Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Quantum Date

Volume 7, Issue 10

Hello All,

We picked up a couple of health tips from our Doctors this week (We were in Little Rock Thursday and Friday keeping medical appointments.) 1) If you take an anti-inflammatory, consider taking an aspirin daily. No one on Vioox, etc. who were also taking aspirin, suffered any heart problems. I learned this when I asked about the fact that my anti-inflammatory medication had “Do Not Take with Aspirin” on the label.” So, I’m keeping up my daily aspirin. 2) If you take vitamin E, consider discontinuing it. Recent studies show that there is a greater danger of vitamin E overdose than any benefit from taking extra Vitamin E. Who would have thunk it?
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Miss Ida was my grandmother's maid and my "Mammy". After my father died, my mother and I moved in with my grandmother and I was under the supervision of Miss Ida, My Mother and My Grandmother. (My Uncle Bob also lived there, but he was at work most of the time.) Anyway, Miss Ida was one of the finest women I've ever known. She raised a large family (eleven children, if my memory serves me right) and supported them by working for my Grandmother.
All of Miss Ida's children graduated from college and are pillars in the communities they settled in (I don't think any stayed in Taylor, Arkansas.) Miss Ida, her husband and children, lived in a neat, well maintained home, east of town. One of my greatest regrets (and I have many in my life) was that I was unable to attend Miss Ida's funeral. My wife and mother attended, but I wish I'd been there.
Miss Ida was a "Pillar" at St. Paul's AME church. I remember her telling my grandmother each Monday about service at St. Paul's and who was there.
Miss Ida, along with my Mother and Grandmother are responsible for many of my values in life. They taught me the simple things; don't lie, steal or cheat. Respect people. Show kindness and consideration.
Everyone is important. No one should be treated with disrespect.
My mother worked and my Grandmother supervised, so Miss Ida was whom I usually bothered during the day when I needed something. She bandaged my cuts, corrected my language and generally tried to keep me from hurting myself.
She also was my defender. One time, someone asked her if I was a good boy. (Now remember, I was an only child, being raised by three adoring women.) Miss Ida replied "Oh yes. ... Of course I don't know what would happen if we ever crossed him?
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This week, Lawhon’s grocery burned. There is nothing left but a pile of rubble. The Banner News did a good job of recapping the history of the Art Deco style bus station building.
Tex Dickens built the structure in 1945. It was converted from a bus station to a grocery store in the ‘70s.
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Congratulations to William and Maggie Green on the birth of their daughter, Cherelle, born March 1 weighing 7 lb., 7 oz., and 19 ½" long!
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Speaking of Awards, my cousin Laurie’s son Christopher Loewer got his Eagle Scout last Oct and it was in the Democrat-Gazette last month.
The fact that a boy is an Eagle Scout has always carried with it a special significance, not only in Scouting but also as he enters higher education, business or industry, and community service. The award is a performance-based achievement whose standards have been well maintained over the years. Not every boy who joins a Boy Scout troop earns the Eagle Scout rank; only about 4 percent of all Boy Scouts do so. But, this represents more than 1 million Boy Scouts who have earned the rank since 1911. Nevertheless, the goals of Scouting—citizenship training, character development, and personal fitness—remain important for all Scouts, whether or not they attain the Eagle Scout rank.
In addition to Christopher, here are some other Eagle Scouts;

Willie Banks
Olympian, Former World Record Holder, Triple Jump and Long Jump
Lloyd M. Bentsen Jr.
Former Secretary of the Treasury and Former United States Senator, Texas
Bill Bradley
Former United States Senator, New Jersey
Milton A. Caniff
Cartoonist
William C. DeVries, M.D.
Surgeon and Educator
Transplanted first artificial heart
Thomas Foley
Former Speaker of the House and
Former United States Congressman, Washington
Dr. Robert M. Gates
Former director, CIA
President, Texas A&M University
The Honorable Gerald R. Ford
38th President of the United States
J. Stephen Fossett
First to circumnavigate the earth solo in a balloon and first to circumnavigate the earth solo in an airplane without refueling.
Michael Kahn
Stage Director
Academy Award—Winning Film Editor
John Koncak
Center, Orlando Magic, National Basketball Association
James A. Lovell Jr.
Apollo Astronaut and Business Executive
The Honorable Richard G. Lugar
United States Senator, Indiana
J. Willard Marriott Jr.
Chairman of the Board and President, Marriott Corporation
Sam Nunn
Former United States Senator, Georgia
H. Ross Perot
Founder, Electronic Data Systems Corporation and The Perot Group
Donald H. Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense
Harris Salsbury
Pulitzer Prize—Winning Author
Togo West
Former Secretary of Veteran's Affairs

