Farragut (1801-1870), who earned his place in history during the Civil War when he led the Union naval forces in the assaults upon New Orleans and Mobile Bay.

Chosen by the Navy Department to capture New Orleans, then a major Union objective, Farragut boldly led his ships past the New Orleans defensive positions at Fort Jackson and Fort St. Philip, paving the way for the city's occupation by Union forces. Besides putting the lower Mississippi under Union control, Farragut's victory also discouraged European intervention on behalf of the Confederacy. Farragut was promoted to rear admiral, the first officer to hold that rank in the U.S. Navy.

Later in the war, Farragut succeeded in bypassing strongly defended forts in Mobile Bay to attack and destroy the Confederate warships defending Mobile, Alabama, effectively closing the Confederacy's last major Gulf port. It was in this action that in the face of Confederate mines (then called torpedoes) that Farragut shouted the memorable words: "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." Following the war and before his death in 1870, Farragut was advanced in rank to vice-admiral and then admiral, ranks created to reward and honor his service in the United States Navy.

Farragut was born in a cabin near Knoxville, Tenn. His mother died when he was seven, and he was adopted by a family friend, David Porter, a commodore in the U.S. Navy, who had him appointed a midshipman at age 9. In the War of 1812 Farragut served under Porter on the frigate Essex, and while sailing the South Pacific at the age of 12 he was made prize master of a captured British ship being brought to port in Santiago, Chile.

From 1815 until 1861, Farragut enjoyed the routine life of a naval officer, making his residence in Norfolk, Virginia. He fought pirates in the West Indies and took part in the war with Mexico. The day after Virginia seceded from the Union, Farragut, a nearly 60-year-old captain, left for New York, where he joined the naval forces loyal to the Union. He was given command of a fleet of heavy ships, gunboats, and mortar boats and sent south to begin blockading operations in the Western Gulf of Mexico. Later in offensive operations against New Orleans and Mobile Bay, he won the nickname of Old Salamander when he ran his boats under heavy gunfire from the forts guarding those locations.

[To find a library copy of a Farragut biography by Charles Lee Lewis visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

/0405130430/qid=1101142689/newsscancom/ref=nosim>

NEWSSCAN... A THOUGHT LEAPS ON FLOATING BEAM OF LIGHT

It's time we heard from you haiku-tech poets out there. Send us some haiku on technology and self (or on technology and not-self), and we'll include some of them in future NewsScans. See below for inspiration.

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: HAIKU

In his book "No Visible Horizon" Joshua Cooper Ramo offers this discussion of a Japanese tradition related to death: "In the middle of the fifteenth century in Japan, a time when the kingdom was both at its most isolated and, to Japanese eyes, most perfect, a strange tradition emerged: composing haiku as you died, at the very moment of death. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising. Japanese culture had become obsessed with the relationship between life and art. There was an increasing belief that the two should never be separated, that a well-lived life was a work of art. Was it surprising that some Japanese poets wanted to try to weave the two together, to make a little tatami of life and art? What better time than at the moment of death? After a lifetime of study, could you be beautiful in three lines? Could you be perfect? Could you reduce it, all of it, your life, down to seventeen syllables?

Farewell ... I pass as all things do dew on the grass.

"So it all awaited you. Special inks were mixed. A brush of the rarest hair was prepared and left lying near your bed. The softest rice paper was fetched. All this lay waiting for your last moment. The Zen monks who collected the death poems looked for two virtues, two marks of beauty. The first was awa-re, a sense of the sadness of things passing, the way birds at dawn sing like mourners or cherry blossoms fall like tears in the spring. The second virtue was mi-yabi, an attempt to refine oneself. Everything about the poems -- their sound, how they looked on the page -- was meant to evoke this attempt at refinement, at compactness. So Basho, dead in early June 1807:

On a journey, ill:

my dream goes wandering

over withered fields."

**

[To find a library copy of a biography of William J. Higginson's "Haiku Handbook: How to Write, Share, and Teach Haiku," visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com:

-- or to purchase a copy go to:

/4770014309/qid=1100896338/newsscancom/ref=nosim>.

[Note: We donate all revenue from our book and media recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

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Activities and Events of Interest

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December 4, 2004 - The 18th Annual Christmas and Candlelight in Old Washington

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December 5 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Holiday Concert Kim Crosby, Soprano

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MCC New York City Mission Trip December 14 - 18

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January 10 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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February 5 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. Krystle Maczka, Piano

February 6 Magnolia 2:00 p.m. "

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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet

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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin

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MCC Tanzania, Africa Mission Trip, July 2005. Get you7r passport!

