Bug's Bleat First: Bug's Bleat -

Volume 6, Issue 46 Friday, November 12, 2004

Hello ALL,

Thanks again to the ladies at Central Health Therapy and Rehabilitation. I’m regaining more use of my right arm every day.

Of course, I don’t improve willingly. It takes a lot of effort on their part to keep me working that arm. Each day I go to Therapy, they begin by electrocuting the shoulder, then the massage it and wrap it in a heat pack. After they’ve got it feeling nice and pain free, it’s time to torture it for an hour or so.

This week, my “favorite” device is the “evil ladder of pain.”

There’s a miniature ladder on the wall with numbered steps. The idea is to “walk” your fingertips up the ladder and back down. Sounds simple doesn’t it? And it is for anyone with a working shoulder joint.

However, throw in this rebellious shoulder of mine and a little “walk” up the ladder is a nightmare.

This week I was struggling to get my arm to let my fingers climb the ladder when one of the ladies commented; “Just because you turn red and break out in a sweat, we’re not going to ease up on you.”

Shesh! Even Spudnuts won’t entice them to go easy.

~~~~~

Last Saturday, I had the privilege of Feeding Dream Center.

MCC busses in 200 to 300 kids every Saturday morning to share the Love of Christ. They always get a snack, sound bible teaching (presented in a high energy, “kid” format), and lots of love. This is MCC’s “Dream Center.

Last Saturday, we were invited to feed the kids breakfast. The crew in the kitchen was made up of youth, adults and old fogies (me.) We started cooking pancakes at 8 am and began serving the kids a couple of hours later. It was a real blast.

These kids can really put away pancakes. We served for over an hour and then cleaned up the kitchen and fellowship hall.

Surprisingly, the cooks had made a much bigger mess than the kids. These “Dream Center” tykes were polite and respectful. Give a guy a glimpse of a better future.

~~~~~

We had our annual Firefighters Mutual Aid training this week. Firefighters from most Columbia County Departments (and a few from other counties) came out to the plant to train with us. We had a great time and, as always, got to enjoy some hot fires along the way (Bobbie was admiring the blackened front of my truck Thursday evening. I may have parked a little too close to the training area.)

I really have to thank our Fire Brigade members and “Bud” for making this years training a success.

~~~~~

Speaking of great volunteers, our annual Columbia County Emergency Drill was a real learning experience Tuesday evening. Our ERT folks and other County responders were able to deliver a “passel” of “injured victims” to the Magnolia Hospital in a very short time.

I think the most important thing we learned was to always bring a coat to early November emergency drills. Many of the “victims” came dressed in “Tee Shirts” and jeans and they forgot how quickly the temperature drops when the sun goes down.

~~~~~

Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ or http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com

~~~~~

Frank, Stacy, Alex and I went to see "The Incredibles" last Saturday. This is a GREAT film. A family, comedy, action thriller movie that can compete with live action movies.

The animation, the intelligent script, plot, and humor are all blended into a super format. It's not the "Iron Giant" but I bet it will be an instant animated classic. The Incredibles is an adult movie as well as a kid’s action adventure. It's exciting, compelling, and funny with a great dose of values. Be aware that there is violence, probably not any worse than "Tom an Jerry" but violence all the same. I'd take my grandkids with no worries, but I wanted you to know that this wasn't a "sterile" kids film.

~~~~~

Speaking of movies, Annette and I saw "Shall We Dance" a couple of weeks ago. Many of the critics have panned this film but we think it's one of the best movies of recent years. I like GREAT movies. The ones that reach out and grab our hearts and minds.

However, in times like these, it's also GREAT to find a movie that touches our hearts and eases our mind. This romantic comedy is one of those.

As soon as it comes out on DVD, I'm getting it. Our "TV Guardian" will take care of the couple of swear words that Hollywood seems compelled to put in every product.

~~~~~

Annette and I were watching Fox News last Saturday when one of the guests said that he'd been raised to be a "Yellow Dog Democrat". My whole family was "YDDs". But I really didn't know where and how the term originated so I went over to http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=19990929 and found this explanation.

Morgan Byrnes wrote:

When I was a child growing up in Louisiana, I heard my parents refer to the "Yellow Dog Democrats" of Texas. They must have been, or perhaps, still are a type of Democrat. I remember my family talking about them "delivering the vote" in one particular election in the late 40's.

Since Texas was solidly Democratic at that time, they must have been a particular brand or breed of Democrat. Whence the expression?

The yellow dog Democrats of Texas are a dying breed. In fact, the term itself is politically endangered.

A yellow dog Democrat is 'one who is loyal to the Democratic Party'. This is a complimentary term still used in the South. But partly through the efforts of Republican Governor George Bush, Texas is realigning from a mainly Democratic to a mainly Republican state.

This complimentary term is actually derived from words with a negative connotation. First of all, yellow has been used to mean 'cowardly' since the mid-1800s. The term yellow dog originally meant 'yellowish mongrel', and later, 'cowardly, despicable person'. In the late 19th century, yellow dog was used in phrases specifically applying to organizations opposed to trade unions. The term yellow dog contract, meaning 'a preemployment contract between a worker and an employer in which the worker agrees not to join a union', dates from about 1920. According to labor unionists, only a yellow dog, or 'coward', would permit such coercive rules.

William Safire's New Political Dictionary explains the origin of yellow dog Democrat. When Senator Tom Heflin of Alabama refused to support Democrat Al Smith in the 1928 presidential election, Al Smith's supporters popularized the phrase "I'd vote for a yellow dog if he ran on the Democratic ticket." These Southern Democrats were loyal to their party--they wouldn't vote for Republican Herbert Hoover.

A blue dog Democrat, a recent term, means 'an open-minded Democrat willing to support some conservative policies'.

~~~~~

We continue to see stories of Election Day problems from across the country. Thanks to our local officials and volunteers, things here in Columbia County were relatively smooth. Our new election machines were easy to use and 3,577 Columbia County citizens exercised the privilege of “early voting.”

~~~~~

"Immune System"

By Andrew Quinn Updated 7:24 PM ET November 8, 2000

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Forget exercise. Forget chicken soup. Forget sleep, vitamins and heredity.

Want to stay healthy? Play bridge. A new study by a University of California Berkeley researcher indicates that playing contract bridge leaves people with higher numbers of immune cells.

"People are aware that voluntary activities like positive thinking and prayer work to keep us healthy, but no one has had a mechanism," said Marian Cleeves Diamond, a professor of integrative biology at Berkeley.

Diamond's study presented in New Orleans this week at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, could be the first evidence that the human cortex -- which is subject to voluntary control -- can play a role in stimulating the immune system.

"These data, though preliminary, show that brain activity affects the immune system, and support the possibility of us learning to voluntarily control the level of white blood cells to help combat disease and other illnesses," she said.

Diamond's study is founded on some 15 years of research into rat and mouse brains in which researchers have sought to identify a specific area of the cortex, which might play a role in the body's immune response.

For the human element of the research, she selected players in women's bridge club in Orinda, Calif. Bridge was selected as the game because it was seen as likely to stimulate an area of the brain -- the dorsolateral cortex -- which might influence the immune system.

CONTRACT BRIDGE WAS IDEAL

"Contract bridge was ideal for what we were after," she said. "Bridge players plan ahead, they use working memory, they deal with sequencing, initiation and numerous other higher order functions with which the dorsolateral cortex is involved."

Diamond and her team divided the 12 women, all in their 70s and 80s, into three groups, and had each group play a one-and-a-half hour bridge set.

In blood samples taken both before and after the games, the subjects all revealed changes in the levels of CD-4 positive T cells, the white blood cells which patrol the body in search of viruses and other invaders.

Diamond said that in two of the groups, the levels of these T cells increased significantly. The third group showed only a slight increase, not enough to be statistically significant. The rise in the number of CD-4 cells was the only change visible in all of the blood tests.

Diamond cautioned that her findings were preliminary, and said that more research needed to be done to nail down the relationship between the cerebral cortex and the human immune system. But she added that, as preliminary findings go, these were both encouraging and exciting.

"Since we know the function of this particular area of the brain, through voluntary control we may perhaps learn to change our immune system positively," she said in an interview.

"That's what is causing the excitement."

~~~~~

Did you know November is National Diabetes Month? Diabetes is a disease that affects sixteen million Americans--and 5.3 million of us don't even know we have it.

Type II diabetes, or adult onset diabetes, is more common than you may think. And there are a number of things you can do to help reduce your risk for developing the disease.

Find out what your risk is for developing type II diabetes or, if you already know you have it, discover how well you're managing your condition at

http://www.diabetes.org/.

http://www.drkoop.com/

http://www.mealsforyou.com/

http://www.vitality.com/

http://www.diabetes.com/index.html

~~~~~

It's been a rough week for our troops in Iraq. Forty-Two of our soldiers were killed. One of our co-workers and an old classmate of mine is headed for the theater of war. Here’s an excerpt from last Wednesday’s AP wire;

SAN ANTONIO (AP) — A new group of Army reservists is mobilizing for the Middle East as U.S. troops storm an insurgent stronghold in Fallujah, Iraq in a long expected assault. Capt. Alex McCullough said he and other soldiers are nervous because they don 't know what to expect. "It would be foolish for anyone to think that they don 't have a certain level of fear," said McCullough, 35, of Live Oak. ...

Command Sgt. Maj. Tom Broom, 53, is the oldest of the group. Broom, of Magnolia, Ark., had a quintuple heart bypass operation in 2002 but passed his physical test.

Although Broom 's wife, Suzanne, has cancer and is undergoing treatment, the disease is in remission and she supports his decision to deploy.

Broom said that his wife, by allowing him to serve his duty rather than insist he retire, is doing her part for the country.

"These young soldiers are our future, but they 're also twice the citizen because they all have civilian jobs and they all work on the weekends to do the nation 's business as soldiers," said Broom. "That 's why I say they 're twice the citizen."

~~~~~

The designers of the first privately manned rocket to burst into space were handed a $10 million check Saturday, a prize designed to encourage technology that will open the heavens to tourists.

SpaceShipOne designer Burt Rutan accepted the Ansari X Prize money, along with a 150-pound trophy, as a chase plane flew over the ceremony in a field adjacent to the St. Louis Science Center.

The rocket plane, financed with more than $20 million from Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen, qualified for the prize by blasting into space twice in five days last month.

"Eight years ago, we stood here and said one day someone is going to do something no one's ever done before," said Doug King, president of the Science Center.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20041106/D866KBIO0.html (AP)

The X Prize, offered to the first team to get into space twice in a 14-day span, will now evolve into a regular competition called the X Prize Cup, an annual event "where the average person can come and watch the next generations of space vehicles fly," according to the organization's Web site.

More than two dozen teams worldwide began projects in hopes of winning the original X Prize, and prize founder Peter Diamandis said the purpose of the Cup competition is to keep such groups going with a "grand prix of space."

The prize got its start in St. Louis 1996, when Diamandis read Charles Lindbergh's "The Spirit of St. Louis" and realized how aviation contests, like the $25,000 Orteig prize awarded to Lindbergh, helped launch mainstream air travel.

Several aviation enthusiasts donated $25,000 apiece to jump-start the X Prize. The Ansari family of Texas then pledged more than $1 million, which helped draw more investors.

SpaceShipOne, which took off from the Mojave Airport north of Los Angeles, completed the first flight Sept. 29 and a second flight Oct. 4.

Richard Branson, the British airline mogul and adventurer, announced that beginning in 2007, he will sell suborbital space rides for about $200,000 per person, using SpaceShipOne's technology.

Branson has said more than 7,000 people have shown interest.

"We've always known that our prize is just a start," said Gregg Maryniak, the X Prize's executive director. "The real prize is the business, opening the frontiers of space for everyone."

---

On the Net:

X Prize: http://www.xprize.org

SpaceShipOne: http://www.scaled.com/projects/tierone

~~~~~

The 18th Annual Christmas and Candlelight in Old Washington December 4, 2004

Historic Buildings Decorated with Natural Holiday Style

Special Daylight Tours 1 p.m. - 4 p.m.

Candlelight Tours 4 p.m. - 8 p.m.

Surrey Rides, Thousands of Luminaries, Print Museum and Gun Museum Open,

WPA Gym open for complimentary refreshments 1 p.m. - 7: 30 p.m.,

Williams Tavern Restaurant open 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. - 8 p.m.

Purchase discounted tickets in advance at Southwest Arkansas Regional

Archives - e-mail: online@southwestarchives.com

~~~~~

I couldn't resist this one.

French Terrorist Alert Raised

AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide".

The only 2 higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate".

The increased level was precipitated by the recent fire, which destroyed one of France's white flag factories, thus disabling much of their military.

Thanks to Daphne Roberts

~~~~~

Mindy Phillips Lawrence (one of my schoolmates) releases her first book, One Blue Star

Red Engine Press of Key West, Florida has released One Blue Star: Poems about the Military, Families, War and Peace from first time author, Mindy Phillips Lawrence of Farmington, Missouri. She is the mother of Iraqi Freedom veteran. In love with her country and at odds with her government, she began writing the first poem in the book when her son enlisted in the Army and continued to add to the collection when was sent to Iraq with the Army 101st Airborne. Lawrence’s work deals with the deep fear a mother has for her child and the sorrow war brings to families. The work also places in question the judgment and reasoning of leaders who put young men and women in this precarious position.

Bev Walton Porter, editor of Scribe and Quill says of One Blue Star, ""We are not merely detached readers interpreting the circumstances of each poem, but we find ourselves entrenched in the moment, living in the skin of the soldier's wife, battlefield adversary, or engaged in the fight ourselves. One Blue Star should be required reading for soldiers and their loved ones stationed everywhere.""

"As a veteran and psychotherapist I felt the emotions in this work,"" says Gerald E. Hoeflein of Farmington, a retired major in the military and a licensed professional counselor. ""I am sure all who read it will feel touched emotionally, mentally, and even physically,"

Lawrence is currently working on two new books, ""The First Time"" about experiences she accomplished after turning 50 and ""Volunteers"" about the lives of volunteer firefighters. She is available for speaking engagements and book signings. For more information, contact her at mplcreative1@aol.com or at Mindy Phillips Lawrence, P.O. Box 778, Park Hills, MO 63601. Her book is also available on Amazon.Com.

~~~~~

Clinton Library Special Event Station, W5C, makes the home page of the ARRL site. 73, WB5FKG http://www.arrl.org/

The following is from the ARRL Arkansas Section Web site, http://www.arkansashams.org/. If you want to come up and help man the special event station, the instructions are below. The station will not actually be at the library, but a few blocks to the west, at 3rd & Cumberland - not too far from Sticky Fingers, Tommy.

Special Event Station W5C

Special event station W5C will be on the air this weekend in honor of the dedication of the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock. The station will operate from the Historic Arkansas Museum in Little Rock, near the presidential library. Hours of operation will be 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. local on November 13 and 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on November 14. Frequencies will be 14.260 (primary), 7.250, 21.365 (if 15 opens up) and 14.040. We will have a station on 3987.5 Khz after the Razorback Net Saturday evening to work stations in Arkansas and will check for local contacts on several 2-meter repeaters.