And don’t forget Claiborne Sharp and Keith Burton

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I discovered a great Science Fiction author this week, Jack McDevitt. “Polaris” is one of the best “Hard” Science Fiction books I’ve read in a long time.
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-- Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
The Rev. Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was.
When the boy told him, Rev. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said.
"You don't even know your way to the post office."
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Enjoy your DVDs. They’re already obsolete. Sony is selling Blu-ray DVDs in Japan now.
And, of course, they won’t play in your current DVD player. “What is a Blu-ray Disc?”
A current, single-sided, standard DVD can hold 4.7 GB (gigabytes) of information. That's about the size of an average two-hour, standard-definition movie with a few extra features. But a high-definition movie, which has a much clearer image (see How Digital Television Works), takes up about five times more bandwidth and therefore requires a disc with about five times more storage. As TV sets and movie studios make the move to high definition, consumers are going to need playback systems with a lot more storage capacity.
Blu-ray is the next-generation digital videodisc. It can record, store and play back high-definition video and digital audio, as well as computer data. The advantage to Blu-ray is the sheer amount of information it can hold:
A single-layer Blu-ray disc, which is roughly the same size as a DVD, can hold up to 27 GB of data -- that's more than two hours of high-definition video or about 13 hours of standard video.
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CIA chief Porter Goss speaking to Congress: "We have a responsibility of trying to ensure that [prisoners] are properly treated, and we try and do the best we can to guarantee that. But of course once they're out of our control, there's only so much we can do." The piece also repeatedly notes the increasing number of former prisoners claiming they were detained in secret, flown to undisclosed locations, and tortured, all without being charged. In most cases, the interrogations were conducted in countries "identified in a State Department human rights report released last week as practicing torture in their prisons."
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Some have commented that the train is a waste of resources.
Look at gas prices and tell me that again. A train can carry a pound of freight for 1/10th the fuel of a truck.
Instead of being blind free market supporters, we should look to the future and encourage the government to support transportation alternatives like Amtrak. And don't give me that bunk about the airlines being self-supporting. Without us paying for the air traffic control system and government subsidy of the airports, air travel would only be a choice for Donald Trump and his ilk.
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Due to the death of Earl Miller, "Rockin Romania" was not able to attend the White House celebration honoring the workers who've struggled to save Romanian Orphans.
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I write about things at work but I don’t write anything that I wouldn’t say, in public. However, several people must think a Blog is a license to say whatever they want.
Blog-Related Firings Focus on Policy - Mar 6, 1:14 PM (ET) - By ANICK JESDANUN
NEW YORK (AP) - Flight attendant Ellen Simonetti and former Google employee Mark Jen have more in common than their love of blogging: They both got fired over it.
Simonetti had posted suggestive photographs of herself in uniform, while Jen speculated online about his employer's finances. In neither case were their bosses happy when they found out.
Though many companies have Internet guidelines that prohibit visiting porn sites or forwarding racist jokes, few of the policies directly cover blogs, or Web journals, particularly those written outside of work hours.
"There needs to be a dialogue going on between employers and employees," said Heather Armstrong, a Web designer fired for commenting on her blog about goings on at work. "There's this power of personal publishing, and there needs to be rules about what you can or cannot say about the workplace."
On blogs, which are by their very nature public forums, people often muse about their likes and dislikes - of family, of friends, of co-workers.
Currently, some 27 percent of online U.S. adults read blogs, and 7 percent pen them, according to The Pew Internet and American Life Project.
With search engines making it easy to find virtually anything anyone says in a blog these days, companies are taking notice - and taking action.
"Because it's less formal, you're more likely to say something that would offend your boss," said Lewis Maltby, president of the National Workrights Institute, a workers' rights group.
Armstrong, who wouldn't name the company that fired her in 2002, said some of her bosses took issue with such posts as "Comments Heard In, Around, and Consequent to the Company Christmas Party Last Evening."
Soon after she was sacked, sympathizers coined the term "dooced," meaning "to have lost one's job because of one's Web site," in her case dooce.com.
In 2003, a Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) contractor was fired after posting photographs of computers from rival Apple Computer Inc. (AAPL) at a loading dock. Because Michael Hanscom had described a building in his posting, Microsoft said he had violated security, he said.
Last fall, Simonetti posted photographs of herself posing in a Delta Air Lines uniform inside a company airplane, her bra partly revealed in one. She was fired weeks later.
And in January, Jen was fired by Google over a blog that discussed life at the company, even though he said "it's all publicly available information and my personal thoughts and experiences."
Upon reflection, Jen said, he understood Google's concerns, given readers' tendencies to read between the lines and draw conclusions based on "random comments I made."
He said he hoped his case would prompt workers to "talk to their managers at length about blogging before they begin."
Simonetti said she still doesn't know what she did wrong, saying that plenty of employee Web sites and dating profiles identify Delta and include photos in uniform.
"If there is a policy against this, why weren't all these people punished before?" she said.
Delta and Google officials would only say that Simonetti and Jen no longer worked for them.
In 1997, blogging pioneer Cameron Barrett lost a job at a small marketing firm in Michigan after co-workers stumbled upon "experimental" short stories from his creative writing class on his site. Now, he's much more cautious, and he suspended his blog while campaigning for Wesley Clark during the Democratic presidential primaries.
"I knew that everything I wrote would be scrutinized at (a) microscope level by the other campaigns and their supporters," Barrett wrote in an e-mail.
Annalee Newitz, a policy analyst at the civil liberties group Electronic Frontier Foundation, said employees often "don't realize the First Amendment doesn't protect their job."
The First Amendment only restricts government control of speech. So private employers are free to fire at will in most states, as long as it's not discriminatory or in retaliation for whistle-blowing or union organizing, labor experts say.
A few companies actually do encourage personal, unofficial blogs and have policies defining do's and don'ts for employees who post online. They recognize that there can be value in engaging customers through thoughtful blogs.
"There's always a risk, but you always have that risk anytime you put an employee on the phone," Forrester Research analyst Charlene Li said.
Sun Microsystems Inc. (SUNW) encourages blogging, offering server space for personal blogs but warning bloggers not to reveal secrets or make financial disclosures that might violate securities law. Sun also offers advice on how to keep blogs interesting.
Only in rare cases are employees "unofficially asked to soften some wording," said Tim Bray, the Sun policy's chief architect. Rather, he said, the policy creates a structure for discussions between employees and their managers.
Jeff Seul, general counsel at Groove Networks Inc., said the policy he wrote for his company aims to tolerate dissent but not disrespect.
Microsoft refused to comment on Hanscom's case, but pointed out that it encourages blogging and has more than 1,500 unofficial bloggers - the bulk on Microsoft's official Web sites.
Christopher Cobey, an employment lawyer at the Littler Mendelson law firm's Silicon Valley office, said publicity over recent blog-related firings has prompted increased inquiries from companies about developing policies.
But some experts question whether a separate blogging policy is needed at all, given more general employment guidelines and common sense.
Anil Dash, vice president at blog software developer Six Apart Ltd., said publicized firings have been generally not over blogging but over other violations that happened to be done through blogging.
Mark Dichter, chairman of labor and employment at the law firm Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP, said policies can tie the hands of employers.
"It requires you to anticipate and draw lines," he said, "and once you set policies then you get into litigation into which side of the line it fell."
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On the Net:
Simonetti's blog: http://queenofsky.journalspace.com
Jen's blog: http://99zeros.blogspot.com
Microsoft blogs: http://blogs.msdn.com
Sun policy: yhttp://www.tbray.org/ongoing/When/200x/2004/05/02/Polic
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Anick Jesdanun can be reached at netwriter(at)ap.org
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The backlog of children languishing in foster care could be sharply reduced if state agencies were more friendly and helpful to prospective parents asking about adoptions, according to a new report which says fewer than one of 16 adults who make initial inquiries actually ends up adopting.
The vast majority give up "not because they don't want to, but apparently because they decide not to deal with a system they perceive as too frustrating, bureaucratic and just plain unfriendly," the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute says.
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COMPUTERS - Thanks to Claiborne Sharp
I want to hurt my computer. I want to buy a software program that, when run, causes my computer to suffer grievously, though not permanently.
When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button I can push to make the CPU start squealing like a motherboard.
I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my telephone. For every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical support to answer, the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from tech support finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be discharged into him.
This should not affect my ability to hear what's going on at the other end of the line, of course. And a special function would allow the volts to double every time a tape-recorded message urges me to continue holding. "Your call is important to us," the featureless voice always claims.
I want my phone to be outfitted with a translation program which will reconstitute this irritating reminder into the truth: "Actually, we already have your money, so we couldn't care less about you. Our technical support department consists of two college kids, both of whom are busy playing Doom. Eventually, one of them will come on the line, but it will be the one who doesn't speak English."
I want my modem to sense when my PC has committed an “illegal function" and issue a warrant to arrest Bill Gates.
When my system crashes and I lose a file that has taken me more than an hour to create, I want someone from the computer company to come out and retype it for me.
I don't understand why new, "upgraded" software creates files that cannot be read by old, reliable software with the same name. Is there no one in the computer industry who has noticed that word processor files all look alike once they are open? Why can't 6.0 recognize a 7.0 file? It's all just words, isn't it?
There should be a rule that when software engineers buy a new car, their old cars should cease to function. If they don't understand why this is happening, they should call me and I will explain it to them.
How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the one who misses work?
I want to know why my printer always jams on the last piece of paper or the last sheet of checks. When this happens, it makes me want to put sandpaper into the manual feed and print the Emancipation Proclamation.
I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns 324,909,188 "matches" to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news, we've located the product you're looking for. It's on Earth."
I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system was virtually crash proof and took up so little space. My new operating system is five times the size of my original hard drive.
With every "upgrade," it seems to grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds.
Now I've found out that my PC no longer "recognizes" my floppy drive. How could they not recognize each other? They live together!
Please understand: I don't hate my computer. I just want to hurt it every once in a while....
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This week we share excerpts from “Da Bleat” of Friday, March 04, 2000.
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We’re always looking for stories as well as jokes and other contributions. Don’t hesitate to share any offerings with us.
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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Recipe of the week; Lady and Sons Chicken Pot Pie Recipe courtesy Paula Deen
Show: Paula's Home Cooking - Episode: Pie in the Sky




Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 4 servings


4 sheets frozen puff pastry
1 egg, beaten
4 chicken breast halves, or 2 cups leftover cooked chicken
Seasoned salt and pepper
2 tablespoons cooking oil
1/3 cup butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 quart heavy cream
1/4 cup chicken base
1 tablespoon minced garlic
½ small yellow onion, minced
1 cup frozen green peas, cooked
1 cup chopped cooked carrots
Pinch fresh grated nutmeg, optional



Crust:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cut each sheet of frozen puff pastry into 1-inch strips, 8 inches long. On a large cookie sheet, weave strips into a lattice large enough to cover each pot pie. Brush beaten egg onto each lattice square. Bake for 5 minutes, or until dough has risen and turned light golden brown. Set aside until ready to assemble pies. Leave oven on at 350 degrees F.
Filling: Season chicken with seasoned salt and pepper. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken and sauté until cooked through. Remove from heat and cut into chunks. Alternatively, you may use precooked chicken.
In a large saucepan, melt butter and then slowly add flour, stirring until consistency of peanut butter, but not brown like a roux. Slowly add cream and keep stirring. Add chicken base, garlic, and onion and stir until thickened. Add peas, carrots, and nutmeg, if using, and cut up chicken. Remove from heat. Fill 4 individual oven-proof bowls with chicken mixture and then top each with a pre-cooked lattice square. Bake for 5 minutes or until bubbly. Any remaining pie filling may be frozen.
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Report on Uncle Charles Ford
Hello Loved ones, We came home Dec. 19 and are still here. We have had to go back to Little Rock 3 days one week , one Sat. because of an infection and off and on for tests but his infection is gone now or so the lab work shows. We look to go back any time though for either Transplant 2 or consolidation. Charles is still very weak and has lost around 50 lbs. and still doesn’t feel most of the time. I think he pushes himself to do a lot of things and he tries so hard to not be depressed and tired and to get up and do and go places sometimes. I try to be upbeat but it is so hard. We have been together 47 years and that’s a long time that he’s always been the stronger one and now it’s the other way around and I am supposed to be strong, make decisions and can't depend on him and I am wearing thin. I pray he will get well and strong and take care of me like he always has. I don't think I could live without him or even want to try, He is my life, has been for a long time. Please keep praying for him to get well, please.
Nothing is impossible with God. He can move mountains and He loves us all.
I hope all your family is well and I know your kids and grandkids are great. Take care and please pray for Uncle Charles and us all but mostly for him. Love , Aunt Jeanette
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www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.01 $2.14 $2.22 $2.221
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
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BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Life or Death in Florida
The Continuing Fight for Terri
March 11, 2005

You may remember a commentary I delivered in 2003 about Terri Schiavo, who is in a nursing home with extensive brain damage. Terri’s husband, Michael, had gone to court to remove her feeding tube, and her parents were fighting to keep Terri alive.
Terri’s life was spared after Governor Jeb Bush and the legislature of Florida took quick action. But just a year and a half later, Terri Schiavo’s family is once again fighting for her life.