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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence

Justice first, then peace."

"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses

"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait

"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin

"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson

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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.

01. Lance Cpl. Michael W. Hanks, 22, of Gregory, Mich., died Nov. 17, as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

02. Lance Cpl. Dimitrios Gavriel, 29, of New York, N.Y.

03. Lance Cpl. Phillip G. West, 19, of American Canyon, Calf.

Both Marines died Nov. 19, as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Gavriel was assigned to 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. West was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif.

04. Sgt. Jack Bryant Jr., 23, of Dale City, Va., died Nov. 20 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military convoy followed by an enemy rocket-propelled grenade attack. Bryant was assigned to the 3rd Brigade Fire Support Team (1st Battalion, 6th Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Infantry Division), Vilseck, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of five Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

05. Cpl. Bradley T. Arms, 20, of Charlottesville, Va.

06. Lance Cpl. Demarkus D. Brown, 22, of Martinsville, Va.

07. Lance Cpl. Michael A. Downey, 21, of Phoenix, Ariz.

08. Cpl. Joseph J. Heredia, 22, of Santa Maria, Calif.

09. Lance Cpl. Joseph T. Welke, 20, of Rapid City, S.D.

Arms and Brown died Nov. 19, as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Downey died Nov. 19 at National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Md., from wounds received as a result of enemy action on Nov. 11 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Heredia died Nov. 20 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Germany, from wounds received as a result of enemy action on Nov 10 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Welke died Nov. 20 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Germany, from wounds received as a result of enemy action on Nov 19 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq.

Arms was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, headquartered in Baltimore, Md. Brown was assigned to 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Downey was assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii. Heredia was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif. Welke was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif.

10. Sgt. Michael C. O'Neill, 22, of Mansfield, Ohio, died November 21 in Landstuhl, Germany, of accidental injuries sustained on November 17 at Bagram Air Field, Afghanistan, during preparations for combat operations. O'Neill was assigned to the Army's 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.

11. Cpl. Michael R. Cohen, 23, of Jacobus, Pa., died Nov. 22 as result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

12. Spc. Blain M. Ebert, 22, of Washtucna, Wash., died Nov. 22 in Baghdad, Iraq, when enemy forces engaged his unit with small arms fire. Ebert was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 5th Air Defense Artillery Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

13. Spc. David L. Roustum, 22, of West Seneca, N.Y., died Nov. 20 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his up-armored HMMWV was attacked by enemy forces using rocket-propelled grenades and small arms fire. Roustum was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 108th Infantry Regiment, Tonawanda, N.Y.

14. Sgt. Joseph M. Nolan, 27, of Philadelphia, Pa., died Nov. 18 in Fallujah, Iraq, when his unit was on patrol and an improvised explosive device detonated near his up-armored HMMWV. Nolan was assigned to the 312th Military Intelligence Battalion, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died on November 24 in Deh Rawod, Afghanistan, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army's 2nd Battalion, 5th Infantry Regiment, 25th Infantry Division (Light), Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

15. Cpl. Dale E. Fracker, Jr., 23, of Apple Valley, Calif.

16. Cpl. Jacob R. Fleischer, 25, of St. Louis, Mo.

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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.

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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(10/10)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.

Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Major William Anderson - U.S. Air Force - Bagdad

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait

Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq

Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence

Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett,

12 and Baily 3

Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother

Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait

Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter

Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf

Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter

Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.

John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son

Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad

Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq

Matthew Johnson - Marines

Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief

Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq

James A.Jones - US Navy

Pat Keister - USMC -

Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden

Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law

David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad

Opheline Moore - USArmy -

Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere

C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon

Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy

Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy

Bob Polk - Kuwait

Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.

Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's

Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's

Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son

Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan -

KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.

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Scheduled Activities

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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m.Monday - Friday.At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m.Sunday at 914 N. Vine

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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m.Union Street Station.And YOU'RE invited.Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.

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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital

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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!

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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm

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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am

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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm

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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.

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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m

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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m

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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second.Call 234-3225 for reservations.

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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.

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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program.For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.

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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.

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Emergency Phone Number 911

(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )

Central Dispatch 234-5655

(Non - Emergency Number)

Direct Numbers

Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)

Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)

Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)

http://www. aapcc. org/

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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee

"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush

"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."

"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"

"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"

"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"

"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"

"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."

~~~~~

Hope you enjoy the newsletter.

Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

1 Cor 15:1-2 2 Cor 8:1-3 John 7:16-18 1 Pet 3:10-12

God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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