There are still slots available for hams who want to operate the station. Clubs and individuals who want to help with the operation are welcomed. Send e-mail to w5rz@arrl.org or call me at 479-967-4372 if you want to help out and I will forward the info to KB5VJA, who is coordinating the operator schedule. Even if you don't contact us before the event, stop by and visit - there may be an opportunity for you to operate one of the rigs. The museum is two blocks from the Statehouse Convention Center. From I-30, take exit 141-A. Turn left at Cumberland Street, and make an immediate right at Third Street. The museum is at the southwest corner of Third and Cumberland Streets. This is a significant event in Arkansas history, and I appreciate all the Arkansas hams who (regardless of political affiliation!) are coming forward to make our part of it a success. 73, Dennis W5RZ

~~~~~

www.aaa.com. Regular Mid Premium Diesel

Current Avg. $1.97 $2.09 $2.17 $2.194

http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/

~~~~~

Chili Mashed Potatoes

Recipe courtesy Kathleen Daelemans

Show: Cooking Thin

Episode: Freshman 15

Difficulty: Easy

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Yield: 4 servings

Achieving perfect mashed potatoes requires a little extra effort but the results are sublime. You cannot use a food processor, blender or any other motorized apparatus to mash the potatoes. Processing potatoes by hand using a ricer, food mill, potato masher or even just a wooden spoon yields perfect potatoes every time. Russet and Yukon gold potatoes make the best mashed potatoes. Choose firm potatoes without a hint of green and no soft or discolored spots. Do not refrigerate your potatoes or the potato starch will gradually change into sugar causing unpleasantly sweet potatoes that will not cook up well.

2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, peeled, cut into even sized, large chunks

3/4 cups low fat buttermilk

Salt and cracked black pepper

2 ½ tablespoons sambal oelek, more or less to taste

Place potatoes in a medium saucepan, cover with cold water, heat to boiling, reduce the heat and simmer until cooked through, about 12 to 16 minutes. Drain in a colander. Immediately place potatoes back in pot you cooked them in and place on same burner, which has been turned off. Stir occasionally over next 5 minutes to let potatoes dry out.

In a small saucepan, warm buttermilk over medium low heat. Do not boil. Pass potatoes through a ricer or food mill. Alternatively, leave potatoes in pot and mash by hand using a potato masher or wooden spoon. Stir in enough warmed buttermilk to obtain desired consistency. Add salt and cracked black pepper to taste, stir until combined. Add sambal oelek, a teaspoon at a time, tasting after each addition. Serve immediately.

MORPH: The morph on this is a simple dish called baked egg mashed potatoes. All you do is place leftover mashed potatoes in a shallow baking dish. Make wells, crack eggs into the wells, cover with a thin layer of cheese and bake until the eggs are set.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD-9936-23199,00.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com

~~~~~

BREAKPOINT Commentaries

by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Criminal Neglect

Kids, Drugs, and Crime

November 12, 2004

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

Not long ago I went to visit a prison as part of Operation Starting Line, an effort to bring the saving message of Jesus Christ to every prisoner in America. After the program, I walked the cell blocks, one-by-one, talking with inmates. Some of them responded positively, shaking my hand and thanking me for being there. But some of the men did not even get out of their bunks. It was midday. At first, I thought they were sleeping, but then I was told, "They're not sleeping.

They're stoned on drugs."

I was surprised at the casual attitude toward drug use. But as I left the prison, I realized that there is little hope for these guys. Very few have access to drug treatment programs. Kids come out in even worse shape than when they came in. Seventy percent will end up committing new crimes.

When are we going to wake up to this problem and do something about it?

One person who has come up with solid solutions is Joseph Califano, former secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare. Twelve years ago Califano founded CASA, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse. CASA has just released a report of a five-year study of the nation's juvenile justice systems. Its findings are as sad as they are shocking.

Four of every five child and teen arrestees are involved with drugs. Many are under the influence of alcohol or drugs when committing their crimes, which often involve drugs and alcohol.

What is America doing about this? Almost nothing. CASA found that less than 4 percent of juvenile arrestees receive any treatment for substance abuse. Perhaps worst of all is the lack of faith based programs. CASA has long known that religious commitment can help aid in recovery. Yet, CASA did not find a single program that provides for the spiritual enrichment of incarcerated kids. As Califano says, "Instead of helping, we are writing off these young Americans."

He's right. Even if we are not motivated by concern for troubled kids, we ought to consider the high cost of ignoring them. CASA found that if we could prevent the crimes and imprisonment of just 12 percent of juvenile lawbreakers, we would have 60,000 fewer adult inmates.

That's why I join Joe Califano in calling for an overhaul of our juvenile justice system. It's time for the states to change the way we handle juvenile offenders.

The CASA report provides a tremendous apologetic opportunity as well. It documents what happens when somebody comes to Christ: He is transformed. Califano once said he was amazed to find that nearly every ex-drug addict he met cited religion as a key to rehabilitation. That shouldn't surprise Christians: People use drugs and alcohol to fill an inner void that God alone can fill.

So while we certainly need to upgrade the inadequate juvenile justice system, the Church must also get involved in helping set free people held captive to drugs and alcohol. We do it by helping them fill the spiritual void in their hearts with the living God.

For further reading and information:

Learn more about the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse .

Read the new CASA report, Criminal Neglect: Substance Abuse, Juvenile Justice, and the Children Left Behind. ( Adobe Acrobat Reader required.)

"Juveniles and Drugs ," White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, June 2003.

William Wineke, " Why Aren't We Talking about Juvenile Addictions? " Wisconsin StateJournal, 8 October 2004 .

Learn more about Operation Starting Line .

Learn more about Justice Fellowship's efforts in juvenile justice reform (scroll down to the section on youth).

The Second Chance Act includes a provision for substance abuse treatment for former prisoners reentering society.

Mark Gauvreau Judge, " Inner Cities Need the Irish Solution ," BreakPoint Online, 2000.

Pat Nolan, When Prisoners Return: Why We Should Care and How You and Your Church Can Help (Prison Fellowship, 2004).

Copyright 2004 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.

~~~~~

Words of the Week:

# effrontery: shameless boldness; insolence.

# arriviste: an upstart.

# fallible: liable to make a mistake.

# gadabout: one who roams about in search of amusement or social activity.

# ribald: characterized by, or given to, vulgar humor.

# turbid: muddy; not clear; also, confused; disordered.

# propitiate: to appease; to conciliate.

from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~

QUOTES OF THE DAY FROM Y2K

"Our youth today love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect older people. Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." -Socrates, circa 425 BC

~~~~~

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die." - Gilbert Keith Chesterton

"They defend their errors as if they were defending their inheritance." - Edmund Burke

"Those who know how to win are much more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories." - Polybius

"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter. This is what makes the trade of historian so attractive." - William Ralph Inge

"By words the mind is winged." - Aristophanes

"A resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible." - Thomas Hardy

~~~~~

FLASH CARD "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her." (David Brinkley)

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FLASH CARD "One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea." (Walter Bagehot)

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FLASH CARD "What one knows is, in youth, of little moment; they know enough who know how to learn." (Henry Adams)

*******

FLASH CARD "It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep, than a sheep at the head of an army of lions." (Daniel Defoe)

*******

FLASH CARD "Take care not to step on the foot of a learned idiot. His bite is incurable." (Paul Gaugin)

*******

FLASH CARD "A great sailor can sail even with a torn canvas." (Seneca)

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FLASH CARD "Let your speech be better than silence, or be silent." (Dionysius)

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FLASH CARD "It is cheering to see that the rats are still around - the ship is not sinking." (Eric Hoffer)

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FLASH CARD "To save the theater, the theater must be destroyed, the actors and actresses must all die of the plague. They poison the air, they make art impossible. It is not drama that they play, but pieces for the theater. We should return to the Greeks, play in the open air; the drama dies of stalls and boxes and evening dress, and people who come to digest their dinner." (Eleanor Duse)

*******

FLASH CARD "The mastery of the turn is the story of how aviation became practical as a means of transportation. It is the story of how the world became small." (William Langewiesche)

*******

FLASH CARD "A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." (Miguel de Unamuno)

*******

FLASH CARD "Anything one man can imagine, other men can make real." (Jules Verne)

*******

FLASH CARD "Intelligence is quickness in seeing things as they are." (George Santayana)

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GCF: New Wine

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Julie) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.

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(This might be lost on the younger readers.....)

There are many "pinot" wines on the market: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older man has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as .... Pinot More.

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GCF: Customer Guide to Supermarket Checkout

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

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1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your checkbook. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.

2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!!

3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!

4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.

5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.

6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic.

7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.

8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.

9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life.

After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.

10. Don't forget rule NO. 8

11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.

12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite -- but you don't have to.

13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check-stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.

14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.

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GCF: The Sailor and the Marine

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

----------------------------------

(No dis to my Marine friends. Tom - USN 65/69, Semper Fi)

An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

"Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"

- ------------------- -

GCF: As Long as the Boss is Happy

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom http://www.computerworld.com/departments/opinions/sharktank/0,4885,97272,00.html

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Big defense contractor buys a small company, and the small company gets a new IT boss just as work starts to integrate systems with the big outfit's infrastructure, reports a technician on the scene.

And though the new boss has no computer skills or knowledge, she's still the source of a steady stream of instructions for renovating the data center.

"This initially included installing a window into the data center," says the technician. "She wanted to be able to see into it as she walked in every morning and at every smoke break."

"It seemed strange, but I was happy if that meant I could keep her from actually coming into the data center and possibly destroying something."

A week or two later, the boss tells the technician to install track lighting over each row of servers lining the room. Then she requests dimmer switches to control the track lighting.

"Weird assignments kept rolling in -- knock out a wall here, paint a wall there, change the colors of the electrical outlet covers -- while I labored with co-workers to get the real work done," he says. "Meanwhile, I endured daily meetings with corporate managers to describe and explain any and all progress made from the previous day's labors."

Then comes a major project: replacing the aging network switches. "The Friday before we began, I let the boss know what we had assigned to us," says the technician. "She nearly had a cow. She immediately started calling everyone she knew at company headquarters, ranting and raving that this would be way too disruptive to the users and cause general havoc."

The project is pushed back two weeks, but then rescheduled. That Friday, the boss tells the technical staff not to make any changes, no matter what.

"It was then that I finally got the real reason for why she wanted the blinking switches to stay. She loved walking by several times a day and looking through the window in the data center to see the pretty green blinking lights. "That made her feel everything inside the data center was working well. The green activity lights let her know there were no problems, or they would have started blinking amber or red."

After our little talk, I spoke with the corporate folks and was told in no uncertain terms that if this project wasn't done that weekend, I would face serious consequences. I told them not to worry. It would be done by Monday morning.

Over the weekend, the tech and a co-worker make the changes and remove the switches. But they leave the old switch racks in place. "We installed random-blinking green Christmas lights where the switches used to sit behind the smoked glass doors," he says.

"To this day, my boss still thinks she won the battle to keep the blinking switches in place."

- ------------------- -

GCF: Clarifying Memo

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

----------------------------------

I'd had enough of my employees abusing their allotted break time. In an effort to clarify my position, I posted a sign on the bulletin board:

"Starting immediately, your 15-minute breaks are being cut from a half-hour to 20 minutes."

- ------------------- -

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / A budget is just a method \ /

\ -/ of worrying before you spend \- /

/ / money, as well as afterward. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\\\\ \-/ / Winter is the season in which \ \-/ ////

\ / people try to keep the house \ /

\ -/ as warm as it was in the summer, \- /

/ / when they complained about the heat.\ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" \ /

\ -/ sound like what it is? \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / If your dog doesn't like someone\ /

\ -/ you probably shouldn't either. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / I'm not afraid of heights, \ /

\ -/ I'm afraid of widths. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ///// / \ \

/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \

/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \

-( (- | http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-

(((\ \>|-/ )---------------------( \-|

*** Good Clean Fun ***

Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

[GCFL.net] What is a Veteran?

Mrs. Tussing (music teacher in Moore, Oklahoma) writes:

I had a funny experience teaching today. I was going to teach my students the songs of the 5 branches of the military. In my 1st grade music class I asked, "It is Veteran's Day Thursday. What is a Veteran?"

One of my students said, "Mrs. Tussing and Class, I believe a Veteran is a dog doctor."

I relayed this funny story to my 3rd grade class later, and a students replied, "But if some one went to college after being in the military and learned to be a Veterinarian, would he be a Veteran Veterinarian?"

I told this funny story to my 6th grade and one of the girls said, "And if he didn't eat meat he would be a Vegetarian Veteran Veterinarian!"

Try saying that 3 times fast!!

Happy Veteran's Day!

-reported by WindstarPK who added

And if the veritable vegetarian veteran veterinarian violates vegan vow, eats cow, wow!

Received from Thought for the Day.

-=+=-

[GCFL.net] A Quiz for People That Know Everything

1. There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. At noon and midnight the hour and minute hands are exactly coincident with each other. How many other times between noon and midnight do the hour and minute hands cross?

5. What is the only sport in which the ball is always in the possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

6. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

7. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

8. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

9. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

10. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?"

11. There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls -- a walk -- is one way. Name the other six.

12. It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it?

13. How is it possible for a pitcher to make four or more strikeouts in one inning?

14. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet, that begin with the letter "s."

** ANSWERS TO QUIZ **

1. Boxing.

2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about 2 and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Ten times (not eleven, as most people seem to think, if you do not believe it, try it with your watch, it is only 10 times).

5. Baseball.

6. Strawberry.

7. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

8. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

9. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

10. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers, and kept the name when they moved west.

11. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner.

12. Lettuce.

13. If the catcher drops a called third strike, and doesn't throw the batter out at first base, the runner is safe.

14. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings, and so on.

Received from Andychaps "The Funnies".

-=+=-

[GCFL.net] Short Takes

First, the joke, then comments about yesterday's quiz...

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels... just lean on each other until they arrive."

------

Sorry we are late today, but I wanted to include these comments regarding yesterday's quiz. I received several additional answers that I thought you might enjoy reading. to keep it short, I only put the name of the first person to send in a particular answer.

1. There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

Our answer: Boxing

Another answer: "The US election!" -- LK Ooi

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

Our answer: Asparagus and rhubarb.

Others: "Broccoli also keeps growing year after year & doesn't have to be replanted. Don't believe me? look in our garden." -- CJ Culbert

"Question #3 should include leeks." -- Bob Watt

5. What is the only sport in which the ball is always in the possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

Our answer: Baseball.

Another one: Cricket. -- Adam Eadie

Finally, a lot of people disagreed with the answer to number 4. " The hour and minute hands cross at 1:05, 2:10, 3:15, 4:20, 5:25, 6:30, 7:35, 8:40, 9:45, 10:50, and 11:55. Unless you have a special way to count, that is eleven and not ten. How do you get 10?" Here is our explanation:

The 11:55 time you listed really happens at noon or midnight. You are not taking into account that the hour hand is somewhere between the numbers when it is not on the hour.

*** WARNING: Entering the geek zone! ***

Because I'm such a geek I decided to write a small program to calculate the exact times that the hands are as close as possible, down to the second! :) Here are the results (including the angle in degrees between the hour and minute hands at that time):

12:00:00 0.0000 (noon and midnight)

01:05:27 0.0250 degrees

02:10:55 0.0417

03:16:22 0.0167

04:21:49 0.0083

05:27:16 0.0333

06:32:44 0.0333

07:38:11 0.0083

08:43:38 0.0167

09:49:05 0.0417

10:54:33 0.0250

For those that are geeky like me, here is the C program I used. :) I'm sure there are better ways, but I cranked this out in a few minutes...

#include "stdio.h"

#include "math.h"

int main(void)

{

int hour, minute, second;

double angle-hour, angle-min, diff;

for (hour = 0; hour

{

for (minute = 0; minute

{

for (second = 0; second

{

angle-min = (360.0 / 60.0 / 60.0) *

(double)((minute * 60) + second);

angle-hour = (360.0 / 60.0 / 60.0 / 12.0) *

(double)((hour * 3600) + (minute * 60) + second);

diff = angle-min - angle-hour;

if (fabs(diff)

{

printf("%02d:%02d:%02d %g\n",

hour, minute, second, diff);

}

return 0;

}

Received from Andychaps "The Funnies".

-=+=-

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, for free . . .AND NO ADS! The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/archive/latest.php

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

GCF: Educational Jargon

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for "behavior modification reinforcers."

The principal saw the item and asked, "What in heaven's name is that?"

"Lollipops," the teacher explained.