“Terri’s Law,” the law that Governor Jeb Bush pushed through the legislature, was overturned by the Florida Supreme Court. The U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear Governor Bush’s appeal. Now, Judge George Greer has ruled that Terri’s feeding tube must be removed on Friday, March 18. Terri will be legally starved to death unless her family and supporters can stop it.

Fortunately, Terri’s congressman and one of her senators may have found a way to do it. Florida Senator Mel Martinez (R) and Representative Dave Weldon (R) have just introduced the “Incapacitated Person’s Legal Protection Act” in the U.S. Congress. The act is based on the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which states, “No State . . . shall deprive any person of life . . . without due process of law . . . nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” This act is designed to guarantee the constitutional right to life of Terri and others in her position. It would establish Terri’s right to her own legal counsel and call for a review of her case in federal court.

Such a review would have to take into account all the facts about Terri’s case. For instance, the fact that her husband is engaged to another woman, with whom he has two children. And the fact that Terri left no clear record of her wishes. (Her husband claims she told him she wouldn’t want to live in such a condition. However, he only made that claim after he’d sued Terri’s doctors for malpractice and won over a million dollars, which he’d originally promised to use to care for Terri.)

And then there’s the fact that Terri shows awareness of family members. Plus the fact that Terri is not actually on life support—she simply needs to be fed and hydrated through a tube. As columnist John Grogan observes, “If Schiavo merely required spoon feeding instead of tube feeding, would anyone seriously be arguing to withhold food and water? Does not every human, no matter how incapacitated, deserve sustenance?”

As Grogan writes, these “uncomfortable details . . . raise sticky moral dilemmas.” I believe that an objective review of the case would force anyone to the same conclusion. And Terri Schiavo, as a U.S. citizen, is fully entitled to that review. As things stand, any convicted felon on death row would now be granted more rights than Terri. At least the felon would be allowed legal representation.

I talked with a doctor the other day, who told me that he has talked with many people who have come out of comas, and they knew exactly what was going on while they were in it. And Terri isn’t even in a coma.

It is urgent that you contact your senators and representative, and Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.), chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. Let them hear from you to fast-track this legislation and pass it before March 18. As Terri’s fellow citizens—and her fellow human beings—we cannot allow her to be deprived of her God-given right to life.

Call us here at BreakPoint (1-877-322-5527), or visit our website, and we’ll tell you how to communicate with Congress.

Take action:

Urge your representative and senators to vote in favor of the “Incapacitated Person’s Legal Protection Act.” The Capitol switchboard is 202-224-3121. Learn more about the bill here.

For further reading and information:

Read the text of the bill here. National Right to Life gives an explanation of the bill here.

“Martinez Introduces Legislation Giving Terri Schiavo Same Legal Rights As Death Row Inmates,” press release, office of Senator Mel Martinez, 8 March 2005.

“Weldon Introduces the ‘Incapacitated Persons Legal Protection Act,’” press release, office of Representative Dave Weldon, 8 March 2005.

“Take Action to Save Terri Schiavo’s Life,” Family Research Council, 8 March 2005.

John Grogan, “Second thoughts on Terri Schiavo,” Philadelphia Inquirer, 25 February 2005. (Free registration required.)

Learn more about Terri Schiavo at TerrisFight.org.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 031017, “Drawn toward Death: What Terri Schiavo Has Taught Us.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 050309, “The Value of Life: Conversations with the Voiceless.”

Arthur J. Dyck, Life’s Worth: The Case against Assisted Suicide (Eerdmans, 2002).

Charles Colson and Nigel Cameron, eds., Human Dignity in the Biotech Century(InterVarsity, 2004).

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
billet: to quarter, or place in lodgings.
incongruous: lacking in harmony.
nepotism: favoritism shown to members of one's family.
fey: possessing or displaying a strange and otherworldly aspect or quality.
ambuscade: an ambush; also, to ambush.
gourmand: one who enjoys good food in great quantities.
lachrymose: given to causing tears.
coquette: a flirt.
potboiler: a usually inferior literary or artistic work, produced quickly for the purpose of making money.
from Dictionary.Com
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"The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each citizen to defend it. Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure." - Albert Einstein

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"What counts now is not just what we are against, but what we are for. Who leads us is less important than what leads us - what convictions, what courage, what faith - win or lose. A man doesn't save a century, or a civilization, but a militant party wedded to a principle can." - Adlai Ewing Stevenson

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of a crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know." - Montaigne

"If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and we are patient in them, we shall end in certainties." - Sir Francis Bacon

"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours." - Swedish proverb

"It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.... This, in turn, means that our statesmen, our businessmen, our everyman must take on a science fictional way of thinking." - Isaac Asimov

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GCF: Quantum Date

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
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GCF: Quantum Date

Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.

The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? You never know ... she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"
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GCF: Old Friends

Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
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Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
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GCF: Losing Weight

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com
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My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?"

"Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the answers. She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid 75 cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.

From the back of the room a small voice spoke up, "I'll give you a dollar for it."
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GCF: Tired Minister

Emailed to me from another humor list (Off the Church Walls) -Tom To subscribe to Off the Church Walls, send a blank email to: off-the-church-walls-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman
approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away."

An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened ... not a sound. He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, My Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?"

The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman caller, and she couldn't possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.
The quick-thinking minister's wife answered, "Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll be glad to greet her."
- ------------------ -
GCF: The Not-So-Dumb Blonde

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Ellen) -Tom
------------------------
I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers (she's blonde ... it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.

"Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday."

A minute later the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.

"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.

"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you are less stressed."

With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the boss asked where she was going.

"I can't work in the dark," she said.
- ---------------------------------- -
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ -( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-
(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / The reward for a job \ /
\ -/ well done is more work. \- /
/ / \ (((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / There are TWO secrets \ /
\ -/ to being successful. \- /
/ / The first is never tell \ anyone EVERYTHING you know.
(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / 186,000 miles/sec: \ /
\ -/ Not just a good idea, \- /
/ / it's the LAW. \ (((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / Power corrupts. \ /
\ -/ Absolute power is \- /
/ / sorta neat, though. \ (((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| \\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////
\ / The sooner you fall behind, \ /
\ -/ the more time you have \- /
/ / to catch up. \ (((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------( \-| *** Good Clean Fun ***
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Losing to Houlihan

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked.

"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.

"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?"

"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any handicap he wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'"

"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman.

"That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he grabbed my shorts and gave me a wedgie and screamed out 'Gotcha!'"
"I can guess what happened," the woman said.

"Sure," the pro said. "That gotcha threw me off, and I missed the ball completely."

"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?"

The pro answered, "I couldn't swing well the rest of the game because I was watching out for that second 'gotcha!'"

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Self Defense

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "Big ones!"

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] What Do You Think Of That

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "You should have smacked him twice! He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place."

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Philosophy Question
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.

On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "'Is this a question?' - Discuss."

After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.

Received from Andychaps The Funnies.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Your Dog Is Dead

Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother James. While in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, "So James, how's my favorite dog doing?"

James very tersely replies, "Your dog is dead."

"What?" says Phil. "You can't just tell someone their favorite dog is dead without a warning; you have to ease them into it."

"How?" asks James.

"Well, the first day I call, tell me my dog is on the roof. Then tell me the dog is going to be fine and not to worry. The next day, when I call to ask about my dog, tell me that you were about to get it down, when it jumped off of the roof and broke its leg. Tell me the doctors say it will be ok, but that it will have to stay at the vet's for a while.
Are you getting all of this???"

"Yes," says James.

"Good." says Phil. "Then the next day when I call back, tell me that there was severe internal bleeding that the vet didn't pick up and that my favorite dog died at 2:00 this morning. That way it won't be such a shock to me.
Got it?"

"Yes."

"Good, so, how's Grandma doing?" asks Phil.

"Well..." James replies, "she's on the roof."
Received from Pastor Tim.
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have ..
John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity...
Move to Guam.
Change your name.
Fake your own death!
Whatever you do Do Not Go!!!

I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.

Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who
wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way.
Fast.

Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ." Remember?)
Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad.
Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff."

Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

"Bananas," he said.

"For the potassium?" I asked.

"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."

The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot . but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14. Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, sap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose
and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us. We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me. And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before. And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of
Milk Duds from the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite.
Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that did not even want to be egressed. I went through not one airsick bag, but two.

Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.

I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm
glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.

A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.

What is it? I asked.

"Two Bags."