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Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

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GCF: How the Government Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

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Emailed to me from another humor list (PixDaily) -Tom To subscribe to PixDaily, send a blank email to: PixDaily-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: The Duel

In bygone days, a thin man insulted a large man. The large man challenged his tormentor to a duel with pistols.

On the day of the duel a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man because he was a much smaller target. Finally the thin man came up with a solution.

"Let the outline of my figure be chalked upon your body," he said to his opponent, "and any shots of mine that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: Teaching Fractions

A mathematics teacher came into the faculty room after she'd been watching a basketball game. Her face was glowing. "I've got the greatest idea for teaching!" she exclaimed.

"What do you mean? What's the idea?" asked a couple of colleagues.

"Well, you know how hard it is for us to really teach fractions? The kids just don't seem to be motivated to learn them," she said.

"Yes, it's true," said a fellow math teacher. "So?"

"Well, the solution is to change the system of scoring in basketball. A free-throw, 1 1/16 point; a field goal, 2 3/8 points; and a long-distance basket, 3 1/15!"

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Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

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GCF: Golf Couple 3

A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was.

His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again.

After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (PixDaily) -Tom To subscribe to PixDaily, send a blank email to: PixDaily-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: Where It Lies

Two long-time golfing buddies got to the course one day and decided that this day they would play the ball where it lies ... "No matter what!"

On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his drive and it ended up on the cart path. As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies! Remember? No matter what!"

The first player tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, that it was in the rules of golf. But the second fellow would not allow it. Throwing up his hands in disgust, the man went to the cart and grabbed a club. As he stood near his ball, he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers of sparks. Finally, he took his shot. The club hit the path again, sparks went flying but his ball shot straight towards the green, landed and rolled to a stop two inches from the cup.

"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"

The man gave him a wry smile,

"YOUR 7 iron!"

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Humor-G) -Tom To subscribe to

Humor-G, send a blank email to: Humor-G-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: Take A Message

A girl, who was not quite four years old, was alone in the house when the phone rang. She answered it and was told that Mr. Brown was calling.

"I'm sorry, no one is here. Can I take a message?" she said.

Mr Brown replied, "Certainly."

After a pause, Mr. Brown heard, "O.K., I'm ready. Who did you say this is?"

"Mr. Brown."

"How do you spell Brown?"

"B-r-o-w-n."

A long pause, and then, "How do you make a B?"

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Klean Jokes Daily) -Tom To

subscribe to Klean Jokes Daily, send a blank email to:

subscribe-kjd@lists.2guys-ezines.com

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(Note: A bit long but well worth it if you have ever been annoyed by telemarketing phone calls ... Tom)

GCF: The Telemarketer Tango, Part 2

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.

AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: No, but I was wondering -- do you have that "friends and family" thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (*Click*)

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Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: Menu Planning Tip to Reduce Stress

I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or

"Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels.

You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever,"

"Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food."

My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.

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Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Becky) -Tom

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GCF: The Necklace

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

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Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Vance) -Tom

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GCF: Circle Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called -- I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's rear end?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you such a name."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Chuckle) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Chuckle, send a blank email to: daily-chuckle-subscribe@eGroups.com

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GCF: Candles in the Dark

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little girl started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Enjoy the Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to Enjoy the Laugh, send a blank email to: EnjoyTheLaugh-subscribe@egroups.com

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It's Fixed!

My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners."

Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk.

Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk".

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Klean Jokes Daily) -Tom To subscribe to Klean Jokes Daily, send a blank email to: subscribe-kjd@lists.2guys-ezines.com

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GCF: Radio Shack

Do those guys at Radio Shack ever get on your nerves, asking you for a bunch of personal data when you're just there to buy something as simple as a couple AA batteries? I think we should inconvenience these people as much as they do us. A while ago I was in Radio Shack buying a printer cable adapter and the guy asked me for my name.

"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-Johnson," I replied.

(blank look of confusion)

"How do you spell that?" he asked, obviously not wanting to know.

"With a hyphen," I clarified.

"Once more?" he asked.

"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-Johnson"

"Could you please spell that?" he asked, glancing at the half dozen people waiting behind me.

"Oh ... just like it sounds," I said non-chalantly.

Putting down "Johnson," he went on and asked about the address.

"Washburn, Wisconsin, 14701 N.E. Wachatanoobee Parkway, Complex 3, Building O, Appt. 1382b," I replied.

Almost through writing all this down, I said, "Or did you mean current address?"

Stopping, he said, (becoming irritated) "Yes. Current address."

"Diluthian Heights, Mississippi, 1372 S. Tinatonabee Avenue, Building 14C, Suite 2, Box 138201," I replied quite slowly.

Waiting until he finished I said, "No, wait, it's NORTH Tinatonabee Avenue." Annoyed, he backed up and changed it.

"I think," I interjected.

"And is all this correct?" he asked in a standard manner.

"Of course not," I replied, leaving, "If you want my REAL name and address, look at the credit card receipt."

A little mean, I must admit, but no jury would convict me ... at least, none that had been to Radio Shack.

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Humor-G) -Tom To subscribe to Humor-G, send a blank email to: Humor-G-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: Great Relationship

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.

He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps-the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com

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GCF: New Technology

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Dave's Daily Chuckle) -Tom To subscribe to Dave's Daily Chuckle, send a blank email to: daily-chuckle-subscribe@eGroups.com

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GCF: Baby Sister

Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."

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Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Daniel) -Tom

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GCF: Freedom

A man, upon his release from prison, runs out the gates screaming, "I'M FREE! I'M FREE!"

A little girl standing nearby says to the man, "I'm four."

/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \

/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \

-( (- | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | -) )-

(((\ \>|-/ )-----------------------------( \-|

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / \ /

\ -/ \- /

/ / Never miss a good chance to shut up. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Everyone has a right \ /

\ -/ to be stupid. \- /

/ / Some just abuse the privilege. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / If you think you're a \ /

\ -/ person of some influence, try \- /

/ / ordering somebody else's dog around. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Bills travel through the mail \ /

\ -/ at twice the speed of checks. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / I have kleptomania, \ /

\ -/ but when it gets bad, \- /

/ / I take something for it. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / I considered atheism, but \ /

\ -/ it doesn't have enough holidays. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / Politicians and diapers \ \-/ ////

\ / have one thing in common. \ /

\ -/ They should both be changed \- /

/ / regularly and for the same reason. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Computers can never replace \ /

\ -/ human stupidity. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / A mother is a woman who can \ \-/ ////

\ / bake a cake with six other \ /

\ -/ hands helping her and \- /

/ / still have it turn out fine. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / Learn from the past. \ \-/ ////

\ / Live for today. \ /

\ -/ Look for tomorrow. \- /

/ / Take a nap this afternoon. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Far too many people spend their \ /

\ -/ lives reading the menu instead \- /

/ / of enjoying the banquet. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Dieting is wishful shrinking. \ /

\ -/ \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Growing old is mandatory, \ /

\ -/ but growing up is optional. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / We can't control the wind, \ /

\ -/ but we have the power \- /

/ / to adjust the sails. \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Experience is what you get \ /

\ -/ when you don't get what you want. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / If you think nobody cares, \ /

\ -/ miss a couple of payments. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Never argue with a fool. \ /

\ -/ He may be doing the same thing. \- /

/ / \ \

\\\\ \-/ / \ \-/ ////

\ / Deja Moo: \ /

\ -/ The feeling that you've \- /

/ / heard this bull before. \ \

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.

"They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.

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A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were considering the question of whose profession was the oldest.

"I think my line of work would win this one hands down," the surgeon said. "After all, Eve was created from Adam's rib, and that sounds like surgery to me."

"Maybe," the architect said, "but before Adam, order was created out of chaos. That was architectural accomplishment."

"Sure," the politician said. "But before that, someone had to create the chaos."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

"It's just a cold," the doctor said. "There is no cure, and you'll just have to live with it until it goes away."

"But Doctor," the patient whined, "it's making me so miserable."

The doctor rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Then he said, "Look, go home and take a hot bath. Then put a bathing suit on and run around the block three or four times."

"What!" the patient exclaimed. "I'll get pneumonia!"

"We have a cure for pneumonia," the doctor said.

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It was a conference title game, and the sportscaster had mentioned several times that the place had been sold out long before game time. As he called the play-by-play, however, he kept noticing a single empty seat directly below his booth.

The empty seat was bothering him, so he sent an assistant downstairs to find out what was going on.

"Pardon me, sir," the assistant said to the man sitting next to the seat. "Do you happen to know why this seat is empty?"

"Yeah. It's my wife's seat."

"And why is it empty?"

"She died."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend to come to the game with you today?"

"Impossible," the man said. "They're all at her funeral."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

They say marriage is a contract. No, it's not. Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer. If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know; he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise."

--Wanda Sykes-Hall

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A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"

"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?"

"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. I guess I'll wait until someone comes by that I can trust."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Fax machines can have a great effect on politicians. Somebody just sent a fax message to every member of our state legislature. Each fax message was exactly the same: "The press has found out everything."

Both houses of the legislature emptied out within thirty minutes.

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked.

"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game."

"How long could that have taken you?"

"Well, I had to toss it 14 times."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business.

"Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there is owned by the head of Goldman,Sachs. And look at that huge yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache."

His friend was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked.

"I was just wondering," his friend said. "Are there any customers' yachts?"

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

During the eight years he served as Eisenhower's vice president, Richard Nixon had many reminders of the esteem accorded to people in his position. Once, the Nixons were staying at a hotel in Chicago when a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night.

Hundreds of guests, including Dick and Pat Nixon, were herded into the lobby. Once Nixon realized that it was a false alarm, he and his wife headed for the elevator.

"Just a minute," said the hotel's security chief.

"Everyone stays in the lobby until we get the all clear."

"I'm the vice president," Nixon said.

"Oh," the security chief said. "Sorry. Go right ahead."

Nixon pressed the elevator button, and the security chief had second thoughts. "Vice president?" he said. "Of what?"

"Of the United States," Nixon answered.

"Get back out here," the security chief said. "I thought you were a vice president of the hotel."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

After an astounding college career in the early 1950's, Rodney "Hot Rod" Hundley signed with the Minneapolis Lakers of the National Basketball Association. He and teammate Bob Leonard once missed a team flight because they were out too late the night before. Lakers owner Bob Short had them report to his office the next morning.

Hundley went into Short's office, where he was told he would be fined a thousand dollars for missing the flight. At 10 percent of Hundley's yearly salary, this was the largest fine ever imposed on a professional basketball player.

Hundley came out of Short's office and was accosted by Leonard, who asked "How much?"

"A big one, baby," Hundley said. "A big bill."

"A hundred dollars?" Leonard asked worriedly.

Leonard gasped. His face fell. He was on the verge of tears.

Hundley put his hand on Leonard's shoulder and said, "It's a record."

Leonard's face lit up. "Let's go out and celebrate!"

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Quick Wit:

"What are you watching, Dad?"

"Basketball game."

"What's the score?"

"117 to 114."

"Who's winning?"

"The team with 117."

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

It's good to share inteligentia with friends!!

From: "Loumu"

There were three little pigs that went to a restaurant for dinner........... The waiter came to the table and asked if they would like something to drink...........

The first piggy said, "I would like a Dr. Pepper." The second piggy said,"I would like a glass of tea," The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."..........

When the waiter brought the drinks, he asked if they were ready to order.

The first piggy said, would like a Hamburger." The second piggy said,"I would like a Steak." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."

..........

When the piggies were finished eating, the waiter asked if they would like some dessert...........

The first piggy said, "I would like a hot fudge sundae." The second piggy said, "I would like a banana split." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."..........

When the piggies were finished with dessert, the waiter brought their check........... Before he left the table, he asked the third little piggy why he only ordered water...........

No groans please.............

Scroll down..............

A little farther...............

Do you really want to know?

OK.....

..........

You have been warned.....

..........

The third piggy said, "Well, someone has to go 'Wee Wee all the way home!"

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

The preacher

From: "Robert Lyons"

The Preacher

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby.

So they went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 5 or 6 children, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the preacher's pay situation.

As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" he said.

In the back of the room, a little old man stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God, but if we get too much, we put on our galoshes".

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Claiborne shared this Audio Engineer's Funny with us;

There was a question on the Syn-Aud-Con listserve about how loud 76 trombones would be if they were all playing at the same time. The question was posed by a friend of mine who designs recording studios and was preparing for a lecture to a group of musicians later this week. After the scientific responses came in this one did also.

Re: [SAClist] The big parade...

So, given this line of thinking, how many trombones would it take to reach the threshold of pain (130dB)? I can assure you that it is considerably more than the number to reach the threshold of trombone tolerance. :-)

I love the sound of trombones at a distance. The greater the distance, the more I love it.

This could turn into the "how do you mic

Through the miracles of cut & paste and find & replace - Here's a few quickies...

Q:How do you mic a -trombone-

A1:Have the player stand on the street, just outside of the studio. Then lock the door.

A2:Set-up an overhead condenser mic on a tall boom stand and have the player begin marching. After 1/2 hour you will have found the sweet spot.

Q:Are there -trombones- in hell?

A:No, the devil is cruel, but he's not crazy. It's strictly an export item for him.

Q:Why do -trombone- players walk around as they play?

A1:To try and get away from the noise.

A2:Because a moving target is much harder to hit.

Q:How do you get two -trombone- player to play a perfect unison?

A:Shoot one.

Q:What's the difference between a -trombone- and an onion?

A:No one cries when you chop up an -trombone-.

Q:What's the difference between a -trombone- and a trampoline?

A:You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?

A:To get away from the -trombone- recital.

Q:How is playing a -trombone- like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A:You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q:How can you tell if a -trombone- is out of tune?

A:Someone is blowing into it.

Q:What's the range of a -trombone-?

A:Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

Q:What's the difference between a lawnmower and a -trombone-?

A1:You can tune the lawnmower

A2:The owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow their lawnmower and don't return it.

Q:How can you tell if there's a -trombone- player at your door?

A:They can't find the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don't know when to come in.

Q:What's the difference between a -trombone- player and a harmonica player?

A:The harmonica player only sucks on half the notes!

Q:How is a -trombone- player like a courtroom trial?

A:Everyone is relieved when the case is finally closed!

Q:What's the difference between a -trombone- and a chain saw?

A:The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

Q:What's the best way to play a -trombone-?

A:With a hack saw.

It's getting worse - I think we audio guys need help.

Russ Berger wrote:

...all trombones co-occupying an area of infinitely small point-source proportion, being precisely operated by a calibrated pressure source at at standard temperature and sea level, exactly equidistant from the listener's fully functional ear .....

Don't go getting everything too close together and too equal there. When semi-random sources have sufficient mutual coupling, they will sync up. This means they become coherent and require a 20Log summing function, or +6 dB per doubling of the number of sources.

That's why 2 gals with PMS is 4 times as bad as one.

Dale Somebody....

- boy, did this go downhill fast.

Thanks to Claiborne Sharp Jr.

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

An Oldie, but an updated Goodie

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Albert Einstein's Answer

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Aristotle's Answer

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Barbara Walters' Answer

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Bill Clinton's Answer

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Bill Gates' Answer

I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Captain Kirk's Answer

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Dr. Seuss' Answer

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road,

But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer

To die. In the rain. Alone.

Grandpa's Answer

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

George Bush's Answer

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

John Kerry's Answer

While serving in Vietnam, I was in favor of the chicken crossing the road. Later I realized that there were those who needed the chicken on this side of the road. Now I would like to see the chicken on the other side of the road, unless of course it would be better served to be on this side of the road. Ideally, I think the chicken should be in the middle of the road.

Jerry Falwell's Answer

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your faces? The chicken was going to the "other side. " That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay and, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

Jerry Seinfield's Answer

Why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

L.A.P.D.'s Answer

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King Jr.'s Answer

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

O.J. Simpson's Answer

It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Pat Buchanan's Answer

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Ralph Nader's Answer

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Sigmund Freud's Answer

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Thanks to Connie and Waneta

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

You Make Me Laugh - Serious Shopper

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation.

Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

"Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Shopping On Up

In a upscale department store, every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping.

One evening, a woman who had recently worked at K-mart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention K-mart shoppers..."

Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "...you are in the wrong store."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Doctor Quotes

The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians:

~ By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

~ On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

~ The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

~ Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

~ Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

~ The patient refused an autopsy.

~ The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

~ The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

~ She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

~ The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

~ She is numb from the toes down.

~ The skin was moist and dry.

~ When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Red Light - Green Light

Ralph and his friend were driving through town when they came to a red light. Cruising through the red light, Ralph's friend expressed concern.

"Don't worry," Ralph said. "My brother George does it all the time, and he never gets caught."

Coming upon another red light at the next intersection, Ralph again went speeding right through.

"Don't worry," Ralph assured his friend, "George does this every day, and nothing ever happens to him."

At the next intersection, the light is green, and Ralph comes to a complete stop.

"Why do you run through all the red lights and stop when we come to a green light?" asks his friend.

"I'm always afraid that George might be coming through," replies Ralph.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Car Trip

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada.

To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs.

He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec.

When he awoke he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Wrenched Man"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw550

"Cat Camping"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw557

"Emergency Phone"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw560

"Squirrel Doping"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw564

"Crime Wave"

http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw565

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2002 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone

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Safety From The Heart -

November 9, 2004

Car Maintenance

Today's Safety From the Heart message is from John Williams.

....................................................................................................

Several years ago, my sister asked me to change the oil in her car. So, after I got the new oil, new oil filter, and old oil catch pan, I was ready to do the job for her.

She had one of those cars that sets real low to the ground and because of this, I had to jack up the front end of the car so I could get under the car.

I was just about to get under it with just the jack holding it up when my Dad stopped me and told me to put a jack stand under the car for better support.

Well, to make a long story short, that jack stand probably saved my life because the jack slipped and fell while I was still under the car. Never depend on just a jack when getting under a vehicle.

|--------------------------------------------|

November 4, 2004 - Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Bayne Haigler.

------------------------

Over the past few days, I have had three different friends tell me that they have had very close run-ins with rattlesnakes. One of them had saved the varmint to "show" me, which almost created a separate Safety From the Heart.

I am sure that these instances can be attributed to our above-normal temperatures. Your awareness should be heightened during this transition to winter when participating in outside activities to include hunting, yard cleaning, etc.

|--------------------------------------------|

November 3, 2004 - Burning Yard Debris

Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Allen Smoak.

Fall is a season full of color and cool crisp nights.

Fall also brings dead leaves and debris.

Preparation is the key to safely burn this debris.

This yard debris fire incident occurred this past February.

February is an ideal time to rake and burn leaves. My home is surrounded by many black, pin, and water oak trees. Mix in numerous pine trees and one has a large amount of yard debris to eliminate....I always choose burning.

The day was clear and sunny. The humidity was extremely low. . . perfect condition for burning. I always burn one hour before sunset so that the approaching cooler, damp night air can help control my fires. I made several wind rows of leaves with my mower, then called and received a burn permit. I told my son, who was leaving for basketball practice, to connect a water hose to the corner spigot and stretch the hose to our dog pen. Fortunately, our family pet was not in the pen.

My son left for practice. I saw that the hose was connected and lying next to the dog pen. I set fire to several places in the wind row of leaves, then stood and watched the fire begin consuming a winter's worth of fallen leaves. This wind row was 45 yds in length near a canal that separates my yard from seven acres of trees. I also had another water hose connected toward the other end of the wind row.

As I was monitoring the burning wind row, I noticed the fire had burned across a patch of grass into my dog pen. The pen is next to the canal under three oak trees. The canal was dry and full of pine needles. I made my way to the pen. . and as you may have already guessed. . . a small gust of wind blew across the fire. By the time I reached the pen, the fire was 5 ft. in height. I picked up the water hose, pressed the nozzle and no water!?!? I pressed the nozzle again and realized the water was off. I ran and turned on the spigot ...you are right, my son did exactly what I told him to do, connected the hose and stretched it out to the pen. I ran back to the pen, pressed the nozzle and no water!!!!! The fire was 8 ft. high with the dog house on fire.

I checked the hose for kinks....no kinks. I checked the spigot and made sure it was on...it was on. The light off the fire allowed me to see my shadow against my house. I checked another spigot on the same system....no water. I ran to the pump house and saw that the main valve was closed. I opened the valve....I heard the water rushing through.... I ran to the dog pen, pressed the nozzle and no water!!!!!!! My mind was racing trying to understand what was wrong. The dog house shingles were on fire and the fire was now creeping to the canal.

I raced back to the pump house. I heard the water rushing through the valve. I then realized I had drained the yard system to prevent freezing and had failed to re-energize the system before burning. I raced to shut off the system drain, closed the remaining 5 spigots, and returned to the dog pen. By this time, the fire had spread down the canal; however, I was able to extinguish the fire and prevent any further danger. The dog pen was clear of debris and a dog house with food bowl.

Burning check list:

Burn debris in small, manageable rows or piles.

Choose a day with no wind and burn at least one hour before sunset.

Obtain a burn permit.

Ensure water is available before striking a match.

Do not burn alone on big jobs.

Make sure the dog is not in the pen.

|--------------------------------------------|

November 8, 2004 - Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Gordon Fogle.

Recently I was planting oats with a grain drill and I noticed that about 3 of the chains that drag behind the chutes where the seeds drop were missing. These cover the seeds up so they are important.

Well, I decided to add some short pieces of chain that I had to replace the missing ones, and my son and I started planting the oats. My son drove the tractor and I walked behind the grain drill to make sure the seeds were dropping correctly and were being covered up. I wasn't satisfied that the chains were doing the job so I decided to add a 25 ' "logging chain" that I had and attach it to each side of the drill and let it drag the entire width of the drill.

This worked well so we continued planting until I stopped my son so I could see how much seed was left in the grain drill. For those of you that are not familiar with grain drills there is a board that runs the entire length of it for you to stand on and open the hoppers. I checked the level of the seeds and then stepped off the board directly behind the drill. I signaled for my son to continue planting.

As he began to pull-off, I noticed something moving to my side and realized that it was the big chain that I had attached and it was being pulled straight towards my feet. I managed to jump out of the way of it at the last second as it went by. It would have no doubt jerked my legs out from under me, probably breaking them.

I was so used to the drill not having this chain behind it that I simply forgot about it being there. I was fortunate not to be hurt, but I should have been aware of how the changes that I made to this piece of equipment would affect my routine activities.

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November 10, 2004 = Vacations Cruising

Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Johnny Lawson.

Putting your life in someone else's hands could be dangerous while traveling. Be well informed so you can make good decisions so you can enjoy your vacation experiences.

I recently went on a cruise and I assumed that the excursions the ship offered were safe and had been checked out by the cruise line. After all they did tell us the excursions were approved by them.

I happened to be going snorkeling. We traveled about thirty minutes to get to the area we were going to explore. We had been in the water maybe ten minutes when I heard a whistle. Everyone started back to the boat to discover that a fellow passenger was having what appeared to be a heart attack. As I got on board I noticed that a couple of people were helping the person out as best they could, but that they did not have any emergency equipment. He was eventually given an aspirin.

The captain did call back to the dock to try to get an ambulance to meet us when we got there. I wondered where the helicopter was. After all we were in a tourist destination. We beat the ambulance back to the dock. This took us at least thirty minutes. When the ambulance did arrive, which was maybe ten minutes after we were back at the dock, you would have thought based on how EMT's do, that we are usually accustomed to rush to the aid. This did not happen. There were two of them and they took their on sweet time coming to the boat.

When getting to the boat, they were more interested in getting travel info about the patient than asking where is he and trying to administer oxygen or anything else. The gist of all this is a learning experience. By the way, there is only one hospital on the island in Nassau. I hope they responded quicker and had a little more get up and go to them in helping this person.

This should make all of us thankful that we have an emergency crew on plant site that is quick to respond in times of need. Remember the first hour is the critical point in a lot of emergency situations that just might save your life.

Anytime you go somewhere out of the country don't assume that all will be well. Please question if basic medical help is going to be readily available.

I hope you take this as reminder to think even when you are on a trip in the U.S. to know the location of help if you need it.

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November 12, 2004 - Prepared by Baton Rouge Tower Employee, Kim Boudreaux

The Sun and Our Eyes

As the days have grown shorter, I am often walking to my vehicle to and from work with the sun low on the horizon. So every day I am reminded that I really need to take the time to go buy myself a good pair of sunglasses.

I can't imagine life without being able to read a good book or see an LSU sporting event. Protect your eyes from UV radiation; wear good sunglasses that filter both UVA and UVB radiation.

Fast Facts About Sun And Our Eyes

One of the great wonders of the human body is the ability of damaged cells to be repaired or replaced. Red blood cells, for instance, live for about 120 days. Each day, about 1% of your red blood cells retire to be replaced by a fresh generation. The lens of the eye is a notable exception. The cells of the lens of the eye are never replaced; the proteins of the lens are never replenished. The lens cannot repair itself; damage accumulates over a lifetime.

Cataracts are the result of gradually accumulating damage to the proteins of the lens. The most important source of this damage is exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation, especially while one is young.

Behind the lens lies the retina, the thin lining of the back of the eye. The retina is the eye's miracle. This patch of tissue, about the size and thickness of a postage stamp, is able to dissolve and create a new image every tenth of a second.

Today in the United States, retinal diseases are the leading cause of blindness. Macular degeneration, the accumulation of damage in the retina, is the leading cause of blindness from retinal disease. Slowly, over the years, the macula is irreversibly damaged by exposure to UV radiation. About one third of adults over age 65 experience this steady decline of central vision, not correctable by glasses.

Excessive exposure to sunlight during early childhood is harmful to the eyes. Sunlight contains harmful UV radiation.

The risk for retinal damage from the sun's rays is greatest in children less than 10 years old, although the consequences usually do not become apparent until well after they are adults.

All children should be taught to wear sunglasses, especially between 10 AM and 2 PM, when ultraviolet exposure is the most dangerous. This is true even for children with darker eye colors, even though their darker pigments afford partial protection. Of course, children with light-colored eyes need sunglasses all the more.

Ultraviolet exposure is at its peak when children are at high altitudes, snow-covered landscapes, bright sandy beaches, or near reflective bodies of water.

All sunglasses are not the same. Effective sunglasses should block both UVA and UVB radiation. The sunglasses must be measured to block 99% to 100% of UVA or UV400 (400 nm is the wavelength of UVA radiation). Thankfully, all sunglasses block UVB radiation.

Large lenses that fit close to the eyes are best. Those that block visible blue light are even safer.

Expensive brand names and polarizing lenses are no guarantee.

Ordinary sunglasses make the situation WORSE! The dark lenses cause the pupils to dilate, allowing more of the dangerous UVA radiation to damage the lens and the retina.

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November 11, 2004

Inappropriate Jokes

Today's Message is from Preeti Chugani (a Houston Albemarle employee).

We all know jokes targeting religion, ethnicity, race, and gender are inappropriate in the workplace and are generally discouraged in society. However, jokes about sexual orientation, political affiliation, mental illness, drug abuse, obesity, background, etc. can be just as hurtful.

So the next time you want to crack a joke about some group, stop and think about how your attitude demonstrates intoleration. Self-esteem and self-confidence affect our safety. Don't be responsible for hurting other people's feelings.

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.thecarconnection.com/index.asp?article=274&n=163,220&sid=220 - - False Alarm "My husband Mark and I have a weekend hideaway, a respite from the pace of New York City life. Our country haven is smaller than most; it was once optimistically measured at 400 square feet..."

Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist

http://www.madkane.com

http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)

http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)

Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:

http://www.madkane.com/email.html

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A Visual Sourcebook of Chinese Civilization - - http://depts.washington.edu/chinaciv/index.htm - - The goal of this "visual sourcebook" is to add to the material teachers can use to help their students understand Chinese history, culture, and society. It was not designed to stand alone; we assume that teachers who use it will also assign a textbook with basic information about Chinese history. To facilitate such discussion and analysis, we have included questions designed to make students think about the images they are viewing. To help keep the chronology and geography straight, we have included many maps and a timeline.

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"In an astonishing discovery that could rewrite the history of human evolution, scientists say they have found the skeleton of a new human species, a dwarf, marooned for eons in a tropical Lost World while modern man rapidly colonized the rest of the planet. The finding on a remote Indonesian island has stunned anthropologists like no other in recent memory. It is a fundamentally new creature that bears more of a resemblance to fictional, barefooted hobbits than modern humans. Yet biologically speaking, it may have been closely related to us and perhaps even shared its caves with our ancestors. The 3-foot-tall adult female skeleton found in a cave is believed 18,000 years old. It smashes the long-cherished scientific belief that our species, Homo sapiens, systematically crowded out other upright-walking human cousins beginning 160,000 years ago and that we've had Earth to ourselves for tens of thousands of years."

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Dozens of Idaho residents who claim nuclear tests conducted during the 1950s made them sick asked a panel of scientists on Saturday to recommend that the U.S. government compensate them. The group, who call themselves "the downwinders" in reference to the toxic clouds that the wind carried their way from test sites in Nevada, described how radioactive waste coated their farms and towns 50 years ago. They said they believe it caused many of them to get cancer.

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A technician at a cancer center was sentenced to 16 months in prison for stealing the identity of a gravely ill patient, who spent months trying to clear his name while the disease ravaged his body.

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Operation Hero Miles - - http://www.heromiles.org/ - - Operation Hero Miles provides a way for you to help our troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan by donating your unused frequent flyer miles to pay for tickets for soldiers returning home on emergency leave. They are also used to fly families of wounded soldiers to U.S. military hospitals.. Efforts are underway to make the donated miles more broadly available to all U.S. military personnel. Operation Hero Miles was created by the US Airlines and Congressman Ruppersberger to meet the needs of our soldiers deployed overseas. It relies on the generosity of thousands of fliers who have donated over 540 million miles to help our soldiers.

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"In a blow to human vanity, researchers now say that people have about the same number of genes as a small flowering plant or a tiny worm. The new estimate is down sharply from just three years ago. 'We (humans) don't look very impressive in the competition,' said Dr. Francis Collins, co-author of the new analysis by the international group that decoded the human genome. The new estimate is 20,000 to 25,000 genes, a drop from the 30,000 to 40,000 the same group of scientists published in 2001. By comparison, C. elegans, a worm that is a favorite research subject, has around 19,500 genes. Another lab favorite, a plant in the mustard family called Arabidopsis, has about 27,000. But the complexity of the human body arises from more than just its genetic parts list, experts said. 'It's not just the number of genes that matters,' said another co-author, Eric Lander of the Broad Institute in Cambridge, Mass. 'It really is how nature uses these genes.' "

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Operation Hero Miles - - http://sponsors.eproof.com/?s=18&g=http%3A//www.heromiles.org/ - - Operation Hero Miles provides a way for you to help our troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan by donating your unused frequent flyer miles to pay for tickets for soldiers returning home on emergency leave. They are also used to fly families of wounded soldiers to U.S. military hospitals.. Efforts are underway to make the donated miles more broadly available to all U.S. military personnel. Operation Hero Miles was created by the US Airlines and Congressman Ruppersberger to meet the needs of our soldiers deployed overseas. It relies on the generosity of thousands of fliers who have donated over 540 million miles to help our soldiers.

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National Library of Medicine - - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/ - - The National Library of Medicine is the world's largest biomedical library. Type it in the search box and find information for both laymen and medical professionals.