Thanks to Angie & David Caldwell
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A new minister was visiting in the homes of his congregation. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Bobbie McClellan
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The Sandwich (For All The Dads Out There)
"Ben & Trina Montgomery"

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife, who was suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"
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The Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife"
~~~~~
surgery joke

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born.
I couldn't walk for a year!
~~~~~
Subject: The Lawyer

o A young lawyer was driving her new Lexus when she saw two men eating grass by the road side. She stopped and got out to investigate.
o "Why are you eating grass?" she asked one man.
o "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
o She said "Oh, come along with me then."
o "But ma'am, I have a wife with two children!"
o "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", she said to the other man.
o "But ma'am, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
o "Bring them as well!"
o She called her husband and asked him to come over and take the second man's family. They all climbed into the cars. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Ma'am, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
o The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
~~~~
Subject: The Six-Foot Cockroach

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, after he finished his fourth beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his first beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain.
Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. the doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights.

"What can I do?" he pleaded.

"Not much," the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."
~~~~~
Subject: worst date?!

What was the worst date you ever had? I bet it doesn't compared to this one. THIS IS A TRUE STORY AND A GOOD LAUGH...

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City about a 30 minute ride).

They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert.
During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh no," he thinks. Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants
(a) start to smell, or
(b) start to show stains on the outside.
He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. "Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks. "No problem,

I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register.

His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl." Just the pants!" (Eyes trained on his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out ... Just the sweater.
~~~~~
Subject: God's Children

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was: "Don't".
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit?
Hey, Eve...we got forbidden fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh, " Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.

But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache do what it says on the aspirin bottle:

Take two and keep away from children.
~~~~~
Subject: HILLARY IN HEAVEN

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day.
When she asked St.Peter about the clocks, he replied, "We have a clock for each person on earth. Every time they tell a lie the hands move. Their clock ticks off one-second each time a lie is told."
St. Peter pointed out two clocks in particular. "The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.
The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life."
Hillary asked, "Where is Bill's clock?"
St. Peter replied, "Jesus has it in his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
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Marriage
From: "David & Bobbie McClellan"

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N.Y.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Football Newbie

A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time.

After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."

"What on earth do you mean???"
"Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Houdini Wannabe

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.

The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Speedy Comeback

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

The Good Night Kiss

At the end of their first date, a young man takes the girl back to her home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?" Embarrassed, she replies, "Oh, I couldn't do that. My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us."

"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"

"No. I like you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"NO, no. I just can't."

"Pleeeeease?..."

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Large Party

On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney, took a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home in Cincinnati.
At the end of the day he knew that the policy of the railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He therefore sent this telegram: "Stop at Somerville for a large party."

As the train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and conductor asked, "Where's the large party?"

Taft, with all of his 335 pounds replied, 'I'm the large party."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Sheep Horns"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw279

"Rates Are Down"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=36

"Night Time Example"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw642

"Learner's Permit"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw643

"Fur Lined"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw644

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/poodle.html - - A Poodle Tale "I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents...”
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Sears Archives - - http://www.searsarchives.com/ - - Once again, Sears has made history. For the first time, Sears has opened the doors to its vast archival collection and invited the public to peek inside. More than 100 years of stories, product and brand histories, photographs, catalog images are now available online.
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"Nearly 40 years after an historic anthropology expedition to Ethiopia's Lake Turkana basin, researchers have uncovered evidence suggesting human bones found at that time are roughly 195,000 years old. The researchers believe the findings may bolster the 'Out-of-Africa' hypothesis that suggests we all trace to an ancient line that first evolved in Africa and then displaced other hominids as recently as 50,000 years ago. Ian McDougall of Australian National University, Frank Brown of the University of Utah and John Fleagle of Stony Brook University, report their findings in the Feb. 17 issue of the journal Nature. The fossils, from near the town of Kibish, are far more ancient than researchers originally suspected and nearly 40,000 years older than skulls from Herto, Ethiopia, the previous record holders."
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Top 101 Web Sites for Fall 2004 - - http://www.pcmag.com/category2/0,1738,7488,00.asp - - PC Magazine present its selections for the Top 101 Web Sites for Fall 2004.
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"Bad news. You've spent days trudging through tax forms only to run into a kink that eliminates most of your tax benefits and sticks you with a much bigger bill. That kink is called the alternative minimum tax or AMT, and it's creeping up on a growing number of people with circumstances that trigger a trap once aimed solely at the richest tax dodgers. The system can strip taxpayers of benefits they would otherwise have gotten for children, out-of-pocket business expenses and state, local and property taxes. Could you be at risk? Those who fall 'into this category, more and more, are people with large itemized deductions or both state and local income taxes and both real and personal property taxes,' said George Jandl, a partner in charge of private client advisory services at KPMG. 'Many are shocked by it.' About 2.4 million taxpayers paid $8.7 billion in alternative minimum taxes in 2003."
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Women's History Month: March - - http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts-for-features- - - In 1981, the U.S. Congress passed a resolution establishing National Women's History Week. The week was chosen to coincide with International Women's Day, March 8. In 1987, Congress expanded the week to a month. Every year since, Congress has passed a resolution for Women's History Month, and the U.S. president has issued a proclamation.
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Women's History Month: Resources - - http://lii.org/search/file/women - - This Librarians' Index to the Internet site provides a collection of resources related to women, including: sports, notable women, health, magazines, and more. Related site: Women's History Facts - - http://www.feminist.org/other/womenshistorymonth/ / U.S. Women's Rights Movement: Timeline. - - http://www.infoplease.com/spot/womenstimeline1.html
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"A consumer group sued the federal government on February 24, 2004, saying that salt is killing tens of thousands of Americans and that regulators have done too little to control salt in food. Despite advisories to take it easy on sodium, Americans are now consuming about 4,000 milligrams a day - nearly double the recommended limit to keep blood pressure under control, the Center for Science in the Public Interest said. So the CSPI renewed a lawsuit first filed in 1983 to ask federal courts to force the Food and Drug Administration to declare sodium a food additive instead of categorizing it as 'generally recognized as safe.' This would give the agency the authority to set limits for salt in foods. 'There is no way the FDA can look at the science and say with a straight face that salt is 'generally recognized as safe,' ' CSPI executive director Michael Jacobson said in a statement. 'In fact, salt is generally recognized as unsafe, because it is a major cause of heart attacks and stroke. The federal government should require food manufacturers to gradually lower their sodium levels.' "
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Internet Public Library - - http://www.ipl.org/ - - The Internet Public Library, is a public service organization and learning/teaching environment at the University of Michigan School of Information. The site provides library services to Internet users. Includes a reference center, a catalog of books and publications, subject-based collections, and resources for kids and teens.
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"What's the cost of homelessness? In Atlanta, it's $11 a day at a shelter, $53 a day in jail or $335 in a mental hospital. In San Francisco, make that $28 for the shelter, $94 for the jail and $1,278 for the hospital stay. What these raw numbers, compiled for the nonprofit Corporation for Supportive Housing, illustrate is that the societal costs of homelessness depend on the options we leave ourselves. 'While we know that nobody spends 365 days a year in a psychiatric hospital or in a jail ... what it shows is that being homeless can be very expensive,' says Lyn Hikida, a spokeswoman for the California-based nonprofit that promotes permanent, low-cost housing for the homeless. When it comes to serving the homeless, as with many things, the general rule is you have to spend money in one place to save it in another."
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How Firefox Works - - http://computer.howstuffworks.com/firefox.htm - - In 2004, 10,000 fans of an obscure, "alternative" Web browser donated their own cash to run an ad in the New York Times introducing their favorite browser to the world. What's so great about this piece of software? Learn all about the open-source browser that is slowly infringing on Microsoft's market share.
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"In a few weeks, high school students face the prospect of taking the much-publicized new SAT Reasoning Test, which for the first time will require them to write a timed essay. Yet colleges continue to send confusing signals about whether students applying in the fall to attend college must take the new exam. Some schools, including Harvard, say they will accept scores from either the new test or the old SAT I, which was administered for the last time in January and did not contain a writing section. 'If students happened to take the old SAT in the middle of their junior year and did very well, we don't want to have to require the new one,' says William Fitzsimmons, dean of admissions and financial aid."
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National Center for Health Statistics - - http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/ - - Welcome to the National Center for Health Statistics' Web site, a rich source of information about Americaís health. As the Nationís principal health statistics agency, we compile statistical information to guide actions and policies to improve the health of our people. We are a unique public resource for health information - a critical element of public health and health policy.
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"U.S. workers, pushed to produce more and uneasy about new technology and other changes, are markedly less satisfied with their jobs than a decade ago, a new survey says. But the decline in on-the-job happiness, which continued through economic cycles in recent years, has at least temporarily leveled off, according to the survey released by The Conference Board, a New York-based business research group. Half of U.S. workers are happy with their jobs, down from nearly 59 percent in 1995, according to the survey. Of those, about 14 percent say they are very satisfied, on par with the group's last survey in 2003 and down from 18.4 percent in 1995. The number of those satisfied is slightly higher than in a similar survey done in 2003, when 48.9 percent of workers indicated they were content with their jobs. Compared to a decade ago, job satisfaction has declined among all types of workers, but the drop varies by age and income. The biggest decline in on-the-job happiness was among workers earning $25,000 to $35,000 and among workers between the ages of 35 to 44."
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Graduation Watch - - http://www.graduationwatch.org/select.php - - What are the graduation rates at the colleges you're considering? This site allows you to find out how quickly students graduate before you apply.
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"Declines in death rates from most major causes - including heart disease and cancer - have pushed Americans' life expectancy to a record 77.6 years. Women are still living longer than men, but the gap is narrowing. Women now have a life expectancy of 80.1 years, 5.3 more than men. That's down from 5.4 years in 2002 and continues a steady decline from a peak difference of 7.8 years in 1979, the National Center for Health Statistics said Monday in its annual mortality report. Research indicates there also is an increase in active life expectancy, said Mary A. Salmon, a sociology professor at the University of North Carolina. 'It's not that we're having a lot of very old, sick people,' she said in a telephone interview. She added, 'There has been lots of speculation on how this will affect Social Security, of course.' "
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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2008 Election Issue!!
GET A BILL STARTED TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOC. SEC.
This must be an issue in "2008 ".
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SOCIAL SECURITY:
(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.
Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.
You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.
In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.
For all practical purposes their plan works like this:
When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.
Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..
This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries. For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives.
Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.
Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. NADA....ZILCH....
This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;
"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!
From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into,-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer)-we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.
Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!
Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.
That change would be to:
Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us.
then sit back.....
and watch how fast they would fix it.
Thanks to Waneta
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Global flight could take aviation to new heights
Experts say feat by Fossett shows industry progress
By MARK CARREAU
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle