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"Big Blue has brought the title of the world's fastest supercomputer back to the United States for the first time in three years. International Business Machine Corp.'s still incomplete Blue Gene/L system was officially named the fastest in the world Monday by the Top500 project, an independent group of university computer scientists who release supercomputer rankings every six months. The system was clocked at 70.72 trillion calculations per second, almost double the performance of the reigning leader - Japan's Earth Simulator, which can sustain 35.86 trillion calculations a second. Erich Strohmaier, one of the co-founders of the list, said that when the Earth Simulator appeared 2 1/2 years ago, it was more than 4 1/2 times speedier than the next- fastest machine and held on while the entire top 10 was replaced. 'It is going up in steps. The step that the Earth Simulator made was big. The Blue Gene is going to be ahead of the curve for the next couple of years,' Strohmaier said. 'Next year with the final Blue Gene, four times what it is this year, it is going to be a real step up and will be hard to beat.' "

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"Food containing olive oil can carry labels saying it may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease, the government says, citing limited evidence from a dozen scientific studies about the benefits of monounsaturated fats. As long as people don't increase the number of calories they consume daily, the Food and Drug Administration confirmed a reduction in the risk of coronary heart disease when people replace foods high in saturated fat with the monounsaturated fat in olive oil. That means a change as simple as sauteing food in two tablespoons of olive oil instead of butter may be healthier for your heart. 'Since CHD is the No. 1 killer of both men and women in the United States, it is a public health priority to make sure that consumers have accurate and useful information on reducing their risk,' Lester M. Crawford, acting FDA commissioner, said in a prepared statement. 'It's good news for consumers,' said Bob Bauer, president of the North American Olive Oil Association, which sought the qualified health claim on Aug. 28, 2003. 'Olive oil is a healthy product to help them fight heart disease.' "

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Secret Worlds: The Universe Within - - http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/ - - View the Milky Way at 10 million light years from the Earth. Then move through space towards the Earth in successive orders of magnitude until you reach a tall oak tree just outside the buildings of the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Tallahassee, Florida. After that, begin to move from the actual size of a leaf into a microscopic world that reveals leaf cell walls, the cell nucleus, chromatin, DNA and finally, into the subatomic universe of electrons and protons.

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Veterans Day: Department of Veterans Affairs - - http://www1.va.gov/vetsday/

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Keeping Score: MTT on Music - - http://www.pbs.org/wnet/gperf/shows/tchaikovsky4/ - - In this behind-the-scenes PBS documentary, conductor Michael Tilson Thomas takes viewers on a guided tour of one of the towering achievements in classical music, Tchaikovsky's "Symphony No. 4." Thomas, who describes Tchaikovsky as "one of the great melody writers of all time," explores each of the symphony's four movements, providing insightful commentary on the powerful and vibrant emotions conveyed in the composer's music. In addition, he introduces individual members of the San Francisco Symphony, who explain the challenges and joys of the music Tchaikovsky penned for their instruments -- including the violin, oboe, bassoon, piccolo, bass, and timpani.

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"Women who faced everyday work stress were particularly vulnerable to symptoms of anxiety and increased alcohol consumption following the Sept. 11 terrorist attack, according to a new study published by psychiatric researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago. The study is published in the November issue of the American Journal of Public Health. Drawing on data from a longitudinal survey on workplace stress in both men and women, the researchers found that women who reported sexual harassment, general abuse or powerlessness in their jobs were more likely than men to suffer mental health consequences after Sept. 11. 'The term I use is 'cumulative adversity,' said Judith Richman, lead author of the study and professor of epidemiology in the UIC department of psychiatry. 'The major trauma of Sept. 11, combined with everyday stressful experiences, functioned to damage these women's psychological well-being.' Feelings of powerlessness and victimization on a massive scale in this one apocalyptic moment were compounded by the feelings of powerlessness generated by the daily experiences of interpersonal victimization,' Richman said."

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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.

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Stop telling God how big your storm is.

Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is. In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..

The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?"

Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."

Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true."

Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix. She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her six-year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast."

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station.

He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window

16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they loved him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know,

He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.." He closed his eyes one last time.

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Although several details in this particular story are not completely accurate, the story is true. "Billy" was actually 7-year-old Frank Salazar (his family called him "Bopsy") and he was the first child to be helped by the Make-A-Wish Foundation, an organization that fulfills the wishes of children with life-threatening illness. The story is from 1981. It was Make-A-Wish that made the contact with the Phoenix Fire Department as a part of one of three wishes that Bopsy had. The other two were to visit Disneyland and ride in a hot-air balloon. All his wishes were fulfilled.

Make-A-Wish contacted firefighter Bob Walp who was well known to children in Phoenix as "Fireman Bob" on the popular "Wallace and Ladmo" television program. Bopsy was welcomed to a fire station where a custom-made uniform was waiting for him complete with a yellow helmet and coat. He did not go to any fire scenes that day, but did ride in the fire truck and got to use a fire hose. The day ended with his being given a firefighter badge.

Later, when Bopsy's condition worsened and he was in the hospital, it is true that some of his firefighter friends came through his hospital window for a visit. It was five firefighters, not 16.

They prompted some smiles from Bopsy then left. He died later that evening.

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Albemarle Elects to Continue Medical Coverage for Activated Guardsmen and Reservist

Today more than 300,000 National Guardsmen and Reservists have been called to active military duty. The current military occupation of Iraq and a protracted anti-terror campaign around the world could mean a much larger and longer commitment of the part-time forces.

Albemarle Corporation recognizes that the coverage levels under the Tri-Care medical system provided to the dependents of active military personnel may cause hardship for these families. Therefore, effective October 1, 2004, Albemarle Corporation will continue medical coverage for the families for employees called to active duty.

Employees will continue to be responsible for the active employee portion of their medical premium and Albemarle Corporation will continue to pay the employer portion.

We proudly support our troops and wish to assist our employees, and their families, when employees are called to serve.

If you have any questions about continued medical coverage while on active duty, please call the HR Service Center at 877.505.0007, Option 0

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To All Albemarle Corporation Employees

Effective January 1, 2005, the Employee Assistance Program for the employees of Albemarle (and their family members) will be administered by Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Virginia. The majority of our current providers are included in the Anthem network, resulting in continuity of service for our employees while assuring a consistent plan across all of our US locations.

Albemarle Corporation realizes that individual problems, stress, and work/personal life balance issues, among other concerns may create difficulties on the job, as well as cause hardships at home. The EAP program is provided to give you and your family professional assistance with such matters.

The Anthem EAP is available 24-hours a day. You can visit them at www.AnthemEAP.com or call Anthem EAP at 1.800.346.5484. EAP information is also available at your local HR Department or by calling the HRSC at 877.505.0007, option 0.

The program is confidential, and consists of assessment, evaluation, short-term counseling and referral services at no cost to you.

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After Sept. 11th, one company invited the remaining members of other companies who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their available office space.

At a morning meeting, the head of security told stories of why these people were alive... and all the stories were just:

The 'L I T T L E' things .

As you might know, the head of the company survived that day because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.

That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone... all the little things that annoy me.

I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated;

God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like. There is NO LUCK attached. If you delete this, it's okay:

God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail

Thanks to Philip Story

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GCF: Veteran's Day 2004 (Serious, Not Humor)

Good Clean Fun List Members,

There are a small handful of times during the year when I switch to a serious topic. Veteran's Day is one of those occasions that is very important to me. In the United States, Veteran's Day is this Thursday, November 11th (this is also Remembrance Day in Canada). In the early 1970's, Veteran's Day became a "movable" holiday -- the fourth Monday of October. In 1978, at the urging of veteran's groups who realized the sanctity of the date, Congress returned Veteran's Day to November 11th. Please remember that this day is not to honor war, but rather to honor the sacrifice made by others for our freedom.

What we call Veteran's Day is the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice in the Forest of Campiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month). This signified the end of World War I and was originally known as Armistice Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Congressional Resolution on Nov. 11, 1919, the first Armistice Day.

However, after World War II, the day began to lose meaning and since there were many other veterans to consider, the decision was made to change November 11th to honor all those who fought in American wars. The United States Congress passed an act to change the name to Veteran's Day and in 1954 President Dwight Eisenhower signed the act.

With that in mind, I would like to say "thank you" to all the men and women with whom I served, and to especially remember those who aren't with us anymore. As a former Hospital Corpsman, I wish a heartfelt "Semper Fi" to all my Marine friends.

- Tom Ellsworth

(HM2 USN 1965-69)

(Note: Last year, my Veteran's day piece included "What is a Veteran?" That can still be found in the GCF Archives at this address:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/vets-day.htm

This year I thought that I'd do something slightly different. There is an email floating around the Internet about the duties and obligations of the honor guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns (Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia). The sentiments of the piece are good, but it does contain some errors.

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First, just a tiny bit of history ... The Tomb of the Unknowns holds three sets of remains, one each from World War I, World War II, and the Korean War. A fourth set of remains from the Vietnam War was formally disinterred in 1998 after DNA testing determined them to belong to First Lieutenant Michael Joseph Blassie. Lt. Blassie is now buried in his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri. The tomb is guarded 24 hours a day and 365 days a year by specially chosen soldiers of the 3rd Infantry Regiment (Old Guard) stationed at nearby Fort Myer.

Now, to the email:

1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?

(21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.)

This is true.

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2. How long does he hesitate after his about-face to begin his return walk and why?

(21 seconds for the same reason as answer #1.)

This is somewhat true but incomplete. The guard does not execute an about-face, and there is more involved in the procedure:

(a) The sentinel marches 21 steps across the black mat, past the final resting places of the Unknown Soldiers of World War I, World War II, Korea, and the crypt of the Unknown Soldier of the Vietnam War.

(b) With a crisp turn, the sentinel turns 90 degrees (not about-face) to face east for 21 seconds.

(c) The sentinel then turns a sharp 90 degrees again to face north for 21 seconds. A crisp "shoulder-arms" movement places the rifle on the shoulder nearest the visitors to signify that the sentinel stands between the tomb and any threat.

(d) The sentinel then paces 21 steps north, turns and repeats the process.

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3. Why are his gloves wet?

(His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.)

This is true.

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4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time, and if not, why not?

(He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb After his march across the path, he executes an about face, and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder. )

As noted in #2 above, the guard shifts his rifle prior to each 21-step walk to ensure that it is always carried on his outside shoulder, the one away from the Tomb ("to signify that the sentinel stands between the tomb and any threat").

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5. How often are the guards changed?

Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.

This is basically true. From 1926 through 1937, the Tomb was guarded only during daylight hours. Ever since 1937, the Tomb has been continuously guarded 24 hours a day, every day of the year. Tomb guards are changed every thirty minutes between 8 AM and 7 PM during the period from early Spring to early Autumn (April 1 through September 30), and every hour between 8 AM to 5 PM the rest of the year. At all other times (i.e., while the cemetery is closed), the guard is changed every two hours.

This seems like an appropriate spot to mention another email about the sentries at the Tomb of the Unknowns. This one deals with Hurricane Isabel and claims that during Hurricane Isabel, sentries guarding the Tomb of the Unknowns remained at their posts.

This is true. When Hurricane Isabel hit on 19 September 2003, sentries charged with guarding the Tomb of the Unknowns did indeed spend the entire night out in the weather rather than leave their posts. It is untrue, however, that they disobeyed a direct order to do so, as some e-mail versions of this story maintain.

There is a contingency plan that if winds reached 120 mph the guards could retreat from their usual exposed-to-the-elements posts in the tomb plaza to take up positions in the trophy room, which is above the tomb plaza and has a clear view of the sepulcher. This plan was not put into effect.

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6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?

(For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10" and 6' 2" tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30".)

This is true. Each soldier must be in superb physical condition, possess an unblemished military record and be between 5 feet, 10 inches and 6 feet, 4 inches tall, with a proportionate weight and build.

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7. They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives.

Not quite true. Sentinels at the Tomb do not have to commit to serving there for any fixed period of time, and the average tour of duty is only about half the two year period claimed in the email. Like most servicemen, Tomb guards may live either on-base (at nearby Fort Myer) or off-base in housing of their choosing. There are no restrictions on guards' off-duty drinking.

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8. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform (fighting) or the tomb in any way. After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin.

Parts are true and parts are not. The Tomb Guard Identification Badge, first awarded in 1957, is a honor for which a guard qualifies by "flawlessly performing his duty for several months" and passing a test, not something simply handed out to everyone who serves for a given period of time: Once the sentinel has completed his or her training, he or she is examined formally for proficiency in performing the duties and in knowledge of Alington National Cemetery. He or she must first pass a written examination of 100 questions about the cemetery and then be evaluated on proficiency in keeping watch at the Tomb of the Unknowns.

Upon successful completion, the soldier is awarded a temporary Tomb Guard's Badge at a ceremony presided over by the company commander. The Badge is one of the Army's higher honors and can be taken away from the soldier if he or she does not continue to maintain the highest military standards.

The 500th Tomb Guard Identification Badge was awarded in early 2002, and the total number of recipients is now about 525. The award is, as its name states, a badge worn on the pocket of a uniform jacket, not a pin worn in the lapel.

Although the claim that guards "cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives" is fallacious, there is some truth to the notion that the Tomb Guard Identification Badge can be taken away, even after the recipient has left the service. According to Old Guard Public Affairs: "The Tomb Guard Identification Badge is one of the least awarded badges in the Army, second only to the Astronaut Badge. Since the sentinels are held to such a high standard, if they ever do anything that is deemed behavior unbecoming a Tomb Guard or brings dishonor upon the Tomb, their badges may be revoked, even after [the sentinels] have left active duty military service."

As of early 2002, there had been nine revocations of the Tomb Guard Identification Badge.

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9. The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt. There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.

Somewhat true. The shoes are standard issue military dress shoes. They are built up so the sole and heel are equal in height. This allows the Sentinel to stand so that his back is straight and perpendicular to the ground. A side effect of this is that the Sentinel can "roll" on the outside of the build up as he walks down the mat. This allows him to move in a fluid fashion. If he does this correctly, his hat and bayonet will appear to not "bob" up and down with each step. It gives him a more formal and smooth look to his walk, rather than a "marching" appearance.

The soles have a steel tip on the toe and a "horseshoe" steel plate on the heel. This prevents wear on the sole and allows the Sentinel to move smoothly during his movements when he turns to face the Tomb and then back down the mat.

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10. The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone, nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.

Again, some truth, some non-truth. A Tomb guard's behavior is not so stringently regulated that he is prohibited from speaking to anyone for a full six months (someone seems to have confused the Old Guard with a monastery!), and guards may do whatever they want (including watching TV) during their off-duty hours. But since any soldier wishing to become a sentinel must undergo rigorous training, including several hours a day of marching, rifle drill and uniform preparation, and every tomb sentinel is expected to be completely versed in the history of both the tomb and of Arlington National Cemetery (including knowing how to find the graves of all the prominent person buried in the cemetery), they don't necessarily have a lot of free time to devote to recreational activities.

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My source for this is the Snopes.Com Urban Legend website.

http://www.snopes.com/military/unknown.asp

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As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:

"Lord keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us."

Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before, in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.

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Revolution Pt.2

From: jimmy malone

This is really late coming. But I expect the rest to be out sooner!

Thanks again. Here we go...

Revolution (Pt. 2)

So the LORD God said to the serpent:

"Because you have done this,

You are cursed ...

And I will put enmity

Between you and the woman,

And between your seed and her Seed;

He shall bruise your head,

And you shall bruise His heel."

Gen 3:14-15

Even from the time Satan first wrought dominion from the hand of man, the Lord God promised that Satan would be defeated by a Man. But the promise seemed so far off. How could it be, since Adam's race was enslaved to the sin which Adam had loosed upon all mankind.

Satan ruled the earth, holding sway over all the kingdoms of the world.

Then, in a remote hill-side village in a minor province of the Roman Empire, came a messenger from another world.

"Now in the sixth month the Angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the House of David. The virgin's name was Mary."

Appearing to Mary, he proclaimed,"Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women."

She was startled, and wondered what sort of sign this was.

"Do not be afraid...You are favored of God. Behold! You shall conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus."

"How," the maid asked, " since I have never known a man?"

"The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God."