Adventurer Steve Fossett's flight around the world this week promises to open new doors in aeronautics, most significantly by giving solo aviators new freedom, experts say.

Fossett, a rugged 60-year-old investor turned athlete, sailor and record-setting balloonist, piloted his batlike, single-engine GlobalFlyer to a landing in Salina, Kan., on Thursday after the first unaccompanied, nonstop flight around the world.
The 67-hour feat covered 23,000 miles. It was made possible by the latest in lightweight aircraft structures from maverick California designer Burt Rutan and by the merging of fuel-efficient jet propulsion and satellite communications, navigation and automated flight control.

Fossett has demonstrated that flight between New York and Tokyo is now safely within the reach of a lone aviator. Such flight has long been the province of much heavier aircraft with four, three and, more recently, two engines and with cockpit crews of similar numbers.

"This is a triumph of the human over the atmosphere, gravity and even individual limitation if you think about what is necessary to sit behind the wheel for 67 hours and conduct what is still a very daunting task of flying an airplane," said Bruce Holmes, a senior aeronautics researcher at NASA's Langley Research Center in Hampton, Va.

"It took years to go from three to two pilots in the cockpit, and now imagine going from two to one and doing it with every bit as much safety and precision of flying," Holmes said. "If he can do it, why can't we make it something that more and more pilots could do one day, rather than just a few elitists, romanticists and aviation enthusiasts?"
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Future Uncertain for Nation's Astronauts
Mar 6, 1:23 PM (ET)
By PAM EASTON

SPACE CENTER, Houston (AP) - George Zamka has been an astronaut for almost seven years, and he still hasn't made it to space. But he's far from alone. Grounded for two years, a third of the nation's nearly 150 astronauts have never flown in space, and some wonder when they will.

"Part of being at NASA is very few people get to fly in space," Zamka said. "Everyone else gets their enjoyment by contributing to the space mission."

The last class of astronauts has already been warned that it's unclear whether any of them will fly during the shuttle era - which ends in five years. All face an uncertain future and development of the next-generation space vehicle could take until 2010.

"They knew very well that they arrived at the sunset of the shuttle and the dawn of the new vehicle and they may be exposed to the gap in between the two," Zamka said of the newest class of astronauts. "For the last classes, there has been an effort made to make sure they are informed as to what the wait may be like. And they come anyway."

Forty-six of the nation's 142 astronauts have not flown in space; some of them are rookies, others have waited for years.

Zamka didn't think his wait would be so long. He expects to be assigned to a flight in another two years and hopes to fly within the next four.

By that time, he'll have waited a decade.

"The nature of the business is it is a risky business, and certainly, part of that risk is delays and unforeseen events," Zamka said. "A lot of these things are just out of my control."

Astronaut Mark Polansky, who has flown one space mission and is set to command a mission next year, said some of his colleagues have expressed concern about where they are in line and when the opportunity to fly will come their way.

Zamka tries not to focus on it and says it only crosses his mind when he's idle.

"We are not stewing over here because we are not flying," he said. "We are all busy trying to get back to flying. We all turn ourselves to the task at hand and that is how we deal with it."

They get inspiration from former astronauts, such as Story Musgrave, who waited 16 years to fly. He was selected as an astronaut in 1967 and didn't make it to space until 1983.

"I never had the attitude: 'I finally made it,'" Musgrave said from his Florida home. "That wasn't the way I was thinking."

Instead Musgrave said he concentrated on the tasks before him and working to be the best in the business.

"Space is my calling," Musgrave said. "It was not a stepping stone to something greener. It was a calling, so I just took it as far as I could."

Musgrave ultimately flew on six shuttle missions before leaving NASA in 1997. Since his departure, Musgrave has written numerous scientific papers and worked as a consultant.

Shuttle missions have been halted since the Columbia accident two years ago that killed all seven crew members. May is the target for the next shuttle flight, but even that is a tentative date.

There was a similar grounding of shuttles after the Challenger explosion in January 1986 while repairs were made. But back then, only two or three astronauts worked full-time to correct the solid rocket booster problem that caused that disaster, said astronaut Pam Melroy.

This time it's different.

Virtually all astronauts are intimately involved in the shuttle improvements, which include the ability to make repairs in space.

"The focus is very heavily on the astronauts and the crew, because they are going to have to actually go out and do this," Melroy said of the in-orbit repairs.

Almost everyone in the astronaut office is involved with return-to-flight in some way. The training, studying and additional work have been relentless, the astronauts say.

Those who aren't in a shuttle crew are assigned a variety of return-to-flight tasks and research on the development of a new space vehicle and President Bush's moon-to-Mars plan outlined last year.

Astronaut Andy Thomas, one of the crew members tentatively set to fly in May, has been concentrating on the three spacewalks for the next mission, which will test a variety of inspection and repair techniques.

"Even though we are not flying, it is a very busy time, it really is," Thomas said as he made sure two of his colleagues were properly strapped in and lowered into the neutral buoyancy lab pool. "It is an ambitious undertaking."

NASA would like to get a few more flights out of its three aged shuttles - built on 30-year-old technology - before they are phased out in 2010.

Once the shuttles are retired, it could take until 2015 for NASA to have a new vehicle ready to go.

"People are not shirking that opportunity just because there is a wait in front of them," Zamka said. "This is a wonderful opportunity to be in the line or the window to fly in space at some time."
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"WHY IS IT THAT WE HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH?"

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Suddenly the group became very quiet...
Thanks to Angie & David Caldwell
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China Vows Not to Allow Independent Taiwan
Mar 5, 7:19 PM (ET)
By AUDRA ANG

BEIJING (AP) - Premier Wen Jiabao opened China's national legislative session Saturday vowing never to allow Taiwanese independence, while promising to ease the potentially explosive domestic issue of grinding rural poverty with an economic plan calling for 8 percent growth this year.

The planned passage of an anti-secession bill - effectively a warning to Taiwan against declaring formal independence - has overshadowed the annual meeting of the National People's Congress. Wen gave few details of the planned law, saying only that it "reflects the strong determination of the Chinese people to ... never allow secessionist forces working for Taiwan independence to separate Taiwan from China."

Taiwanese leaders say the proposed law could offer a pretext for a military attack on the island, which split from the mainland during the 1949 civil war and has been self-ruled since, although Beijing considers it part of China.

Wen said military modernization was key to "safeguarding national security and reunification" - another reference to Taiwan.
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Ex-Korn Guitarist Baptized in Jordan River
Mar 5, 6:44 PM (ET)

KIBBUTZ KINNERET, Israel (AP) - Former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch was baptized Saturday in the Jordan River, just weeks after quitting his band, drug habits and rock-and-roll lifestyle for religion.

Welch, a founding member of the multi-platinum band, and about 20 other white-robed Christian pilgrims from a Bakersfield, Calif., church were immersed by their pastor, Ron Vietti.

Welch said the ritual baptism had washed away his anger. "You know when you get angry and it builds up? I felt like hurting someone before, now I feel like hugging people," he said.

Vietti said Welch - who has "Jesus" tattooed across his knuckles and "Matthew 11:28," tattooed prominently across his neck - is already attracting a new group of young people to the message of Christianity.

"In recent weeks people have committed their lives to God because they're so inspired by his story," Vietti said.