Adam's hope was revealed that day. Sin passed from father to son, to all of us, starting with Adam, the father of mankind. But the Lord stepped over the lineage of sin to bring a Savior whose Father was God himself. Son of God and Son of Man. A mediator. The forerunner of a new spiritual race which traced it's heritage not from fallen Adam, but from Jesus Christ.

Thirty-three years later the dream became a reality on a Roman executioner's cross, where the hope of mankind died...

(continued.....)

(I welcome any comments, objections, etc. This is not meant to argue as much as to stir up a desire to dig out the truth of the Word. If you want off my list, just e-mail me. )

God bless you.

jhmj

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TGIF-Today God Is First

Created for His Good Pleasure

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Friday, November 12, 2004

by Os Hillman

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~ Ephesians 2:10

Eric Liddell was an Olympic runner from Britain who won a gold medal in the 1924 Paris Olympics. He was a man who had a deep commitment to the Lord and had future plans of being a missionary. In the meantime, he knew God had given him a special gift to run, and he often said, "I feel God's pleasure when I run."

He spent years training for the Olympics. He passed each hurdle and qualified for the Olympics. Finally, the day came for him to run in the games that were held in Italy. There was only one problem. One of his running events was held on Sunday. Liddell refused to run on Sunday, believing it dishonored the Lord's Sabbath. He held to his convictions and brought great persecution on himself. He made a decision that even if it meant losing his opportunity to compete, he would not run. God's laws were greater than man's applause. Just when the circumstances seemed hopeless, another situation arose that allowed Liddell to run on a different day.

So often this is the case in the spiritual realm. God tests our hearts to see if we will remain faithful to Him at the cost of something important to us. Once He knows where our loyalty lies, He opens a new door that meets the desires of our hearts.

God takes pleasure in seeing His creation used for His glory. Liddell understood why he was made to run; he used his gift of running to bring pleasure to his Creator. Later, Eric Liddell went on to serve God on the mission field.

Does your life work bring pleasure to the Lord? Do you understand that God instilled certain gifts and talents in you so that He might find pleasure in His creation of you? Take pleasure in the gifts God has given to you this day. And let His glory shine through you.

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NewsScan Daily, 2004 ("Above The Fold")

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NewsScan Daily is underwritten by RLG, a world-class organization making significant and sustained contributions to the effective management and appropriate use of information technology. NSD is written by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, editors@NewsScan.Com.

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BIDDING UP PRICES ON ONLINE AUCTIONS

Eight eBay sellers who bid up products online to inflate their prices have been ordered by the New York Attorney General's office to pay almost $90,000 in restitution and fines. More than 120 people will receive money from the settlement of the three cases. One man will receive a check for $3,089 after overpaying for a 1999 Jeep Cherokee sport-utility vehicle he bought from an eBay seller in 2002.(Washington Post 7 Nov 2004)

FCC TO STATES: LEAVE INTERNET PHONE OVERSIGHT TO US

The Federal Communications Commission is planning to declare Internet phone service off-limits to state regulators. Bruce P. Mehlman of the trade group Internet Innovation Alliance says: "The decision before the FCC is critical, and very serious. The question for regulators is: Do we treat it like telecommunications, taxing it and regulating it heavily, or like information technology, keeping our hands off and letting market-based innovation benefit everyone?" But Mark Cooper of the Consumer Federation of America disagrees, saying: "If you let these people avoid their public responsibilities and not pay their fair share for using the network, the people left behind are going to be harmed by rising prices and declining quality." (San Jose Mercury News 8 Nov 2004)

YAHOO YODELS FOR ORIGINAL HOLLYWOOD CONTENT

Yahoo wants Hollywood producers and talent agents to start pitching new shows and short films that it could license for broadcast online. A Yahoo spokeswoman is characterizing the discussions as "purely exploratory" but the recently appointed head of Yahoo's media and entertainment group in Santa Monica says: "I already sense a tremendous appetite on the part of the creative community to access the Internet as a platform to distribute content. There is an enormous amount that can be mined in the creative community here, and that's no question a part of what we'll be doing." Yahoo is apparently considering advertising and subscription fees to cover the cost of the programs, which Yahoo is viewing as an act of self-defense to insure that it keeps getting good content. One observer says: "How do you know the supply of derivative content is going to keep up? Going past the networks and dealing directly with the producers protects the pipeline to Yahoo." But there are also some skeptics, including Standard & Poor's analyst Scott Kessler, who notes that "it's been pretty obvious that video content on any paid basis hasn't worked out so well on the Internet." (Los Angeles Times 8 Nov 2004)

PIRATES SEE VIDEO GAMES BEFORE PAYING CUSTOMERS DO

Pirated copies of the sci-fi action title "Halo 2" and games such as "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" and "Half-Life 2" have been circulating on file-sharing networks, news groups and Web sites even before their official release to consumers. Brian Jarrard of Microsoft's Bungie Studio, which produced "Halo 2," complains: "You spend three years of your life pouring everything you have into this project, and then somebody gets their hands on the game and gives it away to the world for free. We made this, and these guys had no right to give it out to the public." Douglas Lowenstein, president of the Entertainment Software Association, admits: "The problem and challenge with piracy is that there are people out there on a worldwide basis who've identified piracy as a very profitable enterprise. You don't end this problem overnight." (AP 8 Nov 2004)

IRAN'S CRACKDOWN ON PRO-DEMOCRACY WEB SITES

In the past several months Iran has blocked hundreds of pro-democracy Web sites and arrested such journalists as Mahboubeh Abbas-Gholizadeh and Fereshteh Ghazi, both of whom write about women's issues. But the move to block Web sites has the support of senior cleric Ayatollah Makarem Shirazi, who declared in September that Web sites should be blocked if they "insult sacred concepts of Islam, the Prophet and Imams," or if they publish "harmful and deviated beliefs to promote atheism or promote sinister books." (New York Times 8 Nov 2004)

PANEL CALLS FOR GOV'T-FUNDED SUPERCOMPUTING RESEARCH

A panel of scientists convened by the National Research Council has issued a report titled "Getting Up to Speed: The Future of Supercomputing," which urges the U.S. government to significantly increase support for advanced research on supercomputing, or risk losing its lead in the field. "If we don't start doing something about this now there will be nothing available in 10 years when we really need those systems," says UC-Berkeley computer scientist Susan L. Graham, who co-chaired the panel. The report recommends that the federal government bump up its spending to $140 million from its current $42 million per year to develop new supercomputing technologies. "We are calling for a sustained and long-term investment to help develop advanced software and algorithms," says panel member Steven Wallach, a computer designer at Chiaro Networks. (New York Times 9 Nov 2004)

P2P RADIO IS LATEST TWIST IN MUSIC SHARING

Now there's a new way to share music that's free and perfectly legal -- the trick involves marrying peer-to-peer technology with Internet radio. Pioneers in the field include Apple, Virgin Digital, and startups Mercora and Live 365, which offer tools that automatically stream users' private playlists over the Web while in some cases storing them in a searchable database for later retrieval. Mercora operates a Web-based network of about 8,000 "broadcasters" who serve up their playlists to somewhere between 175,000 and 200,000 listeners worldwide. "We're doing for music what Google did for the Web," says Mercora CEO Srivats Sampath. The company reasons that by using an Internet broadcast network model, it can take advantage of lower copyright fees, which are set by the U.S. Copyright Office rather than the record labels. As a result, Mercora can afford to pay the fees on behalf of broadcasters and offset the costs through advertising sales. "The big nut we had to crack is how to do this legally," says Sampath. "The law says you can broadcast as long as you pay. Fine, we will pay you." And if listeners happen to download a song? Technically, if the legally broadcast song is for personal use only, that's okay. "It's like a tape recorder," says Sampath. However, the downloader runs into legal trouble only when she tries to sell a track or transfer it to another person. (CNet News.com 8 Nov 2004)

FLASH-BASED SHOPPING CARTS AIM TO CLOSE E-SALES

A recent study by DoubleClick shows that for every dollar spent on e-commerce sites, $4.10 is left in abandoned shopping carts, and now a handful of e-shopping sites are taking steps to recapture some of those sales. The key is a streamlined checkout process that allows the shopper to perform more functions -- from changing the color of a clothing item to filling out credit card information -- without leaving the page. Proponents of the new systems say that by preventing shoppers from jumping from screen to screen in the final stages of a purchase, consumers are less likely to become frustrated and quit. And while the new checkout screens look just like a Web page, they're actually small software programs written using Macromedia's Flash software that dynamically update the bottom line -- including tax and shipping costs -- as the customer adds or deletes items. Billing and other information is verified as it is entered to prevent customers from moving forward in the process without valid data. The Flash-based carts are being used by TJX Companies, owner of the T.J. Maxx and HomeGoods chains, and by PC Connection, among others. "This technology is very much in keeping with our sense of wanting to make it convenient for customers to shop our stores," says TJX VP Sherry Lang. "Even in our stores, we have a bank of cash registers so customers are able to check out very easily." (Wall Street Journal 9 Nov 2004)

(sub req'd)

U.K. E-UNIVERSITY RECORD 'ABYSMAL'

An ambitious, ££50-million online university project in the U.K. has been canceled after succeeding in signing up only 900 students. The UK e-University, or UKeU, suffered from a "lack of serious marketing," says higher education minister Kim Howells, who calls the recruiting record "abysmal." Part of the issue was a failure to provide the new university with an appealing brand. "I get tangled up just trying to say UKeU. I don't know who dreamt that one up. It's typical of the sort of rubbish that was around at the time," says Howells, who inherited the project from a predecessor. When the e-university was proposed four years ago, the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE) had promised a "dynamic new way of delivering high quality higher education to students via the Internet," says Labor MP Ian Gibson, who chairs the science and technology committee. But after labeling the effort an "absolute disaster" and a "shameful waste," Gibson says, "People who burnt public money in what was a political enterprise should be censured, and HEFCE, which took over the enterprise rather late, should explain what their role was in it." Howells notes that the e-university effort appeared to have been driven by a fear that online higher education would be dominated by institutions in the U.S., and that the U.K. needed to establish its own online university, particularly for overseas students. (BBC News 9 Nov 2004)

NIGERIAN SCAMMER JAILED

The Australian mastermind of a global Internet scam was today sentenced to at least four years behind bars. Nick Marinellis pleaded guilty in the New South Wales District Court to 10 counts of fraud and one count of perverting the course of justice over the so-called Nigerian or West African scam. The ruse fleeced victims of $5 million. Judge Barry Mahoney sentenced Marinellis to five years and three months jail with a non-parole period of four years and four months. (The Australian 8 Nov 2004) rec'd from John Lamp

UNANIMOUS RULING: FCC, NOT STATES, WILL REGULATE VOIP

The Federal Communications Commission has ruled that the federal government -- rather than state regulatory bodies -- has the authority to oversee phone service offered over the Internet (known as Voice over Internet Protocol, or VoIP). FCC chairman Michael K. Powell says, "This landmark order recognizes that a revolution has occurred. Internet voice services have cracked the 19th century mold to the great benefit of consumers." (Washington Post 9 Nov 2004)

MICROSOFT JOINS THE SEARCH

Microsoft is introducing an Internet search service positioned to compete with Google and Yahoo. Details of the service are expected tomorrow. John Tinker of the investment bank ThinkEquity Partners suggests that Microsoft's initial product will be just the beginning of a much larger competitive threat: "I think Microsoft is a couple of years from doing anything serious, but it's a reminder that the big bad evil beast is out there." (New York Times 10 Nov 2004)

SPITTING MAD AT SPAM

Spam over Internet telephony, known as SPIT, will become commonplace as more people make phone calls over the Internet. Internet researcher Michael Osterman warns that Web-based phone systems attacked by spam will "trash voice-mail systems," and explains: "You can easily delete 100 spam text messages. But try to weed through a voice-mail system filled with 100 unsolicited pitches. That's a pain." Spam is already appearing frequently on instant messages, cell phones, and blogs, and one executive of an Internet service provider admits: "As everything gets connected, there are more ways to spam consumers. Spam is everywhere." (USA Today 9 Nov 2004)

E-LEARNING MEANS LESS MONEY FOR TRADITIONAL SCHOOLS

A school superintendent in Colorado explains the plight of traditional schools faced with declining enrollments due to competition from new systems of learning: "If I lose two kids, that's $20,000 walking out the door... I was worried about making sure that if one student left, my budget wasn't a disaster." The state gives each school a per-pupil reimbursement for students who attend brick-and-mortar schools, but spends only $5,627 to educate each online student in Colorado. In almost all schools in that state, the cost of educating an online student is lower than for a traditional student. (Los Angeles Times 9 Nov 2004)

ap-toptechnology>

KIWIS COMBAT MOBILE PHONE VOYEURS

A New Zealand law being debated will impose a three-year jail sentence on mobile phone voyeurs who take intimate photographs of people without their knowledge. The law will make it an offense to surreptitiously film intimate situations involving nudity or partial nudity where people would have a reasonable expectation of privacy. (The Age 9 Nov 2004) Rec'd from J. Lamp

AUTHENTICATION WON'T END SPAM, SAY EXPERTS

Panelists at a forum sponsored by the Federal Trade Commission warned that criminals are already one step ahead of major e-mail authentication initiatives planned by major ISPs, including AOL, Microsoft, Yahoo and EarthLink. The ISPs are still testing and backing several different plans, but the basic idea is that the e-mail system would check that the block of Internet addresses assigned to an e-mail provider includes the specific numeric address of a message sender. If the numeric address of the sender doesn't correspond with addresses assigned to the purported mail service, a red flag would be raised. The problem with that scheme, said the panelists, is that a majority of spam is now launched by "zombie" machines controlled by remote spammers. E-mail from a zombie PC looks as if it is coming from a legitimate source -- because it is. In the first half of this year, it's estimated that an average of 30,000 computers a day were turned into zombies, according to Symantec. But despite these discouraging statistics, the experts still insisted that authentication is a vital first step, to be followed by a system that evaluates the "reputation" of senders, perhaps using a process that marks good e-mail with an electronic seal of approval. (Washington Post 11 Nov 2004)

PHONE COMPANIES TACKLE CYBERSECURITY

As owners of some of the worlds biggest Internet conduits, telephone companies like AT&T and Sprint are in a prime position to monitor Internet activity and stop mischief makers long before they reach the desktops of corporate customers. AT&T recently launched a network security system called Internet Protect and Sprint offers a similar service called IP Defender. Meanwhile, Internet security firm McAfee is marketing a "Clean Pipes" service designed to help carriers purge attacks as they traverse carrier networks. Other big players in the cybersecurity realm include IBM, Symantec and VeriSign, and equipment makers like Cisco and Juniper Networks are embedding security features into their data-routing gear as well. A recent study by Symantec shows a fourfold increase in the number of new viruses attacking Windows computers, to 4,496 in the first half of 2004 -- the largest increase the company has ever documented. Based on numbers like that, Yankee Group predicts that the managed security services market will expand from $1.5 billion in 2002 to $3.7 billion in 2008. (Wall Street Journal 11 Nov 2004)

(sub req'd)

NEW DOMAIN RULES 'WILL MAKE HIJACKING EASIER'

New rules for domain transfers will come into effect on Friday, making it easier for people to hijack domains, according to the security and network services company Netcraft. The new rules, set by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), will mean that requests for transferring a domain will be automatically approved in five days unless they are denied by the owner of the domain. Currently, the ownership of a domain and the nameservers allotted are not altered if a request for a transfer evokes no response. Domain owners who do not manage their records carefully face problems under the new regime. If the contact addresses given in the records are incorrect, then a request for transfer would go to a wrong address and after five days of no response, the transfer would become effective. (The Age 10 Nov 2004) Rec'd from J. Lamp