Korn announced Welch's resignation last month after 13 years with the band. Welch said he had become increasingly depressed and drug-addicted in recent years, but that religion helped him quit.

He said he plans to release more music without the band.

"My songs are God saying things to me, him talking to people. He's going to use me to heal people and people are going to be drawn to it, just watch, they will be," he said.

Thousands of pilgrims are baptized annually in the Jordan River where, according to Biblical tradition, John the Baptist baptized Jesus.
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The Piano
From: Pam Burton

Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "NO ADMITTANCE."

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage. In horror, the mother saw her little boy was sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played. Only the classic "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."

That's the way it is with God. What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy. We try our best, but the results aren't exactly graceful flowing music. But with the hand of the Master, our life's work truly can be beautiful.

Next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully.
You can hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing." Feel His loving arms around you. Know that His strong hands are there helping you turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces.
Remember, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. And He'll always be there to love and guide you on to great things. Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than the things you acquire.
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A BROTHER'S SONG

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They found out that the new baby was going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his sister in Mommy's tummy.
He was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her. The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown, Tennessee. In time, the labor pains came.
Soon it was every five minutes, every three ...every minute. But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor. Would a C-section be required? Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was born. But she was in very serious condition.
With a siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee.
The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatrician had to tell the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst."
Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral. Michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister. "I want to sing to her," he kept saying. Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over. Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care.
Karen made up her mind, though. She would take Michael whether they liked it or not! If he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her alive. She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket. But the head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed."
The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!" Karen towed Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. After a moment, he began to sing. In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sang: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray ---".
Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond. The pulse rate began to calm down and become steady. "Keep on singing, Michael," encouraged Karen with tears in her eyes. "You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away-" As Michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr. "Keep on singing, Sweetheart!!!" "The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..."
Michael's little sister began to relax as rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her. "Keep on singing, Michael." You are my sunshine, my only Sunshine. Please don't, take my sunshine away..."

The next day...the very next day...the little girl was well enough to go home! Woman's Day Magazine called it "The Miracle of a Brother's Song." The medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a miracle of God's love!

NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.
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JACK

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet. He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.

"HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? HELP!"

He yelled for hours, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice.

"Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"

"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"

"Yes, but . . . Who are you, and where are you?"

"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."

"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"

"That's Me."

"God, please help me! I promise if You'll get me down from here, I'll stop sinning. I'll be a really good person. I'll serve You for the rest of my life."

"Easy on the promises, Jack. Let's just get you down from there; then we can talk. Now, here's what I want you to do. Listen carefully."

"I'll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do."

"Okay. Let go of the branch."

"What?"

"I said, let go of the branch.. Just trust Me. Let go."

There was a long silence. Finally Jack yelled,

"HELP! HELP! IS ANYONE ELSE UP THERE?"

Have you ever felt like Jack? We say that we want to know the will of God, but when we find out what it is, we can't handle it. It sounds too scary, too difficult. We decide to look elsewhere. When He says, "Let go of the things that stand between you and Me, and trust Me with your life. It sounds pretty scary, but when we let go, we find freedom and safety in His hands."
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True Believers
From: Beth Cracchiolo

Edith Burns was a wonderful Christian who lived in San Antonio, Texas. She was the patient of doctor by the name of Will Phillips. Dr. Phillips was a gentle doctor who saw patients as people.

His favorite patient was Edith Burns. One morning he went to his office with a heavy heart and it was because of Edith Burns. When he walked into that waiting room, there sat Edith with her big black Bible in her lap earnestly talking to a young mother sitting beside her.

Edith Burns had a habit of introducing herself in this way: "Hello, my name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?" Then she would explain the meaning of Easter, and many times people would be saved.

Dr. Phillips walked into that office and there he saw the head nurse, Beverly. Beverly had first met Edith when she was taking her blood pressure. Edith began by saying, "My name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?"

Beverly said, "Why yes I do." Edith said, "Well, what do you believe about Easter?" Beverly said, "Well, it's all about egg hunts, going to church, and dressing up." Edith kept pressing her about the real meaning of Easter, and finally led her to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
Dr. Phillips said, "Beverly, don't call Edith into the office quite yet. I believe there is another delivery taking place in the waiting room.

After being called back in the doctor's office, Edith sat down and when she took a look at the doctor she said, "Dr. Will, why are you so sad? Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying?" Dr. Phillips said gently, "Edith, I'm the doctor and you're the patient."
With a heavy heart he said, "Your lab report came back and it says you have cancer, and Edith, you're not going to live very long."

Edith said, "Why Will Phillips, shame on you. Why are you so sad? Do you think God makes mistakes? You have just told me I'm going to see my precious Lord Jesus, my husband, and my friends. You have just told me that I am going to celebrate Easter forever, and here you are having difficulty giving me my ticket!"

Dr. Phillips thought to himself, "What a magnificent woman this Edith Burns is!"

Edith continued coming to Dr. Phillips. Christmas came and the office was closed through January 3rd. On the day the office opened, Edith did not show up. Later that afternoon, Edith called Dr. Phillips and said she would have to be moving her story to the hospital and said, "Will, I'm very near home, so would you make sure that they put women in here next to me in my room who need to know about Easter."

Well, they did just that and women began to come in and share that room with Edith. Many women were saved. Everybody on that floor from staff to patients were so excited about Edith, that they started calling her Edith Easter; that is everyone except Phyllis Cross, the head nurse. Phyllis made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with Edith because she was a "religious nut". She had been a nurse in an army hospital. She had seen it all and heard it all. She was the original G.I. Jane. She had been married three times, she was hard, cold, and did everything by the book.

One morning the two nurses who were to attend to Edith were sick. Edith had the flu and Phyllis Cross had to go in and give her a shot. When she walked in, Edith had a big smile on her face and said, "Phyllis, God loves you and I love you, and I have been praying for you."

Phyllis Cross said, "Well, you can quit praying for me, it won't work. I'm not interested." Edith said, "Well, I will pray and I have asked God not to let me go home until you come into the family." Phyllis Cross said, "Then you will never die because that will never happen," and curtly walked out of the room.

Every day Phyllis Cross would walk into the room and Edith would say, "God loves you Phyllis and I love you, and I'm praying for you."

One day Phyllis Cross said she was literally drawn to Edith's room like a magnet would draw iron. She sat down on the bed and Edith said, "I'm so glad you have come, because God told me that today is your special day."

Phyllis Cross said, "Edith, you have asked everybody here the question, 'Do you believe in Easter?' but you have never asked me." Edith said, "Phyllis, I wanted to many times, but God told me to wait until you asked, and now that you have asked..."

Edith Burns took her Bible and shared with Phyllis Cross the Easter Story of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Edith said, "Phyllis, do you believe in Easter? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is alive and that He wants to live in your heart?" Phyllis Cross said, "Oh I want to believe that with all of my heart, and I do want Jesus in my life." Right there, Phyllis Cross prayed and invited Jesus Christ into her heart. For the first time Phyllis Cross did not walk out of a hospital room, she was carried out on the wings of angels.

Two days later, Phyllis Cross came in and Edith said, "Do you know what day it is?" Phyllis Cross said, "Why Edith, it's Good Friday." Edith said, "Oh, no, for you every day is Easter. Happy Easter Phyllis!"

Two days later, on Easter Sunday, Phyllis Cross came into work, did some of her duties and then went down to the flower shop and got some Easter lilies because she wanted to go up to see Edith and give her some Easter lilies and wish her a Happy Easter. When she walked into Edith's room, Edith was in bed. That big black Bible was on her lap. Her hands were in that Bible. There was a sweet smile on her face.

When Phyllis Cross went to pick up Edith's hand, she realized Edith was dead. Her left hand was on John 14: "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also."

Her right hand was on Revelation 21:4, " And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Phyllis Cross took one look at that dead body, and then lifted her face toward heaven, and with tears streaming down here cheeks, said, "Happy Easter, Edith - Happy Easter!"
Phyllis Cross left Edith's body, walked out of the room, and over to a table where two student nurses were sitting. She said, "My name is Phyllis Cross. Do you believe in Easter?"
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TGIF-Today God Is First
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Suffering for the Salvation of Another
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Friday, March 11, 2005
by Os Hillman

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. ~ Matthew 5:11

Recently, a friend told a true story about one of his closest friends who experienced great suffering for the soul of his persecutor. This man worked on a cargo ship. His boss was the captain. This friend was a committed Christian who shared his faith with others and was a good worker. One day the friend led the sea captain's girlfriend to Christ. The sea captain already hated and ridiculed the Christian worker because of his faith in Christ. When his girlfriend came to Christ, she stopped sleeping with the captain. The captain blamed the Christian man for the change in his girlfriend. One day he entered the restaurant where the Christian man was having lunch. He walked over to his table and began hurling obscenities and began beating him. The Christian man simply tried to defend himself but did not fight back. The captain kept beating him until eventually the man lay on the floor bleeding.

Two men entered the restaurant and saw what was taking place. They jumped the sea captain and took him outside and began beating him. The sea captain was beaten so badly that he needed immediate medical attention. The Christian worker saw the condition of the sea captain, came to his aid, and began helping him. The sea captain was so moved that this man could do this after he had literally beaten him bloody that he began to weep, not understanding what could move a man to have such love in the face of being beaten. The sea captain accepted Jesus at that moment.

The Bible tells us that while we were yet sinners Christ came and paid our penalty so that we might live eternally. Many in the workplace have never known the love of Christ. You might be the only one they ever meet who can introduce them to this love. Ask God to show you how to love the unlovable in your workplace today.

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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… until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. Eph 4:13 (NASB)

So we all need help. “But,” even after our previous discussions, some still insist, “the apostles and prophets are still not needed. We have the Word of God in written form.” I admit that our investigations have not been “deep” and “academically documented”, so I will take another stab at an explanation.

First, do we all agree that God gave these five “gift ministries” to us? That is hard to deny. Paul tells us flat out that He did through His Son, Jesus. Second, do we readily admit that we sometimes need help – well, perhaps we should say often need help? I know I certainly do. I expect that most of us, in a moment of pure honesty and openness, will admit the same. Good. Now look at today’s verse. “… until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.” What do you see?

The most obvious thing we see is that little preposition “until”. That small word means that something is yet to be accomplished … something is still undone. Let’s list the items: 1) we all attain unity of the faith. Is there unity of the faith amongst believers today? Has there ever been? We have already mentioned the “church on every corner” complex. I once made the “mistake” of preaching the unity of the believers from the pulpit of my home church. You should have heard the uproar after I advocated that we, the differing factions, of the Church unite on the basis of what we have in common – the FACT that we ALL claim Jesus as LORD! Are we united in the faith? No way!

2) “… and of the knowledge of the Son of God …” have we come to a complete and full knowledge of who Jesus is and what He means to us? I have spent an adult lifetime studying the Bible and seeking to understand its depths. I am still studying on a deep level in an academic setting and find that I haven’t scratched the surface yet. I honestly believe the more I learn the less I comprehend of God’s vastness. There are others who are smarter than I, and they will tell you the same thing. So, if you can tell me that we ALL understand everything there is to know about Jesus, this discussion is over. It’s not.

3) “… to a mature man …” I have not reached perfect maturity. Have you?

4) “… to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.” How do I stack up in comparison to Jesus? We probably all had one in our homes. We did. Every once in a while, we would stand our children against the edge of a door and mark their height. Over the years, these marks took on the “measure” of stature. At some time the marks would cease to be separated. It is at that time that our daughters would know that they had reached physical maturity.

When I was growing up, my brother, cousins, and I had a different method. Aunt Anna. There was no doubt that Aunt Anna was physically mature. To us, she was “ancient” – probably all of thirty-five or so. But, Aunt Anna was also short … I believe the politically correct term is “petite”. When we were all together, the cousins would ask Aunt Anna to stand in the middle of the room where we would each take our turn at standing back-to-back with her. We wanted to know when we would be adults! When we had reached “maturity”! Of course we were not “adults” when we finally outgrew Aunt Anna, but it was a milestone on our way to maturity.

Do you get the point? We as individuals and we as a church have not reached any measure of maturity. Therefore, we are still in need of the five-fold ministry to help us grow to maturity and unity. I believe we have a long way to go. I also wish I had an apostle and/or a prophet to help me along the way; don’t you?

Harley
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… for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; … Eph 4:12 (NASB)

“HELP!” screams the exasperated mother of four. “HELP!” cries the young fisherman as he slips off the bank into the freezing waters. “HELP!” We’ve all cried out for it. We’ve all needed it. We probably could use a bit of it right now.
Well, good news! Remember those five “gifts” from Jesus? You know, the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers? The reason Jesus gave them to us is to help … not so much in times of need, but to prepare us to meet the challenges that will face us if we decide to really follow Jesus wherever He leads.

I remember the first funeral I ever presided over. A six-month old baby had died. His parents, members of my church, were heart-broken. I was helpless. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t offer them the help they so desperately needed … and I was their pastor. I had graduated from Bible College with a degree in “Ministerial Science”. I had received training in counseling. I knew how to preach a good (err, fair) sermon. I was supposed to know what to do, what to say, how to say it. But, I didn’t. I fumbled through the ordeal doing the best I could – and failing miserably, because I, with my degree and my years of schooling, was unprepared.

You see, my church let me down. My college let me down. They didn’t believe in two of the five gifts. “They died with the twelve Apostles,” my professors told me. “We have the written Word of God. We don’t need apostles and prophets any more.” OK. So my pastors and teachers failed me. They didn’t train me. I wasn’t prepared for the funeral of a six-month old, but I had a funeral to perform and a family to console. “HELP!” I cried.

Sure, all of the problems we face aren’t like this one. Some are even worse. And most of us … and we are all called to minister the Gospel of Jesus to a dying world … are terribly unprepared. “So,” you ask, “how can apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers help us? Why is it so important to our ‘work’ that we need them today?”

Look at today’s verse, “for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ” These gifted individuals are to prepare us, equip us, for the work of our calling. And, remember, we are called. We were not made members of the family of God, sealed with the Holy Spirit, made joint heirs with Jesus, given an abundance of God’s grace, blessed with the faith to accept God’s gracious salvation, and called by God to sit around and watch football, or spend our lives shopping. Indeed, God has a plan for our lives … and that plan far exceeds our paltry visions. He has great ideas on how we are to live and what we are to do and where we are to do it, but we need prepped. We are woefully unprepared to do any serious work for Him. That is why we need all five of God’s gift ministries. They are to equip us for the work of service He has in mind for us. Why? The end result is the building up of the body of Christ.

“Hey! Wait a minute, Harley. I didn’t sign up to become a servant. I want to be great in the Kingdom of God … And I want to do it with a little effort as possible!” Don’t we wish? If you are clinging to that idea, I suggest you ask for a “divorce” from the Family right now. If you remain in the family and don’t want to do your chores, you will be a truly miserable individual. After all, we are learning how to “walk” out our new lives in Christ! Got your walking shoes on? Let’s get started; we have some “building up” to do!
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And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers … Ephesians 4:11 (NASB)

I can’t help it. I like receiving gifts. I like getting presents at Christmas. I like getting birthday presents. I even like getting those little “spousely” gifts my wife brings home from Wal-Mart! Today we will talk about gift … receiving.
Yesterday we learned how Jesus led the captives out of captivity to satan and brought them into captivity to Himself. We also learned that Jesus gave gifts to those whom He set free from satanic bondage. Now Paul presents to us a partial listing of those gifts. Each gift mentioned here is a gift to us as individuals and us as a collective. There is benefit both ways. Let’s take a look.

“And He gave some as apostles …” Exactly what is an “apostle”? We know about the Twelve who spent three years under Jesus’ direct tutelage. We can name at least some of them. They are the ones who Jesus used to establish the Church on the Day of Pentecost. Perhaps the most famous is Peter; followed closely by James and John. We recall some of the miraculous things they did … like walk on water, cast out demons, and heal the sick. We associate with their confusion when Jesus spoke in parables … and didn’t understand. We even share their doubts. Like Thomas, we sometimes need to place our “hands in Jesus’ side” and poke our “fingers through the nail prints in His hands and feet.” But the twelve are not the only apostles. Even the addition of Mathias and Paul do not complete the list. There are others. They, too, are gifts to the Church. What’s more, there are those who fulfill the apostolic calling today. We don’t usually call them “apostle”. We much prefer the modern “missionary” or “church planter”. Either title indicates a person who does the work of an apostle … that is: they establish churches in the name of Jesus.

“… and some as prophets …” “Harley, do you mean that there are those like Elijah and Daniel roaming around the Church today?” Well … not exactly. Old Testament prophets had a different role from those in the New Testament. The examples we see in the Book of Acts Chapter 21 that New Testament prophets had a special sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s direction. They were used by Him to give direction and warning. Other places in the epistles tell us that the ministry of the prophet is to be judged by the prophets. Are there modern day prophets? Many in the church today want to deny the existence of this ministry. They do the Church a great disfavor. We need prophets, men and women who are sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s urgings and are not “afraid” to speak what they believe the Spirit is saying to the Church. This ministry is a gift from Jesus to the church – yes, even the modern church.

“… and some as evangelists …” Ah, here is safe ground. We know what evangelists are. They are high powered preachers who tell sinners that they are going to hell if they don’t repent of their sins. Right? Well … sorta. Those people are indeed evangelists … but they are not the only evangelists. There are those who simply desire to tell others the Good News about Jesus. They do it simply and quietly in the market place, on the streets, and at home. Not only are they compelled by the Spirit to do this … but they cannot keep from doing it without being totally miserable!