NEW PHOTO PRINTERS SKIP THE PC

This year's holiday shoppers can check out a new line of photo printers that print out 4x6 glossies directly from a digital camera, and are portable enough to take on the road -- no PC required. The printers -- made by Canon, Olympus, Sony, Epson and Hewlett-Packard -- are loaded with different features: some plug into the TV, so you can edit your photos on the big screen before printing, and some print a contact sheet first that can be used as a guide for making individual photo sets for friends and family. Print times range from 50 seconds to an agonizing two and a half minutes. Prices range from $135 to $170. Check them out! (New York Times 11 Nov 2004)

FIREFOX MAKES A SPLASH

A decade ago, the release of Netscape's new browser was greeted with breathless anticipation, and yesterday the release of Mozilla's Firefox 1.0 rekindled some of that excitement. The Mozilla Foundation, which inherited the Netscape programming code base, launched the first non-beta version of its open-source browser at 1 p.m. PT Tuesday, and its servers were immediately overwhelmed by users seeking to download the free software. Firefox 1.0 is available for Windows, Linux and Mac operating systems in more than a dozen languages, and features new updating capabilities and search functions not found in previous versions. (Wired.com 11 Nov 2004)

CISCO TO BUILD CHINA'S NEXT-GENERATION NETWORK

Cisco Systems has been chosen by China Telecommunications Corp., China's biggest telecom company, to build China's next-generation backbone network. Known as the China Telecom Internet Protocol Next-Generation Network, it will connect more than 200 cities and allow China's users to connect to overseas networks through virtual private network (VPN) services. The next-generation network is part of a plan by China Telecom to become one of the world's largest providers of Internet protocol services within the next two decades. (AP/San Jose Mercury News 12 Nov 2004)

STUDYING NANOTECH RISKS

The Environmental Protection Agency has awarded $4 million in grants to a dozen universities to study the biological and medical implications of nanotechnology, which has already yielded such products as carbon "nanotube" electrical wires; cages of atoms that can capture pollutants in water and soil; and catalysts that reduce manufacturers' dependence upon caustic chemicals. Recognizing that these materials are small enough to enter the lungs (and perhaps even be absorbed through the skin and travel to the brain and other organs), EPA official Paul Gilman explained: "This emerging field has the potential to transform environmental protection, but at the same time we must understand whether nanomaterials in the environment can have an adverse impact." Barbara Karn of the EPA's Office of Research and Development says the projects funded by the new grants will do "infinitely more" on nanotech safety than has ever been done previously. (Washington Post 11 Nov 2004)

NEW COMPETITION IN THE ONLINE TRAVEL BUSINESS

America Online has taken a minority stake in Kayak Software, a company that hopes to take customers away from Orbitz, Expedia and Travelocity, which are the currently dominant online travel services. To differentiate itself from some other aggregators of travel information, Kayak plans to allow customers to post ratings and reviews, and its technology has the ability to remember customers' travel preferences and filter the results of their searches accordingly. CEO Steve Hafner, who co-founded Orbitz, says: "Think of Kayak.com as the Google-meets-Amazon of travel search." (AP/USA Today 12 Nov 2004)

AOL WINDS DOWN BROADBAND SERVICE

Earlier this year America Online stopped signing up new broadband customers -- and now it's telling existing broadband subscribers in nine Southern states that they'll need to find a new broadband carrier by mid-January, or face being moved to dial-up service. Broadband customers affected by this decision are residents of Florida, Kentucky, Georgia, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, North Carolina and South Carolina. (AP/Los Angeles Times 12 Nov 2004)

ONLINE BRIDE SCAM

A Russian man who netted $300,000 by faking emails from prospective brides to unsuspecting foreigners was caught by Moscow police but received only a one-year suspended sentence. Yury Lazarev, 34, an English translator from the Urals, employed women to write flowery, romantic messages signed with real names picked off web dating sites. The photographs of seductive women that accompanied the text caught the attention of some 3000 men from New Zealand, Australia, Canada, the United States and other countries. Once a prospective victim got interested and wanted to meet his potential fiancéé, the fictitious woman would ask for financial help in paying for visas and airline tickets. (The Age 11 Nov 2004) Rec'd from J. Lamp

*****

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: EDUCATION

Asked by whether he would encourage people to enroll in schools of education, the distinguished author and scholar Mihai Nadin ("The Civilization of Illiteracy," "Anticipation," et al.) replied: "I would not. I would rather they forget studying education as it is a subject in the modern university today. Education is part of the system of the institution and every institution is focused on its survival. I have never heard of an institution which by itself decided to close its doors. This does not happen. An Ed school is not going to hand over the keys tomorrow at 12 and say: let's do something else. So, I think I would rather encourage that they start an alternative form of education.

"I made very nervous a group of important guys in Germany dedicated to issues of education when I quoted a metaphor from Thomas Mann. He said the only important issue for mankind was how does the cocoon become a butterfly?

What this means is that you have free yourself from one condition before you can get to a new condition. So, my message was, let's blow up the university. You had the students applauding to the sky and you had the administrator saying: ok, we lynch him. I received messages from other academics who said that if I worked for a corporation I would have been fired; you don't say things like that...

"I tried to answer about 100-150 e-mails until I stopped because I saw this repetitive pattern where the e-mail all kept talking about the retirement they would not give this up even if they knew that what they were doing was not right.

"My claim is that the institution of education as we know it is an extension of the industrial society. Its necessity today is no longer beyond being questioned. No one would say we have no problem in schools -- everyone accepts that we have a problem. But, having said that, look at all the answers given. Let's look at continuity. Let's build on what we have. Let's improve. There is still a lot to be done. No one is willing to say there is a need for a totally different form of human interaction that will in turn be reflected in a different way of disseminating the knowledge society needs.

"Today we are looking at education as we have 10,000 seats empty, if we fill them we are a very good university. That is not what education is about. Giving a piece of paper to show someone studied something at some time? We are talking about people getting involved in practical experiences at a much younger age than before and we act if nothing has changed. People get involved in practical experiences completely independent of what they learn in schools to the point where they ask themselves: why did I waste my time in school. I didn't do anything with what I learned. So, if we are honest about it we have to truly look for alternatives. What should that something else be? We are experiencing a situation where the efficiency of the university lags behind the rest of society. The university instead of promoting progress now blocks progress."

Asked what hope he has, Nadin's answer was:

"Being the most optimistic person you have ever met I have hope that those who need education will start to take their education into their own hands. The new generation has tremendous energy. With every student I meet there is a determination to make a living because this is difficult. To be young to day is very challenging. Change is so fast you have to ask why you need to be educated. They need something else... I think the greatest challenge we have today is that each of us can be treated as an individual and not as what we were expected to be. In other words each of us has a potential and it is the first time in the history of mankind that potential can be brought to fruition.

[For more by and about Mihai Nadin, visit http://www.nadin.name/.]

***

[To find a library copy of Mihai Nadin's "The Civilization of Illiteracy," visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to: Note: We donate all revenue from our book recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

MAILBAG: THE WORLD AS WE FIND IT

'FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON'

Re:

I was pleased to see NewsScan recommend Jules Verne's story "From the Earth to the Moon". I typed the story in 1989 as a donation for Project Gutenberg. It's available online by searching Google. (Rich Schroeppel)

DISPORPORTIONATE PUNISHMENT FOR SPAMMERS

Re:

The end of civilization as we know it is just over the horizon when spammers get 9-year prison sentences while the average federal sentence for manslaughter is a mere 5 years. Only the insane penalties for drug possession (for example, 10 years with no parole for 100 kilos of marijuana) exceed the sentencing of these spammers! Could it be that the political clout of AOL was a factor? Spammers need to be punished but with this kind of retribution it might be kinder just to execute them. (Mark Gibbs)

SLUGGER, CITIZEN, PATRIOT

Re:

Any mention of Ted William's life without mentioning his military service is unjust. Mr. William's was accomplished fighter pilot in WWII and Korean. After serving his country with honor during the prime years of his life, he return to baseball and was still one of the best hitters in the game. (Bill Baker)

GOOGLE'S INDEX NEARLY DOUBLES

You might find this news worth publishing ("Google's Index nearly doubles"), found at http://www.google.com/googleblog/ (Ben White)

IF A VOTE IS CAST IN THE FORREST, WILL ANYONE COUNT IT?

Re:

Regarding Chris L. White s comment that I've used the touchscreen e-voting machines in Collin County, Texas, for the past two elections with no issues,²² I ask how would you know?²² If there is no paper trail, a recount would consist of running the same algorithm against the same data with no expected change in outcome. Is it conceivable that a dishonest or sloppy programmer could write code that would misallocate votes from time to time? The fact that no one complains may only mean that there is no way to see the problem, not that no problem exists. (Andrew W. Horner)

WHY NOT ASK FOR MONEY FOR EVERY VISIT TO A WEB SITE?

Re:

The content creators on the Internet must be paid for their time, energy and money. The easiest way to compensate them is to devise an international agreement under which the ISPs everywhere are asked to pay for the time their customers spend on web sites that expect payment. (The sites that want to remain free for commercial or philanthropic reasons may continue to do so.)

There may be a uniform charge for say every 10 or 15 minutes that a surfer spends on a site. (The uniform rate should be displayed prominently on the web site and vary according to the income levels of the countries, with the poorest paying the lowest rate.)

The ISPs may absorb the payments as a part of their Internet charges or may send a separate bill to every customer. To make the proposed system easy to stomach for the users who were hooked on unlimited free use for years, the uniform rate should be absolutely low in the beginning. As the resistance decreases, there may be gradual increases.

There will be many advantages of the proposed system:

(a) The desire to make money and the competition will force the web site owners to produce content of highest quality so that they attract maximum visitors and keep them hooked as long as possible.

(b) The quality and scope of content will increase tremendously because costs will no longer be a restraint.

(c) The publishers of reference works and other content on CDs will love the new way of doing it, as it will end the trials and tribulations of producing and distributing disks.

(d) The knowledge and information not available at present due to cost factors will also become available on the Internet.

(e) The users will use Internet for specific purposes, not to while away time. Your browsing is much more purposeful and focused in a bookstore than in a free library!

The logic is compelling. If I expect compensation for spending time, money and energy on anything I write or create, there is no reason I should not pay for what others have written or created. If I am expected to pay for my paper and electronic media content (newspapers, magazines, books, movies, ad-free television), there is no reason why I should not pay for the content of my interest on the Internet however I may dislike it!

(Muhammad Abd al-Hameed, Lahore, Pakistan)

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: ROCKETS

In his history of the 20th century space age, William E. Burrows points up the contribution of the Jules Verne imagination. "Reviewers of 'From the Earth to the Moon' and other Jules Verne science fiction tended to dismiss them as children's stories. In fact, 'From the Earth to the Moon' was brilliant scientific prophecy. Rocketry's three giants -- Tsiolkovsky, Goddard, and Hermann Oberth -- not only were profoundly inspired by it but actually learned from it. Far from being a simplistic tale, 'From the Earth to the Moon' and its sequel were serious attempts not only to use science to whet the public's appetite for adventure but to convince it that nature, science, and technology were now and forever inseparable.

"From a technical standpoint, the two Moon books heralded the space age; the imaginative leap that connected an ancient fantasy with a reality they themselves helped to shape. As might be expected, Verne got a few things wrong. The air-pressure buildup inside the cannon as the projectile races toward its mouth, combined with the immense explosive force behind the vehicle, would have caused it to disintegrate. Yet this does not diminish Verne's extraordinary vision. Tampa, the launch site, is less than 120 miles from Cape Canaveral and is on the correct latitude. The projectile's change in direction near the little Moon anticipated the discovery of the gravity-assisted course change technique in 1961 that would make exploration of the outer planets possible. The projectile's landing in water suggested the splashdowns that would be used in the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo programs. His calculation that it would take the projectile four days to reach the Moon given an initial velocity of twelve thousand yards a second was similarly on the mark. The seemingly outrageous prediction that 'light or electricity' would one day be used to propel spacecraft was realized with the discovery that the solar wind -- Kepler's heavenly breezes -- could push interplanetary spacecraft and so could charged particles shot out of an ion engine. The sixteen-foot-diameter aperture telescope used by the Gun Club to find the projectile on the Moon became the Mount Palomar telescope, which went into operation in California in 1948.

"But Verne's greatest and most self-fulfilling prophecy had to do with the use of rockets to break the projectile's descent to the lunar surface. Perhaps more than any of the other innovations that he used for the expedition to the Moon, the rocket engine itself inspired the fathers of the space age. Tsiolkovsky would say: 'For a long time I thought of the rocket as everybody else did -- just as a means of diversion and of petty everyday uses. I do not remember exactly what prompted me to make calculations of its motion. Probably, that great fantastic author Jules Verne.' Oberth would recall that during his formative years, he 'always had in mind the rockets designed by Jules Verne.' And Goddard was so impressed by 'From the Earth to the Moon' that he noted it in his diary."

***

[To find a library copy of "From the Earth to the Moon" visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

OUR ARCHIVES

Trying to recall something you read in NewsScan Daily? Go to http://www.newsscan.com/newsscan/index.html and enjoy.

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: MIGUEL DE UNAMUNO

Today's Honorary Subscriber is the early 20th century Spanish educator, philosopher and author Miguel de Unamuno y Jugo (1864-1936), whose writings did much to define modern existentialist issues.

Unamuno was an innovative novelist, playwright, and poet. He started out as a socialist, but with political ideas that were peculiarly his own. He supported the Allies during World War I when Spain was neutral. In the 1920s he waged a campaign against Spain's Alfonso XIII and the dictator Primo de Rivera. After a republic was declared in Spain in 1931, Unamuno at first defended, then attacked it. His philosophical and literary writings are difficult to categorize. Raised a devout Catholic, Unamuno experienced a religious crisis in 1897. Afterwards he stressed the struggle to believe rather than faith itself, which he had apparently lost. His first novel "Peace in War," published in 1897 was realistic, but his later works were more experimental than conventional and often confessional in manner. While Unamuno wrote much original poetry, he is best known for his essays: notably, the "Life of Don Quixote and Sancho" (1905); "The Tragic Sense of Life" (1913); and "The Agony of Christianity" (1924). Critics generally agree that Unamuno's essays reflect his core belief in the need to preserve one's personal integrity in the face of social conformity, fanaticism, and hypocrisy.

Unamuno was born in Bilbao, the son of Basque parents. After attending the Vizcayan Institute of Bilbao, he entered the University of Madrid in 1880 and in four years received a doctorate in philosophy and letters. Six years later he became professor of Greek language and literature at the University of Salamanca, where he spent the rest of his life except for his time in exile during the years 1924 to 1930. Unamuno became rector of the university in 1901, but was removed from office 1914 after he supported the Allied cause in World War I. Later his opposition in 1924 to General Miguel Primo de Rivera's rule in Spain resulted in his forced exile to the Canary Islands, from which he escaped to France.

When Primo de Rivera's dictatorship fell, Unamuno returned to the University of Salamanca and was reelected rector of the university in 1931, but in October 1936 he denounced General Francisco Franco's Falangists, and was removed once again as rector, and placed under house arrest. Two months later he died of a heart attack.

In his main philosophical work, "The Tragic Sense of Life in Men and Peoples," Unamuno argued that the individual -- not civilization, society, or culture -- was "the subject and supreme object of all thought." In this essay, he also evaluates the significance of will, the desire for immortality, and the search for love in human history. In a convoluted way, one tribute to Unamuno's contribution to Spanish intellectual life is the hostility he incurred from four different Spanish governments.

***

[To find a library copy of Unamuno's "Tragic Sense of Life" visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

WORTH THINKING ABOUT: LOOKING AROUND

William Langewiesche, an author and pilot, has written a book to urge the practice of looking around: "Flight's greatest gift is to let us look around. I mean a simple form of looking around, and one that requires little instruction -- just gazing down at the ordinary scenery sliding by below. The best views are views of familiar things, like cities and farms and bottlenecked freeways.