“… and some as pastors and teachers.” Now we are really on safe ground. We absolutely know what these are. Pastors are those who stand up and preach every Sunday morning. Teachers are those who instruct us in Sunday School. Again, the assumption is partially correct. Indeed, these folk are pastors and teachers. But there are more who fill these roles. The word for “pastor” can be translated “shepherd”. These are men who lead the “flock” … the “sheep” of Jesus’ sheep fold … in green pastures and beside still waters. They don’t have to be “in the pulpit”, but they can be. Teachers, also, may not be those who teach our kids on Sunday morning. There are teachers who instruct in one-on-one situations with friends and neighbors. The answer questions about Jesus, the Church, the Bile, God, the Holy Spirit, and all other sorts of “Christian” topics. They may never open a teacher’s quarterly in a formal classroom, but they are teachers.

Well, those are the gifts Paul mentions. The question now is, “so what?” For that, you will have to wait until tomorrow!
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But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. Therefore it says, “When He ascended on high, He led captive a host of captives, And He gave gifts to men.” Ephesians 4:7 - 8 (NASB)

Some types of stories fascinate me more than others. One that really excites me is true survival accounts – not those taking place on some “remote” island with a bunch of fake “realists”. I’m talking about those survivors who are truly survivors – the ones who were captive and lived to tell about it. I am intrigued by their tales of mental gymnastics that kept them strong. I am fascinated as they tell of surviving abuse and torture. I really get into the story when they tell of their escape or eventual rescue. I’ll admit; I get weepy eyed at that point in the retelling of the account.

Well, I have news for you. I was a captive. I was taken captive by an enemy that bound me in chains, tortured me mentally, beat me physically, and brought me to a point that I wanted to die. And all of this happened right here in the good old U. S. of A! The event never made the news. Reader’s Digest didn’t feature my story as a “Book Bonus” or even a “Drama in Real Life”. It’s not that my story wasn’t dramatic enough for them; it’s just that my story is all too common. You see, the enemy was satan, and my chains were spiritual. The torture was just as real as that of a Viet Nam POW. The only problem is that I did not escape! The US Army didn’t send Rangers to my rescue. And my wife did not rappel down a cliff to save me.

What happened is captured in today’s verses: Jesus let me, a captive, out of captivity to satan and took me into His own service! I have traded captivity by an evil destroyer for captivity by the most loving captor imaginable – Jesus Christ. Yes, I can get a bit teary eyed over the transition when I stop to think about it. I, a sinful, despicable, sinner, was chosen to be a child of the Most High God! What’s more, I have been given gifts by my captor! And such wonderful gifts they are. Some of them are for me alone – and we have discussed many of those. But far more are given to me for the express purpose of sharing with you!

The real beauty of my story is that it has been duplicated time and time again – and it has been duplicated in YOU! Your story is just as powerful as mine. Your captivity was just as real. Your torture was just as murderous. Your defeat was just as sure. Your chains were just as strong as mine … and you could not escape either. It is only by the grace of God that you have been released from satan’s captivity and taken captive by the same gracious Lord as I. Wouldn’t it be interesting to sit around a campfire in Heaven and swap captivity stories? Though there will be no crying in Heaven, I suspect that there might be a tear of joy now and then … and the rejoicing! My how we will rejoice as we hear how others have been set free … because of your life or mine!

If you are not sure that you have been set free from satan’s captivity, I suggest that you receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior right now. You don’t need a “preacher” to guide you. You don’t need to be “in Church”. All you need to do is appropriate the faith that God has given you to accept His first gift to you, a captive of satan … the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. All you have to do is ask. If you don’t know how, you might try this little prayer: “Jesus, I have sinned, but not so greatly that you can’t save me. I am helplessly captive to satan, but I now call on You. Save me. Set me free from satan’s captivity and make me Your captive instead. I willingly accept this first gift from You.”

Now you share in our wonderful accounts of the “captive being led captive” by Jesus! Praise God! Hallelujah! Amen!

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There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all. Ephesians 4:4 - 6 (NASB)

As we begin to grasp the concepts of who we are in Christ, we also need to know what we are to do with that knowledge – we need to learn how to walk in that knowledge. So, as we continue our journey through Ephesians, we are leaving the realm of singleness – with its focus on who “I” am – and move into the land of unity – where we learn to focus on our lives in relationship with others.

Paul begins our experience with a list of seven ones. One Body. One Spirit. One Lord. One faith. One baptism. One God and Father. Obviously, Paul begins to concentrate on the topic of unity. The church is composed of one body – not a conglomerate of many factions. Unfortunately, the individual parts of the Body of Christ haven’t figured this one out yet. We live in a land where there is a church on every corner – and not a one of them recognizes the other as part of “The Church”. Somewhere along the historical timeline, the church has become a fractured organization with each little part doing its own thing with total disregard to the works of the other parts. We will discuss this disunity and its resulting ineffectiveness later. For now, it is sufficient to recognize that there is a problem that needs fixing.

There is one Spirit – God’s Holy Spirit. Notice that all three parts of the Trinity are included in this listing of ones. The Holy Spirit, the Lord – Jesus Christ; and the Father. There is a unifying factor in this alone. Though the three are separate entities, or better yet, personalities, they still compose the One God. It can be described like water (an illustration compliments of one of my pastors though it is much older than he is!) Water exists in three separate states: solid – ice, liquid – water, and gas – steam. Nevertheless, each of them is still water – H20. The interesting thing is that God exists in all three states at the same time! But then, He IS God!

We could continue and discuss faith and baptism, but we get the point. God is moving us from the individuality of being a son or daughter of God to being part of a grander scheme – and this scheme we can call our spiritual “walk”. It is time to take off our training wheels and begin to really live. Do you remember when you first rode your bicycle without training wheels? What freedom! What joy! What excitement to be riding without wobbling from side to side! That is the feeling we will get as we learn to walk in Christ.

Are you ready? I have my handy wrench and am beginning to loosen the nuts that hold those pesky wheels on our bikes. Hang on! Get ready to feel the “wind in your hair”!
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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. 1st Class Michael D. Jones, 43, of Unity, Maine, died March 3 in Syracuse, N.Y., of a non-combat related illness. He had just returned from duty in Iraq. Jones was assigned to the Army National Guard's 133rd Engineer Battalion, Belfast, Maine.

02. Staff Sgt. Juan M. Solorio, 32, of Dallas, Texas, died March 4 in Mosul, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle as his unit was being attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Solorio was assigned to the Army's 3rd Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

03. Spc. Adriana N. Salem, 21, of Elk Grove Village, Ill., died Mar. 4 in Remagen, Iraq when her military vehicle rolled over. Salem was assigned to the 3rd Forward Support Battalion, Division Support Command, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on Mar. 4 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq when an improvised explosive device detonated near their patrol. The four soldiers were assigned to the 1st Infantry Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, Camp Hovey, Korea. The soldiers are:
04. Capt. Sean Grimes, 31, of Southfield, Mich.
05. Sgt. 1st Class Donald W. Eacho, 38, of Black Creek, Wis.
06. Cpl. Stephen M. McGowan, 26, of Newark, Del.
07. Spc. Wade Michael Twyman, 27, of Vista, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died March 7, in Ramadi, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near their screening area. The two men were assigned to the Army’s 44th Engineer Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Howze, Korea.
The soldiers were:
08. Sgt. Andrew L. Bossert, 24, of Fountain City, Wis.,
09. Pfc. Michael W. Franklin, 22, of Coudersport, Pa.

10. Sgt. Seth K. Garceau, 27, of Oelwein, Iowa, died March 4 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, on Feb. 27 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle. Garceau was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 224th Engineer Battalion, 155th Brigade Combat Team, Fairfield, Iowa.

11. Spc. Matthew A. Koch, 23, of West Henrietta, N.Y. died Mar. 9 in Taji, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Koch was assigned to the 70th Engineer Battalion, Fort Riley, Kan.

12. Petty Officer First Class Alec Mazur, 35, of Vernon, N.Y., died Mar. 9, in a non-combat related incident in the U.S. Central Command Area of Responsibility. Mazur was assigned to Underwater Construction Team One (UCT-1), under operational control of Commander, U.S. Naval Forces Central Command.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.
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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(12/24)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.
Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait
Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq
Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence
Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett, 12 and Baily 3
Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother
Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait
Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter
Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf
Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter
Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.
John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son
Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq
Matthew Johnson - Marines
Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief
Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq
James A.Jones - US Navy
Pat Keister - USMC -
Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden
Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law
David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad
Opheline Moore - USArmy -
Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere
C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon
Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy
Bob Polk - Kuwait
Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.
Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's
Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's
Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son
Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan - KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
1 Sam 1:13-16 Eccl 7:16-18 Acts 20:29-31 Col 3:12-15
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Greg, Michael and Bud installing the monitor gun on our new fire truck and a shot of the Art Deco facade of Lawhon’s a few hours before the walls came down.
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