So set aside the beauty of sunsets, the majesty of mountains, the imprint of winds on golden prairies. The world beneath our wings has become a human artifact, our most spontaneous and complex creation. Tourists may not like to contemplate the evidence, with its hints of greed and self-destruction, but the fact remains that the old sterilized landscapes -- like designated outlooks and pretty parks and sculpted gardens -- have become obsolete, and that it is largely the airplane that has made them so. The aerial view is something entirely new. We need to admit that it flattens the world and mutes it in a rush of air and engines, and that it suppresses beauty. But it also strips the facades from our constructions, and by raising us above the constraints of the treeline and the highway it imposes a brutal honesty on our perceptions. It lets us see ourselves in context, as creatures struggling through life on the face of a planet, not separate from nature, but its most expressive agents. It lets us see that our struggles form patterns on the land, that these patterns repeat to an extent which before we had not known, and that there is a sense to them."

***

[To find a library copy of William Langewiesche's "Inside The Sky: Meditation on Flight," visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

RED LIGHT -- THEN GREEN LIGHT -- GO!

If you haven't tried RedLightGreen yet, today would be a good day to do so, to see where you can find a library copy of the Lewis biography of Honorary Subscriber Elisabeth Marbury. Notice that RedLightGreen contains the letters RLG. Maybe that's some kind of coincidence. Anyway, red has turned to green, so GO there! (And then bookmark it.)

HONORARY SUBSCRIBER: ELISABETH MARBURY

Today's Honorary Subscriber is the theatrical and literary agent Elisabeth ("Bessy") Marbury (1856-1933), who turned a casual interest in organizing a benefit theatrical performance into a successful career in the theatre as a business manager and agent.

Marbury's career got off to a good start in 1888, when she managed to get a job handling the dramatic version of "Little Lord Fauntleroy," which had become a current best-seller. Later in her career she would represent other major writing talents such as George Bernard Shaw and Somerset Maugham as well as performers such as the dancing team of Irene and Vernon Castle.

Born in New York City, Marbury grew up in a well-to-do and cultured home. Educated to a large extent by her father at home, she spent her early years occupied with social activities, Sunday school teaching, and a brief but successful experience with poultry raising on the family's Oyster Bay farm. In 1885 she volunteered to organize a benefit theatrical performance, which became the springboard for her career as a professional manager.

In 1891 she traveled to France and convinced playwright Victorien Sardou to allow her to be his representative in the English-speaking market as well as the representative of the other members of the Sociéétéé des Gens de Lettres. In addition to George Bernard Shaw, she represented James M. Barrie, Hall Caine, and Jerome K. Jerome, among British authors, and Rachel Crothers and Clyde Fitch among Americans. For many years she worked closely with Charles Frohman and his Theatrical Syndicate and later with the rival Shubert brothers' organization.

It was a time of rapid expansion of the New York theatrical business, and she has been credited with bringing order to the enterprise. She joined several other agents in forming the American Play Company, and she helped stage several productions with music by Jerome Kern and Cole Porter, becoming instrumental in the development of the typical American style of musical comedy. In 1913 she brought Vernon and Irene Castle back from a Paris trip and set them up in a fashionable New York dancing school.

Beginning in 1887 Marbury became a close friend and companion of Elsie De Wolfe, whom she assisted in her career as an interior decorator. In 1903 Marbury joined Anne Morgan, Florence J. Harriman, and others in organizing the Colony Club, the first women's social club in New York.

Marbury was also a writer of sorts, publishing "Manners: A Handbook of Social Customs" in 1888, and in 1889 coauthoring the play "A Wild Idea."

During World War I she helped out with relief work for French and American soldiers in military hospitals, for which the French and Belgian governments decorated her.

In 1923 she published the autobiography "My Crystal Ball." In 1933,

following several years of declining health, she died in New York City.

***

[To find a library copy of Alfred Allan Lewis's "Ladies and Not-So-Gentle Women" visit RLG's RedLightGreen.com: -- or to purchase a copy go to:

[Note: We donate all revenue from our book and media recommendations to adult literacy programs.]

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Activities and Events of Interest

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November 13 - 5 pm the World Famous Walkerville Fire Dept Fish Supper

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MCC "Bring a friend day", Sunday morning, November 14

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MCC Church Directory pictures will be taken November 19 - 21

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December 5 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Holiday Concert Kim Crosby, Soprano

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MCC New York City Mission Trip December 14 - 18

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January 10 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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February 5 El Dorado 7:30 p.m. Krystle Maczka, Piano

February 6 Magnolia 2:00 p.m. "

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March 5 Camden 7:30 p.m. Premier String Quartet

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April 3 El Dorado 3:00 p.m. Xiang Gao, Violin

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MCC Tanzania, Africa Mission Trip, July 2005. Get you7r passport!

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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence

Justice first, then peace."

"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses

"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait

"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin

"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson

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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/ This posting covers the last two weeks.

01. Sgt. Carlos M. Camacho-Rivera, 24, of Carolina, Puerto Rico, died Nov. 5 in the 31st Combat Support Hospital in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained earlier that day in Fallujah, Iraq, from a rocket blast. Camacho-Rivera was assigned to the 368th Transportation Company, 11th Transportation Battalion, Fort Story, Va.

02. Pvt. Justin R. Yoemans, 20, of Eufaula, Ala., died Nov. 6 at the 31st Combat Support Hospital in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained earlier that day in Baghdad, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his up-armored HMMWV. Yoemans was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 5th Air Defense Artillery, Fort Hood, Texas.

03. Lance Cpl. Sean M. Langley, 20, of Lexington, Ky., died Nov. 7 from injuries received as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Langley was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

04. Spc. Brian K. Baker, 27, of West Seneca, N.Y., died November 7 in Baghdad, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his security patrol. Baker was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, New York.

05. Spc. Quoc Binh Tran, 26, of Mission Viejo, Calif., died Nov. 7 in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained that same day when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle while he was conducting convoy operations. Tran was assigned to the Army National Guard's 181st Support Battalion, San Bernardino, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

06. Cpl. Nathaniel T. Hammond, 24, of Tulsa, Okla.

07. Lance Cpl. Shane K. O'Donnell, 24, of DeForest, Wisc.

Both Marines died Nov. 8 as a result of enemy action in Babil Province, Iraq. They were assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Chicago, Ill.

08. Spc. Bryan L. Freeman, 31, of Lumberton, N.J., died November 8 in Baghdad, Iraq, from wounds sustained earlier that day when he came under small arms fire while conducting a vehicle search. Freeman was assigned to the 443rd Civil Affairs, Battalion, U.S. Army Reserve, Warwick, R.I.

09. Lance Cpl. Jeffrey Lam, 22, of Queens, N.Y., died Nov. 8 as a result of a non-hostile vehicle incident in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 6th Communications Battalion, 4th Force Service Support Group, Brooklyn, N.Y.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died November 8 in Baghdad, Iraq when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near their convoy. Both soldiers were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 130th Field Artillery, Kansas National Guard, Horton, Kan. Killed were:

10. Staff Sgt. Clinton L. Wisdom, 39, of Atchison, Kan.

11. Spc. Don A. Clary, 21, of Troy, Kan.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

12. Lance Cpl. Branden P. Ramey, 22, of Boone, Ill., died Nov. 8 as a result of enemy action in Babil Province, Iraq. He was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Chicago, Ill.

13. Staff Sgt. David G. Ries, 29, of Clark, Wash., died Nov. 8 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 6th Engineer Support Battalion, 4th Force Service Support Group, Portland, Ore.

14. Master Sgt. Steven E. Auchman, 37, of Waterloo, N.Y., died Nov. 9 from injuries received when multiple rocket propelled grenades struck his location in Mosul, Iraq. He was assigned to the 5th Air Support Operations Squadron, Fort Lewis, Wash.

15. Lance Cpl. Thomas J. Zapp, 20, of Houston, Texas, died Nov. 8 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to Combat Service Support Battalion 1, Combat Service Support Group 11, 1st Force Service Support Group, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

16. Cpl. Robert P. Warns II, 23, of Waukesha, Wis., died Nov. 8 as a result of enemy action in Babil Province, Iraq. He was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Chicago, Ill.

17. Command Sgt. Maj. Steven W. Faulkenburg, 45, of Huntingburg, Ind., died Nov. 9 in Fallujah, Iraq, when he came under small arms fire while conducting combat operations. Faulkenburg was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment, Vilseck, Germany.

18. Sgt. Lonny D. Wells, 29, of Vandergrift, Pa., died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

19. Lance Cpl. Juan E. Segura, 26, of Homestead, Fla., died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

20. Cpl. William C. James, 24, of Huntington Beach, Calif.

21. Lance Cpl. Nicholas D. Larson, 19, of Wheaton, Ill.

22. Lance Cpl. Nathan R. Wood, 19, of Kirkland, Wash.

All three Marines died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. They were assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

23. Staff Sgt. Russell L. Slay, 28, of Humble, Texas, died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 2nd Assault Amphibian Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

24. Staff Sgt. Todd R. Cornell, 38, of West Bend, Wis., died November 9 in Fallujah, Iraq, when acting in an advisory support capacity and his Iraqi unit came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Cornell was assigned to the Army Reserve's 1st Battalion, 339th Infantry Regiment, Fraser, Mich.

25. Sgt. John B. Trotter, 25, of Marble Falls, Texas, died November 9 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, when he was on patrol and his unit came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Trotter was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Howze, Korea.

26. Spc. Travis A. Babbitt, 24, of Uvalde, Texas, died November 9 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his patrol was attacked by enemy forces using a rocket-propelled grenade and small arms fire. Babbitt was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

27. Sgt. David M. Caruso, 25, of Naperville, Ill., died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 2nd Force Reconnaissance Company, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

28. 1st Lt. Dan T. Malcom Jr., 25, of Brinson, Ga., died Nov. 10 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

29. Lance Cpl. Erick J. Hodges, 21, of Bay Point, Calif., died Nov. 10 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

30. Lance Cpl. Aaron C. Pickering, 20, of Marion, Ill., died Nov. 10 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii.

31. Staff Sgt. Gene Ramirez, 28, of San Antonio, Texas, died Nov. 10 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

32. Lance Cpl. Justin D. Reppuhn, 20, of Hemlock, Mich., died Nov. 11 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

33. Lance Cpl. Abraham Simpson, 19, Chino, Calif., died Nov. 9 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

34. Pfc. Dennis J. Miller, Jr., 21, of La Salle, Mich., died Nov. 10 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, when his unit came under enemy attack and a rocket-propelled grenade struck his M1A1 Abrams tank. Miller was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 72nd Armor Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

35. Cpl. Peter J. Giannopoulos, 22, of Inverness, Ill., died Nov. 11 as a result of enemy action in Babil Province, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Corps Reserve's 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Chicago, Ill.

36. Cpl. Romulo J. Jimenez II, 21, of Miami, Fla., died Nov. 10 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

37. Spc. Thomas K. Doerflinger, 20, of Silver Spring, Md., died Nov. 11 in Mosul, Iraq, when his unit received small arms fire while conducting combat operations. Doerflinger was assigned to 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.

38. Cpl. Joshua D. Palmer, 24, of Blandinsville, Ill., died Nov. 8 as a result of a non-hostile vehicle incident in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to the Marine Corps Reserve's 6th Engineer Support Battalion, 4th Force Service Support Group, headquartered in Portland, Ore.

39. Staff Sgt. Michael C. Ottolini, 45, of Sebastopol, Calif., died Nov. 10 in Balad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his up-armored HMMWV. Ottolini was assigned to the Army National Guard's 579th Engineer Battalion, Petaluma, Calif.

40. Staff Sgt. Sean P. Huey, 28, of Fredericktown, Pa., died Nov. 11 in Habbaniyah, Iraq, when his unit was on patrol and a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Huey was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Greaves, Korea.

41. Cpl. Theodore A. Bowling, 25, of Casselberry, Fla., died Nov. 11 as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

42. Petty Officer Third Class Julian Woods, 22, of Jacksonville, Fla., died Nov. 10 as a result of hostile fire in Fallujah, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Marine Division Detachment, Marine Corps Base Hawaii, Kaheohe Bay, Hawaii.

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Join the Delta Diamondbacks 24-hour prayer team sponsored by First Baptist Church of McNeill by calling Debi Scott at 695-3403.

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War Prayer list for those in harms way.(10/10)

Remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families. Our own Delta Diamond Backs, local national guard personnel are now patrolling Bagdad. They are part of the 1st Cavalry Division's, 39th Infantry Brigade.

Please update us when you know of someone who comes home (or is activated for service.)

Major William Anderson - U.S. Air Force - Bagdad

Command Sergeant Major Tom Broom - U.S. Army - Kuwait

Kyle Burleston - U.S. Marines - Iraq

Jim Carrol - U.S. Navy Intelligence

Greg Davis - U.S. Army - Bagdad - Mark Davis's oldest son. Greg has two children; Jhett,

12 and Baily 3

Lang Doster - National Guard - Iraq - Angel Cranston's Brother

Sgt. Douglas E. Chappel - Kuwait

Alaina Downey - USAF - Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri - Steve Downey's daughter

Michael Drake - U.S. Navy - Persian Gulf

Lisa Dyson - U.S. Army Intelligence - Johnny Dyson's daughter

Jeremy Lee Eades U.S. Army - Roger and Jerri Eades son.

John Ford - U.S. Army Korea - Steve and Sharon Ford's son

Dickie Hartsfield's son - U.S. Army - In Bagdad

Warren Haynie from Lewisville - Serving in Iraq

Matthew Johnson - Marines

Robby Johnson - USAF C-130 Crew Chief

Brennan Jones - U S Marines - Iraq

James A.Jones - US Navy

Pat Keister - USMC -

Terris Lyons - National Guard - Back home in Minden

Mick McDaniel - U.S. Air Force, unknown location - Richard Matherne's son-in-law

David Mitchell - U.S. Army - In Bagdad

Opheline Moore - USArmy -

Brian Morgan - US Navy - in the Gulf somewhere

C.H. Osman - CAPT USN - Pentagon

Andrew Paladino - US Army SRA - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy

Nick Paladino - US Army Ssgt - Don and Ronda Paladino's Boy

Bob Polk - Kuwait

Todd Raymond - USAF - Germany - Another MCC young man.

Bryan Ross - Wayne Specie Roy and Loretta Specie's

Jason Varner Deployed to an unknown Location Roy and Loretta Specie's

Lloyd Young - USMC - North Carolina - Cindy Martin's son

Please let us know of any updates to this list. James F.McClellan -

KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com Also, at kvma.Com they have a list of people over seas.

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Scheduled Activities

~~~

Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m.Monday - Friday.At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m.Sunday at 914 N. Vine

~~~

Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m.Union Street Station.And YOU'RE invited.Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.

~~~

Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital

~~~

"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!

~~~

MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm

~~~

MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm

~~~

MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth

Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.

~~~

MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m

~~~

MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m

~~~

MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second.Call 234-3225 for reservations.

~~~

MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.

~~~

MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program.For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.

~~~

Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.

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Emergency Phone Number 911

(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )

Central Dispatch 234-5655

(Non - Emergency Number)

Direct Numbers

Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)

Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)

Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)

http://www. aapcc. org/

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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee

"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush

"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."

"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"

"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"

"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"

"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"

"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."

~~~~~

Hope you enjoy the newsletter.

Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Eph 5:6-7 1 Cor 9:24-26 James 4:11-12 Mat 15:8-9 Psa 57:9-11

God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of area fire fighters training at Albemarle this week and Columbia County Ambulance Service Personnel working with Albemarle ERT members during this years Emergency Drill.

Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".

If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning.

We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.

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1 Comments:

Dale's Gmail said...: Hi Bug, I was out blog surfing looking for some info on making gift baskets when I ended up on your page. Obviously I ended up a little off base, but your topic caught my eye. W hile I am here, I just wanted to drop a quick note to comment your blog...now to move on and continue my search for making gift baskets. I am going to
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Saturday, November 13, 2004

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: New Wine

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